Asking Too Much
by restlessxpen
Summary: Jacob Black has done his best to pick up the pieces of his life. A new home and a steady job make the perfect facade, until he sees a face on the television screen that rocks his foundations and takes him back to the beginning.
1. The Ghost On TV

There was nothing I enjoyed more than working until my limbs were too weary to lift, and my brain was too tired to think. That way, I would have to face nothing in the solitude and quiet in my house except the dull knowledge that I deserved everything I owned, because I'd worked for it.

Which was more than I could say for some people.

An entire day's work had settled onto my skin, creating a thick sheen of sweat and grease to go nicely with the splattering of oil that had stained a dark pattern onto my shirt. It was like heaven to me. Even the paint that had dried into the creases of my fingers, which wasn't likely to come off any time soon. That was how I liked it. This was how I lived.

I didn't have anyone to impress, so I splayed myself on my couch without taking a shower—hell, without even changing clothes. The only thing I was missing was a beer. Too bad I didn't drink. Otherwise I would have formed the perfect picture of a hard-working man, the prime model for the working class of the world. My little façade was complete, and I was thoroughly content with it.

That was until I flicked on the tube and that sleazebag's face filled my screen. I scowled immediately.

Edward Cullen was as polished as politicians come, but he was also a dick, a cheat, and ridiculously unfaithful to his wife on the side. Yeah, that was plenty to tarnish his looks, charm, and intelligence in my mind, if you even wanted to admit that that shit had any of those to begin with. The only thing he had going for him was that he wasn't abusive. Otherwise, Senator Cullen would have met with the angry side of my right hook. Not that I was giving him any brownie points for being only a fraction above completely and unforgivably useless. I knew what he was. There was no deceiving me.

Some other people, however, just didn't know trash when it was right in front of them, wafting its nasty smell right into their face.

The camera angle panned out, and prime example number one ironically appeared in the rectangle of my screen, materializing at Cullen's elbow. My heart gave an uncomfortable lurch. Shit.

Isabella Swan—Bella Cullen now—was still as beautiful as ever. Even with the fatigue under her eyes, and that obviously fake smile on her face. Yeah, I could read her better than anyone. I always had been able to, but that didn't seem to count for much in Bella's eyes. Who cared that we were perfect for one another? So what?

Seemed she was still having a hard time locating paradise with Cullen, but that was really no consolation prize for me. I'd still lost. Bet she wished now that she'd stuck with me any of those last three times she'd ran back to me as a married woman whose husband neglected and cheated on her. I couldn't understand why the hell she always ran back.

She'd show up, spend the weekend sobbing on my shoulder, pulling my heart strings, giving me all kinds of mixed signals, and then she'd leave again. I was her shoulder, her friend, her puppy-dog, Jacob Black. I wasn't the man that warmed her bed. I never would be. Fine. Whatever. It wasn't as if I didn't have enough to worry about, and she knew that better than anyone.

Like her idiot husband, I had plenty of secrets of my own. I was one of those rare breeds in the world that would never quite fit in, though I made a pretty decent attempt at pretending to be completely human. I was the alpha of a pack of werewolves that no one but Bella, her douchebag husband and family, and I knew about. But apparently Bella preferred vampires, which was what my natural enemy, Edward Cullen, so happened to be. Wonder how many votes he'd have gotten if his secret had slipped out?

Probably still all of them.

Bastard.

As a vampire, he got all the women. As a werewolf, I just got fleas.

The doorbell rang, interrupting my fantasy of slugging Cullen in the face. He was lucky he'd left Forks long ago, leaving behind this mediocre town to pursue a career in politics with his infinite supply of wisdom from having been an immortal leech for the past several centuries. Otherwise, I imagine we would have went a couple of rounds in real life.

With a groan, I rolled off the couch. At least I didn't have to look at Cullen's ugly mug anymore.

Hoping whatever this person wanted was brief, I opened the door with my customary scowl and nearly choked on the air I inhaled to discreetly tell the person to buzz off.

"Jake!"

Holy. Shit.

"Bells?"

Mistake number one: referring to Bella with her old nickname. Way too intimate, and it already set us off on the wrong foot. She was here less than two seconds, and I already knew what she wanted: another tiny sliver of my soul to cart off when she was through with me and ready to return to Cullen.

No way. Not this time. I wasn't going to be the shoulder anymore. I'd promised myself that last time, when she'd left my place leaving only a note of thanks behind.

Thanks? Thanks?! That was what she thought I wanted? Give me a break.

"I've missed you, Jake."

An overly-eager smile had filtered its way across her face, attempting to push a bit of light into her sad brown eyes, but failing miserably. She was already trying to kiss my ass and win me over before I had a chance to fight back.

"Bella, what are you doing here?"

I figured whatever the reason was, it was something painful. She never came back unless she'd reached a breaking point. I didn't want to sound mean because I knew this. Lucky for me, I didn't. I sounded pathetic. There was almost a whining tone to my voice that even I had detected. Great! Swell! Lead yourself to slaughter again, Jacob Black. Way to go!

If only she wasn't so damn beautiful even when I knew she was playing me like a card. That smile wasn't really for me. That slim, black dress she was poured into wasn't for me either, though I knew pretty well that she'd thought of me when she'd slid herself into it. I could practically see her rummaging through her expansive closet in Cullen's mansion wondering what to wear that would effectively make me putty in her hands. Well, bulls-eye. She'd found the perfect way to really show off her hips and give me a good idea as to how perfect her breasts were by the provocative dip the front of her dress took.

As if I wasn't already completely aware.

But no harm in reminding me, huh, Bella?

"I—."

I could see Bella trying to work up the excuse that I wouldn't be able to get around—the excuse that would force me to allow her to seek sanctuary in my house and to use me like a Kleenex.

"I just missed you, Jake," she finished lamely.

What kind of pot shot was that? Did she really take me for that big of a fool? Apparently so. I felt a slow simmering anger spark to life.

"Cut the crap, Bella."

She flinched, and I almost regretted being so harsh with her. Almost. It wasn't just her emotions hanging in limbo here. It was mine as well, and I was usually the one that took one for the team.

"Her name is Tanya," Bella admitted, finally, her eyes falling downcast. "Edward's been keeping her at our house even."

So, once again, Prince Charming wasn't all that he was cracked up to be. Imagine that. How many times had I tried to explain this to Bella? How many times had she failed to listen?

I had every right to be pissed. I shouldn't have had to have cleaned up after Cullen each time he decided to prove what a prick he was. But I couldn't stay angry with Bella. Hell, I didn't know if I'd actually ever lasted more than a day holding out against the woman.

Love sucked.

"What am I supposed to do, Bella?"

I folded my arms and leaned against the door frame. I wasn't enjoying the fact that the love of my life was standing on my doorstep on the verge of tears, but I refused to gather her close and whisper comforting bullshit that wasn't true. I had to break myself of the habit.

It was going to be awfully damn hard. Especially seeing her bring her own arms up around herself, cupping her elbows in an attempt to embrace herself. Especially when I saw the beginning of tears glistening in her eyes.

Especially when she used that…voice against me, and those chocolate brown eyes that could unravel me in no time flat.

"I can't go back there, Jake. I can't share the house with the woman he's having an affair with," she told me. "Please. Please, can I just stay here? Just for a little while? I promise I won't ask anything of you this time, Jake."

I had every right to slam the door in her face and go back to my blissful lounge on the couch in my sweaty, greasy clothes. I had every right to fall asleep on that couch tonight without having to think of the woman sleeping in my bedroom. It was beyond justified for me to continue on with my life without allowing Bella's problems to seep into it, becoming my problems in the act.

"All right. A few days, Bella."

I was just too damn weak.

"Thank you, Jacob."

I could tell she was on the verge of coming in for a hug, but, though she might have seen that as harmless, it was hitting below the belt for me. Premeditating the act, I purposely stepped aside, out of her path, and held the door open, gesturing for her to come in with a none-too-pleased jerk of my hand. That smile on her face fell immediately. She knew what I was thinking.

Well, good. It was best that things were made clear from the start.

I was not about to offer my heart up for sacrifice again.


	2. Boundaries

I'd been putting off my plan to paint my living room for the past few weeks.

All right. That was a lie. It might have been several months since I'd made that plan.

But plans always tended to get jumbled and forgotten. I'd bought the house with a generous donation from my dad when I'd turned twenty-one. Now, at twenty-four, I'd yet to do anything to the place. Living alone and spending most of my time under the hood of some beaten up, bruised, and battered vehicle left little time to really notice how bland and unwelcoming my place was.

I didn't want to think that it was Bella's reappearance that inspired me to go into town and buy a can of burnt orange paint. She'd been here for only one day. I didn't want to think she was motivating anything in such a short amount of time.

No, I definitely wasn't painting because of her, and the fact that I'd taken longer in town than necessary to buy a can of paint certainly wasn't from the fact that I'd had some pretty inappropriate thoughts about her the moment she'd excused herself to my tiny bathroom for what she claimed was a much needed long soak in the tub.

I was painting this room, because I felt like it.

Pouring the paint into a pan, I started to reach for a roller, but stopped and went for a regular, old paint brush instead. None of that pansy, paint-roller shit. If I was going to paint this room, I was going to damn well do it the manly way. Even if it took me several more months just to accomplish it. Who cared. It wasn't like I had anything else to occupy my downtime at home with.

I jabbed the paint brush deep into the can, pissed but trying to ignore the fact that I'd just colored the tips of my fingers in the process. I shook it off a little, took two strides to my right, and slapped the paint brush against the wall. A few lines and speckles splattered out from the brush against the old, ugly tan paint. I knew I shouldn't take my frustration out on the wall, but I started painting with long, angry strokes.

Though my living room was bleakly furnished with a couch, recliner, and television set, I was determined to give it some sort of pizzazz with a fresh coat of paint. Even if there wasn't much to look at in the room, I sure as hell planned to even it out by painting the living room just the right color so that it would be set on fire whenever the sun set each evening. The living room with its one wide, rectangular window had been strategically placed so that the dying rays of sunlight would spill in during the evening to cast a surreal glow.

Let's see Edward Cullen give Bella a room filled with a sunset.

Yeah right. The leech feared the sun. It was the one, fool-proof way to unmask the beast that lurked behind that pale-faced mask. He'd never be able to give Bella the warmth of the world. Just the ice. Whatever. It was obviously what she preferred.

Until it came back to bite her in the ass in the form of all the other women wooed by Cullen's disgusting vampire appeal. Like sheep to the slaughter the lot of them.

"Jake, that's a really beautiful color."

My arm jerked of its own accord, sending a few, tiny drops of paint to the floor. I didn't even stoop down to wipe it clean. These were my wood floors, and if I wanted to give them character like that, I could. Turning, I nearly managed to scowl at Bella.

Working out my annoyance with my entire situation, I had managed to paint half of one wall already. Though I might have had to have agreed with Bella about the color already looking amazing, I'd have bitten my own tongue off first at the moment.

It was bad enough that I had to force myself to turn back to the wall just to keep from gawking at her in her shorts and one of my own old and worn t-shirts that she must have mugged from my closet. She didn't have the right to stand there in my own clothing and make me all but drool over her. It was shit that the pace of my heart wouldn't even out now.

I shrugged. I didn't trust my own voice. It seemed I was my own worst enemy when Bella was involved.

I could hear her move toward me as I doubled my efforts to concentrate painting the wall. I could tell by the sound it made against the wood floor that she was bare-foot. Something about that unnerved me. It seemed way too intimate for our painfully platonic relationship.

"Can I help?" she asked tentatively.

Tensing, I turned again to see that Bella had retrieved the paint-roller I'd self-righteously neglected and was holding it up like a peace offering. I hated that paint-roller more than I had before. It didn't deserve it, being inanimate and all, but it might as well have morphed into a living, breathing example of all the things I was trying to resist. Namely: Bella Cullen.

I didn't want to share this with her. If I allowed her to help me cover these walls in paint, I'd never be able to sit in my living room with peace of mind again, because I knew she'd be gone soon. I'd be left with nothing but a painted room and the ghosts of memories then. I couldn't let her be a part of anything here, or she'd only tear more of me away when she scrambled back to Cullen.

I wanted to take my burnt orange paint and draw a damn line right through the middle of the room, instructing Bella that her half was over there and mine was right here. Better yet, she could stay on the side of the line I was currently on, and I could have the rest of the house all to myself.

I shrugged again, trying to seem indifferent.

"Do what you want."

Her face fell slightly, and I saw those same shadows of fatigue under her eyes that I had noticed on the television. What had Cullen done to her that had sapped the life out of her like that? I fought back my first instinct: to go to her and comfort her. That wouldn't help either of us, least of all me. I couldn't comfort her. I couldn't be her shoulder or her damn teddy bear.

With rigid steps, I crossed the floor and dipped my brush into the paint, trying my best not to get any closer to her than I had to. When I turned back to the wall and began to lather on more orange over the tan, I heard Bella release a soft sigh. After that, there was only the sound of her roller gliding back and forth in the pan to soak up paint. I was thankful when she respected the distance I was so obviously trying to keep and went to a different wall to begin to paint.

I couldn't have imagined what I'd have done if she'd come over to stand shoulder-to-shoulder and help paint my wall. It was bad enough that she was defacing it by leaving her mark on my room. I didn't want her rubbing it in my face by making me want her even more. When my body came in close proximity to hers, it was hard to ignore the friction of heat I felt slide between us.

The blissful silence that ensued broken only by the sound of paint being slicked onto the walls was shattered when Bella decided it needed to be spiced up with some conversation.

Specifically, the last conversation I wanted to have.

Couldn't she give me even thirty minutes of peace?

"Jake, I'm sorry, okay? I know I shouldn't have shoved myself onto you again, let alone my problems, but you're the only place I have to turn to."

Classic. The woe-is-me damsel in constant distress turning to her long-ago acquaintance that had been stuck in the friend zone since day one. Knowing full well, as she did, that said acquaintance and supposed best friend hated the damn friend zone, and hated, even more, having that friendship wielded against him like he was some…some bullshit important figure in her life. Christ! I didn't want to be her best friend. I wanted to be her lover. She knew that. There had never been any mistaking of my intentions. Yet she continued to play on my pansy emotions like I was some kind of keyboard. She always took too much, and it still never seemed to be enough for her.

She wouldn't stop until I was dead! I knew it.

I grunted noncommittally. She wasn't going to get any apology acceptance from me.

"Please," she tried again. "Please try to understand. I know I shouldn't have left like I did last time, after everything you've done for me, but I'm… I'm crazy when it comes to Edward. You know the way he treats me, and I feel like a fool every time I run back to him."

I snorted. Whatever. If that was the truth, then she'd have stopped running back by now. Surely even Bella had a rock bottom. I shook my head, noting that the sound of her rolling paint onto the wall had stopped. I could imagine she'd taken the chance to glare at my back. Fine. That was all the attention she was getting from me.

"But you do run back, don't you?"

I hadn't meant to snap, to show any form of emotion. Immediately, my mood soured as I stumbled off the ladder of indifference I'd tried to climb. That was real perfect. Dear God, couldn't I manage to hang onto any of my pride around the woman?

"You don't understand," she persisted.

The muscles in my shoulders had seemed to fuse together, making me into one giant ball of tension. It was getting to be an effort just to continue moving my arm left to right with painting strokes. I had been like her personal diary each time that the coldness of Edward's dead heart had sent her stumbling and crying into my arms. It'd been the pages of my soul that she'd etched in her damned sobbed story permanently.

If anyone understood the circumstances revolving around Bella, it was me.

"Cut the crap, Bella. What's there to understand? He treats you like shit, and you run back and lick the floor he walks on."

Bella was small in height and weight, and could apparently move without much sound. I didn't hear the soft noise of her feet brushing across the wood floor as she walked this time. Instead, her appearance directly behind me was announced by the paint-roller that hit me square in the back.

I jolted in surprise but didn't even have a chance to swivel around and defend myself before she started angrily pushing the thing into my back and ramming it up and down my spine so that a thick layer of orange made a racing stripe down my otherwise plain black shirt.

"You insufferable, thickheaded wolf!" she hissed, jabbing the roller harder into my spine. "Don't act like you understand this! I'm not stupid, Jacob Black! I'm not emotionless! HE BROKE MY HEART! He b-b-broke my h-heart!"

Shit. She was crying. And loud.

Feeling like a jerk, even though I was only guilty of speaking the truth, I turned before Bella could stab the roller through my flesh. I'd sworn I wouldn't comfort her—let alone have any physical contact—but the sight of those huge tears welled up in her eyes did me in. Wishing I could kick myself in the ass, I reached for her.

"Bella, I'm—."

WHACK!

Definitely not fucking sorry now!

I should have seen it coming the way she wound up her arm, lifting that paint-roller in the air like some sort of damned bat. She really let me have it too. Swinging that thing full-force, she popped a few stars into my vision as she hit me right across the cheek with the flat side of the roller. Paint splattered across my face, but I was more concerned with the concussion she'd just induced.

All right. Maybe she hadn't hit me that hard, but I didn't know anyone that wanted to take a roller to the face. Gaping at her in disbelief, I lifted a hand to the side of my face, pressing gingerly where my skin still smarted from the encounter.

At least she had the dignity to look horrified directly after.

"Jake!"

I held up a hand. "No, Bella, I was going to apologize. I'm glad you stopped me, because I wouldn't have meant it. This cycle is just going to continue until you jump off the merry-go-round, and I can't keep standing by to catch you when you decide."

Bella winced at this, the paint-roller drooping as she dropped her arm back to her side. I knew I'd done just as good as slapping her across the face in return, but I couldn't help it. She needed to hear it. I had to make this clear. No mistakes.

"So, yeah, you can stay here until you can manage on your own two feet, but don't expect anything extra from me. I can't give you anything else."

There. I'd said it. Maybe I could have been a little more crystal clear, but it was all I could manage when she stood there looking at me like that. Scowling, I turned back to my work. Hopefully now she'd get the picture and just stay out of my line of sight until she was ready to go home.

No such luck.

"All right, Jake. I understand," she said quietly, paused, and then added, "but let me do something for you to repay you at least. Why don't I make breakfast? You need a break anyway."

It was probably for the best that she couldn't see the expression on my face. Breakfast was equal to repaying me for the broken heart she left me with? How ridiculous! Just like that note of thanks she'd left me with last time. I didn't want either. I wanted something a lot more substantial. I was a selfish man. The hell if I would ever change either.

I shook my head. "No. Thanks. I want to finish this room as quick as I can manage. I'm not hungry anyway."

That was a lie. I could practically always eat. My stomach was an endless well. I didn't know if it was just from the fact that I was male, or that my alter form was a giant wolf.

"At least take a break to wipe off your face."

Why? So she could feel less guilty by not having to look at the mark she'd left on me? Ha. I wished I could have showed her the marks that mattered. I could imagine she'd do more than cringe at the sight of my tattered soul.

"I'm fine. I'll get it later."

I expected Bella to leave in defeat, or at least in embarrassment. But instead of putting down her roller and trudging away with her head hung, she surprised me by going right back to her own wall and continuing her work.

"Fine," she replied.

And that was it. She conceded to the silence that I'd wanted to keep earlier, reverting to the sound of paint slurping across the wall.


	3. Welcoming Committee

Bella was everywhere in my house by only the third day of her stay with me. She was on the walls in the living room, clinging to the sheets of my bed, and filtering through the kitchen with the lingering scents of the food she insisted on making. It wasn't just her physical presence, but the traces she left behind: like the aroma of the shampoo she used. It was always flower or fruit scents with her.

It was driving me mad.

"Have you ever heard of Febreeze?"

Shit. Of all the times to forget that Leah Clearwater had a direct connection to my brain waves. Which meant that she'd also heard me thinking about how my bathroom had become decorated with a scattering of Bella's belongings, among which was the shampoo that I had been thinking about. I was embarrassed as hell that Leah now knew that I'd opened it up for a small sniff when I'd taken a shower earlier that morning.

"Have you ever heard of privacy?" I retorted.

I could hear Leah's amusement as her thoughts were channeled to me. I didn't want to hear anything from Leah, let alone her amusement. I'd waited until this late at night to phase for a trot through the woods purely out of the hope that the other wolves of my pack wouldn't be roaming around at this time of the night.

Did Leah ever sleep? Or did she have such a hunger for misery that nothing could keep her from seeking it out?

"Maybe I do," she snapped.

All right. That was a below-the-belt shot, and I knew it. It was just tough to remember that all of my thoughts were up for open display. It wasn't fair to Leah that I took out my annoyance on her. Even though she'd spent a good deal of her initiation time making all of us miserable with her broken love life. That was the past though, and she'd gotten over it. She'd healed nice and flawlessly and hadn't so much as hinted to her old affections for Sam in some time.

With any luck, I'd be able to get to the same place with Bella eventually.

"Yeah," she snorted. "Where are you? We need to talk about that."

For the love of all that was holy, I tried not to picture anything in my head that would give away my location. I regretted being mean to Leah, but couldn't she deduct from my thoughts the fact that I was out here for some privacy?

"Too late, Jacob Black. I have you pegged," she taunted, happily. "I can smell you even if you won't show me where you are."

"Leah…"

"Too late!" she repeated.

As proof, a small, grey wolf emerged from the bushes to my left. As the alpha, I could have ordered her to turn tail and go back home, but, for some reason, I let her plant her bushy ass next to mine in the thick grass. Smart. Just as smart as letting Bella Cullen into my house, letting her sleep in my bed, letting her paint my walls, and… Well, need I go on?

"You let her paint your house?" Leah intruded again. "You could have asked me if you needed help."

"I didn't ask her to help," I retorted. "She just did."

I was sure Leah was reading my thoughts, getting a pretty good picture of Bella and I painting from what I was thinking. I hated having my brain picked, especially when it concerned Bella, but at least the rest of the pack had the dignity to be in bed. Was I ever going to be able to be in form again minus during the late night when everyone was asleep?

"They'll find out sooner or later," Leah chimed in, as if she thought this was helpful. "La Push is a small place. Why don't you just tell her to leave? Or at least to stay out of your business?"

I shook my head. Of all people, couldn't Leah understand why I couldn't do that? Christ, I'd tried to do that the moment I'd opened the door, but it was like my body had taken on a mind of its own, and I'd just stepped aside and let her in. Even despite the fact that she'd reeked of Edward Cullen.

"I don't understand you, Black," Leah commented again. "She smelled like a vampire, and you still had the hots for her?"

I really needed to phase back. The things that went through my head the moment those words were out of her mouth were anything but something I wanted to share with Leah. I saw her fur bristle out of the corner of my eye, and I knew that it was too late. Wonderful. Leah had just been doused with some of my most intricate fantasies.

I rose to all four paws, humiliated and knowing I'd rather go back to my house filled with Bella Cullen than sit here and let Leah see what was going on inside my head anymore.

"I'm getting out of here. I need to crash. I have to finish painting tomorrow."

I knew that she'd see it as a lie, since she didn't exactly have to ask me questions to know the answer. I tried not to look at her as I turned around to trot off, finding some place secluded to phase back, as I didn't much care for the idea of Leah seeing me naked at the moment. Especially considering what was still going, annoyingly enough, through my head.

"I'll be by your house tomorrow," Leah called after me, surprising me.

I stopped. "What? Why?"

Leah's reply sounded so innocent she must have thought I was idiotic enough to believe it. Wasn't as if I hadn't given her good reason to think me an idiot tonight though.

"Bella needs to be properly welcomed, don't you think?"

I might have choked, had I been in human form, but it came out as a strange sort of growling cough. Suspicious, I attempted to pry into Leah's mind—something I usually avoided at all cost—but she'd put up a barrier and wasn't letting me in on whatever she had planned.

"Leah…" I warned.

"What?" she snapped back. "I can play nice, you know. Have some faith."

"I don't think that's a good idea."

Leah was immediately on the defensive. "Yeah? Well, you're not my master, Jacob Black. I'll see you tomorrow."

Actually… I watched her grey form slink off through the underbrush and considered reminding her that I sort of was her master. At least, in this form. She probably would have told me something along the lines of pissing off and kissing her ass though, and I was already taxed enough from sitting with Leah for less than ten minutes. Why prolong it? I could only make my way back home through the darkness hoping Leah didn't make good on her threat. The problem was that I didn't have any control over Leah when she was human. She could do whatever the hell she wanted. Period.

Which meant tomorrow was going to be one helluva day.

~!~!~!~

I was a stickler when it came to money, so I only ran the air conditioner in my house when it was impossible to do otherwise. The next morning I woke up to a warm house, but it wasn't unbearable. I didn't bother to ask Bella if it was all right for her, because I figured that if I had to be uncomfortable, she deserved to suffer in some form too.

Instead, I pulled on a pair of old gym shorts, a sleeveless shirt, and opted for bare feet as I returned to the living room to finish the job that Bella and I had nearly completed. I didn't wake her, and by the time she wandered into the room, I had one last coat to put on one last wall before the job was complete. Not counting the trim, which would probably be neglected altogether, since I wasn't a perfectionist when it came to this sort of thing.

Still, I was crouched down taking care not to paint the trim at the bottom of the wall the best I could when I heard Bella enter. I had worked up a sweat, considering the room temperature had already begun to elevate as morning grew closer to afternoon, but I still felt the heat of having her in the same room, so close I could reach out and touch her. Among other things.

I scowled at the wall.

"Morning, Jake."

I grunted.

"Do you want some breakfast?"

"No."

Luckily, my stomach didn't growl to give me away on that one. I'd neglected eating breakfast when I'd gotten up. I hadn't felt like wasting the time then. I'd needed something to keep me busy, and you had too much time to think when you ate. I didn't want to think about anything but the orange of this wall.

"Oh. Ok. I'll just have some cereal."

I could tell she was still lingering in the door. It was the stupid scent of fruit and flowers in the air that gave her away. I felt my stomach churn.

"Help yourself."

As if she hadn't helped herself enough to everything else I owned. What was cereal tacked onto the list?

My hand twitched slightly, and a small smear of orange smeared over the trim. A stream of curse words ran through my head, none of which I sunk low enough to blurt out. Attempting and failing to wipe off the paint, I called it a lost cause and was back to painting the wall again when I heard Bella rummaging through the cabinets in the other room.

I could hear the distinct sound of her hands working on the plastic package that held the cereal, and then the tinkling sound of the cereal falling into one of my glass bowls. Next was the sound of her opening the fridge, retrieving the milk, filling her bowl with it, and then putting it away. I had no idea why the hell I was sitting there narrating her quest for a stupid bowl of cereal, but the minute I realized I was doing it, I started viciously painting the wall again.

"We're about out of cereal," she informed me when she returned.

I nodded. "We'll go to town sometime soon."

I finally looked up when Bella made a strange noise in the back of her throat right after I said this. She was quick to look down at her bowl, however, and give her undivided attention to the flakes floating in the milk. What had I said now?

"What?" I asked. "What's wrong?"

She shook her head a little too quickly. "Nothing. Nothing at all. I was just… clearing my throat."

I started to press, knowing full well how Bella acted when she was lying, but I'd hardly opened my mouth when the doorbell rang.

Shit.

Up until that moment, I'd forgotten about Leah's promise for a surprise visit. I must have looked terrified when I glanced in the direction of the front of the house, because Bella finally tore her gaze away from her cereal long enough to glance behind her and then back at me.

"What is it?"

A nightmare. That was what it was, or what it was very likely to soon become. I had a feeling that this would not end well, and I immediately begrudged Leah for it. How had she worked it out in her head that stopping by to "welcome" Bella would be helpful? In all likelihood, it was only going to emphasize the tension that was already hovering like a thick, black cloud in my house.

"The welcoming committee," I grumbled darkly.

As the doorbell tolled again, I shoved to my feet and decided to get it over with. I could have ignored the door, but when had Leah ever taken a hint? Shaking my head, I dropped my paint brush in the bucket carelessly before I strolled past a wary-looking Bella on my way to the door.

I paused for half a second, my hand on the doorknob, and reconsidered leaving Leah on the doorstep. I mean, really, what did I hope to gain from this? A black eye and a front row seat to a cat fight? I was a dead man walking. Sucking in a breath, I decided to roll with the punches and opened the door.

For a moment, all I could do was stare.

Yeah, it was Leah on the other side, but what the hell had happened to her? I'd never seen her wear makeup. I hadn't even known that she knew how to use makeup. But there it was, on her face, like it'd been applied by an expert. Her dark hair hung straight and smooth down her back—not altogether unusual, but she'd pinned one side back to show the smooth skin of her cheek and the rose-colored blush she'd applied. Her shoulders were all but bare, as she'd worn a thin cotton shirt in red that had almost miniscule straps to hold it up. I couldn't help the fact that my gaze travelled, unwarranted, over her perfect complexion, or the fact that I noticed, for maybe the first time, how shapely she looked in the tiny blue jean shorts she'd squeezed into.

What. The. Hell?

I might have salivated a tiny bit, and that was the most disturbing part of all. I'd never even felt a flicker of attraction before, but now she seemed to have decided to flaunt just how much of a woman she was in my face. That was what this was, wasn't it? Some sort of twisted female show of competition?

I caught the wicked look she shot Bella over my shoulder as she came to the door to inspect who had decided to drop in on us, and I knew that that was exactly what Leah was doing.

Though I was way, way past knowing why.

"L-Leah?" I choked. "What's… What's this?"

I made a dumb, sweeping gesture of her tanned, slender form, and she cocked a saucy eyebrow in my direction.

"Haven't you ever seen breasts before, Black?" she retorted.

Which of course made me look down at hers. Wonderful. Just what I needed to top off this creepy moment with someone I'd always seen as one of the guys. Especially since I looked for a little longer than I'd meant to. In my defense, they were all but there to ogle, considering the low curve her shirt made. As if the thin cotton kept any secrets to begin with.

I had a sudden feeling that, between Bella and Leah, the women in my life were out to kill me.

"Well, hello, Bella," Leah went on, addressing Bella over my shoulder. "Welcome back to La Push. Long time no see."

"Hello, Leah," Bella replied coolly. "How have you been?"

I could feel the tension layering on thick and sour, but I'd just managed to lift my gaze up to Leah's face again, and I was having a hard time remembering that I should be on my guard, ready to play referee.

"Perfect." Lifting a hand, she thumped me on the chest with her open palm, a curious grin splitting her face. "Jake here keeps everything running flawlessly. He is quite the man."

Since my back was turned to Bella, I hazarded a disbelieving, slightly fearful look down at Leah. My brows had probably formed a solid line across my forehead from the look I was sparing Leah. What was this about? I'd always thought Leah would rather swallow her own tongue than compliment me. Especially to my face.

"That's Jake," Bella agreed warily.

Leah nodded, though I could have sworn she rolled her eyes as her gaze flipped back over to me. Her smile was too sweet, too innocent. It was like nothing I'd ever seen on Leah's face before, and it scared the hell out of me. Yeah. I shouldn't have opened the door.

"You going to let me in, Jacob? Or do I have to stand out here all day?"

"Er—yeah. Come in. I guess."

Stepping to the side, I allowed Leah to come in, shutting the door behind her and sealing the three of us into close quarters together. Probably not the wisest thing I'd ever done, but at least Leah hadn't taken a swing at Bella yet. At least, not physically. I had a feeling that she'd already taken one sucker punch at Bella when I'd opened the door. These types of fights were the kind that I didn't understand, and that I generally stayed away from.

Like any guy with half a brain would do. Now, I was stuck in the middle of one. Not by choice.

"So, I thought I'd offer my services for the day," Leah informed me.

I stared blankly back at her.

"I heard that you were painting," she continued on, lifting that brow again.

"Oh. Oh yeah. I'm almost done though."

Leah shrugged. "Now you'll just be done a lot faster."

She didn't allow me to accept or deny her offer. Leah hardly ever waited for anyone's opinion before she did exactly what she wanted. Bella and I could only follow in her wake as she strolled off in the direction of my living room. Was I imagining things, or was she visibly swaying her ass?

I swallowed uncomfortably, walking just ahead of Bella to hide my disbelief and reluctant fascination with Leah's backside. Yeah. It was definitely disturbing, but she was doing anything but letting me forget that it was all but viewable as she sauntered just ahead of me. It seemed like an endless stretch of wooden floor just to get from my front door back to my living room.

I couldn't quite grasp what was going on. Suddenly, too many females were in my life, and they seemed intent to shake it up a bit before they trotted right back out of it.


	4. She Wolf

Following Leah's lead, I broke away from Bella to quickly swoop up a paint brush and join my werewolf companion at the last wall I'd yet to finish painting. Moving close, I made one careless swoop of my brush in an effort to mask the fact that I was about to drill Leah about what the hell she was doing here.

"What's going on?" I hissed, noting from the corner of my eye that Bella was lingering uncertainly in the middle of the room, standing just to the side of the paint supplies.

The smile on Leah's face was confusing, and nearly impossible to decipher. I didn't like it one bit, but I said nothing about it as I waited for an explanation. Leah took her time, pushing up to her tip-toes to reach a high spot on the wall. Her thin shirt skimmed up her ribs, yet again provoking an unexpected reaction on my end. I'd never thought I could manage to be physically attracted to Leah, but it was like she'd spawned an evil twin that was masquerading through my living room to completely bewilder me.

"I'm doing you a favor," she whispered happily, hiding our secret conversation with a large smile and a phony giggle.

What was she playing at? And what kind of favor was she bestowing upon me? I took another distracted swipe at the wall with the paint brush, keeping Leah in my sights as well as a blurred, corner vision of Bella. She was still in the middle of the room, as if she felt out of place.

"What are you talking about?"

Leah took a deliberate step to the side, brushing against my shoulder as she reached to paint a place on the wall in front of me. I felt a brush of heat. She let out a soft laugh that somehow managed to travel through the room, rolling over me in an uncomfortable sort of way. She was really playing this up.

"I'm the welcoming committee, Jacob, but I'm not here for Bella."

What was she getting at dropping her voice all low and sultry? I stared at her dumbly. She seemed to know I wasn't comprehending. It was an effort not to respond as she trailed her free hand abruptly over my shoulder. Talk about mixed feelings.

"I'm here to welcome you back to the world of other women. They're out there," she told me. "It's about time you realized it, and Bella too, for that matter."

Had Leah hit her head some time between when I'd seen her late last night and right now? It was like an alternate reality I'd somehow stumbled into, seeing Leah like this. The fact that she was attempting to help me in this process was beyond bizarre as well. Leah never did me any favors, and she never bothered with any pretenses pretending like she would have if the need arose. I eyed her suspiciously.

"Leah, this is…weird."

Leah smirked up at me, looking strangely cat-like. Almost as if I'd just stroked her back. I guessed she must have taken it as a compliment, like I'd, more or less, just commended her on a job well done. She had obviously unraveled me, so that must have equaled out to mission success. So, that was her game. Rile me up, and flaunt my overly induced hormones in Bella's face.

It didn't sound smart to me. It sounded like something that would backfire.

"Look at Bella, Jacob," she instructed me.

Without question, I obediently shifted just enough to put Bella more clearly in my line of view. She'd managed to retrieve her usual paint roller, but she didn't seem capable of making the short journey to the wall to apply the paint. It was like someone had hit a pause button and suspended her in the same spot, and they'd also suspended that look on her face that I was only just noticing. I hadn't expected to see it there, at least not where I was concerned, so that could have been why it took me so long to understand it.

I'd never seen Bella look jealous.

"That's your plan? Make Bella jealous? Trick her into running into my arms?" I asked darkly.

Leah shrugged. "Sure. That, and prove to Seth that I can make you attracted to me."

She said this so nonchalantly that I couldn't think up an adequate response. Sometimes, I really hated it when people were so frank about things, though it was usually how I went about business as well. That didn't count though. Not when compared to Leah bluntly admitting that she was trying to seduce me.

I was really going to let Seth have it when I saw him again. He should have had a little more respect for the alpha. At least enough not to provoke his wicked sister to harass me in the name of what he probably saw as harmless fun.

"Great," I growled.

It was about that time that Bella seemed to recall where she was and that she had two, functioning legs. She found her way to my side, opposite Leah, and began to quietly and hesitantly apply her roller to the wall. I glanced sideways at her, torn between embarrassment and pleasure that she still looked a little unsettled.

She wasn't the only one though. Really, I was the one on uncertain, foreign ground here. Sandwiched between the woman I loved and the woman I'd never expected to want, I couldn't find my footing. I had a strong urge to make a quick evacuation, but I figured Leah would bring me up short there. She seemed intent with her plan, and she didn't save any expenses. Between less-than-innocent, seemingly casual brushes with her hand against my arm or shoulder and the conversation she continued to fill the silence with, Leah was proving herself to be an exceptional actress.

"So, Bella, been here long?" Leah turned the conversation abruptly.

It seemed like the conversation was taking a bit of extra time to seep through Bella's skull. She was probably getting whiplash. I was pretty sure that I was. Every few minutes, I'd glance her way, and she'd looked a million miles away, lost in thought, and throwing uncertain glances from Leah to me and back to Leah.

"Just a few days," she supplied.

"Huh," Leah grunted thoughtfully, tossing her hair back unnecessarily.

Unlike Bella, Leah had a completely Earthy smell. She smelled just like the deep woods. I suddenly wasn't sure which smell I liked better. Stupid.

"It's weird, you know. I'm so used to Jake being alone here. I drop by from time to time, to keep him company," she paused, and I was instantly wary of the slow smile the spread across her face. "We've had some interesting times late at night, huh, Black?"

Shit.

I cleared my throat, knowing full well what that sounded like, but it wasn't completely untrue. We'd had some interesting times late at night, sure, but they involved us being in wolf form, running through the forest, scouting the area and making sure it was secure. Leah, though, sounded like she was insinuating something entirely different. I found the wall immensely interesting for a few minutes there.

"Sure we have, Clearwater," I returned.

I didn't know if Bella would catch the sarcasm, but I didn't try to explain myself. Though Leah's plan scared the hell out of me considering how it had transformed the irritable, female werewolf into my pretend pursuer, I was selfishly finding the expressions playing across Bella's face gratifying.

The tables had turned.

Bella seemed to flounder for a moment. "Oh. Well. I'm glad Jake's had company then."

She didn't sound glad. Leah snorted softly, as if to agree.

"Company. Yeah, sure," Leah giggled.

I shot her a disbelieving glance, raising my brows. I couldn't remember having ever heard Leah giggle so much, or, really, at all. She'd never been so girly either. I'd always found it hard to believe that she'd been Sam's love interest until the fateful appearance of Emily, considering how effortlessly she had taken on the role of just another one of the guy's. Now, I thought I might be understanding Sam a little better.

Bella made an uncomfortable noise in her throat, as if she'd interpreted Leah's vague reply just as Leah had intended for her to.

"Speaking of," Leah went on, not at all intending to let Bella get away completely unscathed, "what time are you picking me up on Friday, Jake?"

I mentally stumbled.

Friday? What was she talking about? A date? That was news to me. Just like her reverting to calling me by a nickname was. She'd never attempted to be that intimate. Even on just a friendly basis. Especially not by saying it like she just had, like it was her favorite word to let roll off her tongue.

I nearly choked, still struggling to keep up with her charades, but I regained my composure before it became apparent that I hadn't known a thing about any supposed Friday date.

"Seven," I supplied.

I couldn't have explained why I was playing along now.

Okay. Yeah, I could. I was enjoying this bit of role-reversal. Usually, I was the one watching Bella go gallivanting off with the person I liked the least, and now she was the one here watching me make plans. Sure, it wasn't exactly the same—the fact that it was fake, notwithstanding—but it felt almost as good just to be the one that wasn't wanting at the moment. Thoughts of possible backfire faded into the back of my mind, to be considered when it actually all blew up in my face.

"Great. I haven't been into Port Angeles in awhile."

I couldn't imagine what Leah would have ever found interesting in the city. She wasn't exactly a die-hard, girly shopper type. At least, I hadn't thought so, but it seemed I'd misjudged a lot about Leah. This could have been another one of those things just as easily as it could have been a lie to bother Bella.

"Me neither."

God, had I really just made a date with Leah Clearwater? And was I really going to have to actually go through with it? The thought was terrifying. I had no idea what Leah would find interesting as small talk, or what she preferred to even do in Port Angeles.

But it seemed that Leah had been swallowed by this game she was playing, and over the span of time it took us to finish the last wall, she continued to escalate in her flirting and lies. I was half-expecting her to wrap herself around me and suffocate me in a kiss by the time we were done. It would have been the only thing left to seal the deal and embellish the scene she'd just made for Bella's unfortunate benefit.

Thankfully, Leah refrained from kissing me and making this whole awkward situation that much worse. I didn't really know what I'd have done if she had kissed me. How could I respond to such a bizarre event?

When the painting finally came to a close, however, Leah didn't spare me from a sultry smile, a slow, meaningful wink, or a soft pat on the cheek as she made for the door.

"See you in two nights, Black," she called over her shoulder. "I'm looking forward to it."

My skin crawled and burned at the same time, and I was left in an overwhelming, awkward silence as Leah exited my house, shutting Bella and me into a now significantly emptier home together. I cleared my throat, shuffled my feet, and felt like an idiot.

"Well, uh, I guess I'll get to bed," I decided aloud, though I was far from tired. "I have work to do tomorrow."

Bella nodded distractedly. She'd been standing just behind me in the hallway as I'd showed Leah out of my house. The strange expression on her face hadn't quite dispersed, and she was looking even more deeply unsettled than she had when Leah had actually been here. I could tell there was something she was wanting to say, and I was reluctant to hear it. I didn't know if I could answer it. Especially if it concerned the show Leah had just put on.

Still, I hesitated as I started to step around her to claim my spot on the couch in the living room. She didn't move to go to the bedroom, but simply lifted one hand to clasp the elbow of her opposite arm, standing there awkwardly.

"Do you and Leah have something going on?" she asked finally.

I was glad she was looking at the floor rather than me. I might have flinched at the question, as uncomfortable with it as Bella seemed to be, but for different reasons. Great. What was I going to say about mine and Leah's fabricated relationship?

I should have just told the truth. I wanted to lie.

"It's…uh… new," I explained. "It's not really something steady. Just occasional, I guess."

Wow. That had come out sounding a little sleazier than I'd intended. I wanted something Bella would be jealous about, not something that would appall her. Fortunately for me, Bella seemed just as disturbed about a possible, occasional one night stand between Leah and me as she might have had I alluded to a more permanent relationship.

"Oh." She sounded like she'd been punched in the gut.

I felt wrongly elated by that. I shouldn't have been enjoying making Bella so upset, but really, it was about damn time she felt what she'd put me through. Even in a small dose like this. And what did she care anyway? She had scumbag Senator Cullen to return to any time she was struck by the whim to go back. Wasn't she madly in love with the creep?

The creep that hadn't even come looking for her. Imagine that. I didn't have any understanding in me for Cullen. He probably didn't even care that his wife had gone missing. He had that Tanya broad to warm his bed. Instantly annoyed with the way my train of thought had turned, I frowned at Bella.

"Yeah. Well, I'm getting to bed. It's an early morning tomorrow," I explained briskly.

Then I stepped around Bella, and I let Mrs. Cullen stew in a taste of her own medicine while I slept through the night like a baby.

Well, that's how I hoped it went, anyway.


	5. Mixed Signals

**Author Notes: **Hey guys! I wanted to thank all my followers, even those of you that have already read me on Twilighted. =) Anyway, sorry if I don't respond to each individual review, but know that I really appreciate them! Keep 'em coming. ;)

* * *

I didn't sleep well in the two nights following Leah's fateful appearance in my house, despite how I'd promised myself I would.

How could I when I continued to catch the soft sounds of crying from my room at night? Bella seemed to think she was the only one that suffered from partial insomnia at two in the morning, and it was around that time that I could hear her from my spot on the couch, sobbing softly into what was probably my pillow considering the muffled quality of the noise.

I couldn't make myself even begin to think she was crying for me, for the chance that she might think she'd lost with me after Leah's display. I knew she was weeping for Cullen, that twisted leech bastard.

I hated that I couldn't blame her for it. I couldn't pretend to imagine how I'd feel married to some creep that didn't call or come looking for me when I'd been gone for a week. The dirt bag hadn't bothered to alert the police either. I'd caught secret snippets of the news when Bella was otherwise occupied, attempting, once or twice, to see if Edward had finally felt the necessity to look for his missing bride.

He hadn't. If he had, it would have made headline news. A senator's wife couldn't just go missing without so much as a small blurb scratched across the newspaper about it, at the very least. That meant Edward Cullen didn't know, or, at least, care where his wife had gone. He was probably being more than entertained with that Tanya woman Bella had whined about.

I figured Bella must have come to the same conclusion, hence the nightly water works. The tension in my house was escalating. I couldn't have cut it with a knife, and I'd made a promise to myself that I wouldn't anyway. The only way to sweep it out would be to make good with Bella, to be that shoulder she'd come here looking for. I couldn't do that. I didn't want to suffer again while I played the good guy so that Bella could heal up and run back to the bad one.

Because I was hitting a wall when it came to Bella and what I should do versus what I wanted to do, I tried to ignore the problem that continued to stare me in the face. When Bella got up, made me breakfast, lunch, and dinner, I greeted her, made small talk, and ate what she put before me with silent gratitude. She didn't mention Leah again, and I didn't offer her any comfort about her prick husband.

We fell into a routine, and we probably looked like robots.

The routine was shafted when Leah called me Friday afternoon and reminded me of our date.

"Leah, I thought that was just for show," I complained, hiding in my bedroom for privacy while Bella occupied the couch in the living room.

"It is for show, Black, but it won't really work if you don't leave the house with me tonight, will it?" she snapped back.

Over the phone, she was the same old Leah: bossy, demanding, and irritable. Though it annoyed the hell out of me, I was relieved to hear her shifting back into her usual persona. She'd really creeped me out the other night, which was why I was hesitant to go through with this date, pretend or not.

"I'll… I'll just tell her you had to cancel," I proposed.

There was a deadly silence for several seconds, and I could almost hear Leah's anger crackling over the line. I should have known better than to attempt to foil any of Leah's plans. She was a beast when she didn't get her way. Forgetting about her breathtaking, flimsy thin-strapped shirt from the night before, I had to wonder again what exactly it had been about her that had been so appealing to Sam.

Or maybe it was Sam that had made her this way, breaking her heart and all. I couldn't say that being stomped on by Bella's careless foot hadn't changed me too.

It was still hard to cut Leah any slack when she was being temperamental.

"Be here at seven, Black, or you'll regret it."

Click.

The dial tone hummed in my ear. Great.

I still could have refused, Leah's plan be damned, but, for some reason unbeknownst to me, I decided to follow her orders like the obedient little puppy that I was. Still, I didn't overdo it. I took a shower, put on about the only pants that weren't stained and ripped, as well as a black t-shirt of the same quality. It was one of the only shirts I had that wasn't for work, and I'd bought it a year ago. I never went out, so I hadn't felt a need to update that part of my closet in some time. That explained why my shirt was a little too tight. Tight, but not too constricting, though it was snug around my considerable biceps, and it might have displayed the rest of my toned physique a little more than one of my normal shirts would. I might have been uneasy by the idea that it looked like I was trying to show off.

The fact that I really wasn't trying to look good for Leah prevented me from caring.

Though seeing Bella's eyes widen as I stepped into the living room made me glad that I had been careless about my cloth shopping tendencies.

"Oh. Date night," Bella deduced.

I cleared my throat. "Yeah."

I shifted from one foot to another. All at once, the expression on her face had shifted. Those brown eyes of hers were still wide as saucers, but they were looking at me in a completely different way—a way I responded to. The expression reflecting in her eyes was unmistakable: hunger. I felt it thicken in the air between us, and as much as I wanted it, I was confused by it. Where had it come from? From my black shirt, or from the night before with Leah?

She took a step forward. My breath backed up in my lungs. Every muscle tensed painfully, hinged on the anticipation that was spreading up my spine. Her lips parted, and my eyes dropped down to them. They were full, plump, and I was horribly reminded of how I'd never tasted them.

_Stupid, Jake. Don't do this to yourself. Bella still has Cullen. She's still Mrs. Cullen. It doesn't matter that she's looking at you now like she's actually wondering what it would have been like if it'd been you instead. _

She took another step forward, and my stomach tightened in response. She was too close. This was dangerous. I was about to take a step into that forbidden territory I had banned myself from, and it would be worse this time, because I was going to kiss Bella this time. I was going to kiss her and take her. I wouldn't let her go back to Edward if that happened.

"Jake."

Her hand was on my arm, just below where the sleeve ended. It was cool against my flesh, and my skin seemed to quiver—to actually hum—underneath it. My hands fisted at my sides to keep from touching her.

She looked up at me, her eyes imperceptibly dark, and incredibly meaningful. She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth, drawing it in between her teeth. I thought I might die. Everything inside of me clenched.

"Don't… I mean, can't you…?" She paused, seeming to hold her breath. "Do you have to?"

I didn't need an explanation. She was trying to talk me out of my date with Leah. She was jealous, but did she want me? Or did she just not want anyone else to have me? Everything that had clenched, loosened, and I felt my resolve harden slightly. I took a step back, out of the drug-like aura that seemed to surround Bella. A crisis had narrowly been avoided, I knew. I'd nearly kissed Bella. I'd nearly broken down and given her that sign of reassurance that I was still her puppet.

She had been crying for Cullen last night. Not me.

"You have Edward, Bella," I reminded her. "I need someone too."

She looked like I'd smacked her. She actually winced. I could see her receding back into herself, reverting to the same woman that had shown up on my doorstep. It was just as well that she remembered who she was. She wasn't my someone.

I couldn't explain to her how much I wanted that someone to be her, or how I'd grieved in silence over the years knowing it would never be her. I couldn't draw her into me, I couldn't kiss her, I couldn't do anything to make her forget Edward Cullen and choose me. She was married to him. She shouldn't have even been in my house.

I couldn't breathe as I moved past her. I didn't offer a goodbye, and she didn't bother with one either. I couldn't tell her goodbye again. Not even when I knew it was temporary.

~!~!~!~

I pulled up to Leah's house in a sour mood. She still lived with her mother though, so I attempted to right the frown on my face into a smile before I knocked on the door. It was a shame I succeeded only to be greeted by Leah's younger brother, Seth. Her brother in which I had a score to settle. It felt good to let my fake smile drop back down to its true frown, though it meant my effort was wasted.

"There you are, Clearwater," I growled unpleasantly. "The instigator in my night of uncomfortable silences and awkward conversation."

Instead of having the dignity to look ashamed of himself, Seth folded his arms across his considerable chest and leaned arrogantly against the door frame. He cocked his head at me, offering a smirk rather than an apology for my misfortune.

"Uh huh," he grunted, "but you're the one going through with the date, aren't you, Jacob?"

I hadn't expected his smart retort, and I felt an uncomfortable heat accompanying the spread of light pink that colored my cheeks faintly. I gritted my teeth, slightly mortified that Seth had called me out on the fact that I had followed through. I could only imagine the grief I would get from the pack for this, because I knew Seth wouldn't miss the chance to flap his jaws.

"Where's your sister?" I snapped.

"She's coming," he answered vaguely, and then I saw an unusual seriousness creep into his features. "Look, Jake, I didn't expect her to actually get to you, but, since she…uh…did, maybe we should discuss some ground rules."

I snorted. I was the elder here, and Seth thought he was going to give me rules about going on a date with his sister, who was older than him as well? A date that wasn't even real, for that matter. I felt the need to point that out to him, as it seemed he'd forgotten, but Seth wasn't budging.

"If it's fake, why are you taking her to Port Angeles? Why not just hang out here? Bella wouldn't know the difference."

That tripped me up. Why was I going through with this? He was right. Bella wouldn't know the difference so long as I wasn't in the house with her. I opened my mouth to make something up, but Leah appeared in the doorway behind Seth, and saved me the taxing effort of formulating an acceptable excuse.

No. Better yet, she gave me an excuse, though not one I would have admitted in front of Seth.

Standing silhouetted by the dim, soft lighting of her house, Leah looked… amazing. Her dark hair was pinned up, allowing only a few strands to fall free around her face. She was wearing another one of those extraordinary shirts with barely visible straps that dipped low and exposed a generous amount of bronze, smooth skin. This one was tight too, embellishing her features in a tantalizing sort of way. She was wearing jeans this time that were equally as form fitting, and… Was she actually wearing heels?

Yeah. She definitely was. I could see her red-painted toenails peaking out at me from her black high heels, adding an exquisite length to her already long legs. I felt my heart thump in my chest. No way. No way I was reacting to Leah again like this. I finally lifted my gaze back up to her face. She looked incredibly pleased by my reaction, connecting to a feminine side in her that I hadn't know she had. Just at the outskirts of my focused vision, Seth looked stunned and horrified.

"You're late," Leah snapped around her coy smile.

Leave it to Leah to kick me while I was defenseless. I coughed a little, trying to shake off the effects of seeing Leah like this, and shrugged trying to appear unconcerned. Yeah right. She'd already read me like a book.

"This isn't a real date," I reminded her. "I don't have to follow the usual rules. You ready?"

Leah scoffed. "How gentlemanly, Black. You forget how to be a real man pining after Bella all these years?"

I scowled at her as she scraped across my open wound. She'd planned the attack well, and it hit its desired target: my pride. Stiffening, I stepped aside and gestured for her to join me outside.

"Your carriage awaits," I hissed.

"That's better," she told me. "See you later, Seth. Don't wait up."

She, unceremoniously, shoved her brother aside and stepped out. Still dazed, Seth didn't put up much of a fight, and Leah closed the door in his face. Because I knew she'd only continue to lash at me otherwise, I forced my earlier fake smile on my face, and followed her to my car. Attempting to play along, I even lifted my arm, hovering my hand over the small of her back without quite touching. I even opened her door for her, which was really testing me.

What was worse was when she turned to slide into her seat, and I caught a glimpse of the back of her shirt. A long rectangle of her yellow shirt was cut out to expose the skin on her back, held together by a ribbon that crisscrossed up her spine.

A rock lodged in my throat. I was never going to survive the night.

No explanation for how I managed to make it to my side of the car, slide in, start it up, and aim us onto the highway and out of town. After several minutes of silence while my knuckles turned white on the steering wheel, I couldn't seem to control myself any longer.

"Are you trying to kill me?" I snapped.

I kept my eyes determinedly on the road, but I could see Leah shift in her seat to look up at me. There was that cat-like expression again, as if I'd resumed stroking her back.

Oh Christ. Her back. Her gloriously exposed, perfectly smooth back. What a cruel, twisted turn of fate that I was fantasizing running my hand up that back, though I was more likely to get bitten than pleasantly responded to. Just as well. That would keep me from doing anything rash that I would regret tomorrow.

"No. I told you, I'm just making you aware," she replied smugly.

Now I did shoot her a heated look. "Aware of what? That I'm unexpectedly attracted to you? That those heels on your feet alone make me think of all sorts of appropriate things?"

I hadn't meant to blurt that out, and I could tell by the expression on Leah's face that I had surprised her too. For a minute, her mouth fell slightly open, and I thought she might have turned red. I cursed myself and looked back at the road. No more talking for me.

Leah cleared her throat. "Not exactly, but if it works, then all the better."

Her hands were on her lap. I saw her flatten them against her legs.

Inappropriate thoughts.

"I don't appreciate this," I informed her.

"You don't have to."

Damn Leah.

I lapsed into silence, stewing in my own anger. I couldn't pinpoint exactly what I was angry about. A little of it was left over from my earlier encounter with Bella. Some of it was spawned from Leah, her choice of clothing, and her game of making me want her. The rest was aimless and a product of my own annoying feeling of helplessness, like I was being batted around like a tennis ball.

"Jacob," Leah spoke finally, breaking the silence when we were just outside the city.

I tensed slightly. Her voice had taken on a strange, thoughtful quality that made me wary. I almost thought about ignoring her, but that would have been stupid. I couldn't pretend I hadn't heard her. We were sitting only inches apart. I just didn't trust anything that came out of Leah's mouth.

"Yeah?"

Long pause. Meaningful silence. I should have ignored her.

"Nothing."

I didn't press her. I didn't want her to elaborate. Whatever she'd wanted to say could stay a secret from me. I had a gut feeling that it was better that way. She didn't try again during the span of time it took us to reach Port Angeles, to select a suitable restaurant, and to be seated in a booth in the back. The host had completely misunderstood our relationship, incorrectly interpreting the tension between us, and had led us to a booth that was too secluded and too dark and romantic for two people like Leah and me.

That tension they had sensed had spawned from my uncomfortable earlier reaction to Leah, and the fact that she'd stumbled a bit in her heels in the parking lot, and I'd made the mistake to laugh at her. She'd glared daggers at me all the way into the restaurant, refusing to admit that she was far from a veteran in heels—that she was far from a veteran in anything so feminine.

I eyed the two candles and one rose in a slender vase on our table suspiciously. This felt like a trap. We'd definitely picked the wrong place. Too late now.

I lifted my menu and propped it on the table in front of me, creating a makeshift wall between Leah and myself just to be careful. Leah lifted a brow at it, but said nothing as she lifted her own menu to examine.

"I don't have rabies," she remarked, skimming her menu.

"I didn't say you did," I replied unconvincingly.

Leah shot me a look over the menu. I tried to keep my own return stare unwavering, tried not to let it drop down to unwarranted territory.

"You're looking at me like I do," she said.

She was blind if she thought that's what that look meant, but it was better she interpreted it that way, because that was much safer grounds. In reality, I was stealing glances at her hands curved around the sides of her menu, helplessly wondering what they'd feel like on my back, among other places. I should have been thankful that she was getting my mind off of Bella, filling in for her in my plague of fantasies I couldn't disperse.

I wasn't.

"I don't think you have rabies, Leah," I clarified, "but I do think you're trying to provoke me."

Leah's eyes flashed. "So what if I am?"

"It's not smart."  
She shrugged, rolling her shoulders. "I'm not playing the intelligence card tonight."

I pursed my lips. She was really trying to push my buttons. The problem was that she was adequately hitting some of them. I shifted uncomfortably and didn't respond—didn't say a word at all—until the waiter appeared to take our order. I let Leah go first, amused that she wasn't afraid to order plenty in my presence. After I decided on my own meal, I was forced to hand over my menu, and then there was nothing but two slender candles and a rose separating me from Leah.

"You look tense," she commented as the waiter disappeared.

Not exactly an adequate description for the way my muscles had just locked up.

"You look beautiful," I retorted grumpily, hoping to knock her off that pedestal she'd placed herself on.

I succeeded a little, rewarded by the look of surprise that crossed her face. It was followed closely by a slow, liquid smile that I didn't care for. I couldn't get the upper hand here. Leah was side-stepping everything I threw at her.

"You look good too," she replied casually, surprising me. "Though you could have dressed a little less casually. Don't you own anything other than t-shirts?"

To think I'd thought I was getting a genuine compliment from Leah Clearwater. Ha! That would teach me to expect small miracles. It just wasn't happening. I folded my arms on the table, leaning forward onto my elbows, and giving her an unhappy look.

"Bella seemed to appreciate this t-shirt."

Leah tensed for a fraction of a second before she could recover, and my brows drew together in confusion. I hadn't expected that kind of reaction, like I'd pinched her, or something. For a moment, I wished that we were in wolf form so that I could read her mind and understand that strange expression on her face that clouded into her eyes.

"You should frame it then," she replied finally, dryly.

I could practically feel her response raking over me, like she was digging in mental claws. What was the deal? Was mentioning Bella taboo, or what? I'd thought that was the whole reason we were faking this date anyway: to get Bella to come crawling to me.

"Can't you ever just be nice?" I demanded. "Isn't Bella the whole reason we're here?"

Leah scoffed but seemed to recall our original purpose. "Yeah, sure. Fine. If that's what you want, then tell me what it is about Bella Cullen that makes you so pathetic."

I nearly told her to go to hell, but I allowed this last bit to bounce off. I'd obviously done something to tick her off, and Leah wasn't known for keeping her emotions to herself. She was probably looking to get a rise out of me anyway. I wasn't going to give her one, so I took a long swallow of the soda the waiter had just deposited before me before I answered. When I set the glass down again, I took my time leaning back into my seat in the booth and getting comfortable.

"Well, it wasn't intentional," I started. "She came to me the first time Edward left. When we were still in high school. You remember."

I could tell that Leah was wishing she didn't remember, but she only nodded, and took a drink of her own beverage choice. I only just noticed, as she brought her stemmed glass to her lips, that she'd requested a glass of wine. I wasn't much for alcohol, as I didn't care for being drunk, considering all the idiotic things I was capable of doing under the influence, and I was surprised Leah was indulging. I hadn't known that she ever did.

A bitter laugh attempted to surge up my throat as I wondered if I'd driven her to drink after only one half of a date.

"Anyway, she just… She started to rely on me. She was always with me. She needed me, and I started to need her."

Desperately. Pitifully. I'd gotten to the point where I couldn't go a few hours without thinking about her, wondering when she'd turn up again just to talk or to convince me to continue motorcycle riding lessons. I'd noticed the desperation in her own eyes, the way she seemed to still be so fragile and hollow, but I'd done my best to ignore the cause and to try and fill it the best I could. I hadn't asked for more of the story than she volunteered to tell, and I'd been her faithful shoulder and friend. I'd held out the stupid hope that she would start to see me, and Edward Cullen would become the guy in the back of her mind, the one she no longer wanted.

"Then Edward came back," I pushed on, vaguely and briefly wishing for a drink myself. "It was about a year later. That was when he'd been in New York nosing around. He decided he had a liking for politics, but he also missed Bella—his human drug."

I paused and swallowed the bitter taste rising up my throat. I didn't look at Leah. I didn't want to know if she was tuning me out or really listening. I was enveloping myself in the past, and if I wanted to make it through the recollection, I couldn't rely on anyone's strength but my own.

"He didn't love her. I don't think so, anyway. He just needed her for that high she gave him." My hands fisted on the table. "He was in love with her blood. He wanted her by his side, because he's a greedy bastard."

I sucked in a breath, blew it out.

"Edward always gets what he wants, right?" I chuckled darkly. "The leech even figured out a way to play senator without giving away his or his family's dark little secret."

Edward made a point of scheduling his speeches and meetings during days forecasted for rain, or at least overcast. He did a lot of work at night too, and no one questioned why he seemed to avoid the sunlight. He claimed a rare skin condition, and no one pushed any further.

Of course they wouldn't. He was a vampire. A little exertion of his mental abilities, and Edward could mesmerize anyone around him. It was a twisted vampire trick that I hated. They had the capability to take away a person's freewill, and Bella had wondered why I'd always hated them. Frankly, none of us were natural in the world, but vampires were more monster than the rest of us.

"I deluded myself into thinking she'd realize that she loved me when we were apart. The first time she came back, I thought it was because she did. The second time, I even convinced myself that she was having second thoughts." I shrugged bitterly. "I stopped being so delusional after that."

It was a rough, vague explanation for why I was in love with Bella, but I couldn't discuss it in depth with Leah. I couldn't discuss it with anyone. My love for Bella was my own. It was my secret, my pocket in my soul that I wouldn't allow anyone else to see. If exposed, it almost felt as if I'd lose it—that last little connection I had with Bella, as pathetic as that was.

Leah didn't answer for several minutes. I thought maybe she'd rightfully decided to allow me to sulk in my own self-pity. Think again.

"Get over it," she said.

I looked up, offended. "It's not that easy."

"Yes," Leah disagreed, "it is. Trust me."

I watched her take a dainty sip of her wine again, eyeing me over the rim of her glass. A rumble of annoyance shook my chest at the amusement reflected in her eyes. What was so damn funny? And of all people to talk, Leah had no grounds to criticize me. I thought about throwing Sam in her face.

I didn't feel like getting a verbal ass beating.

"You don't understand," I snapped.

"No," Leah whipped back, "you are the one that doesn't understand."

"All right. Agree to disagree," I retorted. "Now that we've reminded ourselves how we have nothing in common, can we go home?"

I glowered at her, and Leah glared right back. She started to reply—probably to tear me a new one—but then she seemed to reconsider, pausing to think something over. There was a change. Leah usually didn't mind to tell anyone exactly what she thought.

"Hell," she hissed suddenly, took up her glass, and downed the whole thing.

Once finished, she placed it back on the table with a snap, just on the edge so that it would promptly be refilled, and then she leaned forward. I fought the urge to ease backward.

"Forget Bella, Jacob. Tonight, she doesn't exist."

That felt a lot like a warning. Little sirens were going off in the back of my head telling me to bail now or prepare for the worst. The only problem was my pride, and the fact that I couldn't just quit anything I'd already started, so I braced myself for Leah's assault.

"It's just you and me, and I think we can find plenty in common," Leah told me. "Don't eat too much. We're going dancing."

Dancing? She was crazy. No way I was going dancing.

But then the waiter returned, setting our food on the table before us, and I caught the gleam of a challenge in Leah's eyes. It felt as if a mental timer had begun, counting down the minutes until I had to man up or bail.

This was going to be a tough choice.


	6. Two to Tango

**Author Notes: **So, something funky is going on with my upload manager. =/ But I'm trying to work around it. If you see any errors with my stuff, that would be why. Sorry!

But! I'm going to shamelessly promote myself here and say that if you like this fic, you should read my fic _In Love With Another _and vote for it in the Will You Marry Me? contest being hosted right now by the twigirlsnextdoor. You can submit up to two votes, so read my competition, and pick two fics you like the most and vote!

* * *

The lights were a dizzying whirl of colors. Blue, red, green, purple maybe? Too many to count, and all of them were spinning or careening around too fast for me to care to take note. They seemed to hop around to the music, jerking left and right with each thrum of the bass. I blinked my way dumbly into the dance club, led by Leah's warm hand clasped in mine.

She'd initiated the hand-holding, and I'd been worried about it until I'd stepped into the club and had to worry more about where the hell I was walking when I couldn't see for all the spinning colors of the rainbow, somehow still allowing the place to be cloaked in shadows. It seemed hazy in the place, like real steam was rising off the crowds on the dance floor and those huddled at tables or at the bar. It might have just been cigarette smoke, but it seemed more mystical than that. Like I'd stepped into some sort of fantasy, underground world.

Thankfully, the steak I'd eaten wasn't provoked to return by the almost nauseating lights. In fact, I was more worried about Leah, who had had a few too many glasses of wine. By the time we'd left the restaurant, there'd been a slight film over her eyes, and a ghost of an almost goofy smile on her face. She smelled like wine and vanilla body wash, which I'd accidentally stepped too close and caught a whiff of when helping her out of the car. She was also laughing more than I was used to, cracking jokes, and evening it out with her usual snide comments when she found a break to jab me.

Considering her intoxicated state, I didn't really know how she'd talked me into coming, but it might have had something to do with the fact that she'd made a few well-pointed comments about how I'd lost my manhood and was whipped and pathetic by a woman that didn't share the same feelings. It'd pissed me off, just as Leah had hoped, and might have influenced my decision to come to the club and prove her wrong, though I was way out of my element.

I might have panicked a little more when she began leading us to the crowded dance floor, but I knew if I hesitated she'd start attacking me again, making speculations as to whether or not I was still the proud owner of a fully functional dick. That was why I didn't object—outwardly—when she pulled me into the midst of hot, sweaty flesh, squeezing us into the middle of the floor, directly under a crimson-colored light that pulsed to the beat.

Everything seemed to be pulsing to the beat, I realized. The floor vibrated with the music, throbbing like a real heart. I could feel it pumping under and into my feet. The music seemed to become a louder, more powerful heart inside of my own chest. I stared uncertainly at Leah as I felt out the rhythm.

Leah, however, seemed to have no problem, and she surprised me yet again when she began to shamelessly sway with the music. It was fast at first, carefree as she got into the feel of things, and then she seemed to remember me. Her eyes lifted, dark and on me, and I thought I might be hallucinating considering the things I saw staring back at me.

I tried to remind myself she was drunk, but it didn't help. Especially not when she slid forward, up against me, pushing onto her toes to speak directly into my ear.

"Dance with me, Jacob. I'll make you forget all about little vampire-loving Bella," she purred.

I shouldn't have responded, but I did. She was already against me. All I had to do was wrap one arm around her, and, when I began to move, she moved too, completely in synch. The music continued to pulse, mixing with the indistinct hum of conversation and people singing along. The red light washed over Leah.

She closed her eyes, dancing against me—rubbing against me, more like. My hand was pressed against her back. I could feel her smooth skin through the triangles of her laced up top. She was warm and soft, and, all of a sudden, I was needy. It was beyond bizarre to want Leah Clearwater, but I did.

Some devious little voice in the back of my head reminded me that she was drunk, and probably wouldn't remember anything I did if I decided to act on impulse. It was a dangerous thing for my subconscious to tell me at that moment while I watched Leah smiling and sliding against me. I could feel her everywhere. I was acutely aware of the swells of her chest against mine, the pressure of her hips twisting between mine. I could smell her. I could almost taste her.

Her lips parted. Her head lolled back. I dipped my head without my own consent, just a breath away from Leah's neck. I was…. I was throbbing with such a raw sort of desire that I had never expected to feel for anyone but Bella. Cursing myself, I pressed a kiss to Leah's throat.

I felt her pulse jump against my lips before I pulled back, and she straightened abruptly to look at me, releasing a small gasp. I knew what she would see staring back at her, and I saw that realization of what I was feeling register on her face. It came to her with surprise, I could tell, but it didn't look like she was rejecting it. Did she want me too?

"Jacob," she breathed my name.

Even with the music, I could hear her very clearly. My own pulse skipped hazardously, picking up its tempo altogether when Leah started to lean toward me, tilting her head, pushing onto her toes. I saw what was coming, and even through the haze of need, I feared it.

"Leah," I warned. "Don't."

Without waiting for her to react, I took her shoulder and turned her so that we were then dancing with her back turned to me. It seemed like a good idea, but I quickly realized it was a bad move as her ass pressed up against me instead, immediately picking up the same grinding as before, but this was almost even more tantalizing. I groaned without meaning to, and I could feel Leah stiffen slightly at the sound of it before becoming fluid once again.

I tried to recall thoughts of Bella to clear my head—though I had no idea why the hell I was so bent on tormenting myself—but thoughts of my brunette slid like liquid from my grasp as Leah twisted against me. This was bad news.

Desperate, I ducked forward again, pressing my lips to her ear so that there was no mistaking that she heard me.

"We can't do this, Leah," I told her. "I can't do this."

Because I belonged to a different woman, a woman that would never love me completely in return. My heart was bound to her, and my animal reaction to Leah could never amount or compare to what I felt for Bella. That made this wrong. I couldn't be with Leah on such shaky foundation. I couldn't do to her what had been done to me. I wouldn't be the object of her affection when I could give nothing in return. Even though I didn't really know what it was she wanted in return. There was a sharp pang in my chest.

Leah turned her head to answer me, or so I thought, but such a simple movement ended up putting our faces less than an inch away from one another. She'd slid back under the warm influences of alcohol, but there was no mistaking the glaze that filmed her eyes as she realized how close we were. I could feel her hold her breath. I held mine. Her gaze dropped to my mouth. My hands tightened on her waist, digging into her hips.

The material of her shirt was so thin.

I didn't know why, but I didn't pull back when I felt her shift ever so slightly, even though I knew what was coming. Leah craned her head back just a fraction more, and her lips brushed mine. It was a warm slide of friction over my mouth. I quivered.

And then, I was the one surprising myself.

I was too rough and too fast, but I took Leah's mouth this time, pressing mine forcefully against hers. I could feel her give a little under the pressure, but then she was returning my kiss and warming underneath it. My mind blanked, fuzzed, and then grew hazy with thoughts of Leah and what I wanted from her. She was a warm ball of energy underneath me, attracted to me by the bond that crackled to life between us, as if it had existed all along somewhere where we hadn't looked.

Leah turned then. She turned into me, pressing herself against me, torturing me with the shape of her curves against my chest again. Her hands went up around my neck, sliding into my short-cropped hair. Her lips parted, my tongue flicked in, and I tasted Leah Clearwater.

It was something I'd never have expected in a million years.

She tasted earthy and warm and hinted at the vanilla she'd soaped herself with. I strained against her. She gasped my name.

And I was snapped back to reality.

Abruptly, I released her, staggering backward in shock. Leah was left off balance, and she stumbled forward. I caught her to keep her upright on her heels, but I held her at arm's length. For a moment, we only stared at each other in disbelief, and then suddenly and unexplainably, I felt angry again.

"I told you not to," I snapped.

Leah recoiled slightly, surprised by the sudden swing of my mood, but it didn't take her long to catch on. Hissing, she pulled out of my grasp, righting herself. She managed to look angry as well, though her lips were still swollen from mine. I stomped on the flicker of desire that licked up my insides.

"You kissed me back," she reminded me, heatedly.

I flushed, feeling guilty for my response to her kiss. Why did I feel like I'd betrayed Bella by kissing Leah? I didn't know. Bella was married to another man. I wasn't tied to anyone. Admittedly, I could kiss anyone I wanted without the burden of being bound to anyone else. So it didn't make sense that I was pissed at Leah, because she'd kissed me and provoked me, and I felt like a traitor in return.

I clenched my teeth.

"I think it's time we went home."

Leah's eyes flamed. "Yeah. I can spot a lost cause when I see one."

I wanted to yell at her for that, but Leah swung around on those pumps of hers, and stomped off. I could only follow after her, catching a trace of what sounded like her shouting at me over her shoulder, telling me that I was pathetic.

~!~!~!~

It was an effort not to boot Leah out of my car by the time we reached her house. We'd spent the drive cursing one another, tearing each other a new one, and belittling each other over our short-comings. In short, it was a tantrum fest in my small car, and the anger was so thick in the air that we could have probably started a fire with the friction between us. When she'd hissed a goodbye at me as she evacuated my car, I'd barely managed a civil one in return before cramming my vehicle into reverse and peeling out of there. I'd somehow even restrained myself from flipping Seth the bird as I caught him peeking out the blinds of his house.

This was all his fault.

Understandably, I was in a horrible mood by the time I reached my house, and all I wanted to do was go in, drop myself on the couch, and sleep this whole, horrible nightmare date away. I was distressed to find that the kitchen light was spilling out onto the lawn when I pulled up, which meant Bella was still awake at—I stole a glance at the clock in my dash—three a.m. What the hell was she waiting for?

As irritable as a bear, I slammed out of my car, rattling the small shell of metal so that it rocked back and forth on its wheels. I was in such a temper, that it was hard to believe I wasn't starting to feel that slow burn that warned I might phase from being overly emotional. Good thing. The last thing I needed to worry about was becoming a wolf in the house with Bella.

Cursing under my breath, I stomped into my house, slamming and locking the door with unnecessary force. I headed for the living room.

Bella met me in the hallway.

"Are you all right?" she asked me.

I nearly laughed in her face. Forget Seth Clearwater! Here stood the source of all my problems in one of my t-shirts—oversized on her and used as a nightgown—looking unrightfully sexy and mussed and prime for the taking. Bella Cullen had definitely picked the wrong night to stand in the hallway blocking my way.

"No," I growled. "No, I'm not all right."

I couldn't help but notice how small Bella was compared to me. She was so tiny, so fragile, so breakable up against me. I was a mass of muscle, she was a grouping of easily shattered, thin bones. As if Bella could read my mind, she took a wary step back.

"What happened?"

My mouth split into a wicked grin. "What happened?"

I stepped forward, shifting to the side at the same time, and had Bella pinned against the hallway wall as easy as that. She pressed her back against the plaster instinctually, as if to protect herself from me. Fat chance. I wanted to close the distance. I wanted to press against her. I'd had enough of that for one night.

"What happened?" I repeated. "What happened is that I went on a pretend date with Leah Clearwater to make you jealous, Bella, which I should have known wouldn't work, and I kissed her! Kissed her! But wanted a hell of a lot more than that from her."

Bella blanched, but I didn't know if it was from what I was saying, or just from the tone and volume of my voice as well as my aggressive posture and stance.

"Jake—."

I cut across her, "But I couldn't, Bella, and you know why? Because I love you. For some fucking stupid reason, I really love you."

Bella's eyes widened. I could almost hear the fast-paced beat of her heart thumping uncomfortably in her chest. If I'd been in wolf form, I half-wondered if I'd have smelled fear from her or something else. I couldn't read her brown eyes, and I'd given up trying. I was done trying to do anything with girls for awhile, or at least for tonight.

I'd had enough.

"Jake, I'm sorry," she whispered.

I laughed, out loud and bitterly, looking down only to notice that she wasn't wearing a bra. Real perfect. Before my messed up body could respond, I withdrew and stalked past her, to my trusty couch and the safety of my small, furniture haven that I could seclude myself on.

"Goodnight, Bella," I snapped over my shoulder.


	7. Mr Senator

**Author Notes: **Well, readers, here's your first taste of my baddie Edward, also known as Assward. In my opinion, he's scrumptious. Even if he is a complete jerk. ;)

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**EPOV**

My penthouse overlooked the city. Top floor, floor to ceiling windows, no blinds or drapes for my windows in the living room. If I wanted to sparkle in the daylight in my own place, I would fucking sparkle. No one would know or see my secret way up here, in my home away from home. I sought a haven here whenever my little human wife became an annoyance with her neediness, her weak desire for love.

I didn't love. I only wanted. The things I had said to her in the past to get her to love me hadn't meant much to me, but they'd meant everything to her. That had caught my sweet-scented little butterfly in my web, keeping her drug-like blood in my presence, and assuring that I didn't need to keep up the pretenses to keep her snagged once my wedding ring was on her finger.

I had my cake, and I could eat it too, so to speak.

Bella Swan was mine. As well as anyone else I wanted.

It turned out that I wanted Tanya the past couple of weeks, and I had Tanya. At the expense of my wife. Standing in front of one of my windows, staring down upon the unknowing world, I sneered. She'd been gone for over a week now, having ran away to Forks, or maybe even La Push.

Yes, I knew very well where she fled each time she took her little "vacations", and I knew exactly who she fled to. It was laughable that she ran to the dog in her moments of weakness, but what could I or anyone else expect from a spineless human like Bella? If she hadn't smelled so good or met my bedroom standards when the need arose, I would have left her long ago to run back to her canine pal.

The poor mechanic, Jacob Black, was not my competition. He was more like the trash can, waiting hopefully and fruitlessly for the day that I decided to severe my ties to Bella Swan and toss out the trash. Unfortunately for Black, that day would never come. His affections for my wife would never be returned, because I was addicted to her like some sort of toxic drug. Which meant that, no matter how far or often she ran from me, I would always bring her back, though I knew I would never have to do so by force.

Bella loved me. She would come back in due time, once she realized yet again that Jacob Black was not the answer to her problems. Maybe, by then, I'd be done with Tanya, and I could spare the poor mortal a bit of my affections to hold her over.

That was as long as she didn't push her luck, as long as she returned to me within the time I had allotted in my head. Otherwise, she would have to be punished with neglect, because there were a few people outside of the human world that were aware of Bella and I, of my… condition, and of our "forbidden love." Like the Volturi.

Senator or not, I still had to answer to them, and they weren't too keen on Bella's mortal soul, not wanting any human to live with the knowledge of our existence. As long as she was under my roof and my thumb, I didn't hear much of a peep from them, but they always seemed to know when Bella wandered away. It was annoying, but they could be held at bay for a period of time. That was the time I had designated for Bella to return to me. After all, I was already pushing my luck in their books by being a senator. Though I covered my tracks well enough by my fake admittance of a skin condition I didn't really have, there were still risks.

Risks I was willing to take, and odds that I knew I could beat.

"Edward."

I turned. Tanya had finally grown bored with waiting on me to return to the bedroom, and had sauntered out with the bed sheets wrapped around her gloriously naked body. I stood without any such hindrance on my body, completely at home with nudity. I watched Tanya drink me in—though she'd seen me naked plenty of times before—and her eyes darkened. I felt my own arousal stir as I caught the lust in her eyes.

"You said you wouldn't be long," she reminded me. "I waited."

I smirked at her as she stepped into the sunlight spilling into the living room. Her skin immediately reflected with the same diamond-like quality of my own. Together, we looked like two pale, ghostly lights. Almost pure in our perfection and gleam. I nearly laughed. My soul—if I even truly had one left—was anything but pure. It happened when you lived in the world of politics and bloodlust.

Speaking of blood, there was a smear of it on Tanya's chin. The venom pooled reflexively in the back of my throat. I'd thought we'd drained the homeless victim in my bedroom dry, but it seemed that Tanya had missed the last little trickle that had dribbled down her chin.

I hungered for it. I wasn't docile like my family. I rejected and rebuffed the ideas of vegetarianism as a resource for the spineless. Human blood was the only filling meal we could ever receive. Feeding off of animals was cheating ourselves. I didn't like to be cheated, though my family openly would have preferred if I did. That was why we'd been forced to severe ties long ago. They couldn't hold me back anymore.

Tanya's pretty head cocked to the side, her chin jutting forth almost thoughtlessly.

Or maybe she had done it on purpose to lure me in. That was like Tanya. That was what Bella lacked. She couldn't share this with me. Not unless I wanted to lose the sweet scent of her blood forever.

"Let's not keep you waiting any longer," I spoke softly.

Tanya's lips split into an expectant smile as I closed the distance between us. I hissed happily as our cold, marble flesh met, and the swell of Tanya's breasts pressed against me. Her hand immediately went between us. Mine went to her chin, cupping it, and drawing it upward. My tongue snaked out, catching the blood on her chin as I trailed my tongue across it, cleaning her, tasting her and the victim we had murdered together. Tanya shuddered in response, gasping softly.

I pressed a kiss to her lips only once, and then, forcefully, I turned her, shoved her over the back of the couch, and took her for the fifth time that day. Something that would have broken my little porcelain Bella.

~!~!~!~

Tanya remained sprawled, naked, across my bed as I dressed for the evening. Sliding into a suit, a tie, and combing my hair into a messy wave, I admired my physical beauty in the mirror in my bedroom, allowing Tanya to enjoy me as well. The bed sheets were tangled around her legs now, and she looked like a perfectly delectable image in my bed, but I had other things to do now. Other things that were more important than women and sex. Sadly.

"See you tonight," I told her, as I left my place, my sweet haven of secrets.

When I stepped out into the hall, pressing the button to call the elevator up, I received an unexpected and unpleasant surprise. As the elevator doors slid open, I was greeted by the sight of a young girl, looking deceivingly powerless and innocent. I stiffened in reflex at the sight of her, but forced myself to step into the elevator beside her without hesitation. It was a matter of pride, and it was, I was sure, a test on her part.

"Jane," I acknowledged her tonelessly.

"Edward," she replied, her voice tinged with pleasure. "How's your wife?"

I kept my face completely smooth, cold, and aloof. As the elevator doors slid shut, closing me into a small space with a wicked, malicious vampire, I held my own. There was much to fear from Jane and her power, but I wasn't going to be the first one to break into a cold sweat. I wasn't going to give this little girl that sort of satisfaction. That was what she wanted most, I knew. That was what she craved.

"She's perfectly fine," I answered.

I kept my gaze straight ahead as the elevator lowered us down into the belly of the building. I could feel Jane's eyes flick up toward me, watching my face. I had a feeling I knew where this conversation was going, and I was disappointed that I was going to be in such an unpleasant mood for the meeting I was headed for to discuss a variety of important city policies. A shame, indeed.

"And how's Tanya?"

Jane's voice was like ice.

"She's enjoyable," I responded without pause.

Jane laughed. In contrast to the monster that she undoubtedly was, Jane had a girlish, tinkling laugh, almost like bells ringing. Yet another deceiving quality for a vampire of her status.

"You should enjoy her while you can, because Aro grows increasingly displeased the longer your real bride is gone," Jane informed me. "You know well the consequences you will face if she is not soon reigned in."

My mouth formed a thin, white line despite my best intentions to remain impassive. If there was one creature to get under my skin, it was Jane. Though the entire group of Volturi vampires might be the equivalent in the ability to do the same. It was their unbreakable hold over me that infuriated me the most. I, a man of power, wealth, and prestige, could not disobey the orders of a clan of vampires hidden in Italy, watching my every move, dictating how I lived my life as well as what I did with my own wife.

"I am aware."

"Good," Jane spoke. "See that you see to it soon, Senator Cullen. It will be in your best interest, though I myself would enjoy our next meeting if you do not."

I gritted my teeth so hard it was surprising they didn't shatter like glass. All in the name of restraining myself from saying something vile and dangerous to little Jane. It was a stroke of luck that the elevator found our designated floor at that moment, chimed, and slid open. Jane sent me a small, dark smile before she stepped off ahead of me. I waited until she disappeared into the crowd, and then I stepped out as well.

Bella's flight to Jacob Black was far less amusing to me now.

~!~!~!~

I was late to the meeting, just as I had suspected that I would be, but there wasn't a suit in the room that would hazard pointing it out to me as I slipped inside the room into the meeting that had already commenced. I took my seat with a frown on my face. Those situated around me sent me brief, curious glances but remained tight-lipped.

A woman to my left leaned slightly toward me. I would have smirked if I hadn't been so furious, but it wasn't anything unusual anyway. Like all the other harpy females in the room, she couldn't resist my naturally compelling aura that fucked with her brainwaves, overrode her basic survival instincts, and told her to go to me willingly. Too bad I wasn't in the mood.

I sent her a long, dark look anyway, despite my annoyance. Maybe I could slightly relate to her. As helplessly as she was drawn to me, I was equally compelled to take advantage of prey that flocked to me. I spared her business attire that one look, envisioning tearing into her jacket and blouse, popping buttons, tearing her bra, and tasting the flesh of her generous swell of breasts in my mouth. I could imagine driving her to that peak with just the flick of my tongue.

I'd let her hit that first wave, and then I'd tear through the rest of her clothing, pump myself into her, and then hit my own climax while simultaneously sealing my orgasm by sinking my teeth into her neck and drinking her dry.

I felt the stirring of my arousal in my own pants, straining against the black material, and I pursed my lips. The woman beside me must have been reading my face, or perhaps just feeling the secondhand effects of my own sexual desires, because her eyes had gone completely dark, and I caught them glancing toward my crotch. She was practically salivating beside me.

I turned away from her, denying myself the gratification I was yearning for, and closing her off from what she wanted as well. I heard her whimper behind me, and I nearly snorted as I refocused my attention on the man at the end of the table that had resumed talking from when I had interrupted him moments before. He seemed oblivious to what had just passed between the mortal and me, or he'd chosen to ignore it. I couldn't tell. I didn't care.

At the moment, I didn't care what he had to say either. The meeting didn't need my input so much as it did my approval, and I was appreciative of that fact. At the moment, I didn't care about the transportation issues—or whatever it was that I'd forgotten this meeting was about—any more than I cared about the fact that the woman beside me had began to rub her leg provocatively against mine.

Imbecile. Couldn't she tell that she'd been rejected?

Ignoring her and the urge to snap her neck, I mentally returned to my meeting with Jane. What she had spoken of posed several problems to me.

One, I was never the one that crawled back to Bella, so it was really impossible for me to go and retrieve her without looking like the needy one.

Two, I simply didn't want Bella back at the moment. With her return, my fun with Tanya would become strained or nonexistent. It wasn't that I minded if my wife knew about or witnessed any of the actions I would engage with Tanya in, but Tanya was as female as she was vampire, and she was jealous. It took the spirit out of her when Bella's depressing presence was near. I couldn't have that. I needed to be sated, and I needed Tanya to be the one to make me so while I still thirsted for her like this.

That left me with a problem. The Volturi were warning me of a time frame in which I had to return Bella to my side before they acted, and I wasn't ready for her return. The only pleasant medium I could arrive at was the idea to leave Bella for the time being until the Volturi's allotted time ended.

Certainly, I was testing their patience, but I knew they wouldn't act until the time they had promised me had ended. Even if I waited until the last day to retrieve Bella, they couldn't do anything, and I was open to a little more fun with Tanya before everything was spoiled.

Until then, Jacob Black could exhaust himself trying to fruitlessly seduce my wife, and my wife could continue to hopelessly pine for me.

I was drawn back to the present by the hand of the woman next to me. In a determined sort of way that I almost lowered myself to admire, she had wrapped her fingers around my erection through my pants. I vaguely heard the city Mayor complaining about something to do with parking violations before I turned a raised brow to that woman beside me. Her thumb slid up and down my length once underneath the table as she returned my gaze.

Maybe I would make a slight detour before returning home to Tanya.


	8. Avoiding the Truth

I'd never felt so awkward with my pack as I did at that exact moment, the day after mine and Leah's catastrophic date. The bad part was, it was impossible to keep my thoughts from reverting to it each time I glanced slightly to my left and caught sight of Leah's grey form sitting rigidly beside Embry.

She made a point not to look at me, but I could hear her thoughts, and she could hear mine, and the entire pack could hear both of ours. It made for plenty of tension, a lot of uncomfortable silences, and a particularly strange, strained feeling emitting from Sam as he sat just outside the circle, apparently too uncomfortable to be any closer to us.

Leah had noticed how he'd alienated himself from the start, and her thoughts were pretty clear that she thought him jealous, and that she absolutely thought he deserved it. Even though, she reminded me through her prickling mind, the date had been a nightmare, and I was possibly the biggest idiot she'd ever encountered in her life. She made certain to let me know, in no uncertain terms, that she'd rather lick a vampire's ass than kiss me again.

Likewise. Biggest mistake of my life. I could see Leah's fur bristle as I channeled those exact thoughts, and I received grim satisfaction from it. She shot me a venomous look, and then lifted her snout regally into the air and refused to look at me again. Whatever.

"So… uh… Bella's back, huh?" Quill asked, desperate to change the subject of our thoughts.

Leah growled automatically in response, and I rolled my eyes. I understood Quill's need to get away from the images Leah and I were sharing about our all too intimate moment at the dance club—spiced with our own personal thoughts about how the other had looked and felt and tasted—but Bella was less than a safe topic. She was the cause for the entire thing, and my thoughts about her were equally as black. I hadn't spoken a word to her since the night before when I'd shouted at her, and though I felt slightly guilty for taking my anger out on her, I couldn't make myself apologize.

"Yeah," I snapped before I could reel myself in and calm my tone. "Yes. She's staying with me for awhile."

"Is that really such a good idea?" Quill pressed.

I stiffened slightly at Quill's question, having not expected my friends to reject Bella's presence. I was still defensive over her, after all of these years. Stupid, I knew, but I couldn't help it. Before I could champion Bella's cause, however, Leah cut in.

"Of course not," Leah snapped, "but Black is more worried about satiating his own sexual desires than what's best for La Push."

"Don't, Leah," I growled sharply. "Shut up."

Leah recoiled, but couldn't object. Telling her to shut up had translated into an order, and Leah couldn't refuse the alpha while she was in this form. I could tell she was pissed as she slumped slightly in her spot on the grass, incapable of retorting.

Though she still managed to hit me with a sucker punch when she remembered how I'd said, "Don't, Leah," the night before, seconds before we'd shared our steamy kiss. As the visualization of those few moments replayed in her mind, they filtered into mine as well. A roll of lust washed over me before I could stomp it out.

Seth whined. I'd forgotten that he was there, forced to witness my night with his sister as vividly as if he'd been there himself. I almost felt sorry for him, but it was partially his own fault.

"Yes, Leah, please, cut it out," Sam's strained voice chimed in.

I glanced his way in surprise, ignoring the sound of Leah's responding growl. I could see, even through his furry features, that Sam was not enjoying this at all. In fact, he might have been handling it worse than even Seth. Maybe Leah was right. Sam seemed a little jealous. Maybe a lot jealous.

I didn't want to deal with that, or the previous night.

"What do you have to object to, Quill?" I asked him, attempting to ignore what had just transpired.

Quill looked uncomfortable as well. "Won't the vampires come back looking for her?"

"No," I answered this without pause. "Edward Cullen won't come looking for her."

I should have controlled it better, but I couldn't keep my own hatred from leaking through the cracks of my poorly built wall. It was strong and hot and volatile. I felt slightly ashamed that the others would be forced to feel it with me—that anger and hopelessness that I lived with from day to day. I sighed, but it translated only into a rumbling noise deep within my massive chest.

"Does anyone have anything else to report?" I asked, bone-tired.

There was silence from the others for a few minutes, disturbed only by their own, flickering thoughts. I caught their brainwaves in brief segments. Most of what they were thinking didn't pertain to anything relating to our duties as the protectors of La Push. I was glad that their lives were uneventful. I didn't need anything else to deal with for the next couple of weeks.

"All right, then I'm doing us all a favor and sending everyone home."

Only Leah lingered when the others murmured their consent, stood, and shuffled off through the undergrowth of the forest. I didn't want to face a confrontation about the events of the night before yet, or the thoughts I'd read from her mind about her feelings, so I looked pointedly in the other direction. Finally, she followed suit and disappeared into the foliage, leaving me alone.

I felt the others leaving the space of my mind one at a time. One second they were there, cramped into my brain, sharing my thoughts and forcing their own onto me, and the next second they were gone, as if they'd blinked out like a light. No one resisted phasing except for me. It seemed everyone else was eager to leave our shared environment, having more than their fill of my private life for one day.

That was fine. That was better. Especially since I resolved to stay in my wolf body as I left for home. It was early evening when I left the others, but I spent some time running off steam in the woods before I conceded into going into my house. It was late, by then, and I was hopeful that Bella would be asleep. If she wasn't, I would tactfully avoid conversation by remaining in my fur coat.

I was rewarded by a dark house when I got there. The only light came from the dying rays of the sun seeping feebly into my windows. I went automatically for the living room, but couldn't will myself to sleeping on the couch when I discovered that my freshly painted room did not have the effect I'd been aiming for.

The sunset outside didn't light up the walls like a warm, glowing fire. In fact, it seemed rather unimpressive. Maybe even uglier. The fact unsettled me and made me feel increasingly restless. I'd been so sure that the paint would light this room up with the heat of its color, but it did nothing but lay blandly on the walls, disappointing me. Maybe, like Edward, I couldn't give Bella a room full of a sunset.

Maybe I shouldn't have even tried.

What else could go wrong?

I didn't know why, but I simply circled the room and went right back out the way I'd come in. Instead of finding somewhere else to sleep—somewhere safe—I opted, unexpectedly, for dangerous territory. I don't know what compelled me to head back to my room, but I listened to the sharp click of my toenails scratching the floor as I padded directly toward the place where Bella Cullen slumbered.

I'd avoided her all day, and now I was seeking out. It didn't seem smart.

It definitely wasn't smart.

The door was cracked, and I nudged it the rest of the way open with my nose. It creaked a little, but it didn't stir Bella. She must have been tired—or maybe just bored all alone—but she'd fallen asleep already. She was sprawled over the top of the sheets. Her left leg was bent at the knee, and her left arm was thrown over her forehead. Her brown hair was fanned out on the pillow underneath her head, and she'd stolen another one of my shirts to sleep in.

I whimpered automatically when I noticed she hadn't bothered with pants, but, then again, she probably hadn't expected me to spy on her after I'd been avoiding her all this time. Training my gaze on her face, I wondered what exactly she'd been doing with all of her spare time. We stayed out of each other's hair, for the most part, after I'd explained that she could use my house but not me this time, and there was only so much to do here. I could only imagine watching television would hold her over for so long.

I moved to the bed, watching her sleep, blissfully unaware of me. It was then that I noticed a book on the floor. I tilted my head, reading the cover upside down. I smirked to myself. Bella had, at least for today, been entertaining herself with one of my mechanic instructional books. No wonder she'd already fallen asleep. I felt slightly guilty that I hadn't interacted with her more, though I knew full well why I shouldn't.

She had come to me for a haven. I'd given her the haven. I just couldn't give her myself again. Wolf genes or not, I was just a man. I was only capable of so much. Though she'd almost broken me down last night with that one simple look she'd given me. It had to have been a momentary lapse in reality for her to suddenly want me like that.

So why was I in here, thinking about situating myself at the foot of the bed and slumbering at Bella's feet for the night? Because I was a glutton for punishment.

Trying to shift the bed as little as possible—an extraordinary task considering how massive I was—I climbed up onto the bed at Bella's feet, careful not to brush against her. Circling around once, I curled into as tight of a ball as I could manage and rested my head on my paws. I blew out a breath through my nose, shifted a little, and felt ridiculously comfortable for a guy in such an awkward position.

The moment I was settled, I heard it: the sound of Bella's heart. It startled me at first, because I hadn't been expecting it, but once I realized what it was, I felt a liquid warmth slide down my spine. I glanced in her direction. She was still fast asleep, but there was no mistaking that it was her pulse I was hearing. I could almost see it fluttering at her throat.

I swallowed, feeling insanely intimate though Bella was unconscious.

"Jacob."

I tensed, and then lifted my head. Bella's eyes were still closed. I could tell by the calm beat of her heart that she was still asleep. She'd just spoken my name in her sleep. At the exact moment that I was feeling most in tune with her heart. Why?

Coincidence, Jake. Just a coincidence.

"Jake."

Oh fuck, now she was going to moan my name?

I watched as Bella Cullen tensed in her sleep, apparently the victim of some pretty vivid dream. Her slender brows knitted together momentarily, and then loosened. She gave a murmured sigh, and then shifted in her sleep, rolling on her side. I didn't know what the hell I thought I was doing, but I automatically stood and crept to her side, to the portion of the bed she had left open near the wall. Without permission, I laid down beside her. She was curled onto her side facing toward me. Her left arm was tucked under her, but her hand was poking out. It was palm up.

I nudged it with my cold nose, and then I settled in to sleep beside her. I didn't know what I was doing, or why, but something was compelling me to stay there. Especially when her fingers curled around her palm at the place where my nose had touched her, and she murmured something indistinct in her sleep again.

All right. This was fine. I'd just make sure that I was out of the bed in the morning before she woke up. It shouldn't be hard. I was usually up before her anyway. I rested my head on her unused side of the pillow and concentrated on going to sleep.

The only problem was, I slept like a baby that night.

I'd never been so completely lost in the realms of unconsciousness. I'd never slept better.

I'd never had such amazing dreams either.

I dreamt that Bella surfaced from her sleep, focused a pair of bleary eyes on me, and accepted me and my presence in the bed beside her almost automatically, without so much as a question. I turned toward her then, in my dreams, a man then, not a wolf, and she scooted into my arms, nestling against my bare chest, feeling perfect against my naked skin. One of her hands uncurled to rest against my chest. Her face nestled by my shoulder. I cradled Bella Cullen in my dreams, holding her while she slept, feeling more rewarded than I would have if we'd made love instead, because she was turned toward me, holding on to me, and she was Isabella Swan in my dreams, not Mrs. Cullen.

~!~!~!~

I woke up early, but almost not early enough, and, really, I thought I was still dreaming. It took me a full five minutes to realize that I was absolutely awake and absolutely naked beside Bella in my bed. My heart actually skipped a beat to find myself there, to wonder how I'd unknowingly phased back into my human body sometime during the night.

But the strangest thing of all was that Bella Cullen was actually really snuggled against me. It was actually physically painful to breathe when I registered her beautiful face snuggled against me, just by my shoulder. Looking back, I thought I probably didn't dream at all that night, because I was looking at the real visualization of everything that I had thought I'd dreamt. Bella had really curled against me in her sleep. I was really naked and laying beside her.

I almost cursed out loud as I lay there helplessly beside her, knowing I needed to get the hell out of there before she woke up and freaked out, but incapable of forcing myself to pry away from her side, from this little slice of my fantasies come to life. My body was already responding in no time flat. My craving for Bella was no less powerful than it had ever been, and lying there beside her brought it back full-force. It took every ounce of will power I had not to trespass against her and press my mouth to hers while she slept, just to see if, when she woke up, she'd kiss me back. It was a horribly unrighteous fact that I still had yet to kiss Bella Cullen, and she was lying here next to me right now, practically offering me the chance.

But I couldn't.

I couldn't just take the kiss, because she hadn't offered it. She didn't ask for it. She didn't really want a kiss from me. Despite what she might have done in her sleep, Bella was a taken woman. She had sworn her heart and everything else to another man, and I couldn't be the consolation prize. Not if I wanted to survive this with my sanity intact. It'd been stupid of me to come into the room the night before.

I wouldn't make the mistake again.

Next time, I couldn't be sure I'd escape without doing something rash, and it was hard enough this first time as it was to slide out from underneath Bella's grasp, to ease off the bed, and to get out of the room before I could change my mind.


	9. The Past

"Jake?"

I jerked in response to the unexpected voice.

Bad move.

It only resulted in me cracking my head against the hood of the pickup truck I was working on. I almost dropped my wrench in the process as stars broke across my vision, lighting up my life like a fireworks display exclusively inside of my own head. I swore loudly, gripping the wrench to keep it from clattering into the mouth of the truck, getting lost somewhere down beside the engine. I rubbed my tender head with my free hand, massaging the already forming lump, and attempted to blink the stars out of my gaze as I turned to find Bella behind me.

She started to step toward me, her hand outstretched.

"Are you all right?"

I waved her off. "Yeah. Yeah. I'm fine. What did you need?"

It had better have been an emergency to give me this sort of concussion just to tell me, but I knew it wasn't. Bella looked too concerned about my wounded head to have an emergency on her hands, unless she was expecting me to be the emergency. I hadn't hit my head that hard, but she was eyeing me like she was waiting for me to topple over and forget my name and date of birth.

"Are you sure you're all right?"

"Yeah," I snapped, decided she didn't want anything too important, and turned to go back to my work. "Did you need something or not?"

"I just…" she hesitated.

I pretended to be tending to something with my wrench, though she had caught my attention. What was it now? Something she obviously didn't want to tell me. Was she planning on returning to Edward already? A lump formed in my stomach, but I tried to ignore it. If she left, so be it. One less thing for me to worry about. One less disaster waiting to happen.

"Did you… Did you sleep in my room last night?"

I almost choked. My wrench slipped, and I also about took a nosedive into the engine. Oh shit. How had she known? Had she really been awake when she'd turned toward me last night? Or had she caught me leaving? I cleared my throat, straightened a bit, and attempted to regain my composure. Hopefully, she hadn't just caught me acting all red-handed here. I tried to recoup by focusing on a sliver of annoyance that surfaced when she referred to my room as hers, but it was a pointless effort.

"Why would I have slept in there, Bella?" I responded as aloofly as I could. "I slept on the couch. Like always."

It seemed like a much better idea to lie. If she had to ask, she wasn't really certain that I'd even been there, and I was doing us both a favor by pretending that I hadn't. I could only imagine how she would have felt to know that I had really been lying beside her all night, buck naked and cradling her against me. Let alone knowing that she had been the one to turn into me.

I kept my back to Bella. I could hear her shift uneasily from one foot to the other.

"It's just… I've been having dreams. A lot lately. I must have just dreamt it. Sorry."

She sounded so helpless. What was the deal? Defeated, I balanced my wrench on the side of the truck and turned to her, wiping oil onto my jeans. Her eyes were downcast, but I could tell that she was troubled. I was hoping that it wasn't her "dream" from last night that had upset her so much. I hadn't thought it was too awful myself.

"So, tell me," I said. "What's up?"

Bella glanced up, almost shy as she peered at me from under her lashes. I could tell that she was expecting me to snap at her, and I felt guilty. I really had been mean to her lately. Not necessarily my fault, but just because I wasn't going to be her shoulder didn't mean I couldn't play nice every once in awhile. Otherwise, I was no better than Cullen.

"It's nothing."

I folded my arms across my chest. "Yeah it is, or you wouldn't have brought it up. So what is it?"

"Just… Just dreams about Edward."

Fuck. Sorry for asking.

My displeasure must have shown on my face—Like I could help the fact that I hated Edward so much after what he'd done to Bella, after he'd destroyed my friend—because Bella immediately hurried on like she was afraid I was about to start shouting.

"I keep imagining him coming here. He's so mad. I know he's mad, and he's so… strong."

Her words turned me ice cold. "Has he ever hit you, Bella?"

Bella paled. "No, no. Nothing like that. It's just… the Volturi…"

"The what?"

"Oh--! Nothing, nothing, Jake. I'm just rambling."

Yeah, whatever. I could tell Bella had just about slipped something out that she immediately regretted. What the hell was a Volturi? It sounded vaguely familiar, but it wasn't ringing any clear bells. I studied Bella's face. It was too drawn and pale, too worn. Wow. She'd come to me looking for an escape, and she almost looked worse than she had upon arrival. Some friend I was.

The fact that I didn't want to be a friend in the first place notwithstanding.

"Hey, look." I stepped forward, and I did something stupid: I touched her face. It was just a quick skim of my thumb across her chin, but it felt like I'd been electrocuted. "Cullen's not going to hurt you, okay? If you're worried about him, don't be. I'm here. I know what I said before, but stay as long as you need."

There I went being stupid again, but I couldn't shoulder Bella out when she looked like this. As much as I was trying to harden myself against her, I was and always would be defenseless when it came to her. All she had to do was ask and bat her lashes, and I was putty in her hands. I was her puppy dog, Jacob—friendly, devoted, and constantly yearning for affection.

Bella shook her head sadly. "It's not that."

"Then what is it?" I pressed.

Bella blinked, and I could see her thoughts shift. She was withdrawing from me again. As physical proof, she took a step back to put some space between us. I let my hand fall pitifully to my side.

"It's nothing, Jacob," she insisted, and then she moved farther away, leaning against my tool bench and changing the subject. "Tell me what you've been doing all this time I've been gone."

I frowned.

_Pining after you, grieving for you, wanting you so bad that I can't think straight. Spending sleepless nights and suffering through the day in walking dreams of you returning to me. Trying to find something to fill the hollow hole in my chest that you left gaping open from the last time you ran from me. _

_ Loving you so completely that nothing else matters outside of you. _

Yeah. Like I was going to tell her that. She was already too aware that she had my heart. She was already too careless with it as it was.

"This," I said, jerking a thumb over my shoulder at the truck. "I've always been the simpleton, remember? There's nothing more to Jacob Black than what you see on the surface."

I couldn't stop being bitter. I felt like a broken record here.

"That's not true," Bella disagreed, and I snorted. "It's not, Jake. There's a lot more to you than that."

"Like what?" I challenged.

Bella straightened a little, and she actually found the guts to look annoyed. It was about time. The light of war came too seldom in her eyes anymore, and it was always for only short, quick bursts before it burned out. What had happened to Bella's spine? I almost wanted to piss her off just to see her find it.

"You're smart, you're handsome, and you're the nicest guy I know."

What a Hallmark card response! That kind of description could fit my dad, for crying out loud. Did she expect me to be flattered with so little creativity on her behalf? I rolled my eyes, giving up, and started to turn back to my engine.

Bella's hand stopped me—froze me right to the spot—when it wrapped around my arm. It stopped my breath, because it was a touch that she had initiated. I hadn't reached for her, she'd reached for me. No matter the reason. I turned back to her, not quite able to cover up the look that surely filtered through my body and into my gaze. I knew Bella noticed it. Her chin quivered slightly before she could lift it stubbornly into the air.

"I wasn't done," she informed me, and I would have grinned at her tone if I hadn't been floundering. "You're strong, capable of leading an entire pack, an amazing mechanic, and probably the perfect guy, period. Any girl would be lucky to have you, Jake."

I didn't think that she'd meant to let that last part slip. Her cheeks instantly flamed red, and she released my arm like it had burned her. But it was too late now. Bella had already done the damage. She had already told my eager heart more than enough to provoke it.

I took a step forward, and she attempted to turn away this time. Just like she had done to me, I caught her arm, just under her elbow, and forced her to face me. I could see fear flicker through her eyes. She didn't bother to mask it.

"What about you, Bella?"

That blush was really getting to me. Bad enough that I had to look at that, wondering what it might mean, and then she went and bit that bottom lip of hers, driving me all kinds of crazy. I thought of the night before and of waking up with her in my arms.

"I'm married, Jacob."

Way to kill my buzz.

"I'm aware of that," I replied, dryly. "Why don't you tell me about it?"

I'd taken Bella off guard there. The shutters went down over those pretty brown eyes of hers, and I knew she was locking me out. She was going to play the loyal wife in front of me, even though I knew, better than anyone, all about the inner workings of her marriage. Or, at least, the part she ran from. I started to tell her to stop blocking me out, but I didn't. It was her secret to keep if she didn't trust me enough. I couldn't beg her to open up to me. It was something she was going to have to do on her own.

Trying not to express the hurt I felt at being shoved out so effortlessly, I, once again, turned back to my work. This time, Bella didn't try to stop me. When I picked up my wrench and began cranking away again, there was nothing but silence to keep me company.

After a few minutes, I figured that she had probably cut her losses and evacuated the garage before I could trap her into a response she didn't want to make. Whatever. I wasn't that damn needy. Despite what she might think.

"A-Alice is a professional dancer."

Surprised, I glanced over my shoulder. Bella was still standing exactly where I'd left her, though she looked a lot more nervous now. Maybe paler too. It was like I'd asked her to sell her soul or something, telling me anything about the Cullen's. The words left her lips like that'd been fighting to stay clogged up in her throat. I lifted a brow at her, and then turned back to the engine.

"Oh. I see," I murmured. "That's cool, I guess."

If she wanted to spill the beans, she could spill them, but I wasn't going to look like I was the one provoking her to tell any secrets she'd rather take to the grave. What did she think I was going to do with the information anyway?

Apparently something awful, judging by her expression. Though the hell if I knew how I could wield something like Alice's infatuation with dancing against the tiny vampire.

"She… She's really great," Bella continued uncertainly. "I'm surprised you haven't seen her on television or something. She's been broadcasted a couple of times."

I shrugged indifferently. "Dancing really isn't something I tune into on the tube."

Bella laughed a little, and I could feel some of the tension evaporating from the room. Maybe if I just didn't look at Bella again for the rest of the time we were sharing space, we might actually carry on a real conversation. It was probably smarter that I didn't anyway. The garage wasn't really all that big of a space to share with Bella, and any time I looked at that face of hers it always did strange things to me.

"She lives with Jasper in…" Bella swallowed. "In New York."

It wasn't lost on me that Bella was having a hard time mentioning the city where her husband lived, but I didn't react to it. I'd let it slide right off if that was what Bella wanted. Otherwise, she'd probably bolt.

"Really? That one that can control emotions?" I asked.

That guy had always given me the creeps. I didn't like having my emotions manhandled like that, and I especially didn't like it that a vampire only had to stand beside me and could tell exactly how I was feeling. I didn't like having any sort of connection with the chump.

"Yeah, that's him," Bella told me. "He's a therapist now."

I snorted before I could stop myself. "Isn't that sort of cheating?"

"Yeah, probably," Bella admitted.

I nearly smiled when she appeared at my side, peeking over my shoulder to inspect what I was doing. There was hardly any tension left now, and I could tell that she was relaxing. It was about time. I was tired of her acting like I was the big, bad wolf when she'd lived with Dracula all these years.

"I'm just tuning it," I told her. "What about Carlisle? He still a doctor?"

Bella nodded, carefully keeping her eyes on my working hands rather than my face. I had to fight the urge to drop my wrench, take Bella's face in my hands, and force her to look at me.

She'd look at me on her own in time. Really look at me too, if I had my way with it. Right now, I'd have to deal with what she gave me. If I made the first move, I knew I'd move too far, and I'd lose everything again. Not to mention, I had to be certain if it was what I wanted as well.

"Yeah. He's still very successful. He's the best."

I wrinkled my nose. Of course he was the best. The guy had had centuries to prefect his craft. It was called cheating in my book, but I knew Bella would get defensive if I pointed it out.

"Esme lives with him. She runs charity functions in their name," Bella explained. "Rose and Emmett rent a loft close to them. Rose is a fashion designer. Emmett… well, he doesn't really do anything at the moment. He's pretty stuck on the fact that he can't be a pro-football star, since he can't be out in the day and all."

"Let me guess, the others have managed to work their careers at night?"

"Yeah."

I nodded without surprise. Though I thought it gutsy that any of them dared to become public figures, I couldn't commend them for it. I just didn't have it in me to like them, and a secret part of me yearned for the day they'd slip up and get caught. Though they hadn't done me a personal injustice like Edward had, I still held them responsible, in a roundabout way, for all my problems.

"Just like Edward," I noted.

"Yeah," Bella said again.

She left it like that, purposely not discussing the career of the most important Cullen of them all. When it came to her estranged husband, Bella was closed-lipped. At least about this part of his life. Or maybe Bella didn't really know what he did exactly herself. It was possible, considering the things she'd told me about their relationship. I felt an unwarranted surge of sympathy, and I quickly batted it away.

It was her choice to stay with him.

Still, even if Bella didn't want to discuss Edward, there were other things I was curious about. Maybe I'd found the right time to ask them. If not, then they were still something to fill the gaping silence that followed Bella's one-syllable reply.

"So," I started, trying to sound as casual as possible, "how'd they all become vampires anyway?"

I could sense Bella tense beside me again.

Damn it! Couldn't we just have a conversation? My knuckles turned white around the wrench. I'd thought that we were friends, if nothing else, and I'd thought that Bella's whole ploy for running back to me had been so that she'd have someone to talk to. That was how it usually went.

She told me all of her problems, and I soaked them up like a sponge, absorbing some of her pain and making it my own.

"It's not my story to tell," Bella explained inadequately.

I had to bite my lip to keep from yelling. I could only be patient for so long if she was going to keep skirting around everything I said. I felt like an idiot, trying to talk to someone so obviously unwilling. I was half-tempted to toss down my wrench and storm out of the garage, happily leaving Bella to her self-inflicted silence.

Once again, what exactly did she think I was going to do with the information anyway? Thanks to her, I'd become a hermit outside of my brief, routine correspondence with the pack, and I'd been as celibate as a priest, stupidly saving myself for her all this time like the moron I obviously was.

"Whatever," I snapped.

"I'm sorry, Jake." I felt Bella's fingers graze my arm as she hurried to smooth over her mistake. "It's just… It's their personal stuff, but I can tell you for sure that none of them were changed out of anything but necessity."

Necessity? I'd have rather died than become what they were.

I rolled my shoulders, smarting from even the most casual and briefest touch by Bella. It wasn't fair. She could churn me up just by looking in my direction, and I was still on the outskirts of the wall she'd put up between us. I didn't understand what could possibly be so damn intriguing about Edward Cullen that Bella would continue to cling to him like this.

Why wasn't I that intriguing?

"All right. Fine. Tell me what about Cullen drew you in then."

It was about time that I knew what I was up against so that I could decide if it was even worth picking up the battle I'd already lost. Controlled, I set my wrench on the side of the truck again, and I turned to Bella. Still at my side, her mouth had come partially open as if she'd prepared to make a response and had promptly swallowed it.

I narrowed my eyes. "Well?"

She straightened a little at my tone. "I don't know, Jake. It's hard to explain."

"Try me."

She pursed her lips at me, her brown eyes flaring a bit with some of their old life.

"It was magnetic," she blurted. "Strong, and almost chemical, but more than that. When he touched me, it was electrifying. When he kissed me, it was fireworks. He was gentle, at first. He was doting. He was all soft touches and caresses. And, I guess, it was his natural vampire appeal too."

I was almost sorry I'd asked. I was the one to blanche as she described her physical relationship with Edward in almost the exact way I felt when she touched me. I was the sad, sorry victim of unrequited love. How had Edward done it? How could he have just knocked strong, sensible Bella right off of her feet?

All of a sudden, I saw what it was. All this time, I'd been taking the wrong approach. I was being too aggressive. I had to make her want to come to me—that was if I really did want that after all this time.

Of course I did. Why try to fool myself?

"You know what draws me to you, Bella?" I started, abruptly. "It's not for your blood. It's not your scent. I'm drawn to you for who you are. I always have been. You're smart, you're cautious, but always ready to handle any challenge. You've got backbone and spirit. I'm twice your size, but you'd knock me flat if I pissed you off. You're beautiful, and I feel those things you just described for you."

I paused. I hadn't even skimmed the surface of what it was that I loved about Bella, but even though my words had gotten carried away with me, I wasn't too submerged in my feelings for Bella not to know when to cut off.

All I wanted to do was remind her of who she used to be, not scare her off. If she could be that girl again, maybe there could actually be an "us". If I could make her see, maybe I could reach that person she'd smothered inside of her.

"It's not your scent that keeps me around, Bella, it's you," I told her. "Which would you rather have? A man that loves you for how you taste, or one that loves you for who you are? I don't want blood from you. I want love."

"Jake…"

"No, listen. That's why I can't do this. I can't be your shoulder. I can't stand here and lie to myself. You love Edward, not me. I know that." Fuck if I liked it. "That's why I'm telling you this. You can stay here, and you can heal, but I can't help you do it this time."

She had to do it. She had to do it all alone, and then she had to wake up, healed, and choose which one of us it was that she really wanted.

"Jake, please…" she tried again, reaching for me.

It was suicide to sidestep away from her reaching hand, but I did it, shooting her a wary glance. She looked torn. Torn, why? Because she wanted _me_, or because she wanted Edward _and me_? I couldn't be sure, and that was why I couldn't give her anything. At all.

"It'd be better if you didn't touch me either," I warned. "You give me too much credit for self-restraint."

Bella turned red.

At least she seemed to understand now. Good. I didn't want to fight with her. I didn't want to blow up in her face anymore either. Not now that I could see what it was that I'd done wrong before. If it came down to it, I'd settle for that damn friend zone, but I wouldn't take one step back or forward unless she was the one instigating the movement this time.

"I'm going to take a break. Maybe a nap. I've been at this for awhile now." I gestured to the truck behind me. "See you inside."

I left her standing in the garage, knowing full well when it was a good time to retreat.

Let her stir in that for awhile.


	10. Cute Couple

**Author Notes: **So I've been keeping track of my traffic stats, and I was a bit shocked to see the numbers that are following Phased and Asking Too Much. Can I just say that every one of you that reads my story is AMAZING? Yeah, you are. And what would be better? Leave a review. Tell me what you think. ;)

* * *

I'd apparently terrified Bella with my little impromptu speech in the garage the day before. We'd eaten dinner that night in a weird sort of silence as Bella switched between sliding a forkful of mashed potatoes into her mouth and sending me distrusting glances. I was torn between amusement and exasperation, and I was worried that maybe she'd completely mistranslated my speech into something like, "Take one wrong step in my direction, and I'll knock you down and force you into hot, sweaty sex."

Hot, sweaty, incredible sex, I mentally amended, though I doubted that Bella would find the idea any more appealing.

Either way, she was making _me_ antsy too for the sheer fact that it was unnerving being near someone that seemed to walk on eggshells in your presence. Especially in my case. All I wanted was for Bella to trust me, and now she was acting like a deer that had just scented a predator.

That was why I volunteered to do the dishes—just so that I could get out of her line of sight. That was also what led me to find out that my cabinets were pitifully stocked, and that we were running low, or out, of everything. I couldn't quite figure out how Bella had managed to make a meal out of anything in my house up until this point. I was living on mouse-rations.

Realizing that, in turn, prompted me to invite Bella on a shopping trip with me the next day, and, though I had expected her to look apprehensive, I hadn't expected her to look downright terrified. Was it really that scary to be in the same car as me?

"What is it?" I demanded.

She'd went rigid from head to toe, turning a sickly, white pallor. She looked like a person that had simultaneously seen a ghost and been smacked in the face. I actually took a step back, wondering if she was really that freaked out by me. Did she really think I was going to jump her bones like that? I might have been a wolf, but I wasn't really an _animal_.

"Hey, Bella." I waved a hand in front of her face. "I didn't mean to make it sound like… well… whatever yesterday. I just.. I mean, I'm just a man, you know?"

I'd just started to wonder if she was even still breathing when Bella sucked in a deep breath, blinked, and looked up at me. Her color remained uncomfortably low, but she didn't seem as frightened as she had before. She shook her head quickly, dispersing a strawberry scent in the air that, annoyingly, twisted my gut into knots.

"No. It's not that. Sorry, I just… It's nothing. Sure, I'll go to the store with you."

I lifted a brow, not buying it. "Nothing" wouldn't force that kind of reaction out of Bella, but what _would_ make her react like that? I felt a tug to wrap my arms around her, to comfort her in a moment where she looked so breakable, and I could have slapped myself.

Shit. Leah was right. I _was_ a lost cause.

"Nothing, Jake. Really," Bella insisted, waving her hand. "We do need to get groceries. There's a storm coming in tonight. I saw it on the weather channel. We should hurry up."

She started to turn, and I caught her arm. Absolutely the wrong move, but I couldn't let her escape under pretenses about nasty weather when I knew there was something bothering her. I felt the customary jolts of electricity sparking from her skin to mine, and I tried to ignore how she'd said she felt it with Edward. Not me.

I was so damn tired of her going stiff as a board underneath my touch instead, like she was waiting for me to attack each time I got too close. It was sour icing on the cake to see that alarm from seconds before flash back into her eyes. I fought the urge to get angry.

"Are you worried about Edward?" I demanded.

Bella flinched. I'd hit the nail right on the head with that one. That same wave of anger threatened to surge up again, but this time it was redirected. Why did she fear Cullen, even in my presence? How could I prove to her that, even if I wanted my space, I wouldn't let anyone or anything hurt her?

"I…" She floundered. "No. I mean, not really. I just.. don't want him to find out where I am."

I didn't like the idea that Bella was having to hide from her own husband, but even I knew when it wasn't time to pry. She looked too fragile to withstand a verbal assault from me. I knew what she needed instead. I'd told myself I wouldn't give it to her.

Couldn't. Wouldn't. Shouldn't.

"He's not going to find you," I assured her. We're just going to get some groceries, and then we'll be right back. I promise."

Bella nodded meekly.

Wonderful. I'd come up with the idea of a casual outing to the grocery store in hopes that it could cement a new relationship between Bella and me. If it was living with nothing or rebuilding, I'd opted, for now, to rebuild. I couldn't seem to hold out against her.

But, apparently, she could hold out against me.

**BPOV**

Jake just couldn't understand.

And, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't make him see what it was that bound me to Edward. I just couldn't force myself to tell him the secrets that I kept inside. I was still too fiercely loyal to Edward. Even though the vampire had broken my heart. The small slivers of what was left didn't know any other way but to love him. They were too small for the large effort it would take to feel anything else.

I stood there in his living room, torn between what I should and shouldn't do, and I couldn't break the padlock that Edward had somehow created. Even though I could see that Jacob was visibly trying to make things right—or at least comfortable—between us.

I almost wanted to laugh. Grocery shopping? Cute, right? A small bubble of hysteria threatened to choke up my throat. Leave it to Jake to pick that for our first date—

Wait, no, not _date_.

It wasn't a date. It was a war zone. One wrong step, and I'd probably trigger a land mine. I'd blow myself to smithereens by either exposing my location to Edward or breaking Jacob's heart into smaller pieces.

Because I couldn't be what he wanted. Could I?

I knew it was stupid, and that Jacob was right—that I shouldn't be afraid to go out, that I even deserved to go out—but I couldn't shake my sense of paranoia. Even in La Push, I felt like the police searchlight was merely waiting for me to take one step out of this house.

Even though the police weren't even looking for me, I knew. Jacob had thought he'd been pretty sneaky about searching the news while I wasn't around, but I'd simply been sly about my movements around his house, and I had seen enough to know that my husband wasn't going through much of an effort to find me.

So why was I so worried? I partially thought I wanted to be found, to know that Edward was actually looking for me and cared, so I'd thought that being afraid he would, would make the possibility more real.

How pathetic was that? I couldn't expect Jake to understand that.

_Jake… _

I glanced up at my childhood friend, making an effort not to wince as I caught the worry on his face. I didn't want him to worry for me. I was enough of a problem anyway. I should have never come back to him. Then I wouldn't have had to worry about how to best tell him that I couldn't even manage a date between friends to the measly grocery store. Why was he still fighting for me? I was a lost cause.

"All right," I rasped, my throat having suddenly gone dry. "I trust you."

And that was the problem: I trusted Jake. Even though my confused and broken heart still held out feebly for Edward out of years of habit, Jake was the one that I really trusted. Maybe that was why I couldn't give him what I knew he wanted—what _I_ had felt between us even—because I feared that he would become like Edward if I let myself go that far. Hadn't Edward seemed perfect from a distance to me as well?

As much as I knew it wasn't true, I feared that Jacob could be just another false image, like Edward had. I'd never survive if Jake ended up being a mirage.

Jake's hand was on the wrong part of my arm to feel my pulse, but I wondered if he could sense it anyway as it skittered uncomfortably. He was so close it was impossible not to be touched by his natural warmth.

And something more.

I hadn't been completely honest with Jake. I had explained to him what I had felt for Edward that had drawn me in, but I had materialized some of the description based on how Jacob himself actually made me feel. It was a necessary lie. If I gave Jake too much hope, I would surely let him down, and he didn't deserve that again. I had always trusted Jake to put me back together again, but I was only just realizing that, once he had, there would be no one to put _him _back together again.

I was the most selfish person I knew.

"Good." He smiled. "This will be real simple. I promise."

I could feel myself wanting to warm underneath his smile and grip, but that would be stupid too. I was a creature of habit, and if my usual habits pulled through in the end, I would be returning to Edward, and I couldn't leave Jacob with hope.

"All right, Jake. I believe you."

He didn't offer me his hand—I could appreciate small mercies—but, instead, gestured for me to lead the way out of his house with a tilt of his head.

I swallowed. What was it that made me go back to Edward each time? Habit. Necessity. I didn't know a life outside the one I'd made with Edward. I relied on him like some blind, stupid dog. I couldn't seem to break away. Like some hopeless heroin addict. He had me bound to him, and I still couldn't figure out how.

My only chance for escape was standing right in front of me, and I couldn't take it.

No matter what, I couldn't fall in love with Jacob Black.

If I did, we were both damned.

**JPOV**

It was like walking on pins and needles just getting from my house to my truck, and from my truck to the grocery store. Bella seemed to be holding her breath the entire drive, and I was afraid that even shifting my weight might shatter her. Her nerves were strung too tight.

I kept my eyes on the road. It was more of an attempt to shield Bella from the anger that was bubbling up inside of me. I didn't want her to know how furious I was that she was this afraid to go out to even the grocery store. Even if Edward had never resulted to physical violence, he'd obviously intimidated Bella in other ways. I wanted to wring his neck.

I would find a way to bring back the old Bella. Even if I had to cement my place in the friend zone for eternity.

The promise was painful, but it was one I had to silently make as I pulled up at the store and slid out of my car. She would thank me for it later, and maybe I'd at least find some small place in her heart to call my own as the one that put it back together again. I was probably going to destroy myself in the process, but whatever, it wasn't as if I hadn't known I was doomed the second I'd let her back into my house.

Gritting my teeth, I rounded the front of my car to Bella, aiming to take her elbow and help her inside in the least intimate way possible. Bella had been right about an approaching storm. It'd drizzled rain on the way over, and I didn't want Bella to—

"Whoa!"  
I sprang forward as Bella's foot took to a puddle the wrong way, sliding right out from underneath her. I saw the panic spring to her eyes as her arms flailed wildly around her, attempting to regain balance. No such luck for Bella. Even as a Cullen, she was still as accident-prone as she had been as a Swan.

"Careful!" I hissed, as Bella began that treacherous arch backward that would land her right in the puddle she'd slid on.

Catching her by both of her pin-wheeling arms, I yanked her upright. She let out a slight grunt as her body's gravitational pull redirected itself right into my arms. Not exactly what I'd meant to do, but the hell if I could complain when Bella fell directly against my chest with a solid thud.

One sinful, stolen moment for me to enjoy what it felt like to be the one holding Bella, and then I felt her languid posture go as rigid as ever.

I wanted to curse out loud, but I'd conceded just moments before to the fact that this was the way I was going to have to do it. Before she could shove away, I took her by the shoulders and pushed her back onto her own two feet, holding her at arms-length. Her face had turned treacherously red.

I smiled even though it felt like the effort ripped me apart.

"Clumsy as ever, huh, Bells?"

I'd just broken my cardinal, no-nicknames rule, but it seemed like the moment to do so. I had to let her know I wasn't going to jump all over her now that she'd accidentally initiated first contact.

I was rewarded by a glare she spared me as she straightened out of my grip. I let my arms fall to my sides again without protest, and she seemed to sense that I was playing the good guy now.

"Very funny, Jake," she retorted.

Good. At least she wasn't wincing away from me. Time to test new grounds.

I shrugged. "Not my fault you were born without coordination."

"This coming from an overgrown wolf boy."

I pretended to look offended. "Overgrown wolf boy? You didn't see me face-planting in that puddle, did you?"

"Here," Bella offered. "Let me help you fix that."

I was more surprised by the fact that she was playing with me than anything else, so I almost didn't catch the hand that shoved forward toward my chest. Not that it would have mattered, considering Bella couldn't even physically budge me in her dreams, but it would have been better if I'd just let her try anyway.

Because, when I caught her slender hand in mine, I could tell by the look on Bella's face that I'd made a mistake.

Shit.

**BPOV**

It'd been bad enough falling against Jacob—feeling his heat contrasted with the ice I'd lived with for so long now, unable to think about anything except the fact that it was Jacob catching me when I fell again. Like always.

Then I'd went and made the stupid mistake trying to push him when I'd known all along that it was a futile effort anyway. I'd gotten too caught up in our teasing game, sucked back down in the past of what had been, and I'd gotten myself stuck in this situation.

To anyone else, it wouldn't have been a situation. He was just holding my hand. Not even technically holding it. He'd caught it. Now, he was just holding it for a little longer than was necessary, and I couldn't pull away. Not because Jacob was holding too tight, but because I didn't _want_ to.

The realization stunned me. It was terrifying. I hadn't felt that aching surge of need coarse through me in years, and here it was again, as real and vivid as ever. This time, however, it wasn't for my husband, the supposed vampire of my dreams. It was for the guy I'd always considered my best friend, the guy who'd always seemed to be more my brother than anything else.

I looked up at him, electrified by his touch. It wasn't as if I hadn't felt the physical attraction before, but it'd been easy to ignore. Now it seemed stronger, like it was chipping through ice to reach me, and it'd just pushed through a thin layer to sprinkle me with daylight.

"Jacob."

My lips parted on their own accord, and I knew why. I wanted him to kiss me. All of a sudden, it hit me like a tidal wave. I curled my hand into his, and I could see his surprise, but it was more than just that that reflected back to me: it was his own desire. I'd seen it before, but now I craved it too. I wanted to be in his arms again, but for a different reason this time. I wanted to be held again like the person wrapped around me needed me to live.

"Jake."

I strained forward, pushing up onto my toes to even begin to make up for the height difference between my wolf and me. _My_ wolf? I felt a brief flicker of doubt, but I couldn't deal with implications now. I just needed Jacob to kiss me.

I was inches away from succeeding when thunder rolled across the sky.

Jacob released me automatically as I jumped about a foot in the air, yelping like I'd been smacked. What was wrong with me? I'd screwed up this perfect moment, because I'd jumped like a little kid at the sound of thunder. I could see Jacob receding away from me. I didn't like the turning of these tables at all.

"Just thunder," he assured me. "Come on, let's get inside and get our stuff and go before this thing really hits."

I searched his face for a trace of what I'd seen before, but it was gone. The moment had passed. The thick cocoon that had enveloped me away from the outside world dissolved, and I remembered my other loyalties: my husband. I was lucky that Jake had been the mature one to break away. I'd almost done something incredibly wrong to the both of us.

"Yeah, we'd better hurry," I agreed half-heartedly.

I followed after him, carefully skirting around any large and ominous puddles to avoid near-disaster again. I almost wished it would storm right then. I needed it to break loose and shower me in torrential rain to wash away what was still clinging to my skin, and maybe to camouflage some stubborn tears that were threatening as well.

Pull it together, Bella.

**JPOV**

That had been close. Way too close for comfort. Even though I knew I wouldn't have been the one to take the blame for going in for a kiss, I was still very aware of how close I'd just come to losing. Bella really was dangerous. I hadn't given her enough credit.

That was why I determinedly threw us both into shopping. As we wondered the aisles picking things to replenish my kitchen, I made sure that the topic of conversation stayed on produce. Apples and oranges were safe, right?

Yeah, until you imagined licking the remnants of sticky sweetness off of Bella's lips after she'd just taken a bite of one.

Why had she just tried to kiss me? Now, I couldn't think of anything even close to honorable to keep my thoughts on. All I wanted was Bella, and, for a second, all she'd wanted was me in that parking lot.

A second just wasn't long enough. Not for me.

"We'll need some chocolate syrup," Bella broke into my thoughts.

My throat closed up on me as I turned to see her holding a bottle, only capable of coming up with one reason why we'd need chocolate syrup. My gaze flicked over her before I could stop and rationalize.

"F-For what?" I croaked.

"Uh…" Bella shifted under my gaze. "I thought you liked chocolate milk? There was a gallon of it in the fridge."

Yeah. Chocolate milk. Of course.

Why hadn't she stuck to the safe topic we'd just been dancing around: spaghetti noodles and pasta sauce? Even I wasn't a big enough perv—or desperate enough yet, at least—to find anything insinuating in those.

"Oh. Yeah."

Bella let out a soft, shaky laugh and dropped the syrup into the cart. She'd definitely just known what had been going through my head. Even though she might have thought the exact same thing a few minutes ago in the parking lot.

Definitely not the right thing to think about if I wanted to keep on the right side of this boundary line I'd made for myself. She'd just had to go and rattle my resolve. Now it was hard to be noble. Hell, it'd always been hard to be noble. It was worse now, knowing that Bella had been susceptible not too long ago if I'd been bastard enough to try.

Bella seemed to get the picture that I was struggling. She had the dignity to hurry on to the next aisle picking out two different varieties of cereal and mentioning something about needing plain, white milk vaguely before she turned red and went to the freezer section.

I tried to pull my head out of the gutter and follow her around with the shopping cart as detached as I could manage to be from my surroundings. It was really pathetic seeing all the dirty images my brain conjured up as Bella picked through, suggested, and took what had once looked like everyday food items and kitchen supplies. I was never going to pull out of this sane.

"I think we're set," Bella relieved me finally.

I glanced down at the cart, and my mouth might have fallen open a bit. The groceries had somehow piled and multiplied into a small mountain that almost brimmed over the top of the cart. We needed this gigantic mound just to survive a couple of weeks?

"Ah, all right."

I followed Bella dumbly to the checkout line, reaching into my back pocket for my wallet that almost felt afraid to leave the denim of my jeans. It was a good thing I'd lived alone all this time, buying only the bare necessities and only when I could be troubled to go to the store. Otherwise, my finances might not have ever survived this one shopping trip alone considering what I made being a mechanic in a small place like La Push.

I moved to the side of the cart to help Bella unload our things onto the counter, marveling at how some of these items had wound up in my cart, let alone what could possibly be their purpose. Whatever. Bella was the mastermind chef in my house these days.

The clerk on duty looked equally as impressed. I could see her eyeing me in speculation as she rang each item up. Her name was Linda Behme. She'd moved to La Push a few years back. She was around her late fifties, graying, and a complete and total smartass at times. Before, it'd amused me to hear her spout off about something on her mind. Now, I found myself leery that I was about to be her next target.

"That _it_, Black?" she asked as she scanned a head of lettuce.

I flinched. It sure was painful helping Bella rediscover herself. But I hadn't seen her look as comfortable as she had when she was scanning the shelves for her selections, probably imagining what she was going to cook for me, in a long time. I'd regret it later, but not now.

"Oh, don't forget the salsa," Bella reminded me once we'd reached the bottom of the cart.

She skirted around me to reach for it. I left her to it as I went over to finally get an eyeful of my total on the electronic screen on the counter, feeling my wallet scream in protest as I reached inside.

"This will be it," I told Linda, jerking my head toward Bella.

I waited for her to make another smart remark, but nothing came. I looked up to see her frowning in Bella's direction, one sleek, dark eyebrow lifted. Confused, I glanced her way as well, and my heart fell.

Bella stood frozen with the jar of salsa gripped in her hand. Her face was as white as ever, a frightening contrast to her large, dark eyes. She was staring at the magazine rack in horror, and I could see Edward Cullen's smug face smiling out from one of the glistening magazines. I didn't read the titles or the subtitles, not giving a damn what they were praising Cullen for now. All I could see was the pain on his wife's face.

"Bella."

The jar seemed to slip from her hand in slow motion. One step, and I caught it in my free hand as I touched the other to Bella's shoulder, shaking her a little. She didn't seem to surface, so I moved my hand to her chin, and I forced her to look at me. She focused slowly.

"Bells, it's all right. Look at me. You're fine. Everything's fine. Our salsa about took one for the team actually," I amended, "but it's okay. I saved him."

I lifted the jar up to her eyelevel. Very slowly, Bella smiled. The pain faded to a dim glow in the back of her eyes.

"You okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Sorry."

"No problem." I shrugged it off.

I reached over the cart to set the salsa on the counter, mingling between relief and my ever-present anger with Edward Cullen. When I turned to go back to Linda and hand over—reluctantly—my cash, Bella caught me by surprise again. I almost wasn't quite sure what had happened when I felt her arms loop around my waist.

She hugged me tightly, briefly, and then released me.

"Thanks, Jake."

Who knew a hug could kill a guy? I smiled at her despite what it did to me, and then I gave Linda my attention, only to be embarrassed to find that she'd been studying us closely, skeptically.

"One-ten," she said, slowly.

I about choked. "One hundred and ten dollars?"

She shrugged. "Groceries aren't cheap, Black. Maybe if you ever fed yourself, you'd know that."

Bella actually chuckled. What the hell was so funny about one-hundred and ten of my hard earned dollars going up in a puff of grocery smoke? I glowered at her over my shoulder before I counted out my cash and handed it over to Linda.

"You better cook me up a five-star feast," I snapped, eyeing Bella.

Bella grinned in response. No humility in that one.

"You won't know what hit you," she responded.

I grinned back. Maybe I didn't have any humility either.

Linda cleared her throat in order to alert me to the fact that she was impatiently holding out my change. She rattled it around in her closed fist before I could offer my hand for her to drop it into. I pocketed it, and then began to try to find a way to fit all my grocery bags in the cart. I had a feeling that Linda was watching me while I worked, like some sort of grey-haired vulture. Bella must have felt just as uncomfortable, because she hurried to my side to help me.

"Hey! Jake! What are you doing? You're smashing the bread!" Bella slapped my hand away.

Oops. I hadn't even been paying attention.

"Sorry."

Bella rolled her eyes. "How'd you even survive this whole time without me?"

I didn't think she'd meant to say it, even though she'd mumbled it. In fact, I knew she hadn't meant to say it. I looked up at her as we both leaned over the cart on opposite sides. She'd turned red again, looking a little shocked with herself.

And that weird look in her eyes from earlier in the parking lot was back again.

"I wonder that myself," I admitted quietly.

I reached over to take the bag she was holding, and accidentally brushed her hand with my fingers in the process. She jolted slightly, and a spontaneous reaction boiled inside of me. I could only hold myself back by remembering that we were in a public grocery store. Swallowing, I set the bag into the cart and backed off.

"You two make a cute couple," Linda's comment startled us both.

I glanced toward the elder cashier in disbelief. Her previous scowl had somehow transformed into a bemused smirk at our expense.

I might have even turned red.

"Uh…" I mumbled helplessly.

"We'd better hurry. The storm will be here soon. Thanks for the groceries," Bella filled in my loss for words.

Taking the incentive, Bella pushed me gently aside to take the cart. I started to turn to follow her out, but I caught a private wink from Linda as Bella reached the doors.

I couldn't help it. I smiled back.

Cute couple? We'd see.

I jogged to catch up with Bella and met her at the trunk of my car. She'd already started piling groceries in, and she avoiding looking up at me.

"Sorry," I apologized, helping her. "Linda doesn't know any better."

Bella paused long enough to look up at me and shake her head before she quickly began busying her hands with the groceries again.

"No. No. It's not that." I didn't believe her. "It's just… We should hurry. It's getting ready to storm."

Even if she was using it as an excuse, it was true. The sky had grown considerably darker, and it was sprinkling again. A grumble of thunder spiced up the scene, and I hurried to help Bella finish loading the groceries. When we were done, I pushed the cart back up to the store.

I was annoyed, yet again, to find Bella had frozen up a bit by the car. There weren't any magazines out here, and I hadn't touched her, so I didn't understand what the deal could be this time. I thumped the hood of the car to get her attention.

"What's up?"

Bella shook her head, as if dispersing her thoughts, and turned to me.

"Nothing. I just thought I heard some weird clicking noise. It must have been my imagination."

"Huh. All right. Well, get in."

Bella obliged, and we—the apparently cute couple—drove back to my place.


	11. Emotional Storm

All hell broke loose in the sky that night, a few hours after we returned from the grocery store. We did manage to put away the groceries, cook dinner, and eat spaghetti together at my small, none-too-impressive dining room table before it happened, but we didn't get much further.

Bella had volunteered to take the dishes, and, when I'd protested, she'd all but shoved me out of the kitchen.

It was only because I sensed that she needed space that I evacuated to the living room without putting up too much of a fight. Though I couldn't say I didn't enjoy sitting on the couch, listening to Bella clatter dishes around in the next room, knowing the woman I wanted was in my kitchen, just a few steps away from me. I reclined easily on the couch with that knowledge, thinking that we'd made several, nice steps in the right direction today, and listening to the rain as it battered itself against my windows.

I was just beginning to formulate my next plan of approach when lightning lit up the sky outside, a piercing roll of thunder shook my house, and the electricity winked out without a fight. Bella dropped a bowl into the sink in the next room, and I gave a little start as I had to adjust to instant darkness.

"Jake?"

I pushed off the couch. Figures this would happen just as I was getting comfortable. I felt my way across the room as my eyes adjusted, tentatively edging my right foot along to make sure I wouldn't trip over anything and break it.

"Yeah, I'm coming. Just stay where you are, okay?"

"Okay," Bella called back, and I thought I might have heard her voice waver a bit.

I'd found my way through my house plenty of times in the dark and half asleep before, so it wasn't a big deal getting back into the kitchen to Bella. She was still standing right in front of the sink, apparently having followed my orders exactly. My hands found her arms, and I cupped her elbows. I could feel her fingers brush against me.

"You all right?" I asked her.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It just caught me off guard. I don't think that that bowl broke."

"No big deal," I assured her.

I felt her fingernails scrape briefly against me as another bolt of lightning splintered across the sky outside, creating a quick flash of light that bounced through my kitchen window and momentarily dispersed the shadows. I could see Bella's face perfectly in that one instant. She was looking right at me, her eyes slightly wide and incredibly trusting, if not a little wary.

So, she trusted me in this sort of situation. That was a good start. She was beginning to rely on me again. I couldn't screw this up now, which meant I had to immediately stop thinking about how potentially romantic it could be to be alone in the dark with Bella for the rest of the night.

I really was my own worst enemy.

"I'm going to grab a candle," I told her.

"You don't have any flashlights?"

I smirked, even though I knew she wouldn't be able to see it. Her voice had cracked. Was she afraid to be alone with me in candlelight?

"No. I usually sleep through the storms." I laughed. "Just give me two seconds."

Reluctantly, I pulled away from Bella's clinging fingers. Even though it was just because of the storm, I was enjoying having Bella hanging on to me for once. Maybe with a little more time…

I shifted to the right, running my hand along the underside of my counter, counting the knobs of the drawers. I reached the third and pulled it open, listening as the contents rolled around. I tried to focus, but my eyesight wasn't all that impressive outside of my wolf form, so I made due by simply sticking my hand in the drawer and attempting to find the candle by feeling the shape of whatever I closed my fingers around. I found my Bik lighter before I closed my hand around the long, cylinder shape of one of my candles.

Lifting it, I put flame to wick, and viola: instant light, though it might have been puny and dim.

"There. All better."

I held out the flame between Bella and me. She looked down at it, and I watched the fire dance in the darkness of her eyes. Just for a second, I thought she looked sad. When was I going to be able to fix that?

"It's kind of nice, you know," she spoke softly. "It scared me at first, but I like the storm. Even the lack of electricity. It makes you feel cut off, but safe. Like no one can find me."

I lowered the candle a little. "Who are you worried will find you?"

I expected her to rebuff my attempt to pry like she had before, but she simply sagged a little, looking more tired than I had seen her in awhile. I wanted to hold her up, but it wasn't my place or the time yet. She needed to find herself on her own, or this would never work.

"Can we sit down?" she asked.

"Sure. Let's go to the living room."

I led us both back into my burnt orange room, leading with my candle held out before me. I ignored the fact that the paint still displeased me, and I set down on the couch, placing the candle on the end table next to me. Bella sat down on the other side of me, and I was surprised that she didn't huddle in the corner but allowed herself to be only a few inches away from me.

She kept her hands in her lap though, and her head tilted down. Her hair had fallen forward into her face, and I could only see the candlelight dancing against the strands of brown.

"The Volturi," she told me.

Had she really just given me a direct answer? I felt my spirits lift a little at the idea that we were finally making progress, but the triumph was short-lived, because we were, after all, talking about something that Bella was afraid of.

And I didn't want her to fear anything. Not with me here.

"The Volturi?" I repeated. "Who are the Volturi?"

"They're…"

I saw her hands clench in her lap before relaxing again.

"They're basically the rulers of all the vampires."

The big league—perfect. Just what I wanted to deal with, the head honchos of the vampire world. It was more than troubling that Bella seemed to have something to fear from what must have been the strongest of Edward's kind.

"Why are you afraid of them?" I pressed.

Bella looked up. She had the look of the haunted. I wanted to chase it out of her eyes. How long could I hold back before I caved into being her shoulder? Why did she have to take so damn long to heal herself when all I wanted to do was shelter her?

"I know their secret, Jake, and I'm a mortal," she explained. "That's basically illegal. It's a miracle I've gone this long without them forcing Edward to change me or killing me themselves."

"WHAT?" I growled.

Bella actually leaned away at my outburst. I hadn't meant to let it slip, but I hadn't been able to hold it in as my vision suddenly went solid red. They wanted to _kill_ Bella? _My_ Bella? As if that Cullen prick wasn't bad enough! Now, I was going to have to widen my scope to murder a whole legion of vampires. And I would. I would fight them all to the death before I let them change or kill her.

Fuck! I could feel the heat that threatened the coming of my wolf as my mind enveloped itself with my rage. I could even feel my tendons begin to strain against me. The white hot, liquid lava that burned up my spine.

"Jake! Calm down!"

I jolted as Bella's unbearably cool flesh closed around my hand, squeezing it in an attempt to draw me back. Only she would be able to bring me down from that. Only she would make me capable of blinking back the red. It was only the rewarding sight of her face swimming back into focus that could calm me down.

Not completely—no. Not after what she'd just told me.

"I won't let them do that to you, Bella," I swore, turning my hand over and lacing my fingers with hers without thought. "I'll kill them all before they can touch you."

I waited for her to recoil, for her to beg for mercy for her vampires, but she didn't. Instead… she smiled. It was a soft, sad smile, but it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen bloom by candlelight.

"I believe you, Jake. I do, but it's not that easy. There are several of them, and they all have their own unique talents." Bella blew out a breath. "I-I don't really think they'll do anything. I'm just worried that they'll find out that I'm not with Edward. Then there might be trouble. They'll think I've abandoned the vampires and turned against them. It'll be a perfect, easy reason to justify killing me."

For the time being, my boundaries, my rules, and my game plan could all go to hell. I couldn't take it, sitting here on my own damn couch with Bella, watching her fear for her life even underneath that impressive poker face she was keeping up for my benefit. I lifted my arms, cradling her face between both of my hands. She looked surprised as I touched her, but not upset or frightened. For once, she didn't pull away or look like the thought had even crossed her mind. I might have celebrated this next small victory if I hadn't been too pissed to notice it in detail.

Why punish Bella? Why not murder that bastard Cullen for pulling Bella into his twisted, blood-sucking world? It was just like vampires to play this way, to take out the mortal before their own disgusting kind.

"Even if they find out, they can't touch you here. I'm here, and so is my pack," I told her. "I'd never let anything happen to you, Bells."

Thunder had been the periodical, musical accompaniment of our conversation, but another streak of lightning lit up the night just then, and I could see tears had welled up in Bella's eyes. I hadn't expected it, and I was perplexed by it, if not frightened.

I had no idea how to handle waterworks.

"No, you wouldn't, Jake," Bella agreed brokenly. "You never have, and I believe you never would. You've always been there for me, haven't you? And look how I've repaid you."

Oh shit. Now I could feel the tears trickling down my thumbs as they caressed her cheeks. I had never seen Bella cry, not even all those years ago when Edward had left her in the woods. She was always too strong for her own good, and now she was crying. On me.

I deserved the apology, but I didn't want it this way.

"Forget it."

Bella's hands lifted and circled my wrists. My skin hummed. She shook her head gently between my hands, the tears still streaming silently out. A small portion of my divided brain noted had gorgeous she looked crying in the flickering light of a candle. How sick was that? I could still find time to be grossly attracted to Bella even when she was suffering. Why couldn't I just be angry at the leeches and nothing else?

"I've been awful to you," Bella choked. "Pining for the love of a different man. The wrong one."

She might as well have punched me in the gut. Had she really just said what I thought she had? No way. No way she'd just even vaguely insinuated that she'd rather be with me than Edward. Could candle fumes make a girl loopy?

"What?" I exhaled stupidly.

She didn't answer. I thought, for a minute, that she was keeping silent to refrain from admitting that she'd made a mistake, that out of her own sadness she was flailing in the wind to try and find a different life raft. She regretted it, I knew. She'd said it out of desperation. She hadn't meant it. She was just hurting and afraid.

Then she leaned forward, and she _kissed_ me.

Not a friendly peck, not a simple brush of lips, but a real, full on kiss. As her lips pressed against mine, I actually thought I was hallucinating—a perfect way to start the first kiss I had ever shared with Bella. It wasn't exactly sexy on my end to sit there unresponsive like someone that had just been knocked in the head with a sledgehammer. It wasn't exactly the best way to impress Bella with my kissing expertise.

And I wasn't even able to be the one to single-handedly redeem myself. It was Bella that provoked me into action. Her tongue traced the bottom lip of my closed mouth, and that was all it took to ignite the unlit fuse.

I reached for her. She reached for me. My hands clenched into the material of her shirt at her waist. Hers went into my hair. She pulled her legs onto the couch, tucking herself onto her knees and straining against me until I obediently dropped myself onto my back on the cushions, and then she was on top of me, and _I_ was the one to lose it.

All my plans went up into a puff of smoke as our mouths worked with one another. The cool slide of her tongue undid me, and I discovered the deeper realms of Bella's beautiful mouth and never wanted to leave. I felt like a trespasser, but it only made things ridiculously hotter.

Speaking of hot, had I ever known what sexy was until I looked up to see Bella straddling me? Not that I got much of a look even, considering she only came up for a few seconds of air before her mouth worked mine again.

I thought my hand had found its way up her side on its own accord, but then I realized Bella's hand was covering it, urging it upwards until I finally got the picture. When I took the incentive and cupped her breast in my hand, Bella actually groaned against my lips.

Holy hell, I was going to explode.

"I want you," Bella breathed.

Her lips found my neck. I felt her suck and bite. I was arching upwards, rubbing against her. Her hand slid between us, heading south. It was about to the point where I thought I might phase just to rip my clothes off that much quicker that it struck me.

She'd said she _wanted_ me. I needed her to _need_ me.

As much as I wanted to, I couldn't just be her stress-relieving, mind-blowing sex partner. I didn't want to fuck her. I wanted to make love with her. That wasn't what she was looking for. Even in my lustful stage, I knew that. Though it became increasingly harder to stop myself as her hand found the bulge in my pants.

"Bella," I panted. "_Stop_."

She kissed me again instead, and I tasted her tongue. It was hard to be rational when she was rubbing against me.

"We can't do this, Bella. You have to stop," I said again, firmer this time.

It seemed to catch her attention, and, at least for a moment, her hand paused, still wrapped gently around me. She looked up, drawing away from my lips, obviously surprised, even through her thick haze of lust.

"What? Why?"

She had to go and sound hurt about it. I ached to refuse her. Physically ached from having to pull away from her.

"You're not ready, Bella."

It wasn't what she wanted to hear.

"Jake… Can't we just..? Just for tonight?"

I shook my head. "No. It's not right."

"But I… I thought you wanted me."

Oh shit, was she going to go and cry again? Please no. I could only withstand so much before I caved to anything Bella wanted. Even if she didn't _need_ it. Aroused as I was myself, I was only that much weaker.

"You know I do." Her hand was still holding me. No way she didn't know. "But it's not the right time for you, and I can't do this to myself. Especially not like this."

Bella opened her mouth. It worked soundlessly for several seconds, and then closed. I wanted to pretend I didn't see the tears welling up again, but it was impossible to ignore something when the person you loved was in pain.

"Y-You're right," she choked, dropping her head pitifully onto my chest. "I'm sorry, Jake. I'm so sorry."

Her hand slid away, and she tensed to roll off of me. Surprising myself, I circled my arms around her and held her still, lifting one hand to caress the back of her head, running my fingers through her hair.

"Just lay here with me tonight, okay?" I asked.

She immediately went lax. "Yes. I'd like that."

As I held her in the dark, it felt like a near-victory, but I knew I had a lot more fighting to do before that. She might have been on the road to self-rediscovery, but she was going to need more time, and I was going to have to try and control myself better until then.

I didn't know how much longer it would work. I was beginning to suspect that it might not last long enough.  
I needed Bella. Even if she didn't need me.

I'd almost taken what I'd needed tonight. Almost. So close.

But then I would have been the only loser left with nothing but meaningless actions when Bella decided to run back again. It was a horrible thought to fall asleep with: the idea that there was no guarantee that Bella would be there when I woke up.

~!~!~!~

But she was.

Bella was still lying on top of me when I woke up the next morning at sunrise, disturbed from sleep by a nightmare that had been riddled with painful solitude and loss. She seemed to have been the more fortunate one as dreams went, considering she was still asleep.

I knew I'd never feel anything more glorious than the weight of Bella's body sleeping peacefully on top of mine, so I didn't move when I woke up, and I didn't attempt to wake her. I'd savor the time I had like this for as long as I could, because, as I'd thought the night before, I couldn't know if or when Bella might suddenly disappear.

The sunrise was peaceful and slow. The blinds had been raised from the day before and never closed. As the sun broke over the treetops, it spilled directly into my living room, right over my wooden floors, the couch, and Bella and me.

And it lit the walls on fire.

I stared in disbelief at the sight of the paint lighting up like real, live flame, burning just as I had imagined it would. Not at sunset like I had expected, but at sunrise.

Bella shifted against me, sighing softly before her eyes fluttered open. The chocolate brown orbs focused on me slowly, and I fell in love all over again and the warm bath of the sunrise.

"Jake," she whispered my name sleepily, and I felt a flutter of hope inside my chest.

Maybe everything I had thought before was wrong. Maybe there was still hope for something between Bella and me. Maybe I'd given up too early. Maybe I'd thought about it from completely the wrong angle.

I stared at the love of my life in the rays of the sunrise, and I felt hope again, the promise of a new day.

And that was when it hit me: My burnt orange room was meant for sunrises, not sunsets. It didn't glow for the ends of days, for the completion of things. It burned for the new beginnings and the promises of hope.

Maybe I could take it as a sign that I would finally get my sunrise with Bella.

It was something to hope for.


	12. The Ugly Truth

**BPOV**

I woke up the next morning—survivor of one monster of a thunderstorm—to the most glorious sight I'd ever laid eyes on.

Once, a long time ago, I'd seen a vampire sparkle for the first time. I'd broken all my old inhibitions, and I'd started believing in fairy tales and happily-ever-after's again. I'd thought I'd found the man that I was meant for: my soul mate. I'd never seen anything as wholly magnificent as Edward Cullen, and I'd never fallen so desperately and completely in love.

Even when he'd left me abruptly one day, smashing all my fantasies about love that had taken so long to believe in after the disaster that had been my mother and Charlie, I'd clung to my memories of his face and his voice, and I'd lived inside a shell of disbelief holding out for the day that he'd return. I'd only survived because of Jacob Black, and I'd taken him for granted from day one.

My eyes had been immune to all other faces when blinded by the brilliant light that seemed to radiate from Edward. I hadn't realized what kind of gift had been dropped into my lap, because I hadn't been capable of breaking those quickly-formed, ironclad feelings for Edward. I'd lived in the shadows of those feelings ever since, unable to break free, and not knowing any other way.

Even now, staring into the dark, sleepy eyes of Jacob Black in a sunrise-filled room, my heart was divided between old habits and my first real look at the man that was Jake, the man that had protected me through the storm. He was one long, length of warmth underneath me, and, with his arms wrapped around my waist, I felt invincible. It'd been so long since anyone had made me feel that way.

But there was still Edward.

Despite the fact that I could do nothing but recall the events that had almost been carried out the night before. I could still taste Jacob on my lips, and, as I stared at the curve of his strong mouth, I couldn't help but to wonder if he could still taste me. I had held him in my hand. I had felt his desire, real and pulsing, against me, for me. I had wanted him too.

I still wanted him.

But he was right, it wasn't fair, because I was divided now. Maybe what I wanted from Jacob was real and true, but my heart still clung to Edward, to the things he'd once been to me, and to the memories that wouldn't leave me in peace. There was no escape to be found. I was in love with a monster, and I couldn't give myself to Jacob while I was still in chains.

The feelings brimming in my heart for him didn't mean anything. They couldn't matter when they shared a place with other ones for a different man. I couldn't hurt Jacob again when he'd done nothing but protect and heal me.

I didn't know how long it would take to find the girl I'd once been. I didn't know if I _even would_ ever find her again. I couldn't let Jacob teeter in the balance, never knowing, while I waited to see if I could stop loving Edward, and if I could be the woman Jacob needed.

Because I didn't know if any of that was possible.

I drew my hand up, uncurling my fingers to touch Jacob's bottom lip. As the tip of my pointer finger grazed his mouth, I felt Jacob quiver. I watched his eyes flood. I could see all the answers to my questions there. I could read all the things I needed to know to realize what I had to do. Even if it killed the blossom of hope that had just begun to unravel inside my chest.

His lips pursed, kissing my finger. He made it so unbearable. I drew my hand away.

"Jacob."

I hated the fact that I was so easy to read, that by the simple tone of my voice Jacob could seem to guess what was coming. That flood in his eyes clouded, and it almost felt as if some of the warmth underneath me chilled.

"You won't give us a chance."

It wasn't a question. He said it softly, pained. His hurt inflicted me with a scar of my own, right across my heart. I couldn't stand the fact that he seemed to have so much hope in me. Had he really believed that I could be strong enough to pull out of the black pit that had swallowed me whole? I'd lost myself too long ago to remember the path back.

"I can't," I whispered.

"You won't."

I flinched. I'd deserved it. I knew I was weak. I just hated that Jacob had to know too. I wanted to look differently in his eyes. I wanted to be beautiful in his thoughts, not weak and hollow and drawn. I wasn't Bella Swan anymore. I wasn't that picturesque painting he remembered.

"I'm in love with him."

"Stop telling yourself that." It was almost a plea.

My eyes felt hot. I didn't want to cry again.

"Fine," I snapped, "but, even if it's not love, there's still something there, Jacob. If it's simply just a habit, it's become too routine to break. I don't know anything else. I've never wanted anything else."

"Let me change it. I can make you want something else," Jacob insisted.

His hand slid around to my hip. It was a warm weight against my side. I didn't deserve the comfort it instilled. How could he still touch me when I did this to him?

And how could he kiss me, like he did right then? How could I _let_ him when I knew that it couldn't work? Because I wanted him to anyway. I wanted to have what I wanted even at his expense. I was the real monster here.

But I couldn't fight my demons when Jacob's other hand wrapped around the back of my neck and pulled me down to him as he attempted to prove me wrong. His tongue coaxed my lips apart, made me pliant when I'd had my weak resolve to stay immune. His taste was renewed. It was warm, unlike Edward's, dangerous and soft at the same time. There was so much power in Jake. He was only letting me taste a little. Never too much, even though I wished, for once, he'd stop restraining himself.

I wanted to wrap around him, into him. I wanted to melt right into him and stay safe and warm and burned by his kiss.

I pulled away instead, gasping softly.

"No, Jake. You said it yourself, you can't do this. I can't let you do it either," I told him, hurting. "I don't know what I want yet. I might never know. You shouldn't do this to yourself. I'm the wrong person, Jake."

I expected him to be mad, though I knew I'd regret seeing that haze of need fog his eyes and warm his hands against me, but even expecting it didn't make it less hard to watch. I hated to see the smooth, boyish skin on his face tense into lines of annoyance and dislike. It made him look old and bitter. It made him look nothing like _my_ Jacob.

"The hell you are, Bella," he growled, and I felt his fingers dig lightly into my side.

Stupid that it would arouse me.

"You are the woman for me, and you're going to realize it," he warned, and then surprised me by rolling out from underneath me suddenly.

I didn't resist. I simply allowed myself to roll guiltily off onto my stomach, nose pressed to the couch where I could unbearably inhale the completely masculine scent of Jacob Black. It tied my stomach into knots. If he only knew how much I wanted him.

I'd never wanted anyone but Edward before.

But Jake still had one good slap in the face left for me.

"I just hope," he growled, "that you don't realize it too late."

I sucked in a breath that felt like I'd swallowed razor blades, feeling those stupid tears coming back again. Didn't he know I suffered too? Couldn't he understand how hard it was to be this torn? I'd only ever loved Edward, and now my heart was tugging in a different direction. I couldn't be expected to deal with that so fast.

"I love you, Bella."

I heard him draw in an angry breath as he towered somewhere over me. I squeezed my eyes shut tight. I wished he'd stop telling me that. He was ripping what was left of my heart into tiny, gnat-sized flakes. Soon it would just be ashes left to be blown away into oblivion by a careless breeze.

"I can't love you too, Jacob," I whined against the couch, my voice too high and muffled for my taste. "I don't."

He growled into the still air, and the hair on my arms stood up a little. It was a feral sound that didn't seem like him at all. I was hurting him too much. I was cutting too deep. I couldn't stop until he got the picture. It would never work. Not with Edward around. Not with the Volturi. I couldn't suck Jacob into my darkened life.

"Damn it, Bella," he hissed, sounding old. "Why do you do this to me?"

The last fatal blow to crush me underneath its overwhelming weight. The tears wouldn't hold back any longer, and I sobbed wretchedly against Jacob's couch cushion. I heard him groan and leave the room without offering to wipe up my tears this time. I didn't blame him, but it didn't make the next choking sob any easier against my throat and conscience.

What had I done to Jacob Black?

**JPOV**

I slammed into the garage unable to believe I'd actually swallowed my own delusional garbage about sunrises and new beginnings. What the hell had I been thinking? Nothing ever changed! There was no such thing as hope! Bella Swan was damned forever as a Cullen. She would never love anyone but Edward, and I had knowingly lost that battle long ago.

What the fuck had made me want to pick up my war baton again?

I'd deluded myself into thinking that she could be who she once was. I'd gotten all girly and drunk on romance during a storm, believing that, when I woke up to see Bella staring back down at me, she might actually start to love me instead. Well, I'd certainly been wrong, hadn't I? The viper had only been waiting for the perfect chance to successfully kick my feet out from underneath me.

She had certainly managed. Ten points for Mrs. Cullen!

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!

Without thinking, I wrapped my hand around the tool nearest me—a hammer, it turned out—and chucked it at the opposite side of the room. It hit the wooden leg of my work bench and chipped a small piece of wood right out of it for my efforts. Which, of course, only pissed me off even more.

"Damn it!"

"Your period come early this month, Black?"

What the hell now? I whirled around to find Leah letting herself into my garage, discreetly shutting the door behind her as she lifted her arrogant little brow at me. Now was definitely not the time for Leah Clearwater to reappear in my life. Especially not tightly clad in that cloth tube that might have been a damn dress if it hadn't looked too damn sexy to be anything so simple.

Why the fuck did Leah have to look hot in a white dress with little roses embroidered in it?

"What do you want?" I snapped.

My hand twitched as I shot a glance around for another tool to throw, even though I'd just damaged my work bench and would risk mortally wounding it if I chunked something else in that direction.

Leah folded her arms over her chest—No, under her breasts, lifting them up and pushing them together. Right in my face. Was she asking to be murdered?

"Typically, when two people go on a date, it's customary for the guy to call and schedule a follow up. Just coming by to see why you've been standing me up," Leah told me coolly.

My anger was apparently bouncing right off of her, not even grazing her in the slightest. She was standing right in the middle of my own, personal warzone, and she still looked as unaffected as ever. It was one of those infuriating quirks about Leah. For a female, she was awful damn hard to unnerve. I wished, for once, that it was different. I couldn't take her sarcasm at the moment. Not when Bella had just rebuffed me so painfully.

"Incase you forgot, our date wasn't real," I reminded her.

Leah actually smirked. "I was going to pretend the same and stay pissed at you too, Black, but I'm not so pathetic. That kiss felt pretty real, don't you think? Or was I right about my observation that you lost your dick a long time ago?"

I actually saw red. Christ, was Leah going to actually make me phase? Werewolf too or not, it wasn't as if she could stand against an alpha in my state. She was being suicidal. I wanted to tell her to stop provoking me, but my jaw had locked in anger, and I couldn't do anything but growl.

"Thought so," Leah clucked. "You probably don't even know how to handle these, do you?"

She flicked her wrist and pointed at her breasts. I looked, like the idiot I was. How could I actually feel lust through this red haze of rage?

"Leah," I growled a warning.

She wasn't buying it. Leah was impervious to the dangers, or she just didn't give a shit. It was hard to tell with her.

"Is that supposed to scare me, Jacob?" Leah snorted. "I'm shivering in my panties over here. You do know what _those_ look like, don't you?"

I was overcome with the urge to shut her up and prove her wrong at the exact same time. Accompanied by that rage-filled lust, the combination was killer. Two quick strides, and I was right in front of Leah. Her face had a second to register surprise before I grabbed her around the waist and hoisted her into the air. She might have slapped my shoulder in protest as I carried her to my injured work bench, but I didn't feel it.

"Just remember, you started this," I snapped.

And, before Leah could think to resist me, I lowered her onto my workbench, but not before making sure that she slid down the length of my body, her hip grazing my erection just hard enough to really make me ache. I saw the shock in her eyes as she felt it, but I was more concerned about how painful it was becoming.

"See," I hissed. "It's still there."

As Leah's ass touched the workbench, she looked down, getting herself an eyeful, but, instead of having the dignity to look alarmed, she looked right back up at me with that knowing smirk on her beautiful face, a glint of challenge in her eyes.

"Show me."

I felt her legs hook around my waist, and my eyes glazed with pure, raw desire. To hell with saving myself for Bella like some pathetic fool. I might have loved her, but she'd hurt me, she'd rejected me, and I genuinely wanted Leah in a purely animal way. I thought we could both find common ground there, Leah and I, and I wouldn't have to hold back. She was almost as strong as me.

"Take this off," I demanded.

But before Leah could oblige or refuse, I wrapped my fingers around the end of Leah's dress, and I jerked the whole thing upward, right over her head, and tossed it in the floor. It lay in a pristinely white heap in the corner of my garage.

I didn't think about it again. I was too stunned by what I had found. I'd expected Leah to be wearing a bra. She wasn't. The only thing she'd been wearing underneath that dress was a pair of white panties that were made up of strings and lace and bows. Had she fucking planned this?

"You need a map?" Leah asked wryly.

I shot her a heated look. "Shut up. I know what I'm doing."

"Oh yeah? Prove me wrong."

I knew I was being played, but I didn't care. I wanted to be played for once. I traced a finger around one lovely swell and then grazed my thumb over her nipple. Leah shivered in response. I felt powerful for once. Leah, the unmovable, was going to be completely in my control. I was going to make her pay for this.

I rubbed tender circles around her nipple, and then dipped my head to pull the other one into my mouth, sucking it in between my teeth. Leah gasped, and I felt her legs tighten around me. I snaked my tongue out for an extra taste. Who knew Leah could taste so good?

"See," I spoke against her flesh.

She wrapped her fingers into my hair, and, with one rough, unceremonious jerk, she pulled me upright. I hissed out a breath as my hair threatened to rip right from the roots. What the hell was that for?

"You think I'm impressed?" She laughed. "Try again."

I started to reach for her chest again, but Leah caught my hand and redirected it toward her panty-line. Dangerous territory. What was I doing? A small part of my brain screamed for me to back out now. But it was too late. Leah had me right where she wanted me, and I was dying to touch her. If I stepped away now, I'd suffer in absolute misery the rest of the entire day. Maybe the whole week.

I grazed her toned stomach as I slid my hand down into her underwear—her sexy, white underwear—and Leah actually fucking grinned at me, but she wasn't so arrogant about it when I actually found her warmth with my fingers.

I was the smug one to find that she was wet for me as I slid two fingers into her. I drew them back out to the knuckles and pushed them back in once, and that was all it took for Leah to gasp and sag against my chest.

"Better," she breathed.

"Tell me."

"Don't be gentle with me, Black."

It was all I needed to know. The faster and harder she reached her first climax, the better. I wanted to feel her really give up to me. I didn't spare her any small mercies as I worked her hard with my fingers, finding the right points as she gasped out what felt good and what to keep doing. Leah was one hell of a teacher. One hell of a damn beautiful, sexy teacher.

I kissed her neck, grazed my teeth across her collarbone. She arched herself on my workbench, letting her head loll back and her dark hair swing down her back. She rubbed against my hand, spiking my own need.

When I felt her tighten around me, going from ridiculously wet to sticky warmth, I knew I'd succeeded. It might have helped that she gasped my name, that she lifted her hands automatically to work the button on my pants. She didn't have to tell me twice. As she got mine undone and pushed them down to expose my own arousal, I hooked my finger around the string at her hip and pulled her panties off without resistance.

I wanted to taste her, but I was too impatient to fill her.

"Leah."

Her arms went around my neck without question, and I lifted her again so that she could slide easily down my length, enclosing me in her warmth. She exhaled a long breath as she slid all the way down me, moaning, her breath catching in places. It was blinding. I couldn't breathe. I hadn't expected…

"Fuck me, Jacob," Leah growled, and I realized I hadn't moved at all.

She'd asked for it.

I pressed her back against the wall, pinning her, and pushed deeper into her. I'd never felt anything so wonderful as Leah felt right then—tight and warm and needy. I was going to explode into a thousand pieces while I throbbed inside her, wanting more and quickly. She groaned, and the point of her high heel dug into the back of my leg. I hadn't even realized she'd been standing on pumps again. It felt like fire that tore up through my chest, tensing every muscle in my body so that it all ached for release.

It was purely instinct from there.

In and out. In and out. It was a rhythm I could definitely enjoy as Leah's walls closed around me, pulling at me, stroking me. I pumped into her, feeling each time that she seemed to convulse around me, shuttering with another climax while I climbed toward my own.

She dug her fingernails into my back as she pressed her mouth to mine, suckling my bottom lip in between her teeth. Then she trailed away to my neck and down to my collarbone where she bit me none-too-gently. Like a trigger, I felt myself pour into her at the exact moment when she tightened around me. I sagged into her, growling as she groaned, pressing more thoroughly into her so that I was completely enveloped as I came.

I should have lasted longer, fledgling though I was. I hadn't really proven myself to Leah. I hadn't dominated her completely. I hadn't won this challenge. I'd been too eager and careless. I needed a second chance to redeem myself. It being my first time was really no excuse.

Leah seemed to disagree. Sliding languidly down my body until her feet touched the ground, Leah thumped me on the chest.

"A-plus," she told me.

Her hands slid into my pants, that had never worked themselves all the way off, clawing my ass. She looked as contented as a cat. I felt like the mediocre student that had scraped by from doing extra credit work.

Why the hell didn't I feel satiated?

Leah didn't move to collect her clothes. She stood there, unabashedly naked, in just her pumps, eyeing me a little too skeptically. I started to make an excuse so that I could go and hang my head in shame in private, but Leah latched on to my shirt about that time and started working it upward.

"We're going to do this again," she told me, "but, this time, I'm going to lead."

Her hands brushed over my chest, fanning out so that her fingers lay spread out over my skin. My flesh hummed in response. I started to object, but Leah stepped forward, pressing against me as she lifted up onto her toes to pull my shirt over my head. I might have been struck stupid by the tantalizing, smooth bronze skin that rubbed against me.

"Fine," I accepted without thinking. "If you really think you can do it better."

I caught her around the waist, pulling her more completely against me. She tilted her head back to look up at me as I enjoyed the satin touch of her pressed against me. Her nipples were still taut, and they were prodding softly into my ribcage. I couldn't believe I was already getting hard again.

"I know I can, and, with help, you can become a master, just like me."

Her smirk was half-formed and only tilted up the left corner of her mouth. Master? That's what she thought she was? I slid my hands down her sides and cupped her ass to lift her off the floor. She pushed away from me before I could pick her up again.

"Not this time. This time, we're using that truck."

She jerked a thumb toward the old, Chevy truck I'd been working on for weeks, and I stared at her in disbelief. She wanted to have sex lying across the bench seat of that piece of shit truck?

Yeah, I was definitely hard now.

Leah was pretty aware of it too. One of her strong little hands slid down in between us, and her fingers wrapped around me. My throat might have locked up as she worked her hand up and down my length for a second, occasionally tracing one finger tantalizingly over the tip. It didn't take much more for me to want to be inside of her again.

"As you wish," I agreed darkly.

She released me to saunter toward our designated spot so that I could get a fine view of her ass swaying, naked and sky high pushed up by those pumps attached to her long legs. I followed obediently after her, all but salivating, but, as I expected her to get into the truck cab before me, she shoved me in first, flat onto my back.

My elbow bumped the gear shift, and I took up pretty much the entire width of the seat. How the hell was this going to—?

Oh.

I hissed out a breath as Leah climbed in over me, straddling me gracefully in the cramped enclosure before she lowered herself slowly onto my throbbing dick. She was going too slow, but, even as I reached for her hips to hurry her along, Leah swatted my hands away and continued to lower herself down at her own, damning pace. I might have seen stars before she was finally closed completely around me.

"You're going to kill me, Leah," I groaned.

She laughed—the closest to a giggle I'd ever heard her come—and then she placed one hand on either side of my chest and started to actually ride me, slow and smooth. Not fast enough. Not hard enough. But each time I tried to change the pace, Leah effortlessly rebuffed me. She was in control now, and she had me right where she wanted me.

Once, she leaned down to graze my lips with a heated kiss, and Bella's face from the night before flashed through my head.

But it only happened once. I wouldn't let her take this away from me too. Not when I knew she'd probably been with Edward, and I'd been saving myself fruitlessly for her all this time. I refused to let myself think of her again as I filled Leah Clearwater.

I was never going to be able to give Randy Emerson of 312 Picket Drive his truck back again, even if I did manage to actually fix it.


	13. Hunted

There was a think sheen of sweat on my skin that had nothing to do with being a mechanic this time and everything to do with the woman nestled on top of me. After having driven me to the edge, Leah had draped herself across my chest and laid there completely contented. I even thought I'd heard her hum once as I exhaled and tendrils of her hair had slid down my side, tickling me.

I wanted to close my eyes and dissolve into the moment, but now that the haze of lust was clearing, I was having a hard time adapting to what I'd just done. Had I really just had sex—for the first time—with bitchy Leah Clearwater? If someone had told me last year that this was how it would happen, I probably would have laughed. No, I _would_ have laughed, while feeling slightly queasy.

Now, I couldn't remember why I'd found Leah so physically unappealing when she had looked so absolutely killer in heels alone. Still didn't smooth over the awkwardness, but it did ebb the tension a little. That was, for now, until we were both in wolf form again, giving the others a hefty eyeful of something they'd probably find a lot worse to experience than our first date.

It was enough to make me not want to phase ever again.

And then there was the fact that Bella was in my house, capable of walking out here at any second and catching me half-naked with Leah—completely naked—strewn over the top of me. If she couldn't smell the sex in the air, she'd certainly be able to make an educated guess as to what had happened.

And how did I feel about that?

Fucking guilty, of course, for no damn good reason. Why did I have to feel like the traitor even though Bella had just all but told me that "we" could never happen? Maybe because, even though I found Leah incredibly sexy, Bella was still the one I was in love with. Even after this mind-blowing sex. Why couldn't it be different?

Leah lifted her head then, sighing a little as her hair shifted back out of her eyes. She caught me right in mid-frown.

"Don't worry, Jacob. This doesn't have to mean anything," she assured me, smugly. "I'm still just the welcoming committee, remember?"

That made me feel guilty too, even though Leah was basically letting me off the hook. I didn't know if I really wanted to be let off the hook. I needed to be punished for using someone like this. Wasn't Leah pissed? Well…despite the fact that she'd instigated the entire thing.

"I just don't know what to do," I admitted.

Leah ran her fingers across my chest, tracing a circle around my nipple. How could she be so aloof about the fact that we'd just been together? _Us_? It was weird as hell to me. Despite how enjoyable it might have been, or how enlightening.

"I get it." She shrugged. "I've been there. She's either going to take you back, or you're going to have to live without her. You'll survive either, trust me."

I didn't believe that for a second. If Bella left me again, it'd crush me. Maybe worse than it had the last time now that I'd kissed her, now that she'd opened up to me even a little. I wouldn't just be able to let go. It was different for me than it had been for Leah with Sam. Bella wasn't going to a different man that was just as worthy of her. Emily wasn't a vindictive, twisted bitch. Edward was sadistic fuck. If he'd been normal, human even, I might have been able to let her go, or to at least accept the fact that she'd gone.

"It's not that easy."

Leah rolled her eyes. "Yes it is."

She patted my chest and then slid off of me, backing out of the steamy Chevy until her heels clicked on the concrete floor underneath her. She ran her hands through her hair, stretching regally for me to watch. I felt myself stir. I had to stop wanting her like this.

"While you're waiting for vamp-girl to make up her mind, feel free to call me if you need to _vent _again. Or if you even decide to do the gentlemanly thing and take me out for our real second date."

I sat up and slid out of the truck as Leah finally went to retrieve her abandoned garments.

"Yeah. Sure," I grumbled.

If I ever decided to toy with suicide again, I'd definitely call her up for that second date. Right.

I fastened my pants and attempted to locate my shirt as Leah slid back into her dress and pulled her panties up her long legs until they were reunited with her firm ass. I tried not to watch as I shouldered my way back into my own shirt. It was better if I didn't even tempt myself.

Leah was at the door when I was back, safely, in my clothes.

"Wait. Let me go out first."

Leah paused, her hand on the knob. She snorted as I hurried over, but obediently stepped back to allow me to exit first.

"What? Are you going to see if Bella is watching before I have the all-clear to leave your garage?" she asked. "Really, Black, you have no idea how to do this type of thing. You should _want_ Bella to see me leave."

I scowled at her and waved her off. It wasn't as if making Bella jealous before hadn't been rewarding, but I wasn't in the neighborhood to do it again at the moment. Maybe I was being stupid about it, but it was how I wanted to do things at the moment.

Turning the knob, I opened the door a crack to stick my head out and scan the area for Bella.

Bella wasn't on the lawn, but a dozen other people _were_.

"What the hell?" I demanded.

It was the only thing I managed to say before I was blinded by numerous, brilliant flashes of light, exploding in front of my eyes as sharp clicking noises filled the air. Stunned, I tried to blink away the starbursts in my vision, but the flashes kept going off. One after another until it was just a hum of clicking in my yard, and then a microphone was shoved against my chest.

"Mr. Black, can you confirm that Isabella Cullen is currently staying at your home?" a deep voice rang out, and that was when it struck me.

_Fuck! _No fucking way the paparazzi was standing in my yard. Even as my brain tried to deny it, I registered the sight of the men and women in suits with cameras and microphones behind the bright flashes of light.

"No," I grunted.

I'd said it more as a statement of disbelief than an answer to the man's question, but it unleashed an assault of questions down onto me as the other reporters began shouting out their own questions. All of them were about Bella.

_Someone had found out that Bella was with me. _

I felt a hand close around my wrist, and I was abruptly jerked backward. The second Leah pulled me back into the garage, she slammed the door, and pushed the ancient deadbolt, that had been installed long before I'd bought the house, into place. I stared at the door in horror as several fists began to bang on the wood outside, urging me to come back out for an interview.

"What the hell is going on?" Leah hissed.

Dazed, I turned my head to look at her. She was standing with her arms crossed over her chest—instead of under this time—and looking as freaked out as I felt. For once, Leah was unnerved, and I could see it plainly painted across her face as she huddled with her arms wrapped around herself as if she was wearing nothing at all. Her fear was more from confusion, however, because, unlike me, Leah didn't know what the reporters were after.

"They found out that Bella's here."

Leah's eyes widened. "_What_? Shit! Get in there and hide her, Black! What if she comes out before realizing those vultures are out there?"

I hadn't expected Leah to actually care, one way or the other, if Bella's location was ratted out. I had actually kind of thought that she'd be relieved the day that Edward Cullen was informed of her whereabouts and forced into coming to retrieve her. I gaped dumbly at her when she, instead, showed compassion for the woman she'd always hated.

I'd have to repay Leah later. There was a lot more to her than I'd ever given her credit for.

"All right. Just stay here. Lock the door behind me. They'll probably swarm the house once I go in, so you should find an easy opportunity to escape."

Leah shook her head. "You're not my knight in shining armor, Jacob, so stop pretending. I'll be fine. Just get in there."

She unlocked the door and shoved me right out into the sea of sharks before I could protest. I dimly heard the door slam behind me when I was jabbed by several microphones.

"Mr. Black, can you verify whether or not New York Senator Edward Cullen's wife is currently residing at your house?"

I froze. A microphone poked me in the rib. I ignored it, looking out at the sea of malicious faces as another camera flashed in my eyes. These assholes were going to give Bella away. They were going to bring Edward and those Volturi freaks straight to her.

I inhaled through my nose as a match ignited at the base of my spine, sending a flame straight up my back. I went from frightened to pissed in three seconds flat as I realized what kind of danger these gossip-hungry imbeciles were putting Bella in. It was enough to make the muscles in my back knot up, threatening the pain that always came right before I phased. It would have been gratifying to rip these pricks to shreds.

"Can you confirm, Mr. Black, the rumor that allegedly ties you with Mrs. Cullen in an affair?"

I felt something snap inside of me. I didn't know if it was mental or physical. All I cared about was the fact that they were slandering Bella's name. Right there in front of me. With one fucking question.

"Fuck off," I hissed venomously, and the reporter closest to me recoiled. "Senator Cullen's wife isn't here. Get off my property. Right now."

Without waiting for the human leeches to recover and latch back on, I shoved past the grouping of reporters, shouldering a few roughly out of the way. I broke into a jog to my house to outpace them and make certain that I got Bella out of sight before they could get too close to my house.

I was almost to my front door when I heard the garage door open, and the reporters shuffling to catch up with me turned to see if it was Bella that was going to step out next. I glanced over my shoulder, wondering what the hell Leah was doing exposing herself.

I actually stopped right in my tracks when I saw her leaning provocatively against the doorframe, eyeing the reporters that had turned to see her with a cool disinterest.

"I don't know who the hell you all are, but that," Leah smacked her lips, pointing at my retreating form, "is my man. Mr. Senator's wife isn't here, I can assure you. It's just little old me occupying Mr. Black's time."

Oh my God. Leah was a genius. And an idiot. All of La Push was going to see that saucy, five second interview she'd just delivered. I'd have to be mad at her about it later. For the time being, I shoved in through my front door, slammed, and locked it behind me.

"Bella!" I hissed.

The kitchen was empty. No sounds were coming from the living room. I started to creep down the hallway, and I met Bella coming out of my room before I'd made it that far. She was wearing the clothes she'd shown up in—that little black dress number—and her eyes were swollen. She'd been crying—probably since I'd stormed out of the house—and she was gripping the handles of her bag in one hand.

I'd caught her in the act of leaving me.

I swallowed the hurt, because this wasn't the time to be worried about my own emotions. There was a mob of paparazzi outside thirsting for a story that would destroy Bella's name and bring Edward Cullen right to my doorstep—Not that I wouldn't have enjoyed the chance to knock the vampire's teeth out.

"I'm sorry, Jake. I've got to go. I see that now," Bella told me, miserably.

I took two strides forward, caught her around the waist, and dragged her into the bathroom. It was the only damn room in my house without windows. Bella gave a little gurgle of surprise as I'd been pulling her backward, and then slapped a hand against my chest the moment I'd shut us in the bathroom together.

"What are you doing?" she snapped. "Didn't you hear me? I'm leaving."

As if I wasn't painfully aware of that. As if I didn't have a perfectly clear memory of what her leaving me looked like. Annoyed, despite myself, I reached down and jerked Bella's bag out of her hand, tossing it on the floor. She looked mortally offended, and I was pleased as hell.

"You're not going anywhere at the moment," I snapped back.

I almost heard Bella's jaw crack as she glared up at me, looking awfully brave for a puny, clumsy human. She jabbed a finger into my chest this time, but I didn't even flinch. She did. She should have known better. Her bones would always break against mine.

"You can't keep me here, Jacob Black! I'll leave whenever I want to!"

I snatched her hand, squeezing it a little harder than necessary. I couldn't help it if she'd hit a nerve. She'd been the one aiming.

"Believe me, I'm well aware of that," I growled. "You've demonstrated it plenty of times in the past."

Bella blanched as I took some of the wind out of her sails. I was pissed that she was fighting me, but even more pissed when she stopped. She wasn't a quitter. She wasn't this weak person she was hiding behind.

"Then why did you shove me into the bathroom?" she demanded, trying to hide how her voice cracked.

Please. Don't even start crying again.

"Because you have to stay in here where no one can see you until those fuckers with cameras on my front lawn buzz the hell off!"

I hadn't meant to yell at her, but she was the most frustrating woman I knew. Besides, I didn't think she even registered the tone of my voice. She was too caught up in what I'd said, not how I'd said it. She turned white as a ghost again.

"W-What?" she stammered. "What are you talking about, Jake? Why are there cameras out there?"

"Someone found out that you're here," I told her, suddenly wishing I had approached this whole thing differently. "Now the media seems to know it too. The paparazzi is out there on my lawn."

"Oh no…" Bella looked absolutely horrified.

My resolve to be mad at her crumbled into dust. No way I could put up a decent fight myself when Bella looked so broken. I didn't ask for permission when I slipped my arms around her and drew her against me. I could hold her and comfort her if I wanted to. Bella could just suck it up and enjoy it while I was in the mood to offer it.

"It's going to be fine, Bella. Even if he comes here, I told you I'd protect you."

Bella strained against me. "No, Jake, I should have went back before. Now he'll probably murder you."

Ha. Fat chance.

"If you want to stay here, you stay here. He can't touch you here. Don't worry about me. It's your choice what to do with your life, Bells. Not his."

"You don't understand," Bella groaned against my chest. "He'll come here. It'll be worse."

I wanted to shout. It felt like the only way to penetrate Bella's thick skull. What was she so worried about? Didn't she trust me when I told her that I would protect her? If she was worried about me, that was even more ridiculous. Edward Cullen couldn't lay a finger on me even if he tried. Bella wouldn't accept this as a fact. I could tell by the way that she sagged against me in defeat.

"They haven't seen you," I told her. "They have no guarantee that you're even in here. Leah even gave us some…cover."

Bella gave me a curious look, but she didn't ask, and I didn't explain. Leah had given me a release and had asked for nothing in return. I didn't know what it meant at the moment, but it was something I was going to have to figure out, and I didn't want to share it with Bella. Especially since it still hurt that she wasn't the one.

"It's only a matter of time," Bella said, dismally. "Honestly, why would he look anywhere else but here?"

I didn't know what that was supposed to mean, but Bella looked so woebegone that I had to give her something.

"Why wouldn't he look in Phoenix with Renee first? Or in Forks with Charlie?" I pointed out, and then decided that was probably a bad move when Bella's face colored with fear.

"What?" I pressed. "Do they know you're with me?"

Bella shook her head. "No. I haven't talk to either of them in at least a year. I—I wasn't allowed to. But, Jake, what if they do look for me there? I'm putting my parents in danger."

It was hard for me to swallow the fact that Bella hadn't been _allowed_ to contact her parents, but I let it fall where Bella dropped it for the time being. It would be something to be pissed about later, though it enabled me to see why Bella hadn't mentioned or went to her father instead o f me, which was something I had wondered about before. I'd be mad about it later. Right now, Bella needed comfort more than she needed a lecture.

"Listen, they're safe. I'll have Seth go and check on Charlie tomorrow, and I'll find some way to check on Renee too. They'll be fine, and so will you. I promise."

She tried to push out of my grasp then, but, for once, I refused to let her. She'd started to shake, and I couldn't trust her legs to hold her up—they hardly succeeded at it on a good day.

"It's not worth the risk."

"There is no risk," I told her. "Look, why don't you take a shower? It'll help you relax, and it'll give you some time to think this through. You'll see what I mean. You're safest here with me."

Bella tilted her head back to look up at me. I knew she didn't believe me, but she searched my face and saw that I was planning on being just as stubborn as she was. She released a small sigh, and I was rewarded with a small victory.

"Fine," she conceded. "Don't get your hopes up though."

I released her. Yeah, right. I didn't have any hopes left to get up. She'd crushed them this morning. I was just running on flames at this point, and who knew when those would blow out and leave me high and dry.

"Just take a shower," I grumbled. "You'll feel better."

I could tell from the wary expression on her face that Bella was either about to object or disagree, so I decided not to give her the opportunity. I chanced sneaking out of the bathroom to grab a towel from the hallway closet. I rummaged a bit to find the softest one I owned with the least amount of holes. She needed the shower. Once she washed away those puffy eyes, I was sure she'd start thinking rationally again.

I caught the bathroom door as it started to close in my face, shouldering back into the tiny space.

"Jake! What are you doing?" Bella hissed, pushing her weight against the opposite side of the door.

I hadn't thought that she'd assume that I'd left the bathroom with no intention to walk back in. Apparently, she had. As much as Bella tried to resist my entrance, her weight against the door wasn't much more impressive than pushing aside a pillow as I let myself back in. I hadn't even considered that she could get naked that fast.

Bella let out a little squeal, wedging herself between the door and the wall, and then I saw that the dark pool on the floor was her dress.

The twist in my gut was nothing compared to the throb in my loins as I slowly looked up to see Bella's head glaring at me from around the door. I couldn't see much more than her bare shoulders, but it was the fact that I was imagining what was attached to those shoulders and unclothed that was killing me.

"Shit. Sorry, Bella. I—I just went to get you a towel." I held it up meekly.

Bella's face had turned an attractive shade of red as her blood rushed to her cheeks. What I felt in response to that simple, embarrassed blush was nothing like anything I'd felt before. Behind that door, Bella was completely naked. Behind that door was everything I wanted.

"Give it here," she ordered angrily.

I knew what I was going to do before I could rationalize why I shouldn't do it. I extended my arm just enough to wag the towel underneath Bella's nose. When she released one hand from the door to reach for it, I dropped it, grabbed the door with my own hand and slammed it shut, tearing away Bella's shield to feast my eyes on her gloriously nude body.

"JACOB!" she roared.

She stumbled back into the corner, one arm attempting to cover the upper half of her body while the other tried for her lower, but it was too late. I'd already seen everything.

Her skin was pale, smooth, and lukewarm to the touch. I knew that, because I touched her. Even though she was pissed enough to hit me—I could see it in her eyes—I took my chances and closed her into her corner before skimming my fingers down her throat. I felt her pulse jackhammer against my touch, and I felt myself sinking.

I pressed in against her so that her hip was almost between my legs with our considerable height difference. I could feel her shudder as she felt me, looking somewhere between terrified and turned on as I wrapped one hand around each of her wrists and pulled her hands up between us.

"Jake…"

"It's too late. I saw everything anyway."

I lowered my face to hers, my eyes on her lips as mine inched closer to hers. The back of my hand was pressed against her chest, and I could feel her heart skittering haphazardly. Her eyes had widened, falling to look at my mouth as well.

"What are you doing?" she asked me.

I had no fucking idea there for a minute. All I knew was that I wanted to take her on the tile floor right then and there. I'd been trying to ignore the fact that I wanted her. Just like I was trying to ignore the fact that her leaving me would kill me. Just like I was trying to pretend that I could let her go if that was what she wanted.

"I'm not letting you leave, Bella," I told her. "I was going to if that was what you decided. But not now. I can't let you go back to Cullen. I need you. I know you need me too, even if you don't see it yet. Please. Please don't leave me again."

I hadn't meant for my voice to sound so husky, but some of my emotions were leaking through. I couldn't help but wonder if I was imagining the idea that Bella's flesh was growing warmer against the back of my hand. She wanted me too, and I knew it. It didn't make it any easier to hold myself back, to keep from dropping my pants and sliding into her right now.

Give us both what we wanted.

"Jacob, I already told you—"

I pressed my mouth against hers and swallowed her protest. I didn't want to hear it. I'd change her mind. Even if I had to do it by force. Not that she sounded as confident now anyway. Not that that moan she released as I slid my tongue into her mouth made me believe any more that she really wanted to go back to Edward.

Her lips were unbearably soft underneath mine. It was an effort to be gentle, to lick instead of bite her tender bottom lip. She must have liked it, because her knees buckled as I tasted her mouth, and it was only the press of my body that kept her standing.

I released her lips, pressing my forehead against hers. She released a shaky breath.

"I want you to stay with me. I can keep you safe. You know I can. You feel safe right now, don't you?"

I trailed my left hand up her side, over her ribcage. I listened to the sound of her breath catch. I watched her eyes darken.

"Yes."

Finally. Finally she wasn't throwing up any walls. Finally, it was just Bella talking to me. No reservations.

"Thank you." I brushed my lips over hers. "Now, get in the shower. I'm going to go and shut all the blinds and see if they've left. Take as long as you want."

I started to step back. Bella abruptly pushed to her toes, giving me one long, searing kiss before dropping back down. She was smiling at me.

"Thank you," she echoed me.

I saw it all right there in her eyes: those things she'd been guarding from me. Right then, right there, she was ready to let me take her. It might still have been more from want than need, but she was ready nonetheless. I could practically feel the cool tile against my back and the warm slide of Bella's body against mine. But, again, I backed away.

"Let me know when you're done." I kissed her cheek, and I got out of the bathroom before I could change my mind.

The timing still wasn't right, and, this time, it was as much my fault as hers. I'd just been with Leah. Though Leah had voluntarily come with no strings attached, I couldn't be with Bella when I could still feel another woman on my skin.

Why couldn't things ever be simple?


	14. Tattling Tabloid

**EPOV **

Sex with Tanya the night before had left a bad taste in my mouth, which meant that it was time for Tanya to pack her things and take her firm ass out of my penthouse. After several weeks of tasting and fucking her, the fun was dulling, and I was ready for one last treat before Bella returned. Though, if she arrived early, I wouldn't mind if she watched.

Too bad that my little wife wasn't very fun when it came to that sort of thing.

Leaving Tanya that morning in her habitual place—my bed—I slid into a pair of sweatpants to give Tanya one last taste of what she'd be missing once I called one of my workers to escort her out. They rode low on my hips, stopping just short of exposing me. The curl of hair at the top of the pants and the promise of what it led to was what Tanya claimed to find arousing.

_Here you are, Tanya, one last gift to show my appreciation for allowing me to drive myself into your beautiful marble corpse every time I felt the whim. _

It was the only show of kindness that I could swallow, and I left her in my bed, uninterested as her hands began to slide down her midsection into her warm core that I knew so well. She would need the practice and the chance to get used to the solitude, because poor Tanya was going to be fucking herself from now on.

Smirking, I padded out into my living room, scanning the area for the mail that my maid should have left out this morning. As I located it on the coffee table, I toyed with the idea of calling for a little room service from Natalia later, once I'd gotten rid of Tanya.

I stood before my floor-to-ceiling windows as I leafed through several uninteresting envelopes. Bills, "exclusive offers", coupons, and boring human shit. I dropped each boring envelope to the floor as I came across it, thinking I would enjoy watching Natalia bend to pick it up later.

I reached the bottom of the stack to find that a manila envelope was the only thing left in my hands. Said manila envelope might have went directly into the floor as well at this point, if I hadn't noticed the return address. At the top left of the envelope, only one word was scrawled in childish hand-writing: _Jane_.

A bitter, bile-like taste rose in my throat. My time wasn't up yet. What the hell did the Volturi want from me now? Knowing Jane, it was probably the sheer idea of taunting me. I wanted to throw the envelope directly into the trash, but it was the obedience ingrained into my vampire being the forced me to tuck one finger under the lip of the envelope and rip it open.

A glossy magazine slid out into my hands. A tabloid magazine, at that. What the hell did I need with a—.

My jaw cracked as it locked into place, becoming real marble with the rest of my body as I went rigid in fury at the picture that was staring back up at me from the front fucking page of one of New York's most popular tabloids. It was a picture of my wife that had been taken shortly after our marriage. Holding a champagne glass, she'd been toasting my adoptive mother, Esme, at one of her charities, smiling blissfully from ear to ear and looking stunning for a human in her dark evening gown. Looking at it now, that smile seemed vindictive, cat-like. Like she was laughing at me.

_**THE WIFE OF SENATOR CULLEN'S STORMY AFFAIR!**_

_**CRYING FOR INTIMACY, ISABELLA CULLEN TURNS TO CHILDHOOD FRIEND!**_

_**WHO IS SMALL-TOWN MECHANIC, JACOB BLACK?**_

Inhaling one livid breath through my nose, I ripped the tabloid completely in half, damning the story inside that I wasn't going to read. Little Isabella Swan actually _dared_ to defy me like this? Actually _dared_ to splash her unfaithfulness in the media? Hadn't I told her what the Volturi would do?

_Had that dog actually gotten into my wife's pants? _

I was going to rip that wolf to shreds! Growling, I threw the pieces of the magazine away from me, watching them bounce off of my window. What the FUCK was I supposed to do now? I'd known Bella had always been foolish, but _this stupid_?

I had thought, briefly, that she might run to Jacob as she had in the past over the possibility of returning to her mother or father, both of whom she'd rejected for some time now on my behalf, but I hadn't expected it to go this far. I had never seen Jacob Black as competition or worthy of a second thought. If the mortal was going to try and make a fool out of me, she could have at least had the self-respect to use someone more worthy of my fury.

What was Bella trying to do? Ruin me? I was a senator, for Christ's sake! A senator of New York who was now connected to racy fucking tabloids about my unfaithful, cheating wife! My name was going to be smeared. All the things I worked for were going to go up in a puff of smoke! And the Volturi… The Volturi were not going to wait any longer for me.

I ground my teeth together, slapping my hands over my eyes, pressing my palms into my sockets until stars burst in my vision, before I dragged my fingers through my hair. I had to think. I had to do this rationally, slickly. I was a politician, wasn't I? I knew how to cover dirty tracks. Even if they weren't mine.

As much as it infuriated me, I was going to have to be the one to go and retrieve my wife before she could crawl back to me on hands and knees, and I was going to make Jacob Black pay for the humiliation that would ensue from this feat. I never went back for her. She always came back to me. That was how it worked, and some flea-ridden dog wasn't going to fuck with my routine.

The tabloid was my warning. I was on a short leash now to recover what had run away from me and subsequently been stolen. I'd have a day, tops, to tend to my business, schedule an impromptu vacation with my office, and get on the first fucking plane to La Push.

Memories of the Forks/La Push boundary wafted briefly through my mind, but I didn't care about any damn line now. I was going to cross it and take back what was mine. The wolves were the ones that had overstepped the real boundaries.

Now it was my turn to even the score.

~!~!~!~

I travelled by night. The airport was crowded as I waited for my flight. I despised the press of sweaty human bodies pushing past me, grazing my perfect, cold flesh in the process. I sneered in revulsion, angry and full and not tempted by the blood types that filtered past me. It was only a deluge of pointless thoughts, and I tuned them out as I always did. I never felt the need to listen to thoughts anymore.

I had my cell phone out. It was pressed to my ear with more force than necessary. I listened to the ring as my call went through, noting how it sounded distant, like it was coming from far away. The annoyances of making an international call were endless.

"Hello?" A sultry voice clicked into existence.

"Heidi, it's Edward. I'd like to speak with Jane."

Heidi giggled. I hated the Volturi's receptionist. She was as fucking smug as they were, and she was their doormat at best.

"You'd rather not explain to Aro?" Heidi teased.

"Jane," I hissed.

Heidi sighed. "Very well. One moment please."

The silence of being put on hold was deafening. No elevator music for the Volturi. Just dead silence. Maybe a forewarning to anyone that called with unpleasant news. Maybe this time I fit into that category, but I wasn't about to fear that I was in danger. The Volturi were too interested in my talents to kill me, even if I had broken the rules with my wife. I hadn't expected that to ever really be a true problem. They'd found her amusing at first, the only mortal immune to their mental tricks and in love with a vampire as fucked up as me. I doubted they found anything to laugh about now.

"Edward," Jane's childish voice broke the silence over the line.

"Jane."

"How are you? Did you get my package?"

I bit my tongue. I had no taste for pleasantries, and I knew Jane was only bothering with them because she knew this. Anything she could do to get under my skin, Jane would certainly do. I wanted to tell her to burn in hell, but I decided to cut directly to the chase to end this uncomfortable telephone conversation as quickly as possible.

"I'm catching a plane tonight to deal with Bella. She'll be back in New York with me by the end of the week."

Jane let out a gusty sigh that made me grind my teeth. I could practically see her sitting at her own, small desk, one little girl leg draped over the other, tiny foot bouncing in restlessness.

"Let's hope you're correct, Edward. For your sake anyway."

She giggled.

"I will be," I assured her dryly. "Bella will be back with me by the end of the week."

"It's Monday, Edward," Jane reminded me unnecessarily. "Forgive me if I doubt your ability to win your wife back over in seven days. She seems awfully attached to this Jacob."

I curled my hand into a fist. Jane of the Volturi was lucky that this conversation was taking place over a telephone. How dare she insult me, comparing me to a useless fuck like Jacob Black!

"Don't worry for me, Jane dearest. I am completely capable."

It wasn't wise to disrespect the Volturi, but I snapped my cell phone shut without a goodbye. If I had to listen to one more syllable from Jane, I would be forced to murder one of the dim-witted humans milling around just to sate my fury. My name was being drug through the mud enough as it was at the moment. No need to add murder to my embarrassments.

Sliding my phone into my pocket, I caught the voice over the intercom calling for the passengers of my flight. Picking up my briefcase where I had set it by my feet, I turned and merged with the crowd of humans filtering toward my desired gate.

All the while, my vendetta against Jacob Black was growing stronger. I would be in La Push by the next day, and, then, everyone was going to pay for this.

* * *

**Renee – Phoenix, Arizona**

I'd lived the life of a young adult rather than that of a fully mature, responsible mother most of my life, and I knew it. I'd married young and foolhardy. I'd broken a man's heart, because I hadn't been ready to be matured, responsible, or tied down to the same routine. I've always been too restless to fall into routine.

Charlie Swan had been nothing if not predictable. He had one routine, and he followed it with unnervingly perfect repetition every day of his life. I'd lived walking those circles with him for as long as I could manage, but Forks had represented four ominous walls around my life to me, and I'd ran for the hills the first break I'd caught.

I'd never wanted to hurt Charlie, but I had never had it in me to be the perfect model for a mid-aged woman with a daughter, a steady career, and a reliable husband. I hadn't needed solidity like Charlie had. I was a creature of whim, not habit.

That was why it had been doomed to failure almost from the start. I didn't shrug off the blame for it either, but I had cut my losses and my ties, and I'd taken my daughter to a heated, frantic place like Arizona, and I'd shaken off the trepid waters of Forks, Washington, never to look back.

I didn't regret my choice then, and I still don't now. At least not where leaving Forks was concerned.

My love and life had come in the form of little Isabella, my daughter, who'd always had the mentality of the full grown woman I should have acted like. My only regret concerned her. Though it'd taken her desertion for me to realize it, I'd never been the mother than any growing girl had needed. I'd been flakey and unreliable, constantly needing her stability to keep me from scattering to the four winds. It should have been the other way around.

I knew that now.

I had always taken for granted that Bella had a strong head on her shoulders—a smart and realistic one. She hadn't been lost in a fantasy world like I had. No, not my little girl.

And she wasn't little anymore.

She was a full grown, married woman, and I'd paid for my mistakes as Bella transitioned into adulthood cutting ties with the mother she had honestly never needed. While I had been off traveling the world with Phil, Bella had met someone, she had graduated from high school, and she had married him. Him being the successful, powerful senator, Edward Cullen.

I had only met him once, at their wedding, and then, shortly after, I had stopped receiving any contact with Bella when she moved to New York and became the prestigious wife to a senator that was too handsome, too young-looking, and too slick for my taste. From then on, I'd seen my daughter's face only by the light of the television screen or in the black and white print of a newspaper.

I didn't know her anymore, this Bella Cullen. She seemed too old in those pictures, too withdrawn, and too… worn. _What had Edward Cullen done to my baby?_ I wondered it so often, and I still had no answer.

After numerous attempts to call as well as countless times spent trying to get inside of the gate's that locked me outside of Bella and Edward's mansion, I had resorted, morosely, to learning about my daughter through newspaper clippings and television. I learned basic, surface information, but nothing explained the hollowness of my daughter's face to me.

_Why is my baby suffering?_ I would wonder constantly, on hot days while I sat in the stands watching Phil round the bases at whichever field and whichever state his baseball career took us to. _Why won't she talk to me? How is Edward Cullen controlling my Bella?_

I couldn't find an answer. I was shut out everywhere I turned, which included the one attempt I'd made to seek out Edward's own parents and confront them. My only pathetic solace had been when I'd turned to Charlie and had found that Bella had disconnected herself from him as well. What kind of solace was that?

Charlie was just as distressed as I had been, but, even with the two of us combined, we hadn't made a single victory in the fight to contact our daughter and save her from whatever she was trapped inside. It was a nightmare. My own, personal hell.

That was why I had come back to Phoenix. That was why I had allowed Phil to tour this year without me. I would sit in the house that I had shared with Bella for as long as it took to find her again. I couldn't leave the one place where she might ever to think to look for me. She had to need me eventually. She had to need _someone _eventually.

It wasn't long after I'd come to this conclusion that I'd stepped out onto my porch to retrieve my mail in the glaring sun of Phoenix. I had discarded the bills into a basket on the table, one Bella had, long ago, designated for me so that I'd stop losing important papers.

And then, I'd unrolled a glossy tabloid that I had long ago subscribed to. I'd forgotten to cut off my subscription when I'd left to start touring with Phil again the year before. He'd made a habit of pointing out to me how silly the things were, filled with gossip and lies and mud-slinging. I'd finally conceded. For some reason, the tabloids had connected to my lack of stability in my own life, to the fact that I'd always grasped at shaky foundation than any real, solid truths.

But today, this very morning, I was glad that I'd once been childish and hair-brained enough to fill out an order form for this specific tabloid. As I unrolled it in my hands, I was rewarded by the smiling face of my only daughter, my only child. It was Bella from her new life, at one of the many functions I had read that she'd attended, but it wasn't her picture that held my attention, it was the caption.

_**THE WIFE OF SENATOR CULLEN'S STORMY AFFAIR!**_

_**CRYING FOR INTIMACY, ISABELLA CULLEN TURNS TO CHILDHOOD FRIEND!**_

_**WHO IS SMALL-TOWN MECHANIC, JACOB BLACK?**_

Jacob Black… Jacob Black? I rolled the name around inside of my head, trying to make connections that were buried somewhere in my memories.

Jacob… _Black_.

I jolted, dropping the tabloid so that it fell face first onto the floor at my feet. Jacob Black, I remember abruptly, was the son of Billy, one of Charlie's closest friend. Billy had been from La Push. Jacob Black had lived in La Push.

_Was Bella in La Push?_

I felt an uncustomary surge of hope. Yes! Yes, Bella had to be in La Push! I had finally located my missing daughter! She was in La Push, away from Edward Cullen, the politician that had put those shadows underneath my baby's eyes.

I stumbled blindly toward the living room, searching for my telephone, cursing the fact that I always misplaced everything. Yes, it was just a tabloid. A tabloid that Phil constantly reminded me was full of lies and gossip and awful rumors, but, just this once, I knew there had to be some truth to it. Just like I had suspected, Bella had needed someone, and she had reached out to _someone_. She'd needed Jacob Black. My baby was in La Push.

I found my telephone crammed between the cushions of my couch. With shaky fingers, I punched in the number for Charlie, hoping that, somewhere in Forks, he was by his telephone. I had always taken for granted, and sometimes disliked, the fact that Charlie Swan was so reliable. Now, I could have kissed him for it. I would tell him that Bella was in La Push, and he could go there, right at this moment, and find our baby to bring her home.

As I listened to the ringtone hum back into my ear, I silently thanked Jacob Black. I knew my suspicions were correct. I knew that Jacob must have saved my baby from the monster that was sucking the life out of her.

He would protect her until I could have her safely back with me again. I knew it.


	15. Warnings

Somewhere in the distant recesses of my brain, I was registering the fact that my telephone was ringing. I was hard pressed to care. Exhaustion had rode me to sleep late last night after several hours of attempting and failing to rid my lawn of the reporters that stood transfixed out there like a bunch of plastic pink flamingo lawn ornaments. I'd finally conceded defeat, shut all my blinds, locked all my doors, and sealed Bella into the darkness of my bedroom.

I had been surprised when she'd asked me to stay with her. I'd known that she was frightened by the publicity that was suddenly closing in on the walls around my house, that she feared the ramifications the leaking of her secret hideout might bring, but I was pretty sure that she'd made it clear to me several times before that she was married.

Married women didn't ask men other than their husbands to hold them while they went to sleep. Against all reason, I took the fact that she had asked me as a sign that Bella was changing her mind. Still, I knew better than to count my chickens before they hatched. Especially where Bella was concerned.

That didn't make it any more difficult to readily accept Bella's request the second it'd left her full, soft mouth.

That, sadly, I hadn't gotten the chance to taste again. The invitation to keep her company during the night had ended up being a ploy for the security of my presence and nothing else. Once she'd tucked herself under my arm, Bella had fallen fast asleep facing the wall. Not me.

I couldn't complain. Aside from the night on the couch, it was probably the most restful sleep I'd ever claimed, which was why I was so reluctant to leave it as my phone continued to stubbornly ring. Who the hell could need something from me _this early_ in the morning?

Opening one eye to stare blearily around, I attempted to reacquaint myself with the foreign vision of my own two walls. At first, I felt the little thrill of uncertainty that came with waking up in a hotel bed, wondering where the hell I was. I'd slept in my room only a few nights before in wolf form, but I'd been too concerned with other things to really realize how strange my room felt now. It felt like _Bella's_ room.

Bella had taken over my room.

Shifting, I eyed the culprit as she lay, sleeping, beside me. She was still turned onto her side, facing the wall, but she'd managed to wiggle in my direction at some point during the night, because her back side was pressed snugly into my side. For a few more seconds, I just let the damn phone ring as I lapped up the sight of Bella in my bed filling my senses with the smell of strawberries.

I could only see the right side of her face, but it didn't make any difference. The gentle curve of her nose and the round, plump bottom lip that jutted out just a bit in sleep, combined with the strands of brown hair that were fanned across my pillow, melted me. Here, lost in slumber with none of her usual reservations, Bella was exactly as I remembered.

I wanted to reach out and turn her toward me. I wanted to gently rouse her from sleep with the press of my mouth against hers.

But the phone, and whoever was calling, wanted me to answer. As soon as the rings died away, they started up again. I had a persistent early morning caller with something on their mind, which sucked for me, because it meant I had to pull away from the warm curve of Bella's body against mine and discard the fantasy of pulling her out of sleep with a kiss.

A kiss that could have led to other things. Damn phone.

Scowling, I slid as carefully as I could out of bed, which was a hard task for a guy my size. Even though the bed groaned under the shifting of my weight, however, Bella remained asleep as I got to my feet and tiptoed out of the room.

I had only one phone: a cordless situated in my living room, so I headed in that direction. I'd never sunk any cash into getting a cell phone. It just wasn't worth it to me considering how few calls I received and how few I felt the inclination to make.

Yawning widely and scratching a hand across my bare chest, I picked up my somewhat worse for wear (It'd been dropped in playful tussle that had broken out between Quill, Embry and I when they'd jokingly questioned my ability to be alpha two years ago) and punched the talk button.

"Black," I growled my last name a little irritably.

Whatever. If the caller had known what they were interrupting, they surely wouldn't blame me. Or, maybe they would have, considering it was my dad's voice that answered me.

"Jacob, what's going on over there?"

I jolted a little at the sound of my dad's voice. I'd talked to him last the day before Bella had arrived at my doorstep. We had always been close, but, once I'd moved out, my dad had given me the space I needed to live and thrive on my own. He hadn't smothered me, as if he'd known that I would have rebuffed any attempts he might have made to have played the mother hen—so to speak—at any time past my eighteenth birthday. He'd respected my becoming a man, and he didn't overstep any personal boundaries.

We had habitual fishing trips together, shared a few game nights in front of the television when I wasn't working, and talked on the phone occasionally, but usually always briefly. I'd always thought I'd gotten my embarrassingly deep well of emotions from my father, but the two of us liked to pretend that we were too manly to feel anything other than basic, primal instincts.

That was why it was a surprise to hear the concern in my dad's voice.

"What do you mean?" I asked, dumbly.

He'd caught me off guard, making my thoughts stumble, or else I would have known right away what he had to be referring to.

"I'm talking about Bella, Jake. Is she there?"

I hesitated a second too long, and I didn't even know why I'd felt any hesitancy at all to begin with. This was my dad I was talking to. He wasn't exactly a threat to Bella's presence at my house or her well-being. Still, something made me pause those few seconds without response. It might have been my very powerful need to protect Bella at all costs. Even from my own dad, as stupid as that was.

"I know she's there," Billy continued on irritably when he realized I was considering not telling the truth. "It's all over these magazines."

"Magazines," I repeated. "What magazines?"

"Tabloids, or whatever they are. Those foolish gossip magazines that the women love to buy at the supermarket."

There was a dark, uneasy feeling spreading through my stomach. Tabloids? The reporters in my yard the day before had worked _that fast_? And, if La Push had these magazines, wouldn't New York? Wouldn't that bastard, Edward Cullen? Fuck.

I rubbed a weary hand across my face. I had expected to have more time before this thing broke. I'd expected to be able to have enough time to win Bella successfully over to my side, winning her trust and maybe even her love in the process. No such luck. The media wanted gossip, and they'd sunk their teeth into Bella's personal life.

Edward and those Volturi jerks were bound to have seen it by now, and they were all probably pissed. Would they come for Bella now? I felt the muscles in my back tense. I closed my free hand into a fist. I was ready to fight for Bella. I had always been ready. I just hadn't expected it this soon. No matter. I'd deal with it. I'd keep my promise to Bella, one way or the other. I was going to keep her safe even if I had to take on Edward and the Volturi at the same time.

"Yeah," I answered finally. "She's here."

I could hear Billy exhale a long, low breath across the line. I could almost imagine him rubbing a hand across his face just like I had, except his hand was smaller now, thinner, and lined with wrinkles.

"You know they'll come for her," he told me.

Which basically translated into: _You know you're putting everyone in danger for her, right?_

"Yeah. I know."

I _was_ putting everyone in danger for her. I was a selfish guy. I wouldn't deny it. I wanted Bella. I couldn't give her up now that I was coming so close to having what I wanted. A few more days, and I could win her over. I just needed _a few more days_.

"If they come, I'll handle them," I filled the silence with my own assertion.

It was dad's choice to be silent then. I knew what he was probably thinking. Something along the lines of me being a hormonal idiot with a death wish. Maybe even a wish for mass murder, considering I didn't know who all the vampires might take it out on once they had visual proof that Bella was with me, and that we were inadvertently making a public spectacle of their one vampire in office. They wouldn't like that. Not one bit. It almost made me smile.

"Look," Billy started, sounding older than I'd ever heard him sound before, "I know you have your mind set in this. I won't argue. I might even be a little appreciative, considering Bella is the daughter of my best friend, but you need to be careful, Jake. I'll alert the pack. They'll want to help."

I stiffened. "No, dad. This is my problem. I won't risk them for something like this. I can handle them."

Billy paused again. I knew he wanted to argue, but my dad knew me better than anyone, and he was well aware that my head was as hard as a brick wall. The problem was that his was too, and though he might not fight for what he wanted, it didn't mean he wasn't going to still alert the pack. I knew he'd get on that the second I hung up the phone. It was both amusing and exasperating. I wasn't a little kid. I could take care of myself. My dad just didn't want to admit that when it came to things that he could send the pack over to make sure of.

I didn't say anything as he let the subject drop, even though I was aware of what he was silently plotting in that meticulous, sharp mind of his.

"You should know, and tell Bella if you think she would want to know, that Charlie is worried about her. He asked me to call you. He just wants to know that she's safe," my dad admitted. "Of course he doesn't know exactly what Bella is into, but he knows that she's in trouble. He'd have come there himself if he wasn't worried he'd frighten her off back to New York."

I felt a wash of sympathy for Bella's father. I definitely knew exactly how the guy felt, and it sucked. It sucked, because I'd always liked Charlie, and he didn't deserve the cold shoulder Bella had been forced to give him. Neither did her mom, where ever she happened to be. But I couldn't fix _all_ of Bella's problems. It was something she'd have to do on her own, after she allowed me to set her on the right path.

Why had the media had to have found out now? When I was so close to succeeding?

"Tell him not to worry. I'm going to fix things," I said quietly.

Billy made a noise of agreement. "I know you will, Jake. You've always had that sort of thing in you. You—."

I nearly dropped the phone as my dad's voice cut away before he finished his sentence. I heard him give a muffled gasp as my own heart flipped over in my chest. I felt like someone had just hit me with a sledgehammer.

There was a moment of piercing silence between the two of us, where I could almost hear both of our minds snap together into perfect synchronization, as if we were both in wolf form. It was just the same. We were both feeling the same slicing, warning feeling, because we were of the same blood. Like two pieces of one whole, we were both aware the second that a vampire crossed the boundary line that separated Forks from La Push and us from the vampires.

_Edward Cullen had just stepped over the fucking line. _

I knew it was him. There was no mistaking. Something in my gut told me the truth, and I didn't doubt it. He was fast. He'd probably hopped a jet the second the tabloid Billy had referenced had hit the stands. He was pissed, he was stupid for crossing the line and breaking an ancient pact, and he was heading right for my house. I could sense it.

"Jake…"

"He's here," I growled.

There must have been something inhuman about the tone of my voice as I sunk into the primal instincts of the wolf that was trapped inside of me. All at once, I was scenting the prey of the hunt, and I felt the thirst for blood unlike any craving a vampire feels. There was a rumble inside my chest as I envisioned running on four legs to meet Edward before he could soil my front steps.

"Jake," my dad attempted to call my attention again.

No. I knew what he was going to say, and I wouldn't let him. Edward Cullen was mine. All mine. This meeting had been delayed for too long, and now I was far past ready for it to finally happen. I was going to knock the leech's teeth out.

"I'll handle this, dad. Alone. Tell the others to back down. Edward Cullen just broke our pact, and, as alpha, it's my duty, and pleasure, to make him pay."

I clicked the phone of before my father had a chance to argue. Nothing would have penetrated the red haze of battle that had seeped across my vision.

_Okay, you sleazy fuck. You want to step over the boundary line and play? Let's play. _

The doorbell rang then, as if he was personally accepting my challenge. My heart was hammering—Not from fear, but from anticipation. I was finally going to get the chance to murder Cullen and lay to rest our rivalry. Then Bella would be mine completely.

As if recognizing her cue as well, Bella poked her head out of the bedroom as I made for my front door.

"Jake? What's going on? Is it the reporters again?"

I froze to the spot at the sound of her voice, my taste for murder going up in a puff of smoke as I turned and caught sight of her. She was gloriously rumpled from sleeping in my bed, and I'd never seen her look hotter than she did right then—clothes wrinkled, hair mussed, eyes blurry from the dream she'd just woken up from.

I felt the blood drain out of my face. So close. I had been so close. And now Edward Cullen was on my doorstep. Now, Bella's husband had come to reclaim her. I hadn't bargained for it. I hadn't thought he would come for her.

And now that he had? Would she go with him? Did these last few days really mean enough to her to make her stay? I felt like a balloon that had just been popped with a well-placed pin. I wanted to lie, but Bella had to know what I was about to open the door to. She was going to have to choose earlier than I'd planned. Hopefully she didn't kill me in the process.

"He's here," I admitted. "Cullen's at the door."

I watched Bella's face drain slowly of color. The small, easy smile that had been on her face slid down into an open-mouthed look of disbelief that transfigured itself into fear in seconds. A fear that filtered into her eyes. Damn it! Why was she still afraid of this bastard? I was right here. Couldn't she see that yet? I wouldn't let him get to her. Not on my life.

"B-But… I thought… What about the boundary line?" she floundered uselessly.

I drew in a breath through my nose. "He crossed it. Big senator man doesn't play by our rules anymore."

I noticed that Bella's hands were shaking at her sides. I wanted to take them in mine to still them. The doorbell rang again. Bella jumped an inch off the ground. I half-expected her to have a heart attack.

"The others," she whispered. "Won't they come? Won't they…"

_Kill him?_ I scowled at her unfinished question. Yeah, that was the penalty, but Cullen was going to be the one exception, because I was the alpha now, and we were going to play by my rules. If Edward was going to die, I was sure as hell going to be the one to do everyone the favor. Too bad that probably wasn't going to be how it ended though. Not with Bella hanging in the balance.

"No. I told them to back off. I'm going to handle Edward."

"No," Bella breathed anxiously, and, for once, the fear in her eyes was for me.

_For me?_ I could barely believe it, but that was what it seemed like as she stumbled out of my room, down the hall, and reached for my arm as if to hold me back. The cool wrap of her fingers around my bicep was delicious, but the timing was off, and Bella wasn't aroused, itching for my touch—she was frightened. She was trying to protect me, as ridiculous as that was.

"You can't, Jacob. Edward's really mad, I know it. He'll kill you for this."

Did she really think I was that easy?

I snorted. "He might try, but he won't succeed. I'm not a puppy, Bella. I told you I would protect you, and I'm going to. Now, stand behind me and let me deal with this."

The doorbell tolled again. What an impatient prick. Though I was surprised he even gave me the courtesy of opening the door when we both knew that he could easily break it down. I turned to go to it. Bella's hand tightened around my arm.

"Look, Bella, I—."

I had originally had a very good explanation as to why Cullen should be just as afraid of me, but Bella obliterated any argument I might have patted myself on the back for as she shoved onto her toes and pressed her mouth against mine. It lit up my life like a fireworks display.

Because, for once, I hadn't done anything to instigate anything. I hadn't been anywhere near thoughts of a kiss, and Bella had thrown herself at me, kissing me first and without cause. Except for the probable one that meant that she'd merely _wanted_ to kiss me.

The quick press of her lips wasn't enough, but I couldn't pull her back in and teach her the real deal, because Cullen was still at my door, and he was ringing the doorbell at very short intervals now. I looked down at Bella as she lowered herself back to the flats of her feet. Her cheeks were painted red.

"I'll let you say what you think you need to," she told me in a rush, "but don't think I'll just stand here if things get out of hand. No one is going to get hurt because of me."

I pursed my lips. The backbone she'd been missing had certainly picked an annoying time to grow back. I knew a hard head when I saw one, and Bella had recovered hers. She was just too damn selfless. She always had been. I didn't doubt that she'd throw herself between Edward and me if we decided to go at it. That complicated my plan to rip him limb from limb.

"Just stay back, okay?"

I pulled out of her grip and went to the door, at least glad for the prospect that Edward would have to stop playing his one man orchestra with my doorbell the second I answered him, which he did. As I opened my front door just wide enough to fill the slot with my massive frame, Edward's pale hand finally went back to his side.

So this was what Senator Cullen looked like up close and personal. Not much different than Edward Cullen, the regular vampire did. Except now he wore a suit and a tie and didn't have to pretend to be nearly as human anymore. He still smelled like the same, old pile of shit to me, just fancied up to shine now.

We stood there glaring at one another over my threshold. I could feel his cold as he could probably feel my heat, and, up against one another, we were two combating forces that would never concede to mingling in peace. I wanted to punch him in that cold, marble face of his, and he probably had similar fantasies of his own. I'd thought, there for a second, that we were both contemplating on who was going to make the first move, but then his gaze shifted, and I could tell he was trying to look over my shoulder.

Not a chance.

"Get lost, Cullen. There's nothing here for you," I growled. "Unless you're looking to be punished for breaking the pact. If that's the case, I have some friends that can see to your death wish."

Edward's gaze returned to me, as cold as ice. They weren't the same gold I remembered from years ago. They were red now. So it looked like he didn't feel the need to pop in his usual green contacts for me, like he usually wore not to alarm the public. I really hoped he hadn't wasted the effort in an attempt to frighten me. Everything about Edward was inhuman to me. His eyes didn't make much difference.

"I can smell her, Black," Edward growled back. "I know she's in there."

I rolled my shoulders. "Yeah? Tough shit. She's not coming back to you, and you're not going to be making her. From now on, Bella's going to do exactly what she wants."

Edward actually had the audacity to laugh in my face. It was a low, dark laugh. Probably the one he used to frighten people. Not going to work on me. If anything, it just made the urge to punch him worse.

"Is that so?" He tilted his head to the side. "Well, she has a week to realize that she'd rather be back home with me than here with you. A week, Bella, sweetheart. You have a week."

He'd aimed the last part of his statement over my shoulder. Bastard. I shifted my weight to block out whatever he was looking at, but I heard the distinct, small sound that Bella made from somewhere behind me. That really pissed me off. I curled one hand into a fist.

"You're going to be disappointed," I told him.

Edward smirked. "And that means that the Volturi are going to be disappointed. Not that they're particularly happy right now either. I'm sure Bella remembers the Volturi, and what they can do."

Even indirect threats were too much for me to let slide by. Without any hesitancy at all, I lifted one hand and shoved Edward hard in the chest. The leech hadn't been expecting it, and I caught the look of surprise that crossed his face as he stumbled back a full step before regaining his footing.

"You mutt!" he hissed, straightening and running his hands down the front of his suit as if to wipe away the residue of my hand. "The next time you touch me, Jacob Black, will be the last time you touch anything."

I laughed in his face now. "Yeah? Keep dreaming, Cullen. I'm not intimidated by a leech in a fancy coat."

Edward sneered. I knew Bella couldn't see him around me, but I wondered if she'd ever seen this expression on his face before. It was so cold and malicious that there was no way even a human under his spell could be lured in by anything so ugly. This was the monster I always saw lurking beneath. It was too bad that no one else had the perception to notice it.

"She has one week to come back," Edward repeated venomously. "One week to come back, to remember who it is here that she married and loves. One week. I won't be the one that comes looking for her next time."

The vibrations that bounced through my body actually made me physically shake. In one small speech, Edward had thrown me inches away from phasing. It didn't help that I could practically taste the release I would receive by tearing out of my clothes and sinking my massive wolf jaws into Cullen's marble flesh. The idea of shredding him was so appealing that I almost caved and buckled underneath the heat and power of my anger. Then he'd never threaten Bella like that again. Then I'd never have to hear that small, fearful gasp behind my back again.

I was going to murder this sick fuck.

Or I was until I caught the briefest flicker of movement over his shoulder, at the end of my lawn, just in the bushes where my property ended and the smooth, mowed grass gave way to the forest that surrounded my house. My eyes narrowed. I'd told them to stay away.

Drawing in a breath through my nose, I rose to my full height.

"Anyone that comes looking for Bella will meet the same fate. You can tell your friends that. I don't know what you leeches think you have over us, but a wolf can tear you to shreds. Keep that in mind," I warned, and then leaned in. "Especially right now while my friends are out there waiting for you in the bushes."

Edward actually stiffened a little, as if he really registered what the hell it was I was saying to him. Or maybe he'd just finally caught the scent of the rest of my wolf pack only a few yards away from us. Still, he sneered them, baring his teeth.

"You're too confident for a puppy," he snapped back, "but I know when it's my cue to go. Unlike your kind, I'm very well versed in playing human. Especially one with manners. I'm going back to New York then. I'll be waiting at my house for Bella."

He paused, his gaze straying to my shoulder again as if he could see right through it to Bella.

"I'd like to reiterate one last time to my _wife_, though, that the Volturi are well aware of her escapades, and while I alone find them insulting and quite unflattering, the Volturi find them treacherous."

I growled. "Get back over the damn line, Cullen, and don't come back. If your Volturi friends want to cry about Bella, then I'll be here when they think they're ready."

Edward laughed dryly, but he turned to go. "Then your death will be on her hands. It makes no difference to me, Black. One way or the other, I always win."

I started to go at him, pissed that he'd gotten yet another threat in without retaliation, but the prick was gone in a flash. Stupid vampire speed. I couldn't keep up with him in this form. Blinking, I receded back into my house slightly as my brain tried to catch up with the fact that Edward was there, and then, abruptly, he was not.

I blew out a breath and glanced toward the forest. The whole thing had definitely went smoother than I'd expected, despite the threats Edward had been able to lay on.

"I told you guys that I'd handle it!" I shouted at the bushes. "I did, and it's over. Now get lost!"

I shut the door hoping that they'd get the point and leave, realizing that I'd handled the situation effectively alone, but I knew that they would probably track Edward's scent just incase. They would make sure that he went back over the line and didn't come back. It was probably the smart idea, but it still annoyed me. I wanted to handle this alone. I wanted to be the one to completely protect and guard Bella.

Speaking of…

I turned—slightly reluctant—back toward Bella. She was standing with her back against the wall, her face still pale, her eyes dark. I started to move toward her, and then stopped. She hadn't went with Edward. She hadn't even tried. She'd stayed right behind me, in my house, as if she was silently picking me, but I still couldn't be sure. It was too much to hope. I needed to hear it from her without provocation. I couldn't go to her first this time.

"Thank you," she said at length.

I smiled slightly. "No big deal. I liked telling him off."

Bella shook her head slightly, and my smile faltered. She pushed away from the wall, stepping toward me with one, tentative step. I wished the color would return to her face, but it remained a stark white. Why? I hoped she wasn't reciting his threats over and over in her head. I shouldn't have let her stand there, listening to everything. I should have known that Edward would try something.

"You're risking everything for me, Jacob."

I closed my eyes. No. I didn't want to see that look on her face—that look of selflessness, of fear for my sake and not her own. I didn't want her to play the hero card, sacrificing herself for me. I knew that was what she was thinking. I knew her too well.

"Don't, Bella. Don't you dare go back to him just to 'protect' me," I sighed, opening my eyes. "I know that's what you're thinking about, and I won't let you. I'm the one protecting you here. I don't care what Cullen said. No one's going to hurt me, or you. Get it out of your head. Forget it."

Bella's cheeks turned slightly pink underneath my hard stare. I was thankful for the color, regardless of how it had come to be. She looked down at the floor, as if embarrassed. Yeah. I'd definitely pegged her there. She _had_ been thinking about sacrificing herself back to the vampire just to keep me out of hot water. Did she really think, like Edward, that I was as defenseless as a puppy? I was a full-grown werewolf, for crying out loud, and _she_ wanted to protect _me_?

"Of course," she whispered. "I know. I trust you, Jake. I just… The Volturi are…"

"Hey," I called her attention, forcing her to look up. "I don't care what the Volturi are. I'm not afraid of them. You're here. You're staying here. You're safe."

A ghost of a smile touched her lips.

"This is stupid, you know," she told me. "I'm not worth the risk."

"You are to me," I said without pause.

Bella's eyes went dark, her lips parted, and _I felt it_. Whatever had been between us before—whatever wall had been constructed—had just fallen down. With one last, fatal swoop, I'd broken through. The barrier had crumbled, and there was nothing left between us now except rubble that could be easily swept aside.

As Bella looked at me, I only saw Isabella Swan—the woman she'd once been. Whatever Edward had had over her, had lifted. If not permanently, then it soon would be. The woman that had been tied down was coming up for air, and the real Bella Swan was resurfacing.

_About damn time. _


	16. A Change of Heart

Bella had gnawed her way through some of the bindings that had been holding her back—those ropes that Edward had somehow managed to wrap around her. Watching her find herself again was like watching a rebirth. It was an amazing feat, almost too good to be true, and even though I observed it with my own two eyes, I was waiting for the moment it would be too good to be true. My heart had been trampled too much to trust so easily again.

There was too much riding on this for me not to be wary. Still, I tried to hide my doubt when Bella was watching, to keep the spirits up. Bella was really fighting to come back to me, but she needed support, not doubt. Especially when I knew that she shared at least one apprehension with me.

There was a slight cloud hovering in the air still, brought on, I figured, by the fact that both of us were thinking about Edward's "one week" time frame. I didn't know what exactly would happen at the end of one week, but I didn't care. I'd face whatever it was, and I'd gladly jump on the opportunity to tear into a couple of vampires. I wouldn't let anyone get in the way of Bella's progress. Not when she was so close to opening herself completely to me.

It'd been a long time since the last time that she had. We'd both been teenagers then, consumed by passions that were for people twice our age but had somehow consumed us. Bella had been left, broken and pained, in the woods by Edward and his first desertion. I had been only too eager to come to her aid. The return of Isabella Swan to Forks had been an ordeal to me. The day my dad had taken me with him, and I had laid eyes on Bella for the first time in several years, I'd known I was a goner.

She had been prettier than I'd remembered—now that I no longer associated girls with cooties. Taller, more shapely, but still as clumsy. I'd liked that about her. Perfection had intimidated me, and Bella's inability to keep her own two feet constantly steady with the ground had formed a kinship between us that only I had been aware of. She was beautiful, but flawed. Perfectly flawed.

Before I had known it, I'd been head over heels for Bella Swan, throwing myself into the empty hole Edward had left in her heart in an attempt to wedge myself into every nook and cranny to ascertain that Edward would have no room left in which he could wiggle into. I hadn't succeeded.

I'd become Bella's best friend. It had been my first taste of the damnation of the "friend zone", and I'd hated it ever since. Bella had used me to crawl out of the hole Edward had left her in, but she'd only skimmed the surface of feeling any sort of feeling towards me like she had towards Edward. When he'd come back, I'd been yesterday's news to Bella. I'd been blind to it all along, but she hadn't stopped loving Edward. She hadn't even considered me instead.

I'd been the crutch, and then her heart had healed. At least for the time being.

Now, here I was again, risking my sanity to hold Bella up again in the hope that this time things would end differently. It might have been moronic, but I was living on the idea that this time was different. It _had_ to be different. Edward had come back again, and Bella hadn't thrown herself into her arms this time. She'd stayed with _me_.

Two days later, and she was _still with me_.

I'd given her some space after making sure that she knew that I was still very stubborn on my position of wanting her to stay and assuring her that I could handle myself. I'd ached to reach out to her as I shared my bed with her those following nights, but I'd offered only the comfort of an arm around her waist and restrained my deeper needs from there. I didn't know if it was what I should do or not. I was just too afraid of scaring her off by attempting to do anything else.

I thought I had to be doing the right thing. Three days later, and the hollowness to Bella's face had began to fill in. The color stayed in her face. Her eyes seemed brighter. She hummed as she walked around my house—off-key maybe, but I didn't really care one way or the other. She continued to cook for me, but there was a general improvement to how things tasted. She held conversations, and she didn't become distant.

She was even getting up earlier than me now.

Kind of embarrassing since I was usually up with the sun, tinkering in the garage or reading the paper from the day before. It wasn't my fault that I genuinely slept better with Bella at my side at night. I didn't want to get up early in the morning to bury myself in work anymore. I wanted to lounge in bed into the afternoon with the love of my life and bury myself in _her_. She just wasn't ready for that yet. Maybe I wasn't either.

I pulled on a pair of shorts and a sleeveless shirt that I unearthed from the mound of clothes at the bottom of my closet before treading to the bathroom that morning of the fourth day. Following routine, I turned on the tap, splashed some water onto my face to clear away the sleep, and squeezed toothpaste onto my toothbrush. As I brushed my teeth, I noticed that the bathroom was thick with strawberries.

My stomach rolled in onto itself. Bella must have gotten up even earlier and taken a shower with her strawberry body wash and shampoo. The smell was fresh. I could practically picture her standing exactly where I was, wrapped in nothing but a towel, her hair curling in wet strands against her bare back, while the tops of her breast swelled slightly over the edge of the towel.

My hand curled around the edge of the porcelain sink. Not exactly the smartest way to get my juices flowing in the morning when there would be no gratification for them.

Growling to myself, I finished up the early morning necessities and evacuated the bathroom before I could torture myself any longer. Not that it would help me to see the real life Bella that left all those scents in my bathroom.

Which it didn't.

As I found her standing before my stove, her back turned to me as she began scooping something out of a skillet and onto a plate, all I could imagine was her naked backside. When she heard me enter the kitchen and turned to greet me with a smile, all I could imagine was her naked front half.

"French toast?" she offered, waving the plate before me.

I vaguely registered the toast. I thought of French instead—French kissing. I was pitiful.

"Smells delicious," I told her in way of acceptance, though I was thinking about strawberries.

She set the plate down before my customary spot at the table. I slid into it obediently and tried to train my thoughts on breakfast. Yeah right. Don't hold you're breath. As Bella took the seat across from mine, my thoughts abruptly reverted to their previous subject matter as Bella's knees bumped mine under the table.

"All right, but do they _taste_ delicious?"

I knew a hint when I was given one, as if Bella's eager expression wasn't enough. I cut a corner off the toast, showing more care than I usually warranted to my food, and popped it into my mouth covered in syrup. I made an approving noise as I chewed, because I knew it was what Bella was looking for, but it wasn't exactly forced. It _was_ the best French toast I'd ever eaten. Moist and sweet and…

I started to cut away another bite, but the glossy orange plate that it sat on stopped me. I tapped my fork against it, and found that it was glass. Glass? I didn't have any glass plates. I looked up at Bella, swallowing.

"Where did this plate come from?" I asked her.

There was a smile on her face that hadn't disappeared since I'd grunted my approval over the French toast, and it only cranked itself up a few watts at my next question.

"I bought it for you," she told me. "I snuck out to the store this morning. The reporters are all gone, and I wanted to get out. I bought you a few things while I was there."

"Really?" I couldn't hide my surprise at the idea that she had actually braved the outdoors.

My gaze flicked to the wall clock behind Bella. I was surprised to find that it was already ten o'clock. I _never_ slept that late. Eyeing the clock for a second time just to make sure I'd read it right, I noticed the other "few things" Bella had mentioned. Folded on the counter were some hand towels embroidered with oranges. A centerpiece sat off to its left. It was a basket with white flowers woven in orange plastic oranges. A few other, various orange-themed items were scattered about as well, including a painting I hadn't noticed she'd hung over my fridge. It was an orange hanging by a rope.

"What's with the oranges?" I questioned.

Bella turned slightly red. "Well, you picked orange for the living room."

I lifted a brow. I'd chosen the color orange, not the edible type.

"Oh. Well, uh, thanks."

Bella beamed. It was enough to keep me from commenting that I wasn't a fan of an overkill of oranges. I ate the rest of my breakfast in silence, mentioning once or twice how good the toast was. I didn't really mind that Bella had chosen a kitchen theme for me. It made the place feel more like home, even if it wasn't exactly what I would have picked out. Maybe it was just the fact that it made it feel more like _Bella's _home that appealed to me.

When I was done with breakfast, I took my plate to the sink, rinsed it, and was shooed away before I could apply soap and wash it and what few dishes were piled in there. When I tried to object, Bella told me she was doing it as a favor to herself as much to me, because apparently I wasn't a very skilled dish washer.

I rolled my eyes at her and retreated to the living room. And that was when I discovered the real extent of Bella's little shopping trip. She'd definitely been busy.

She'd bought me curtains, a dark, tribal patterned rug, some more paintings—these of landscapes—and a few trinkets, most of which were sitting on top of a small end table that I had never purchased. There was a large, jungle-looking plant sitting in the corner by a window, and a few pictures I'd had stuffed into my nightstand in my bedroom were now framed and hanging on my walls.

The creased, smiling face of my father looked back at me, as well as a picture of my sisters, and one of me with my arms wrapped around the shoulders of Quill and Embry several years ago. I'd forgotten I'd even had the pictures tucked away. It'd been a long time since I'd looked at them.

Slightly stunned by the change to the room, I stepped forward and plucked a small wolf carved of wood off my new end table.

"Do you like it?"

I jumped at the sound of Bella's voice directly behind me.

"You bought all this?" I asked, turning to look at her.

She'd shooed me into the living room for this exact reason, I could tell. She had then followed me in to watch my reaction as I came upon a newly furnished, decorated living room that only looked vaguely of the one I remembered. The smile remained on her face, but I didn't have one to answer it this time.

"Yes."

I knew that she was considering this a gift to me, that she'd done it only with the intent to make me happy, but I couldn't exactly be thankful for it, and there was a key reason why.

"Why didn't you ask me for the money?"

She blinked, surprised by my question. It wasn't what she'd expected. Of course, she wouldn't see this the way that I saw it. She didn't understand.

"I…" she fumbled. "It's not a big deal, Jake. I had the money. It wasn't that expensive."

But it _was_ a big deal. At least to me. I curled my hand around the little wooden wolf. It was a gift from Bella, one that she'd probably felt was straight from the heart, but it couldn't be like this. I couldn't look at it like that when it'd come to me this way.

"Edward's money," I said, darkly.

Bella caught on without further ado. She blanched slightly, as if I'd just said something incredibly foul. Which I had, of course, because Edward's money had paid for my new gifts, and I didn't want any part of that bastard or his dirty money.

"No," Bella attempted to argue. "It's my money too."

I should have let it go at that. I really should have. Bella's intentions had been completely pure, and the money was really half hers considering she was married to him, but that only made it worse. It felt like charity, not a gift.

"Did you buy it in cash?"

Why did it matter? I didn't know. It still came from the same pocket.

Bella frowned at me. "No. I have a card."

I started to say something, but she cut across me. By then, Bella was well aware as to where I was going with this, and, for once, she seemed ready to fight. Maybe resurfacing had also brought back the fire that had flickered out inside of her.

"Yes, it has Edward's name on it," she snapped, "because I never bought anything he didn't approve of."

The admittance infuriated and pained me. It was as much the fact that Edward had all but paid for the stuff that was now in my house as it was the knowledge that Bella hadn't been allowed to spend her own funds however she'd wanted to. I dropped the wolf back onto the table. Part of me wanted to keep fighting—as if that could take away the layer of grit that seemed to coat everything in my house—but another part of me didn't have the strength.

"I'm going out for awhile," I told her, looking away.

"Fine," she said. "Run away."

I felt the muscles in my face constrict, but I refused to look back at her as I stepped around her and headed for the front door. All I wanted to do was phase and take to the woods.

I couldn't yet deal with the fact that I was finally getting everything I wanted, but all the strings were still attached.

~!~!~!~

"Jake, I know you're out here," Leah called to me.

"Not now, Leah. Go away."

The second I'd phased and disappeared through the line of trees outside my house, I'd heard a chorus of voices in my head. The pack had been out patrolling. I heard Sam's voice deciding that all was clear, that none of the vampires had come back into La Push or Forks since Edward. I heard Quill mention something about being hungry, and Embry second him unhappily.

Seth's attention jumped to me as he felt me phase, but I could still feel tension between us, and I was pretty sure that he was trying his best to block me from being heard or listening to him. I didn't blame him. No telling what Leah's mind had already informed the pack of.

I only knew that it was enough to make them all give excuses about phasing back, even Sam, who only offered me the information that all was clear on the home front, before he phased back. It didn't seem that anyone was game to share my thoughts today as I came into the wolf world as a ball of frustration. Except for Leah, that was.

"We need to talk."

"I don't want to talk."

I growled as Leah appeared at my side anyway. She tilted her grey head at me. I could swear she was smirking.

"You know, if you go to the same place every time you're trying to hide, you're not going to be hidden very well."

I turned my head away. Whatever. The whole point of going to this spot was to signify that I wanted to be alone. It was obviously too much to hope that everyone would honor that request. Especially Leah, who seemed to only live by her own rules. Her tail thumped the ground as if in agreement.

"Maybe you should try it sometime. You're living on the rules you've constructed for yourself based on Bella. You shouldn't do that."

I growled. "It's not like I want to. I don't have any choice. I can't… I can't do anything else."

My chest hurt at the admittance, but it was true. Despite the fact that I was pissed that items bought with Edward's money were sprinkled around my house, I knew it wasn't going to last. I was going to go back in there tonight, apologize, and pretend to enjoy what was there. Because I needed Bella. I wanted Bella to be happy. I wanted to be the source of her happiness. I couldn't back down now that we'd come so far, just because of another obstacle that Edward had inadvertently thrown at me.

I was hopeless. I was a lost cause.

"Stop it," Leah ordered, surprising me. "I can't take it. I can feel how depressed you are, you know."

She shook herself, as if attempting to rid her fur of my particles of sadness that had apparently transported themselves from me to her. I knew what she meant though. I was forcing my feelings onto her, because they were too strong.

"Sorry," I grumbled.

Not that she couldn't have just left and solved the problem then and there. She didn't have to stay a wolf. She didn't have to suffer with me as I helplessly shared my self-pity with her. It was embarrassing enough to realize to myself what a girl I was being, but it was worse that Leah knew now too.

She was well aware, as she probably always had been, about how much I pined for Bella. She knew now how far my hopes had climbed the days following Edward's appearance, about how I was beginning to actually believe that things could change. She could see, I was sure, how the scene in the living room had knocked my feet out from underneath me, busting the foundation I had just begun to build.

Leah whined. "All right, I can't take this."

I glanced over just quick enough to see Leah in her wolf form before, suddenly, it was a human woman beside me, and not an animal. I jolted slightly at her abrupt transformation, accidentally ogling her a bit in the process. Not my fault she phased back naked—knowing she would and not hiding herself first to slip the clothes out of the pouch at her ankle on. She probably didn't care. She probably wanted me to think about the last time I'd seen her naked.

I looked away miserably.

"Phase back, Jacob."

I felt her hand wrap around my ear and tug. I hissed to myself, and it came out a growl.

_Put some clothes on first,_ I wanted to snap back.

But Leah couldn't read my mind now, out of form, so she remained standing there expectantly, stark naked as if nudity wasn't a big deal. It really wasn't among the pack, but Leah had always been that exception, considering that she was the only girl in the group. Even if half the pack did see her as the annoying, late contribution to our team, I knew that none of them would really be able to ignore the wolf that phased back with breasts. That was why we generally, out of respect, went our separate ways before phasing back.

"I'm not waiting around all day, Black. I'll make you," she warned.

I snorted. Yeah. Right. I'd would have liked to have seen her try to make me do anything. I shot her a glance that said as much, but she looked nonplussed about it. It was pretty clear how this was going to go. I obviously wasn't going to get my privacy, and I knew better than to think that she would give up and buzz off, so I was going to have to oblige to see what she wanted. Growling, I turned to duck behind a bush to phase and dress.

Leah caught my ear and held me in place.

"Don't be modest."

It was the challenge and amusement in Leah's voice that provoked me. Not surprising. I phased back without further ado, growing onto two legs rather than four with Leah's fingers still pinched around my ear. Anyone else would have stepped back in awe and fear at the sounds of bones cracking and tendons tearing and realigning. It was another walk through the park for Leah. I eyed her grumpily.

"You're being ridiculous. It would have taken me two seconds to put clothes on."

Leah shrugged, her gaze travelling south and lingering there so long that I nearly fidgeted. She was unnerving. How could she do this to me? I gritted my teeth in annoyance, biting back the lust that tried to surge up. I wasn't looking for sex at the moment, and I didn't want her provoking me in my moment of weakness.

"You're being ridiculous," she retorted. "I've already seen you naked."

I fought the urge to cover myself. "What do you want?"

Leah's smirk faded as she released my ear. I kept my eyes on her face, which was beautiful, but still safer ground than the rest of her body. I privately hoped that some unsuspecting hiker wouldn't happen upon us, or, worse yet, that none of the guys in the pack would feel any need to backtrack for any reason.

"Just wanted to chat," she teased.

It wasn't the time. "Cut the shit, Leah. What do—"

She stepped forward. Her body grazed mine. Little licks of fire danced up my skin. Her lips were against mine before I knew it, tasting me as they parted. I should have stepped away. I was too twisted up inside to keep bouncing between the two females in my life. It wasn't fair to them. Least of all to Leah. I wanted her on a very basic level. I _loved_ Bella.

But it was Leah that broke the kiss. It lasted only seconds.

"Look, Black, I know you need your time," she started, somehow thinking I could keep up though her kiss had just flipped my insides, "but I wanted to throw this out there. I don't love you."

I lifted a brow. What the hell did I need to know that for? Before I could ask, Leah went on.

"I don't love you," she repeated, "but I am attracted to you. I know you're attracted to me too. You can say the date was fake, but the kiss and the sex were real. We're not each other's first loves, I get that, and, hell, we may not ever love anyone like you love Bella and like I loved Sam, but…"

She paused for a second, pursing her lips as if she was reconsidering going on with what she had to say. I almost wished she would. Leah had promised me no strings attached up front, but something about this line of conversation felt like it was treading into dangerous territory.

"But if things don't work out with Bella, I figure I can be a nice substitute. I think you and I have chemistry, and I've been giving it a lot of thought. I know you'd never make the first move though," she told me, and I turned red. "That's why I'm laying this out there. I don't know about Bella, but I _do_ want you, Jacob. I don't know what that entails, but I figure we can find out once you've come to terms with Bella."

I choked slightly. _Come to terms_? What did she think this was? A game? Puppy love? Of all people, Leah should know what it looked like when someone was madly in love with a person to where it was bordering obsession. Not that I… well…. Whatever.

Leah slapped a finger to my lips as I started to stand up for myself.

"That's how this is going to work, Jake. She's either going to stay, or she's going to go. I told you this before, but, if she goes, I just wanted you to know that… Well, I'm interested. You think about that, Black. Get back to me when you've decided."

She pulled back slightly and patted me on the cheek almost condescendingly, and then, annoying me, she turned, and dashed off through the bushes, looking like a wood nymph of Greek mythology. I stared after her for awhile, wondering how my life could get any more complicated.

I didn't know the answer to the question, but I was certain that it _could_.

~!~!~!~

I was sulking on the way back home. I'd retreated to wolf form again, and stayed on four legs only when I was certain that no one else was sharing my brain. I'd needed time to stew, I supposed, over the daunting fact that the girl I didn't love wanted me, and the one I did love wasn't sure what she wanted.

I didn't understand Leah. How could she just say something like that to me? It was so incredibly… Leah-like.

_Hey, this is what I want. Let me know if you want it too. _

And of all times to tell me. My anger with Bella had deflated by the time I made it back to my house, because my own guilty conscience couldn't let me hold a grudge when I felt just as incriminated for wrong-doings. Even though Leah had kissed me, I'd still let her while I was in limbo with my relationship with Bella. It felt close enough to cheating to make me miserable.

My head was hanging as I reached my front door, and it lifted only when the door opened when I was just three steps away. Bella stood in the doorway. Her eyes were puffy and red-rimmed.

Fuck.

"You should have just told me that you'd moved on," she blurted out in a strangled voice. "Why didn't you just admit that you had a thing for Leah? I saw her go into the garage with you, and I can see very well that she's who you went to this time too."

I hadn't expected to face any accusations outside of my own conscience upon returning home, and I looked up at Bella only to see her glaring out to the forest. A quick glance over my shoulder caught the sight of grey fur before the wolf it belonged to pranced out of sight.

Double fuck. What was Leah trying to do here?

_Bella, that's not— _

I started to explain myself, but I stopped when it came out as a short bark and a whine. I'd forgotten I was still in wolf form. She couldn't understand a word I'd said, even though she certainly acted like she'd interpreted it, and apparently badly as well.

Drawing in a deep, angry breath, Bella whirled away from the door and stomped off down the hall. Cursing inwardly, I went after her. I saw her disappear into my bedroom before I reminded myself that I still couldn't stand up for myself when I was in wolf form.

Hissing out a breath, I gritted my teeth around the pain that shook my body as I returned to my human state. I was naked again, of course, but this time I didn't care about my clothes. I closed in on the bedroom in time to see Bella ripping her clothes off of hangers and stuffing them into the one suitcase she'd shown up with.

"Bella, stop. What are you doing?"

As if that wasn't obvious.

Her face remained turned away from me as she collected the rest of her belongings. I had a feeling that her bags had already been half-packed.

"I'm sorry, Jake. I know you have the right to be with Leah. Especially after all the things I've put you through," Bella sobbed out, and I winced, "but I… It doesn't matter. I should have left a long time ago. This is unfair to everyone, and stupid, and dangerous."

I recoiled slightly at what she was talking about. Here she was again, ready to leave me. Just like that. I didn't know if I was more hurt or angry, but I crossed the room to her and caught her wrist before she could stuff another shirt into her bag.

"There's nothing going on between Leah and me." Lie. Sort of. I didn't care. "She's just my friend, my pack mate. I thought I already made this clear to you, Bella. I want you to stay. I can't let you go."

Bella wrenched her wrist away with more strength than I'd thought she'd had in her. She started to whirl on me, probably to yell. At least, I hoped so anyway. I didn't want to hear any more apologies. Especially since I deserved at least a small verbal beating for what I _had_ done with Leah. Whether it should have come from Bella or Leah was a different matter and not important at the moment.

Bella's words, however, clogged in her throat. It was only by the way that her eyes bugged out of her head that I recalled that I was naked. I didn't even care at this point. She gaped for several seconds before she determinedly looked away, so quickly that I thought it might have pulled a muscle in her neck.

"Edward will come back, and so will the Volturi." She paused, and then threw up her hands before going to the closet for more clothes. "That isn't even the point. The point is that we missed our chance a long time ago. Or I did, or whatever. I know you were with Leah, Jake, and you deserve her, you really do. I've been horrible. Pathetic. It's better if I.. if I just go."

I could tell by the way that her breath caught that she'd barely contained another sob, but, instead of comforting her, I extended one arm and batted her suitcase off of my bed and onto the floor as she turned to deposit another shirt. Everything she had already packed spilled out onto the floor.

"Hey!" Bella glared up at me indignantly. "Stop it, Jake! This is serious. I just… I just packed all of that…"

I caught Bella by both of her wrists as she started to bend down to reach for the bag.

"I am being serious, Bella. You're not leaving," I told her. "I don't care what you think, or what you're worried about anymore. This is what we both want, and we're going to fucking have it."

"No. No, it's not, and we can't," Bella argued.

It wasn't much of an argument. As her eyes filled with tears that contradicted her, I knew that I was right, that it was—for better or worse—time. Maybe not the most opportune time, but the right time. The time I wanted, anyway.

As much as she'd pretended to want otherwise, Bella didn't fight as I backed her against my dresser. She just gave a soft gasp as the point of the piece of furniture dug slightly into her back, as if it'd stroked her. I knew acceptance when I saw it. It was looking back at me right now, but I paused as I closed my fingers around the bottom of Bella's t-shirt.

She knew what I was waiting for.

"I need you, Jacob Black," she breathed, and I knew it was true.

She fought me, because she was afraid of the fact that she wanted me—needed me now. I pulled the shirt over her head and tossed it to the floor. The bra she wore was plain white and simple. No frills for Bella. I stepped forward, straining against her and the denim shorts that separated us, though I knew she could feel me, hard, against the inside of her thigh. I could tell by the way that she quivered. I ran my hands up her sides.

"Tell me what you want, Bella," I demanded. "Tell me that you want _me_."

"I want you, Jacob," she groaned slightly as I dipped my head to press my mouth against her neck. "Please."

Yes. I was right. It was finally time.

_Finally. _


	17. Unexpected Visitor

**BPOV**

A few days ago, before Edward had shown up, I'd woken up on top of Jacob Black. Staring into his face, I'd been amazed and frightened of what I'd seen, because I couldn't tell if it wasn't my own emotions reflecting back at me. I'd pushed Jacob away in fear, and he'd stormed out of the house. I'd lingered maybe twenty seconds on the couch after the front door slammed, and then I'd decided to go out after him. I'd thought I was prepared to hide from what he did to me, but then I realized, so abruptly, that I wanted what he did to me. I wanted him.

It was a crazy revelation for a girl that had spent her entire life thriving on a few spared glances from her vampire husband, a girl that hadn't thought there was a world outside of Edward Cullen for the last few years. I couldn't say how I knew it, but I just knew that there was finally something else out there worth fighting my way back for.

I'd gotten to the kitchen, and had paused in front of the window as I'd gotten sight of Jacob disappearing through the garage door. I stared out the glass, across the lawn, thinking I could see the frame of the door rattling with the force with which Jacob had slammed it. I'd reconsidered going after him.

_Maybe I should let him cool down first? I don't want him to be mad when…I tell him._

It'd been then that I had seen Leah Clearwater strutting across the yard in a pretty, white dress. At first I hadn't been sure it was her. I'd never seen Leah wear a dress. I'd never seen Leah wear _high heels_. It actually took me at least three minutes to realize what was going on, to remember the "fake" date she'd been on with Jacob and to connect the dots. I remembered very clearly the way Jacob had come home distraught that night. Not all of it could have been from his frustration with me.

She was going in there to seduce him. I knew it. It seemed absurd, but I just knew it.

I waited there by the kitchen window for at least thirty minutes before I decided I'd had enough. Leah had went in, and Jacob hadn't sent her back out. That only meant _one_ thing. It'd taken me all this time only for me to realize what I really wanted too late.

From there, it was a blur of tears, of packing, of being caught in the act of leaving by Jake after he'd apparently finished up with Leah. I hadn't wanted to admit what I suspected. I didn't felt like I had a right, and it hurt too much anyway. I'd tried to leave, but Jacob hadn't let me, and I hadn't known if it was because of his own feelings or the simple fact that paparazzi were swarming around his yard.

I tried to stay mad about Leah. I tried to use it to remind myself of all the reasons why I should have left, but each time I got close to running, Jacob seemed to be there, in presence or in thought, and I didn't run. I didn't run, because even if Jacob was in love with Leah now, I didn't want to lose him. It was complicated, and sometimes it didn't make sense, but I couldn't stand against what was coming over me the past couple of weeks.

When Edward had shown up, I'd proven that.

In all honesty though, I'd expected myself to run back to my vampire senator. I was so used to the intense longing I usually felt for Edward, that I was stunned when I didn't feel its ropes snap tight around me and drag me right back into the cycle. That was how it had always worked before. I'd loved Edward, pined for him, and had gladly kissed his feet when I was accepted back. Just like the first time he'd left, when I was in high school. I'd been a mess. I'd been broken and incomplete and in horrible, excruciating pain, because I had loved him so completely, and he'd left me so easily.

Despite that, the second he'd returned, I'd jumped at the chance to have him back, forgetting Jake on the side of the road.

But not this time. This time, I stood behind Jake. I let him defend me against Edward. Though I feared the threats of the Volturi and my one week to comply, something inside of me had shifted, as if I was realizing, for the first time, how pathetic my relationship with Edward really was. I had been the only delusional one that thought that there had been love between us.

I had suddenly become incredibly selfish, and I couldn't leave Jacob.

Especially not now, pinned against his dresser, his hands on my bare sides. I had been waiting for this moment since the night on the couch. I had been dreaming of his hands against me when I couldn't ask for them in the light of day when we were both awake. I'd been fantasizing of the bronze, naked skin that now stood exposed before me, lined where his muscles were carved. Edward had been marble, but Jacob was somehow made of earth and rock, chiseled from the very land he came from, and soft and pliant at some points while hard and strong at others. His dark eyes were on me—just me—and I could practically see him drinking me in.

He'd asked me what I'd wanted, and the truth was that everything I wanted stood before me right now. I didn't know how long it would or could last with all the things that I was unwillingly tied to, but it was happening in this moment, and I would enjoy it while I could. I drew in a breath as Jacob's thumb skimmed under the line of my bra. I caught the hand before it could slide to the back and unclasp me, and I drew it up to my mouth, skimming his thumb over my lips.

Jacob's eyes grew two shades darker.

"This is what I want, Jake."

"Me too."

I'd suspected it all along, but the simple admittance undid me. I sagged against him as he pulled his hand away and replaced it with his lips. I felt his arms circle me, lift me, and carry me two steps over before laying me gently onto his bed. I'd slept there several nights before, but it was different now. As he slid over me, I felt his length brush up my thigh. I shivered. I started to reach for him.

"No. Let me."

I dropped my hands without a fight. There was no fight left in me as Jacob's hands trailed across my body. All my muscles went lax. As his arm slid underneath me, I could only lay there helplessly, waiting for him. I felt his fingers work the clasp of my bra loose, and he pulled it aside. I started to lift an arm automatically, to cover myself, but Jacob caught it.

"It's just me, Bells. No need to be shy," he assured me, smiling a little too smugly. "Just lay there. Let me do this."

I didn't have any choice. He dipped his head, and his teeth caught my nipple. I squirmed against him, gasping, as he smoothed the sharpness with a quick flick of his tongue. All I could do was slide my hand into his thick, dark hair and hold on. He was gentle and slow, but he felt merciless as he teased my taut skin.

"Jake…"

In response, I felt him work the button of my shorts loose. It didn't help. It just made things worse as he took his time sliding the denim down my legs and tossing them to the floor before sliding his way back up my body. I reached for him, but Jacob stopped short near my waist. His hand caught the thin material of my panties and pulled them aside, and I felt Jacob's tongue enter me. I hissed out a breath. Oh my God. I was seeing stars. Stars, just from the way he was using his mouth. I wasn't used to this. I couldn't take it. I could barely _breathe_.

I squirmed, arched, and pulled at his hair to bring him back up to me, t_o give me what I really wanted_.

"Come here," I pleaded.

_Did he just laugh at me? _If I'd had the strength, I'd have glared at him as he finally drew back up over me. He had definitely laughed. I could see it in his eyes. He was enjoying torturing me. Annoyed and needy, I looped my arms around his neck and pulled him down to me, sinking my teeth into his collarbone. It was his turn to gasp. I arched against him, trailing kisses up his neck.

"H-Hey, I wanted.. I wanted to take this slow," he breathed uncertainly.

"No," I decided for us both. "Not this time. Right now, Jacob."

I felt his weight shift against me as his hands went down to dig into my hips.

"But you—"

"Right now, Jacob," I hissed again, and, arching, this time I felt his tip brush me.

He made a choking noise deep in his throat, but he didn't hold out against me any longer. Next time we could be slow and romantic and soft. Right now… Right now I needed Jacob. I wanted Jacob. More than I had ever wanted _anyone_.

His hands at my hips lifted me. I saw his eyes catch mine, almost as if in question. Whatever he saw staring back at him left no room for doubt. As I waited, anxious and almost hurting, I felt him. Slowly, gently, he pushed into me.

It was a remarkable fight between pleasure and pain. I gritted my teeth. I nearly choked on a gasp. I felt him move, all the way, until he was completely buried inside of me.

"Bella," he said my name as if in wonderment.

I was staring up at him. I was seeing something that seemed to just be breaking through the clouds to me. His eyes were filled with tenderness as he stared down at me, and I was really seeing him. Just him. No one else. It was just Jacob Black, and it made perfect sense. I was in love with Jacob. Maybe I always had been.

Could I tell him? Could I admit it as we laid there, intertwined and completely together for the first time? There was so much between us, so much that my life was still chained to. I couldn't… I couldn't complicate it more until I made sure that this was the way it could and would be. Instead of confessing, I simply said his name.

"Jacob."

His face broke into a dazzling smile, the type I hadn't seen since we were both teenagers, and then he began moving inside of me, and all my clear thoughts turned into blurred memories as I simply held onto the moment and my first time with Jacob.

My first time.

---------

**JPOV**

I'd meant to do it right.

I had always envisioned our first time together with roses and candlelight, whispered nothings and champagne. I'd thought that I would take everything slow and savor the moment, savor my first real taste of Bella. I'd show her what she was missing out on and what she should really want.

It didn't turn out that way at all. Bella was very persistent, and a lot needier than I had thought. All at once, my own bottled emotions for the past few weeks seemed to become embodied in Bella, and she was the one that couldn't wait or get enough.

Not that I could really complain once I was inside her. She was tight and warm, and more than I had imagined. I was so busy driving myself into her, getting lost in the rhythm and my own blind desire that I didn't really pay much attention to anything except the way her fingernails scraped down my back, and she squeezed around me as she arched. All I could hear were her soft, little gasps and the beat of her heart. It might have sounded ridiculous, but I actually heard it. Maybe it was the sound of my own heart thumping in my ears, but it was the same difference now, because we were united.

It wasn't until after we were done, that I realized my mistake.

I'd been filled with words I didn't know how to say, with feelings I didn't know how to express. I'd wanted to collapse right there on top of her, panting and sweating, and fall asleep with her underneath me. I might have if I hadn't been so worried about squishing her underneath my weight. Instead, I rolled off to the side, drawing in a deep breath and choking on it as I blew it out, because I spotted a circle of red.

Red? What the hell? Had I spilled something in here? Kind of embarrassing. Not only had I not managed the romantic aspect of our first time, but I had gone one step in the other direction by making love to Bella on dirty sheets. Mortified, I started to sit up, and then….

"Bella?"

She hadn't moved. Laying flat on her back, she was staring dreamily up at the ceiling. Her hair was mussed and damp from sweat, but she looked incredibly content and proud of herself. Her mouth was curled into a pleased smile, and she made no move to shield herself this time as I looked down at her naked body.

Naked, slightly bruised body. When had I held her hips hard enough to tease out those dark lines of fingers and hand? The beauty and pleasure of sex with the woman I loved was beginning to rapidly diminish.

Finally drawing her eyes away from whatever cloud she was floating on, Bella seemed to realize that I was upset. She started to sit up, and I caught the way she winced before she could hide it. What a perfect time to feel guilty.

"Yeah, Jake?"

She mustered up a smile that actually seemed genuine. I couldn't answer it as I pointed to the red stain on the sheets.

"What—?"

Bella's cheeks tinted themselves pink, but her smile remained. It was one of those truly feminine expressions that a guy would never understand.

"You were my first, Jake."

She said it so simply, so softly, but all of the implications were there. I stared at her in disbelief, feeling my stomach tie up in knots, and I couldn't tell if that was good or bad. _Her first_? I tried to think of something else she could possibly be referring to, but I knew from the look on her face and the proof of my sheets exactly what she meant.

I was the first and only person she'd had sex with.

"But…" I wasn't quite sure what to say.

What about Edward? The guy she was married to? She'd been with him for several years now, and I knew that dirt bag would never be honorable enough to keep his hands to himself. But how did I word that kind of thought to the woman he was married to? Bella saved me the difficulty.

"I'm human," she reminded me, as if I'd somehow forgotten.

I guessed that I had.

"Edward has never seemed to think that I… could keep with his standards. He might accidentally kill me in the process. I sort of thought it was his concern for me that made him celibate," she explained, "but then there were women like Tanya and other mortals, and I know now it must have just been because of my blood. That's why he kept me around so much, right?"

I didn't really think she'd posed the question to me, but I didn't answer it regardless. I didn't have anything positive to say about Edward, and I didn't want to hurt Bella's feelings. So, instead, I dealt with the idea that I was Bella's _first_.

And I'd really made a mess of things.

_If I'd just known, I would have taken more care_, I told myself, but another part of me wasn't so sure. I had wanted Bella just as urgently as she had wanted me, so there'd really hadn't been any contest on my behalf when she'd rushed things along.

"What's wrong?"

I looked away. "I hurt you. You're bruised."

I could see Bella smile out of the corner of my eye. "It was perfect."

"That wasn't perfect," I grumbled. "That was reckless."

Bella's hand covered mine on top of the sheets. She squeezed, lacing her fingers with mine. I reluctantly looked her way. She was still smiling. As if this was the best thing that had happened to her. How could it be? I was an animal. It _was_ the best thing that had ever happened to me, and I'd botched it.

"Fine. Show me what it feels like when it's perfect then," Bella challenged.

Before I could register what she was talking about, Bella rolled onto my lap.

Holy hell. Had I ever mentioned how much I liked second chances?

~!~!~!~

"Why are you wearing that?"

Bella glanced over her shoulder at me. She'd been scrambling eggs—We'd decided to have breakfast for dinner after a long day spent in bed together—and she lifted a spatula covered in soft yellow. I was sitting at the kitchen table, pointing at her body with one finger, and Bella automatically took a peek down at herself to try and figure out what I was talking about.

"Uh… it's my pajamas," she said uncertainly.

She was dressed in a pair of baggy sweatpants and a plain white t-shirt. Though the t-shirt was form-fitting enough to allow me to admire her curves, the pants were too large for me to ascertain the firm shape of her ass, which was definitely something I enjoyed staring at. Especially now that I knew what it looked like unclothed.

"Wouldn't you rather cook me breakfast naked?"

Bella's face turned slightly red. "This isn't breakfast."

"I'd still rather see you naked."

I could tell I'd put Bella somewhere between pleased and mortified, and I was completely satisfied by this. This was what I wanted: playfully banter in the kitchen with Bella while she cooked us a late night breakfast directly after we'd spent all day having sex. At a time when I could still remember the press of her curves and the feel of her hot, wet, and ready. While I could still recall the exact taste of her on my tongue.

"Tough luck," Bella teased, and then she turned back to the eggs.

Fuck the eggs. I could usually eat enough to feed a small family all on my own, but I wasn't worried about the emptiness of my stomach. I just wanted Bella. Having her in my arms most of the day hadn't been enough. I needed her all the time.

I stood from the table so quickly that the chair nearly fell. Bella's only warning was the sound of the legs grating against the floor. But it was too late by then. I'd already circled the table.

"Hey! Stop! I'm really hungry, Jake!"

She tried to ward me off with the spatula in her hand, but her defenses fell as she started laughing after smacking me solidly on the arm with it. I didn't really know what was _so_ funny about that. It stung, but I was more concerned about getting my hands cupped on her perfect ass, lifting her and setting her on the counter where I could take her.

Which I did.

I had imparted one steamy kiss and had just worked my hand down the front of her sweatpants when the doorbell rang.

Son of a bitch.

What was with people calling on me at moments like these? I growled against Bella's mouth that I had smothered under mine, and though I could feel the tension of anticipation in her body, she giggled in response to my frustration. I pulled back enough to shoot her a wilting look, but it only amused her further.

"You better answer it," she told me, as the doorbell rang again, and then once more.

"I have a better idea."

I started to work Bella's pants downward, but she caught them and shoved me off. Or tried to. When I didn't budge, she wiggled away from me and slid off the counter.

"We explored that idea all day," she reminded me. "You know what happens when you get too much of a good thing, right?"

The doorbell rang again.

"Yeah," I told her. "You die a happy man."

She rolled her eyes at me. "Do you need me to open it for you?"

I rolled my eyes at her in turn, but I faltered slightly. Caught up in the fun and games, I'd momentarily forgotten what world it was that we were living in: a world where vampires lurked. It hadn't been a week yet, but what if it was Edward on the other side of the door, or someone equally as unpleasant? The idea must not have occurred to Bella yet, so, to save her from it, I waved her off.

"No, no. Let me handle the manual labor here."

"Opening a door isn't really manual labor," she responded, but she didn't follow me as I turned to go to the door.

At least, I didn't think she did. I'd realize later and too late that she had.

Going to the door and hoping that whatever was on the other side wouldn't cause this wonderful fantasy to end so much sooner than I expected, I wrapped my fingers around the knob, twisted, pulled, and was disappointed. Though, at first, I didn't know what could be dangerous—as surprising and unsuspected as her appearance was—about a small, blond girl that barely looked like she'd reached her teen years.

But even before I heard Bella give a little gasp behind me, I thought there was something off about her. She was dressed like an adult in straight lines and ironed folds. Her hair was slicked back into a bun, and her eyes looked cold and too mature for her body. She radiated an ugly aura, and I felt it before I realized what _color_ her eyes were.

"Jane," Bella said in disbelief.

The little girl tilted her head to the side, her eyes shifting to my right, at which side Bella had materialized. The look alone she gave her—like Bella was some sort of foul, curious thing—made me want to step in front of her to cut her out of view, but it was too late.

"Ah, you remember me," the girl spoke in a light, childish voice. "I thought, having met me only once at one of Edward's functions, that I'd have the pleasure of reintroducing myself to you."

The girl, Jane, smiled then. It was the calculated smile of someone more than twice her age, and it reminded me of the other vampires I'd encountered in my life. That was, of course, what this girl had to be. Not only did she look it, but she _smelled_ like it. The Volturi, maybe?

"Yes." It was all Bella said.

Disappointed by her initial target, Jane turned her head back toward me. She wrinkled her nose slightly, and I wondered if she must have caught my scent. I wondered what she thought I was to have a smell like that.

"You must be Jacob Black," Jane decided. "I've read much about you."

I scowled. I thought of a clichéd comeback like, _Don't believe everything you read_, but it really was _too_ clichéd, and, at the moment, I really didn't want to talk to this vampire anyway. I'd rather toss her out on her—

Wait. Vampire. Why hadn't I felt her go over the boundary line? I shot a glance at the surrounding woods outside my house, but I saw no trace of movement. Maybe I'd been too preoccupied with Bella. Maybe the others were just slow getting over here. Whatever the case, I could surely handle one pint-sized vampire.

"Yeah, that's me. You must be a Volturi," I deduced, and Jane smirked. "I suppose Cullen told you that Bella isn't coming back then."

Jane's brows lifted. "No, actually. He must have forgotten that part. He did mention something about one week, however."

She laughed a little, like this was some private joke that I wasn't clued in on. I felt my skin crawl. I wanted this woman-child off of my lawn. She felt wrong in every way, and I didn't trust her. Not that I trusted _any_ vampire.

"You can all shove that deadline up your asses," I snapped. "Bella's not going back to Cullen. She's staying right here with me."

"Uh huh," Jane murmured, but, instead of looking pissed, she actually looked amused.

It reminded me of a really twisted form of Leah, and it made me feel bad instantly for comparing Clearwater to anything like this. The little pings of heat that usually started skirting up my spine when I got angry started doing their dance. There was nothing amusing about what I was trying to communicate here, but Jane apparently thought that there was.

As if dismissing me, her gaze cut back to Bella.

"I understand your friend's ignorance, as he has no experience with us, but I assume you are still fully aware of the rules that concern your relationship to and knowledge of my kind."

Ignorance? I started to snarl. Bella's tight voice behind me stopped me.

"Yes." It was like the squeak of a mouse.

She was really and truly afraid of this miniature vampire. I looked over at Bella. She was pale in the face, but the movement of me turning to her must have snapped her back to the reality of my presence. She remained pale, but some of her strength was trying to fight back.

"But… I don't want to go back to Edward. I-I've decided to stay here."

"Isn't that quaint?"

Bella ignored her. "I'm not going to tell anyone."

Jane laughed outright, like Bella had just made a really amusing joke. I stiffened in response, preparing to fight if that was what this was going to come to, which it undoubtedly would if this Jane kid didn't stop laughing at Bella.

"Oh, Isabella, I believe you. I do, but that's not how things work," Jane sighed. "You see, when the Volturi give you orders, you follow them. Otherwise, something sort of like this happens."

I prepared for a punch, or a bite, or whatever it was that this kid could do that so deeply intimidated Bella, but, for a few minutes, nothing at all happened.

Then Jane's small, thin lips rose slightly upward into a wicked smile, and her gaze flicked to me, giving me more attention than she had before. I faintly heard the sound of Bella sucking in a breath, as if she was just realizing what sort of attack Jane had in mind, and then I felt it.

The little girl in my line of sight stayed completely immobile, but, all at once, it was like I was on fire—worse than phasing fire. On fire while being stabbed by knifes and somehow drowned as well. I hissed out a breath, but I couldn't even scream as I felt the pain tear through me, doubling me over, until it brought me to my knees seconds later. Someone was bashing my head with a hammer while they wrenched my joints from their sockets and cut me into tiny pieces.

Fuck. Fuck! I was going to _die_.

"Stop it!" I heard Bella shout.

But I couldn't see her. I couldn't see Jane either. I felt my eyes roll. I saw nothing at all. I lived inside a black hole where things beat and tortured me, where all I could hear was the sound of me screaming though nothing left my lips. My jaw had locked into place, clamping my suffering inside. I'd felt the rough slam of the wooden floor hitting the side of my face when I'd fallen, but that was nothing compared to what I felt inside.

"NO! Please! Please, stop! Please!"

My body was writhing, twisting in ways I didn't know it could twist. I felt Bella's hand on my arm, but it didn't help. It made everything worse. Her touch was like needles. Needles piercing my flesh. I was going to throw up if I could just get my mouth open.

"He'll meet his death, and you yours for breaking our deal," I heard Jane speaking calmly somewhere over me.

I heard Bella scream, but it wasn't louder than my scream. The one inside my fucking head. My head that must have been split in two for all the pain I was in. My brains had to be on the floor. Bella was going to see me die. I couldn't even put up a fight.

"No!" Bella was sobbing now. "I'll do anything! I'll go back! I'll go back!"

_No. No that was not what I wanted! Let me die right here, but don't go back to that prick. Don't _leave me_, please._

But I couldn't say it out loud. Bella couldn't hear me inside of my own head. All she could hear was Jane's threats. All she could see was me dying at her feet, but why couldn't she just know, after today, after everything we'd been through, that I'd rather die than lose her this time? I'd die anyway. Even if it wasn't this Jane bitch that killed me.

"It won't just be going back," Jane spoke. "You know what else must be done, and soon. We won't wait as long this time."

I heard Bella release a horrible sob. Somewhere in the recesses of my pain, I wondered what the hell else must be done that Jane was talking about. No, no. Whatever it was, no.

"Okay, okay!" Bella agreed. "Just please let him go."

"Get your things. You'll be leaving with me. I can't trust Edward to handle his own affairs."

I was locked somewhere deep inside a hell that I'd never known could exist, while the love of my life bartered herself away to save me, and I couldn't do anything to stop her. I couldn't protect her as I promised, because I was being stabbed and burned and drowned. I was being murdered from the inside out, and I was as helpless as a newborn puppy. I wasn't a wolf at all. I was barely a man inside this hole.

I didn't hear Bella go to my room to get her clothes. I didn't hear her come back. I'll I heard was a tiny, whimpered, "Goodbye", that came close to my ear. I couldn't hear anything else outside of the demons in my head.

Jane must have been powerful. She must have been a head honcho vampire, because I couldn't do anything for some time after. I couldn't see or hear, but I felt it deep inside of me that, while I lay helpless and hurting on the floor, Bella was moving farther and farther away. I was losing Bella. Jane was taking her back to Edward.

When the vampire's infliction finally lifted, I was a man brought back to life only to die again. Bella was gone. Bella was long gone.

I screamed then, but it ended in a howl as I exploded into wolf form, hit the ground outside my house running, and tried to follow the vampire's scent. I followed it to the boundary line—to the fucking boundary line where it magically disappeared.

_"Jacob, what's wrong?" _

_ "What the hell happened?" _

_ "Was there a vampire? Was that Edward? One of the Cullen's?" _

I heard the voices of Leah, Quill, and Sam in rapid succession, but they were just hollow noises in my head as another howl ripped up my throat. I wanted to be furious that they hadn't come in time to help, but, even if they had, that little vampire probably could have outmanned us all.

I couldn't be furious anyway. I couldn't be anything, because I was dying. I was dying on the inside, because I'd just lost everything.

_"They took Bella. She took Bella. Bella's gone." _

I wasn't really talking to the others. It was simply the only thing my brain continued to repeat. I was empty. I was lost. I was in pain.

I was dying. I was dead.


	18. City Sights

Sitting on a plane to New York, I had the time to reflect on the fact that I'd somehow made it alive and without any speeding tickets to the airport from La Push. It was probably tempting fate, but I'd sped out of La Push like a bat out of hell as soon as I had wrangled a plane ticket over the telephone.

It'd taken too long. I had had to wait longer than I'd been able to stand to chase after Bella as I'd waited and bartered and gathered all the money I'd been saving to go on the biggest chase of my life.

I hadn't stopped moving since then. I'd kept the peddle of my beat up old car to the floorboard, and, despite how it had rattled and groaned, I'd roared out of La Push tempting 80 and the security of my own wheels. I was a man on a mission, and death was no longer an obstacle to me. If my car broke into a million pieces, I'd just go with it. I'd take my chances. If I died now, it might actually be doing me a favor.

Because Bella was gone. Bella was _gone_.

My hands tightened around the armrests of my seat. My knuckles went white. I might have frightened the person sitting next to me a couple of times as I let out soft growls that mingled with low groans. I was going to be sick or phase or just explode in my seat. I couldn't take just sitting still now.

Since the moment I'd chased the dying scent of Jane to the boundary line, I hadn't stopped moving. Shaking off the concern of my pack mates, I'd translated only one clear thought to them as I'd fled back to my house: _Stay out of this. I'm going after her. Don't try to stop me_.

Leah had objected the most feverishly, but it hadn't mattered. She couldn't deny an order. None of them could. They had to obey the command. Underneath my pain and fear and desperation, I was still the alpha of my pack, and they had to let me go on a possible suicide mission if I wanted to, and I damn well wanted to.

I'd known from the second I'd broken free of the torment Jane had somehow inflicted me with that I would go after her. I wasn't going to go down without a fight. I wasn't going to let them to do whatever Jane had been threatening to do to her. I'd emptied out my funds in the bank, and I'd begun making telephone calls to get my hands on some plane tickets. I'd been in the middle of arguing with faceless voices over the wire, desperate and angry for any flight that could take me to New York that very day when someone had knocked on my door.

I remembered nearly dropping the phone, half of me—the foolish, naïve half—almost believing that it was Bella back, that somehow she'd broken free of Jane. No such luck. It had been Charlie Swan. Police Chief Swan looking more tired and old and worried than I had ever seen him look.

Since there was nothing productive I could do trapped inside the tube of the airplane I was on, I replayed the meeting in my head for something to focus on.

_"Jake?"_

_ I'd opened the door holding my breath. The sight of Charlie instead of Bella seemed to puncture my lungs, and I exhaled heavily. I was deflated. Charlie looked no better, though he still had the anxious look of a man that was mildly hopeful that he were going to find what he'd come looking for. I'd known what he had come looking for, and I was going to have to disappoint him. _

_ "Charlie," I'd said in way of greeting. _

_ I should have tried to hide my despair, but it was still too strong and fresh for me to mask it. I'd just made love to Bella, and she'd been taken away from me less than an hour afterward. I'd just finally gotten through to the woman she had buried, and she had been wrenched out from underneath my grasp just as she'd finally started reaching for me. I couldn't describe the pain that inflicted, but it surely translated itself across my face. _

_ "She's not here," Charlie deducted after several tense seconds. _

_ I shook my head. No. She wasn't here. She'd been stolen. She'd been taken from me. My throat threatened to close. The pain Jane had caused me had been horrible, but this huge, sucking wound in my chest was much worse than that. _

_ "No. Not anymore." _

_ I could see Charlie sag. I thought for a second that he might actually crumple in on himself in my own doorway. I should have reached out to support him, but I could barely hold myself up. I was running only on my plan to rescue Bella. _

_ The thought reminded me of the phone that was dangling from my limp hand. I couldn't remember if I'd actually been talking to anyone when I'd answered the door. If I had, they'd probably hung up by now._

_ "I should have come earlier," Charlie muttered, and I understood his guilt. "Renee… Renee asked me to, but I didn't want to scare her off. I just wanted—I just wanted her to be safe and happy." Charlie swallowed and looked away for a moment. "Where is she?"_

_ "Edward came here for her." I didn't think it was necessary to tell the entire truth there. Charlie, after all, was unaware of the land of mythical creatures that lived and breathed around him. Me included. _

_ I saw Charlie's face tighten as he realized that he was too late, that he'd just missed the daughter he'd so desperately sought these past several years. It reminded me of the ghost he'd become after Bella had disappeared to New York the first time with her new husband. He'd been devastated. I'd thought then that he might be the only kindred soul I had—that we both felt the same pain in some ways. _

_ Charlie continued to linger in the doorway, but I saw his gaze travel past me. I knew what he was looking at. I'd left a mess in my hurried wake to scrape up money, to find my phone book that I'd misplaced long ago, and to locate the keys to my car that always seemed to get lost somewhere in my house. _

_ "You're going after her," Charlie said, breaking our one-syllable conversation. _

_ It wasn't a question. I looked up. Could he tell how I felt by the look on my face? I could only guess that he knew Bella had been here by the tabloids that had exposed us. Had he believed the story? It hadn't been true then. I had been the only one with feelings then. Bella had only just recently recognized her own. _

_ "Yes. I am," I admitted without hesitation, "and I'm going to get her back. I love her." _

_ I didn't know why I admitted it, but it seemed like something he should know. Charlie drew in a deep breath, studying me across the threshold of my house. Maybe he was trying to decide if I was up to the task. I didn't need his approval though. Whether or not I was, I was going to do it. He surprised me by reaching into his pocket and handing me a small wad of money. _

_ "Here. It's a long trip to New York."_

_ I started to refuse. "I can manage."_

_ Charlie pushed away my hand as I tried to give him back his money. "Just bring my daughter back, Jacob. That's all I want. The money isn't anything." _

_ I knew that Charlie wasn't any good with his emotions. I wasn't really either. That was why I understood when he merely tipped his head toward me, frowning, and turned to leave. _

_ "I'll get her back," I called after his retreating back. _

_ I thought he'd nodded again. _

And I would. It didn't matter what I had to do, I was going to get her back. I repeated it over and over in my head like a chant during the flight to New York. Once the plane landed, I would go straight to Edward's mansion, and I would reclaim the woman I loved.

Even if I had to kill someone to do it. Hopefully, that someone would end up being Edward.

When the flight finally landed, when I streamed out into the airport with the rest of the passengers, I was a man with a one track mind. I hadn't brought anything with me but the clothes on my back, money, and plane tickets. I used the money to hire a taxi, and I was on my way to the remote location of Edward's mansion only twenty minutes after landing in New York.

I'd never been to New York before—or really anywhere outside of La Push—but I barely saw the scenery as my taxi wove in and out of traffic, pausing at stoplights, and cutting down side streets. I couldn't see anything outside my window except for Bella's face. It was emblazoned in my mind. She was a living part of me now.

I gave the cab driver the directions that Bella had given me long ago—the first time she'd ever ran to me when she'd become unhappy with her husband and life. I'd written them down then, on a now yellowed piece of notebook paper that I'd buried in the bottom drawer of the nightstand by my bed, trying, for all these years, to forget that it was there. Now I was glad I'd never had the guts to throw away what had once been my last connection to Bella.

It wouldn't be my last connection again. It would be the map that brought her back to me.

I strained against my seatbelt, leaning forward in my seat to stare out the windshield. I had to be making the cabbie nervous, but I didn't care. He kept shooting me nervous glances as I made impatient noises, and I knew I had to be intimidating him—like I'd beat his ass if he didn't get me there faster—but I wasn't trying to. I couldn't help the fact that my massive frame seemed to swallow his backseat and that he was just a scrawny little man with a squeaky voice and thick accent.

I checked my piece of paper with the signs we passed, and knew that we were getting close. It seemed like it was taking forever though, and I'd already lost an entire day, because I hadn't been able to find an available plane that would have left last night. I'd had to wait until the next day.

"Come on, come on," I growled as we left the city behind for a long, winding road that seemed to have found the only chunk of nature left that the city beside it hadn't swallowed whole.

Bella's house was out here—remote and fancy and lined with all the other massive houses that belonged to all the other rich men just like Edward.

"This is taking too long," I decided.

The cabbie shrunk in his seat, like I was actually going to hit him. I rolled my eyes, though I did clap him a little roughly on the shoulder as we came to stop sign, and I decided his four wheels just weren't fast enough for me.

"I'm getting out here. Keep the change."

I tossed him what I thought was close to the right amount before I shoved open the door of the cab. I vaguely heard the sound of a _pop_ as I jogged down the small slope beside the road toward a line of trees. I might have pushed the door off its hinges. That might have been why I heard the cabbie shout indignantly in my direction as I cut through the line of trees.

But I didn't turn back. I stripped naked instead as I escaped the view of the road, exposing the pouch that had been hidden underneath the leg of my jeans so that I could stuff all of my clothes in. Bella's house was close—Bella was close—and I didn't waste time.

I ran. I ran like crazy, and somewhere in the middle of one of my long strides, I dropped to four feet, and ran through the forest in the shape of a wolf. The burst of speed I felt on my own four legs was exhilarating. The wind whistled around me, streaking through my fur, urging me on even though I was running against it. The earth underneath my paws was steady and warm. The sunlight cutting through the trees seemed to wink at me. I was one with my surroundings. I was at home here. I felt powerful, redeeming myself from the horrible weakness that Jane had left me with.

Now I was moving. I was finally really moving, and I was moving fast.

Without having to stick to the roads, I could cut through the forest that cloaked the homes of the wealthy, and I could run without regarding any speed limits. I didn't need my yellowed piece of paper anymore, because now I was close enough, and I could smell the unforgettable stench of vampire.

_I'm coming, Bella. I'm coming. _

----------

**EPOV**

Being roused from the arms of my newest lover by the return of my wife the day before had been perhaps the worst way to leave the warmth of a woman. It being the gift from Jane of the Volturi soiled the experience even more, extinguishing my aroused state of desire for my newest fling like a waterfall spilled on top of a campfire.

At first, I'd been admittedly and acceptably pissed, welcoming the sight of my wife and Jane with a scowl and barely containing the words, _"What are you doing here?"_ from escaping my lips. It was a toss-up as to who I was referring to as well. Either would have sufficed.

Then I'd been informed, in so many words, that my time had been cut short, that my problems had been handled by someone more capable—that being, laughably, Jane—and that I was now on a completely new timeline. A timeline that required me either to kill or to turn Isabella. It was a difficult choice.

Especially upon seeing the woman it concerned. I'd grown used to the shadows under her eyes some time ago, but Bella now looked far worse for wear. Her eyes were swollen, red, and somehow dull as she obediently stumbled into my front hall after Jane had pushed her forward. Her hair was a tangled mess and she seemed lifeless enough already, which made it almost unbelievable as to why the Volturi would fear this one human.

Not to mention, I wasn't particularly inclined to her at the moment, seeing as how she'd betrayed, humiliated me, and come home smelling like she'd rolled in Jacob Black's disgusting scent. The stench of wolf covered her from head to toe.

It was only because Jane was there that I ushered her in, played the loving husband who felt hurt by her betrayal, and made certain that she was washed and put to bed so that she could sleep off whatever ailment it looked as if she'd contracted. The show was all for Jane at that time, and she apparently believed it enough to inform me that she was returning home. Though she made certain to remind me that this new timeline was real and dangerous to neglect.

That was why I'd spent that night considering Bella's life and death.

That was also why I decided to continue on with the act I had put on for Jane the next day, revising my role to play Bella's husband—the husband I knew that she'd thought she'd made her own. I'd spent the night watching her sleep, standing in the corner of her room in the shadows as she slept the sleep of the dead. While I'd wondered what had happened to make this woman the hollow shell she now apparently was, I'd come to several conclusions.

The first and main one being that, somehow, Jacob Black had won over my wife, which I had first come to realize upon going to La Push and being rejected by her. I had been understandably furious by that turn of events, and still now I felt the hot boil of rage, but I was still unable to believe that Jacob had won the complete affections of my wife.

She couldn't just cut these bonds I'd worked so hard to construct to keep my little butterfly with honey blood in my net in the matter of a few weeks. That meant that I still had a weapon I could use.

However, despite my assurance that I could keep my wife with me, there was now the problem of the Volturi's warning: Bella was either to be turned or to be killed. Both of these options eliminated the only reason I kept her around. Her blood was what kept me holding on to the unfaithful mortal. It was intoxicating. I could smell it even now, wafting up into my senses so that venom had begun to pool in the back of my throat. I couldn't lose that. I would have to find some way around that rule, though, with all the trouble she was causing, I was half-tempted to drink her blood and be rid of the bane of my existence.

Instant gratification only lasted so long, however, and until I was certain about my choice, I was going to be obligated to keep her alive, and, either way, I was going to have to win back my wife and eliminate my competition.

"Edward."

I turned at the sound of my wife's voice. She stood just to the left of a rose bush, looking wary and drained and much less attractive than I remembered, but, as her scent carried to me on the breeze, I was still aroused.

I smiled across the lawn at her in the dull lighting of an overcastted day, the day after she had been returned to me.

"Bella."

I'd informed my butler that she was to be sent outside to me upon the moment of her waking this morning. I'd already staged the scene and decided upon my role hours before. It was going to be the perfect game of charades, and Bella was going to fall right into it. That would eliminate Jacob, and that would keep her here under my thumb until I decided what I wanted to do with her.

"Edward…" I smiled again as she addressed me. "Edward, I… I can't stay here. This… This isn't what I want anymore."

The mask I was wearing slipped for only a second.

What? This wasn't what she wanted anymore? What the fuck was going on? Bella never denied me. Never. For a moment, I saw only red, nearly concluding this whole disgusting, ridiculous matter with Bella's quick death. What was she anymore to me anyway, except a pain in the ass?

Bella was quiet and clumsy and modest. She didn't like makeup. She preferred baggy, unflattering clothing. She didn't know how to schmooze or party. I couldn't kiss her without having to worry about biting her. I couldn't fuck her for the fact that I might kill her. She merely crowded the space of my house with her overlarge presence, eyeing me with her sad, brown eyes whenever she caught me slamming into a different woman in one of the various locations in our house.

I inhaled deeply through my nose. I smelled her. My senses clogged and cleared. I recalled my purpose.

"What?" I spoke finally, assuming a hurt tone. "Bella, I thought… I thought you loved me."

I saw a flicker of something in her eyes that reassured me. I knew that I was hitting the right nerve. She wavered slightly, dropping her eyes to the rose bush.

"I did," she whispered, flinched, and then amended, "I do. It's just not the same, Edward."

"But, Bella, how can you say that?" I forced myself on, though her reluctance infuriated me. "We have a life together here. We're married. I love you."

Her gaze shifted up. I'd gotten her there with three meaningless words. Bella was a sucker for promises of love. She still believed in fairy tales in some small part of her mind. Or, at least, I'd thought so. It had always worked before.

"Things have changed. My feelings have…changed. I don't want this anymore. I'm sure we can work something out with the Volturi. We can get a divorce, and you can openly be with all those women you bring home."

I snorted before I could stop myself. When the hell had Bella grown a spine? And what did she think had given her the right to discuss my private affairs? Realigning the expression on my face, I took a few steps forward, trying to pretend like I didn't notice how she stepped back.

"Bella, the Volturi will not just overlook this," I told her. "If you stay with me, I can keep them off, but they will not play nice if you leave me again."

I reached out, taking her hand before she could draw that back too.

"Regardless, those women are not what I want. I want you. The other women didn't mean anything. I realized that when you left. I've been alone ever since." Good thing I'd sent the woman from yesterday out a back door. "Don't you understand, Bella? I love you. I thought you loved me too. I wanted to make this work. I thought we could start over."

I saw some of her resistance crumble then. I could hardly believe that she was actually buying the lies. She was such a fool. But now that I had her, I had to reel her in.

"I know that Jacob was there for you, and that you felt things for him since he comforted you when I was too much a fool to realize my mistakes," I told her. "I came there angry the other day to get you back. I should have been rational, but I could see that he had you under a spell already. Certainly, though, you see now that whatever you felt was only out of thanks, and, whatever he said, you know that I love you more than anything. You are my life, Bella. Did you forget that?"

I lifted my free hand and brushed back a strand of her brown hair. She shivered underneath my touch. She was really lapping this up. It would be easier than I thought. I started to brush her cheek, and that was when I _sensed_ it.

It was a combination of smell and thought. I could both hear and smell Jacob Black as he approached, and he was approaching quickly. I could see in his thoughts—of which I didn't know why or how I had channeled into so abruptly and without provocation if for no other reason that they were so strong—that he was only a few yards from the massive gate that surrounded my home.

The mongrel had actually dared to come after my wife.

Bella completely missed the stunned expression on my face, however. She was looking at my hand instead. Recovering, I touched it to her cheek, and she didn't draw away. Good, because this entire scene was about to be pushed into fast forward.

"Bella, tell me you'll stay with me. Tell me we can work this out. I can't lose you now."

Not when I was being pressured by the Volturi. Not when I had to make certain that I didn't lose in any way, shape, or form to a lousy mutt. Not when my pride and my life and my own secrets were riding on this decision.

_I'm coming, Bella. I'm coming. _

I choked slightly as one of Jacob's thoughts popped, strong and clear, into my head. Thankfully, Bella took it as a sound of sadness or regret or something of the sort, because I saw her eyes soften.

"I'll always love you, Edward," Bella told me, "but I can't believe you anymore. I've moved on. We've had years to work this out, and you never wanted to then. It's better if we just quit now. I'll deal with the Volturi. Somehow…"

My gaze darted from Bella to the gate and back to Bella. I was torn between my frustration that she kept somehow sidestepping my attacks, and my fury that Jacob Black was right outside my walls.

_I'll kill him. Bella is mine. Cullen, you bastard, I'm going to murder you. _

It was unlikely to think that Black would know that I was reading his mind, but his warning pissed me off anyway. Any second, he would be at the front gate, barred out but capable of seeing Bella and I standing in the courtyard.

Bingo.

I let my face fall. "You would rather have Jacob?"

I saw Bella's lip quiver, but she lifted her chin. "Yes."

Bitch.

"All right," I conceded quietly. "Just… tell me one more time. Tell me that you love me. Let me have that, at least, and then it's whatever you want."

I smiled inwardly. Jacob Black had just reached the front gates. I could see him over Bella's shoulder in his massive wolf form. There was no mistaking that he would hear and see exactly what happened next.

_Yes, you little prick,_ I thought to myself. _Watch and learn._ _You can never beat me._

"I love you, Edward, but—"

Yes. Before she could say anything else and ruin my perfectly staged scene, I stepped forward, drew her into my arms, and kissed her solidly on the mouth. It was always a fight for me. I couldn't kiss her without wanting to taste her. I couldn't hold her without wanting to kill her. But this time… this time the reward was very sweet.

_No… _It was Jacob Black's mind. _No fucking way. No way in hell. Christ, Bella… how could…_

I could almost feel his pain in his thoughts. I listened to him repeating the sound of Bella telling me she loved me over in his head. I watched the scene of the two of us kissing through his mind. I saw the way we looked. We looked like two intimate lovers. We looked like the husband and wife that we should have been. Jacob Black did not see the way that Bella was trying to squeeze her hands up in between us to push me off. Jacob Black did not see the tears that were running hot and fast down Bella's cheeks as I felt them brush my skin.

He only saw us kissing. He only heard her tell me that she loved me.

The poor, wounded puppy released a howl then. It was long and loud and pained. I'd never heard anything quite so mournful. Nothing had ever made me want to smile more. At the sound of it, I allowed Bella to finally wrench away from me, and she spun and spotted Jacob Black just as he turned and ran away.

Perfect.

"Jake! No!" she shouted. "Jake, wait!"

As my wife started to run for the gate in a futile effort to call Black back, I didn't try to stop her. I barely even saw her as she fell to her knees just before she got to the bars of the gate, wracked too hard with sobs to stay on her feet. She'd realized immediately what had happened, what Jacob Black must have assumed about what he'd seen, and why he was running away from her now. She must have felt pain, realizing he'd come for her only to see her betray him. The two of them were feeling exactly what they deserved now.

But I, on the other hand, was not able to relish in the fact that I had won, because Jacob Black had imparted one last thought upon me before he'd fled back the way he'd come.

Pushed into my thoughts as if as a last attack upon me, Jacob had instilled inside my head a movie theater that was playing only one show.

Inside my mind, I was watching a very clear image of Jacob Black fucking my wife. He was recalling it while wondering how it could have meant nothing at all to her, but all I could hear was the sound of Bella telling Jacob that she needed him.

I saw red.


	19. Coming To Terms

It might have not been the most mature reaction, but I got hammered the night I got back from New York, using the second round of plane tickets that had ended up being a complete waste of money, because Bella loved Edward, not me.

I took another long pull of my bottle of Coors. It tasted like shit, but it was making my head spin and my thoughts whirl until I couldn't feel the pain they inflicted as sharply as it had started. I was going to have a wicked hangover whenever I decided to let myself recover.

I didn't drink. At least, I hadn't in a long time. The year after Bella had married Edward, I'd spent time in bars at Port Angeles, but the party scene hadn't been me, and I'd disliked the hindering effects of alcohol. Tonight was a different story. Tonight, I didn't want to remember anything.

So I pulled the blinds, closed the drapes, and got drunk by the light of the television. I didn't tell anyone I'd gotten back. I couldn't admit my defeat to the world yet. I especially didn't want Charlie to know yet. I didn't—

Fuck. I couldn't think of anything except the sight of Bella kissing Edward. My stomach rolled, considering rejecting the beverage I'd supplied. _How could she do this to me?_ It was different than all the times before. It was worse. I'd given her all of myself. She'd ripped me in half. I was bleeding on the inside.

I'd heard her—_I'd heard_ her tell him that she loved him.

That had been the worst. It hadn't been the kiss. She'd kissed me too.

She hadn't told me that she loved me. She'd told Edward.

I dropped my head back, looking up at the ceiling. My world was tilting to the side. I was going to fall off the couch. I was going to fall off the edge of the Earth.

_Bella. _

I finished my bottle. I dropped it onto the floor where it clanked against its other empty comrades, and then I popped open another. I tilted it to my lips, and I sucked it down without tasting or thinking. I just wanted to feel nothing, even if I ended up wrapped around a toilet bowl. I was done and destroyed. There was nothing left.

Bella loved Edward. Bella had kissed Edward.

I was left with nothing at all. Nothing except empty beer bottles and darkness and a room that would never look good in the sunrise again. There were no more sunrises for me. No more new beginnings. This was it. I'd lost everything. I'd been too blind to see it coming all along.

Maybe the entire scene with Jane had been an act, or maybe it'd been a blessing in disguise for her. She'd pretended to sacrifice herself for me just to have an easy way back to Edward.

_How could she do this to me? _

I stared dismally at my television screen. Some sort of reality t.v. show was playing. Something foolish and directed to youth of the nation with its plastic Barbie cast and the meathead Ken's they probably picked out from bars. What the hell was so entertaining about these college kids that got wasted, hooked up, and got into fist fights and sobbed later about everything being unfair? What the hell did they know? The love of my life had just left me for a senator. How could I compete with that?

Why did this beer have to taste like shit?

I was finally past buzzed and mildly drunk, but I was also now sick of the slick aftertaste that polished the roof of my mouth. Grimacing, I set the half-empty bottle on the end table beside the couch and knocked something over. Cursing, I squinted in the dim light of the television to see what it was.

The little wooden wolf was lying on its side.

_I know how you feel, little guy_. But I didn't stand him back up. It was better if he just got used to being down now so that he wasn't disappointed later when everything and everyone disappointed him later. I slid sideways, stretching across the couch. I was tired. I thought I might be sick. I'd drank those beers too fast, but maybe unconsciousness was even better than being drunk anyway.

Tough shit there. The doorbell rang just as I settled in. What the fuck? It had to be eleven.

_Go the fuck away_, I wanted to say. I couldn't. Lying down, I couldn't remember how to get back up. Someone banged their fist on the door. What the hell was their problem? Couldn't they see that the lights were out? I closed my eyes and willed them to go away. I might have momentarily fallen asleep.

"Jake."

A hand shook my shoulder, and I started back awake, sitting up way too fast.

"Fuck," I groaned as the world spun and my stomach threatened to come up to my throat.

The hand went back to my shoulder, and then another went to my opposite one. Someone held me upright. _Bella_? I opened one eye. All I could see was the silhouette of a woman with long hair and a shapely ass in the light of my television screen. I reached for her. _Bella_.

"What the hell are you doing, Black? Don't you know it's considered depression when you get drunk by yourself?"

Christ. It was Leah. The last person I wanted to deal with now. My hand that had been reaching for her waist instead turned to push her lightly away. I growled indistinctly and tried to get out from her grasp, but she held me.

"Get lost, Clearwater," I slurred. "I can't deal with you now."

There was a moment of silence, but I knew that Leah hadn't left, because her hands were still on my shoulders. They felt hot through the cotton of my shirt. As hot as me, but distinct because of the thin, long shape of her fingers.

"Tell me what happened, Jacob," Leah said at length, and for once her voice wasn't sarcastic.

Still, I attempted to shoulder her off again. "No. How did you know I was here? I want to be alone."

Leah pretended not to hear the last part as she dropped herself onto the couch beside me. She released my shoulders as she did so, and I started to slump sideways. I realized it this time though, and I sat straight up again.

"I could see the light from your T.V. through the window," she told me. "Your scent is here too, you know. I tried to knock. You didn't answer, and then I checked the front door, and it was unlocked. It was an easy assumption from there. Now tell me what happened."

"No."

"Stop being stupid, Black. I came here to listen."

"I'm not talking."

It was Leah's turn to growl. "I'm not leaving until you tell me."

She was so damn infuriating. Why couldn't she take a hint? Why couldn't she just leave me the hell alone? She'd told me that she didn't love me, so why did she keep turning up like this, like she cared? I didn't want anyone to care. I couldn't care for anyone else anymore.

I needed everyone to understand that, but Leah just wouldn't.

"I went to save her, and I saw her kiss him," I hissed through gritted teeth. "I heard her tell him she loves him. That good enough for you, Leah? Is that what you want to hear? Well, there you go. She fucking murdered me in thirty seconds flat."

I winced as Leah's hand touched my arm. I knew she was trying to comfort me, but I didn't want her to. I didn't want anyone to. This wasn't something that could be fixed. My heart had been ripped from my chest. I just wanted to drown in beer, but Leah was spoiling my buzz.

"I don't know why the hell you seem to think that that's what I wanted to happen," Leah said, "but it's not. I'd hoped it'd work differently for you. I didn't want to come in here and see you plastered and hurting. I would have rather have walked in on you and vampire girl fucking."

I swallowed. I didn't say anything. I couldn't take any sympathy at the moment. As much as I found Leah's bitchiness annoying, I needed her mean right now, not caring. I wasn't up for anything else. I wanted to fight. I didn't want to care. Leah's hand squeezed my arm, and I glanced at her in the darkness. Her face was mostly in the shadows, but she looked sad.

"I made love to her." I blamed the alcohol for that slip. "I made love to her the day that little vampire came and took her away. I'd thought… I don't know what the hell I'd thought, but I hadn't thought I'd go to her rescue to find her in that bastard's arms."

It hurt. It hurt so bad that it felt like someone was tearing into me all over again. I had made love to Bella. I had touched her and felt her and been with her like no one else ever had, and she'd left me. She'd left me after I'd given her everything I had.

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. I could only feel pain and the surprising feel of Leah's arms wrapped around my neck, of her pulling me toward her and cradling my head against her chest. I didn't think. I just let my face fall against her, my nose half-buried in the cloth of her shirt. I wrapped my arms around her waist, and, for a moment, it felt good just to be held, even if it wasn't by the woman I wanted.

I could hear the steady beat of Leah's heart. It was reliable. Just like her.

"I know how it feels, Jacob. I thought I was going to die when Sam imprinted on Emily, but I didn't, and you won't either. It hurts now. I understand, but you're strong, Black. Really strong. You'll make it."

I closed my eyes. Leah could relate, but it still wasn't the same. Nothing could compare to this. No one could know the pain I felt. It would have been easier to have stayed locked inside that cage of pain that Jane had inflicted.

"I don't want to," I responded dully. "There's nothing left."

Leah's fingers ran through my hair. It was almost relaxing. It might have been, at least, if I wasn't thinking about how, somewhere in the city of New York, Bella might possibly be cradled in Edward's arms, kissing him, and loving him like she would never love me.

"Go to sleep," Leah told me. "You've had too much to drink. Sleep this off, and we'll talk in the morning."

I had the half-formed notion to tell her that I didn't want her to stay here with me, but her hand was coaxing me to sleep with the help of the steady rhythm of her heart. I fell asleep thinking it was Bella's heart and Bella's hand and Bella's voice that spoke quiet, comforting reassurances to me until I passed out.

I was probably dreaming, but it felt like the phone was ringing. That seemed to be what the sound in my head resembled, but it was broken and muted in spots and seemed to be coming from far away. I groaned as it tried to stir me back into the realities of my pain and depression. I didn't want to surface back into the world where Bella loved Edward. I didn't want to surface ever again.

But I did, gradually.

I opened my eyes. The television was still on, but someone had muted it. That someone was asleep on the love seat with her legs hanging off the end. I stared at Leah sleeping, my head feeling heavy and still slightly drunk. It was still dark outside, I could see through the window, and I found that it was two in the morning when I shifted and spotted the clock on the DVD player.

And my phone was definitely ringing.

Groaning, I pushed myself up, wondering how it had woken me before Leah, but then it occurred to me that she might have stayed awake taking care of my drunk ass, and I reached hurriedly for the phone on the side table before it could finally wake her. My eyes tried to cross as I attempted to read the caller I.D.

I gave up and clicked the Talk button anyway.

"Hello?"

Maybe if I hadn't still been mildly drunk I would have known better than to answer.

"Jacob."

The sound of Bella's voice was like a sharp dagger right to the heart. The pain rippled all the way through me, and it felt like I'd just been doused with a bucket of ice water. My heart turned over. I thought I might still be dreaming.

"Bella?"

There was silence for a minute, and then I heard her breath catch, almost like she was trying not to cry.

"_Oh God_, _Jake_."

It _was_ Bella, though she was speaking in whispers, as if she was afraid of being heard. She might have been crying too. What? Was she afraid that Edward would catch her? Edward, her true love. Reality was a bitch, and a sharp slap to the face as it wrenched me uncomfortably to soberness.

I didn't know what to say. It felt like something painful was building up in my chest, but I couldn't vocalize it. I could only suffer.

"What do you want?"

She made a little choking noise at the cold sound of my voice, and I was really surprised that I'd pulled that off when all I wanted to do was cry about how much I loved her while demanding to know how she could do this to me.

"I tried to call you earlier. Didn't you get my message?"

What the fuck kind of question was that? Did she think I'd just taken a Sunday stroll to New York, and returned home like nothing had happened? How could she think I'd been functioning accurately enough to be concerned about anything so trivial? I'd just seen her kissing Edward.

Checking my messages had been the last thing on my mind then, and I would definitely delete it now without listening to it. I'd delete them all just to avoid listening to Bella trying to explain to me why she couldn't be with me, because she still loved Edward.

"No."

"Jacob, are you drunk?"

My voice must have still been slurred.

"What do you care?"

A pause. "Jacob, you have to let me explain. What you saw… It wasn't what you think. I know what it looked like, but—"

Leah stirred on the couch. She blinked and looked blearily over at me. "Who's on the phone?"

It cut right into whatever Bella had been saying, and she must have heard her, because she abruptly stopped talking.

"Who was that? Is that… Is Leah there?"

She said it like she was hurt, like I wasn't supposed to be with anyone directly after she'd just left me for Edward, like I should still be fucking moping. I felt a swell of anger that iced over the pain for the moment.

"What the hell does it matter, Bella? You're back with Prince Charming. You have everything you want."

"No, Jake," Bella started again. "That wasn't it! I promise, I was just—"

I caught Leah's gaze across the room. She would have easily guessed who was on the other end of the line, and I caught the pity in her eyes. It pissed me off. It pissed me off enough to keep me from cracking.

"Don't, Bella. I don't want to hear it," I snapped. "You've made your choice. I saw it with my own two eyes. It's the same thing you've been trying to tell me all along, right? You want Edward. Well, you've got him. I'm done, Bella. I can't do this anymore. Have a nice life."

I hung up the phone. I disconnected myself from the woman I loved. I severed my soul.

But it had to be done.

I saw it in Leah's eyes. I'd seen it for myself in New York. I had lost. I had lost a long time ago. I just hadn't realized it until now.

It was over. I had lost Bella for good.


	20. Getting Even

**BPOV**

I could hear the hum of the dial tone in my ear, but I couldn't lower the phone away from my face. My fingers remained wrapped around it like it was my last life line.

It _was_ my last life line.

My heart was beating unevenly in my chest. It would dance rapidly for several seconds, nearly tripping over itself, and then it would seem to stop. Each time, I wondered how it could start again as I stood there in my bedroom—Edward didn't sleep, so the room was mine alone—and imagined that I would hear Jacob's voice again over the line instead of the impatient hum of an empty line, all the while knowing that he'd disconnected.

In the darkness of my room, alone with nothing but my own thoughts and the echo of Jacob's angry voice, I knew that I'd lost. I'd lost Jacob. After all these years of searching in the wrong direction, I'd found the right path only to have been shoved off into the undergrowth.

I was crying again. The tears were warm and hateful. I sucked in tiny breaths, trying to stop myself, to clamp my teeth around the sobs. They continued anyway. How could I stop them when all I could feel was pain? Maybe it was all I'd ever feel again.

It seemed too cruel to believe that I had made love to Jacob, had really seen Jacob for the first time, and then been ripped mercilessly away. The appearance of Jane had been the seal of my doom, but I had done what I thought I had to. I had gone with her so she would leave Jacob alone.

I closed my eyes against the memory of him writhing on the floor. It still made me sick.

I didn't want to think my sacrifice had been for nothing. It was selfish and stupid to think it was. It had saved Jacob after all, even if it had destroyed our relationship.

I tightened my grip on the telephone, pleading silently for Jacob to break into the annoying hum and tell me it was all a joke—that he really believed he'd misinterpreted what he'd seen today. But how could I blame him for jumping to that conclusion? He'd seen the kiss. He'd heard the words. I'd been tricked, and he'd been fooled.

Edward had played us both. I'd been so stupid.

And now Edward Cullen was all I had left. Funny how it was no longer what I wanted after years of thriving on his presence. Once, I'd been mesmerized by the diamonds of his skin. Now, they seemed sickening and misleading. The golden eyes I'd fallen in love with had taken a different color, because he fed from human flesh. He no longer pretended to need me. He used me. He took other women, and the beautiful man I'd worshipped had transfigured himself into a monster. There was nothing there to love.

For so long, Jacob had tried to show me, and now it was too late. I'd ruined all my chances, and Jacob had understandably cut his losses. My throat constricted as I thought of Leah's voice in the background of our conversation.

Leah, who he'd given himself to first.

I'd never expected to feel any stirrings of jealousy where Jacob was concerned, but a lot had changed in a matter of weeks, and the tables had been turned on me. I had taken Jacob's feelings for granted, mistreated, and even ignored them, and now I was the one with the feelings.

I was in love with Jacob.

But now, Jacob didn't want anything to do with me, and, once again, I was the Senator's porcelain wife boxed up in a giant mansion in which I'd be displayed forever, for the whole world to see. This was my life. I was the puppet Isabella Cullen. I had recovered myself for no reason, because, now, it was going to be buried again.

It was all because I hadn't said it. While lying in bed, intertwined with Jacob, I hadn't had the guts or the brains or the courage to tell him that I loved him.

And he'd never know now, _because he didn't want me_.

"Bella."

For a second, I might have fallen into the hallucination my mind too willingly concocted: that it was Jacob that had whispered my name, Jacob who had stepped out of the shadows of my room, and now Jacob that was wrapping his arms around my waist and pressing his lips against my hair, just over my ear.

But it wasn't.

Edward's touch was cold and hard and unmistakable. Just like his voice. I shivered without meaning to. I was covered in ice. I pined for the heat of Jacob.

One hand snaked up my side, and I felt him pull the phone from my grip. It clattered on whatever hard surface he dropped it onto, and I tensed as he took the same hand to brush my hair away from my face.

"He doesn't want you anymore," Edward told me.

I sucked in a breath. It felt like he'd punched me. Had he been listening? Of course. He could hear everything. My own grief and shame hung heavy on my shoulders. I wanted to drop to the floor and let the tears consume me.

My wobbling knees nearly buckled, but it wasn't because of my pain. It was because Edward's lips had found my neck. My eyes widened in the darkness as his tongue trailed the curve of my throat.

_This was it. He was going to kill me. I'd told him I was going to leave, and now he was going to have to kill me so the Volturi wouldn't punish him. _

Fine. I was ready for death. It'd never frightened me before, and now it seemed almost welcoming. It was much more tempting than living forever in this shell, in this mansion, with the man I no longer truly loved. It would be a blissful release. I wanted it. It was my escape.

I even tilted my head to the side, as if urging Edward on.

"But I do," Edward whispered.

His hands slid firmly up my stomach, cupping my breasts, squeezing, and pulling me against him from behind. My breath caught in surprise.

"What?"

"I want you, Bella." His hands released me to slide towards my pants. "As my wife, I should have been your first, but I am willing to make things right by showing you what fucking is all about. You won't even remember Black after this."

_How had he known? _

I tried to wiggle free of his grasp, but Edward's hands had unfastened my pants, and they took me by the shoulders and spun me around. I couldn't see my husband's face, but I could feel him, and for the first time in our relationship, I was afraid of him. I tried to stumble backward, away, but I only ended up tripping over my own feet.

I gave a yelp, but the bed just happened to be beneath me as I fell onto my back. Edward caught my ankles, latched onto the bottom of my jeans, and pulled them off of me with one tug.

"Edward, stop," I told him, digging my heels into the bed and pushing backwards until my back hit the headboard.

"Why?" he growled.

His hands took my ankles again, and he pulled. My ass slid across the bed, and I was on my back once more. My heart hammered as I felt Edward slide over me in the darkness. My hands found his chest, I tried to push him off. It was as worthless as trying to move Jacob.

What was happening? This wasn't what I wanted. Was I dreaming? Edward had never come to me before.

"I—I don't want this," I stammered, confused, my head still reeling with Jacob's angry words and my own ensuing pain.

Edward's teeth grazed my collarbone. I shouldn't have felt even a spark of reaction, but I did. Wrong. This was wrong. I wanted Jacob. Edward was just trying to confuse me. He was just playing on old emotions that had always misguided me before. I was stupid to let this continue.

"You'd rather save yourself for the man that's already chosen someone else?"

Tears burned my eyes. I was falling right into this. He was trying to trick me. He was using me again. He'd eavesdropped on the phone, and now he was just trying to satisfy his own ego by proving that he could get me back. He would find it insufferable that he'd lost me to a _dog_.

Material ripped. Edward had torn right into my shirt. He pulled it from my arms without permission. I tried to recoil at the loss of my shield—left only with my panties and bra—but I was already pressed against the mattress, and Edward was on top of me.

"He loves me."

"_I_ love you."

Love was a horrible weapon. It was the poisonous dagger of emotions. You felt the sharp bite as it stabbed you, but the lethal effects of it were slow. They crept upon you, killing you while you thought you were healthy, and destroying all your defenses until, suddenly, you're at the complete mercy of someone else.

Edward's mouth found mine. I didn't resist.

"You're mine, Bella. _Mine_."

I didn't object. I didn't have any fight left in me.

I wanted Jacob to love me, but he no longer believed in me. Edward was here. He was real and solid against me. Even if he didn't really love me, he'd said it when I needed to hear it. He was wielding it against me, and I let him.

The kiss stirred old passions, but none of the sparks ignited into flame. It didn't matter. I fell into the kiss, and I tried to forget everything else.

I felt his power, and his barely restrained strength. One accidental move, and he could kill me. I didn't care if it came to that. I was betraying myself and everything I had accomplished in the past few weeks now anyway. It would be better if I burned out now, fading into oblivion as Edward's tongue crept into my mouth, and his fingers pulled my underwear to the side.

He wasn't as gentle as Jacob as he filled me. I hadn't expected him to be.

I gasped each time he rammed into me. It was a different pleasure and pain, but it felt good to hurt physically and not mentally. I savored the bruises he left on my arms and my hips.

I tasted his kisses and thought of Jacob.

I had sex with Edward that night for the first time, and I pretended that it was Jacob, tasting the bittersweet irony thick on my tongue.

Everything hurt when I woke in the morning. I groaned with my eyes closed, aching as I attempted to roll onto my side.

It wasn't the type of awakening where you flounder a few minutes between unconsciousness and being awake, where you slowly acquainted yourself with your surroundings again and recalled the night before and what you had planned for the day and all the things you were looking forward to.

I woke up that morning immediately remembering that I had had sex with Edward the night before, and that Jacob had, more or less, told me that he no longer wanted me. All the mental pain I'd beaten back with the help of Edward's rough touch came surging back again.

Jacob didn't want me, Edward had used me, and I was alone again—literally and figuratively.

I knew before I opened my eyes that Edward wasn't lying next to me. He didn't sleep, but he also obviously wouldn't linger around after he'd gotten what he wanted. There was no romance in Edward. He would not find something like watching me sleep intriguing or amazing or even particularly interesting.

Instead, I was left with a showering of white fluff that coated my body, tangled in my hair, and blanketed the bed. I extended my hand and plucked one of the white feathers off the bed, studying it without real interest. It was from the pillow that now lay in tatters on the floor.

I remembered the moment when Edward had reached his climax and destroyed the pillow. Frenzied, his teeth had narrowly missed my neck, and sunk, instead, into the pillow. I should have shifted a fraction to the left. I should have let him take me instead, but I hadn't.

Why I hadn't was a mystery to me, because, now, I was left only with the ghosts of what had once been.

Sliding across the feathers, I dropped my feet to the floor and stood up. It was an effort. Everything in me groaned in protest. I winced, not quite brave enough to examine myself and find the damage that had been done. Especially not since one bruise on my side was so fresh and so painful that it felt like Edward's hand was still clamped there.

I left my clothes on the floor where Edward had tossed them, retrieved a new set from the closet, and hobbled toward the bathroom to soak in the bathtub. I didn't want to face Edward yet, on the off chance that he was still home.

Instead, I slid into the hot water that pooled in the porcelain tub, and I thought about drowning myself. Okay. Maybe that was being dramatic, but how else was I going to handle what I'd done? What had happened to Jacob and me? I'd had sex with Edward last night, as if already conceding defeat on Jacob.

_Jacob… Jacob didn't want me. _

I slid along the bottom of the tub, sinking down to my chin in the water. It was hot—almost unbearably—but it felt like Jacob.

_Close my eyes, and I could disappear here. _

I started to hold my breath. I started to count backward from one hundred. I started to inch further into the water.

And then, _my stomach growled_.

I jolted stupidly, sloshing water, like the noise was real and alive and something in the room with me. I wrapped an arm around my waist. Wow. I was really hungry. The hunger pain was like a voice calling me back as it tightened my stomach and begged for release, suddenly nearly consuming me.

I was really, really hungry.

It pulled me out of the tub, dressed me, and took me down to the kitchen where I shoved past the cook that Edward had hired, and began pulling out and mixing my own ingredients. I started to make an omelet. Something about the sight and smell of the egg I cracked nearly had me back-tracking, but I was _so_ hungry.

The hunger pains—the devouring of whole meals that I would have never have been able to finish before—went on for at least a week as I haunted the kitchen of the house that Edward scarcely returned to over the next few days. I didn't care. He'd had what he wanted, and I was finally at the stage where I was more than content to be without him, to be left alone with my thoughts of Jacob and my yearning.

But, on the seventh day as I cut my way through two and half omelets for breakfast and still felt hungry for more, I wasn't really thinking about either man. I was thinking about how something was incredibly wrong—_different_.

After two weeks, the sickness started. The logical part of my brain tried to sum up what the hunger and the sickness combined could mean, but I didn't believe it. Especially not when I saw myself in the mirror, and thought that maybe…possibly…my stomach looked a little more rounded. That was stupid. No way I would show that fast if I was really…

_Edward was a vampire_. That was impossible.

I wanted to ask someone, to see if they could see the mound of my belly or explain my hunger pangs and sickness, but I couldn't turn to anyone here. I didn't want to alert Edward even a little to the idea that I might be pregnant with his child, which also meant I couldn't ask any of the servants. They'd tell for sure.

So I hid from them all.

Edward didn't seem to mind or notice. The only thing that seemed to concern him was that I was still here and not back with Jacob, and a quick glimpse at me disappearing down a hallway was enough to confirm that to him. I half-suspected that he'd started bringing women back here late at night again, but I didn't care.

By the third week, I was huddled on the floor at the back of one of my closets, holding my naked midsection and crying over the fact that there was no way that my stomach _wasn't _getting bigger. I could see it, and I could no longer deny it when some of my jeans would no longer fit.

Which meant only one thing: I was pregnant.

I was pregnant with Edward's baby.

How could this have happened?

_What was I going to do?_


	21. The Return

**Author Notes: **The suspense is mounting, right? ;) Let me just say: leave your theories behind for the next few chapters, or you might go crazy trying to solve this one. Jake is a determined guy, and Bella is starting to see that light she sadly ignored before. Will it work out? Read on and see! I really appreciate all of you that have favorited the story and left me reviews. Reviews are amaaaazing. This story is sort of my baby. It's my favorite out of the ones I've written for Twilight, and I hope that you guys enjoy it until the end. But... please don't throw anything at me before you get to the end, all right? xD

* * *

I couldn't say how I survived the month after Bella's betrayal. It was a string of memories that ran together in a meaningless blur. I worked on vehicles. I did my duty as alpha. I hid in front of my television at night and avoided any channel that might flash Bella or Edward's face at me. Leah stopped by from time to time, and sometimes I caved and talked to her about things.

Once, about a week ago, she'd been over when I'd answered the phone to Bella.

Over the past month, I had endured many late night phone calls from Bella. I'd answered her only once, but I knew that it was her that continued to call every night around midnight, because she was always on time, and she always only called once. The only time I had answered her, I'd quickly hung up before she'd said much more than my name.

Because I could tell that she was crying, and I knew that I was still too weak to hold out against Bella. Especially an injured, crying Bella, even though I didn't know what she had to cry about, considering she'd gotten exactly what she'd wanted out of the entire ordeal. Shouldn't I have been the one crying?

The week previous, I had answered her by mistake, because she'd caught me off guard by calling me during the daytime, somewhere around eleven on a morning when I'd just happened to have been having trouble getting myself to go out to the woods to check in with my pack rather than remaining hidden in my house feeling sorry for myself.

Leah had just shown up looking for me when the phone had rang.

_"Jacob."_

_Shit. Not now. I couldn't handle this now. _

_"Stop calling me, Bella."  
"Jacob, please! Please, listen to me. There's something I need to tell you."_

_I closed my eyes. "I don't want to hear it. We're over with. I'm not going to be your pity fuck anymore. I can't help it if Cullen's already lost interest in you."_

_I heard her suck in a tiny breath, and I felt like shit for saying that. I didn't know why. I deserved to be mad, didn't I? Bella had broken my heart, and now she wouldn't stop calling to rub salt in the wounds. _

_"Jake…" She had to stop to get the waterworks under control. "Jake, please, I need to tell you…"_

_"What?" I snapped finally. _

_I didn't know why I'd even stayed on the phone that long. I usually hung up right after discovering who was on the other end, but I couldn't this time for some reason. I also shouldn't have let her tell me whatever it was she so desperately needed to say, but I did anyway. Stupid me. _

_"Jacob, I—I'm pregnant." _

I remembered the way the world had seemed to come to a standstill, like everything had just stopped—time, space, thought, and everything else. My brain was trying to tell me that Bella had just confessed to carrying a baby, and my heart was trying to somehow pick up enough of its broken pieces to ask me if it was _my_ baby. I didn't know why my heart wanted to make that assumption. I didn't know why it even seemed hopeful about it, considering what had transpired between Bella and me, but it did.

My stupid heart never knew any better, but it certainly learned its lesson after it forced me to ask her and found out that the baby, instead, was Edward Cullen's.

Which meant… Which meant Bella had fucked him recently. She'd slept with him since she'd been back, because she hadn't been with anyone but me before then.

I barely remembered anything after that. Leah later told me that I threw the phone, and that it broke into several pieces, which would explain why Bella no longer called me every night, but I only recalled one thing.

Out of fury, out of pain, I had turned to Leah.

A month spent trying to distance myself from her had been wasted. Even though, in the back of my mind, I recalled my promise not to use her again when I knew that I could never love anyone like I had loved Bella, it didn't seem to matter when Leah heated underneath my kiss.

I'd nearly taken her on the kitchen floor, but something had stopped me at the last second. Something had forced me to roll off of her, panting, cursing, and full of the need for revenge against Bella. I couldn't do that to Leah, the only woman that had ever proven reliable in my life, because it was wrong.

I loved Bella.

And she was going to have Edward's baby.

Leah hadn't said anything when I'd pulled myself back. In fact, she pretended as if it'd never happened. She let me off the hook. She knew and understood what I was going through, and, for once, she didn't have any sarcastic remarks about it.

A week later, I was still foolish Jacob Black, saving himself for the woman that would never come back, burying myself in my work, and bleeding every night as I lay on my bed in my room and remembered how it had been Bella's for a few, blissful weeks.

Sitting on my couch one Sunday morning, flipping the little wooden wolf over in my fingers, I couldn't figure out what the hell I wanted anymore.

Seeing Bella in Edward's arms, hearing her tell him the three words I wanted to hear most, had felt like the end of the world. I'd never felt pain like that before, and I'd withstood a lot in the past years in the Bella department.

I'd fled New York swearing I was done, cursing Bella inside and out. I refused her phone calls and hung up on her when I answered by mistake. I didn't call her back. I didn't try to reach her or listen to her explanation. I just barred myself from her.

It should have worked, but it didn't. Trying to ignore the fact that she existed seemed to put all of my problems into a striking sort of clarity that I couldn't look past. I barely ate, I found no joy underneath the hood of a truck, and I was fast becoming a shitty excuse for pack alpha. Even now, knowing that Bella was pregnant with that leech's kid, I couldn't find enough resolve to put this behind me. I had dreams about going back to New York and trying again, even at the risk of seeing her wrapped up in Cullen. I was in love with her, and she was _never_ going to stop haunting me.

I couldn't move on. I couldn't be with someone else, like Leah, who had silently filled the role as friend now rather than lover, as support system rather than partner. I hadn't asked her to, but she had. I might have drowned in my own self-pity over Bella if it hadn't been for Leah that month, showing up at my house, bringing leftovers from her place for me to heat up, keeping me updated and on track, and making certain that I remembered when I was supposed to meet with the pack.

It made me feel like an asshole, but I sort of just dropped myself onto her when I'd finally gotten too tired to carry myself.

I started slightly out of my thoughts at the sound of my screen door opening and slamming shut. I heard the rustling sound of footsteps in the hall. Speak of the devil. I knew it was Leah. I could tell by the way she moved.

"Hey, Black, I brought you some fish from my mom, and…um…" I could hear Leah shuffling around inside a bag. "Looks like she threw in some hush puppies too. I'll get you a plate."

I'd gotten past the point where I tried to reinstate my need for solitude in times like these to Leah, so I didn't bother to mention to her now that I'd rather be alone as she went straight into my kitchen and began fixing me a plate. She knew by now that I'd rather be alone permanently, sitting in the shadows of my house and pining for Bella like some love drunk idiot, and she wasn't going to let me.

She'd proven that each time she showed up at my house—at least three times a week—stirred me off of the couch, fed me, and made me talk about whatever was on my mind. After the night she'd found me splayed out drunk in front of the television, Leah didn't seem to trust me enough to manage on my own for awhile.

"Get in here," Leah ordered. "These don't taste as good if they have to be microwaved."

Rolling my eyes, I pushed myself off the couch and trudged into the kitchen. Leah had already filled a plate for me and sat it at the table. I took a seat and began depositing fish into my mouth as was expected of me. I didn't taste it, but all that really mattered was that I ate and survived, right? I used to like fish, but that seemed like years ago.

Leah must have had her share when they came fresh out of the fryer, because she stood leaning against the counter with her arms folded across her chest, eyeing my Styrofoam plate until she could see all of its white surface as I unburdened it of fish and hush puppies. I felt like a two-year-old forced to finish my vegetables.

"Do you have to stare?" I grumbled.

Leah didn't answer immediately. I kept my eyes trained on the plate. Friend and supporter or not, Leah still got under my skin. I figured that it would always be that way. Our personalities were both too strong to gently mesh with one another.

"Dr. Cullen's in Forks."

A piece of fish went down the wrong tube, and I choked. The face of a blond-haired vampire in scrubs swam into my mind. At one point in time, he'd been the only vampire I hadn't been able to really dislike, but, after Bella had disappeared to New York, I'd lumped him darkly in with the rest. Dr. Cullen was back in Forks?

"Why are you telling me?"

Leah lifted her brow. "You're alpha, remember? It's sort of your job to know. Sam scented them out this morning. Looks like they're here on vacation."

"All of them?" I asked.

"No. Just the Doc, his wife, Alice, and her creepy lover boy, Jasper."

"Oh."

It had been stupid to jump to the conclusion that Bella might have been with them. For one, this wasn't some sort of special trip. Dr. Cullen and a portion of his family had a habit of turning up from time to time for short vacations in the remote peace of Forks. They never bothered us. We never bothered them. They stayed for a little while, and then they left.

Secondly, Bella herself had told me that Edward had severed all connections from his family and hers. The other Cullen's were peace-loving vegetarians. Edward didn't seem to be that type anymore.

In other words, there was nothing significant about their reappearance, aside from the fact that this time it was just going to be an annoyingly painful reminder to me that their son had Bella, and I was here alone.

"Seth and I will keep an eye on them. You don't have to bother."

I looked up at Leah. Her face was expressionless, but I knew she was trying to do me a favor here, and, for some reason, it annoyed me. Like she thought I couldn't handle myself or my own responsibilities anymore. Just because I'd gotten drunk once and spent a good deal of time moping didn't mean I was incapable anymore. If I remembered correctly, Leah had spent a long period of time when all she'd done was mope too.

"I can manage them," I responded, tight-lipped.

Leah's brow quirked again. "I was just trying to help."

I scowled. "Well, don't. I'm fine. You've helped enough."

I had no right to be mean to Leah after everything she'd done for me, but it was asking too much from me to want me to be accepting of all the things that had come to pass, to concede to Leah's help, and to move on and forget Bella. That was probably what Leah was really holding out for anyway. Surely she had an ulterior motive for sticking around this long. She probably just wanted another good roll from me, because God knew that Quill and Embry weren't much to look at.

Great. Now I was lowering myself to insulting my own friends. It only made me angrier.

"You're an idiot, Black, and an ass. Why can't you just accept help?"

"Dually noted, Clearwater," I hissed. "Why do you keep offering it? I'm not interested in another fuck."

I might have overstepped my boundaries there. She took two strides over to me and batted my plate away. It didn't do anything but scatter crumbs across the kitchen floor, but I was probably lucky that she hadn't taken a swing at me instead. She did, however, catch me by the shirt collar and give me a shake.

_What the hell?_

"What makes you think I want one?" she demanded. "You aren't _that_ great, Jacob Black. Which is probably why your sorry ass has been sitting here for a month mourning over the woman that left you."

It didn't take much more than that to piss me off. Growling, I knocked her hand away and pushed to my feet so fast I knocked my chair backward. It clattered noisily to the floor, but Leah wasn't intimidated. She inclined her chin a fraction and glared up at me like she would gladly duke it out with me.

"Get out of my house, Clearwater," I hissed through clenched teeth. "Stop coming over here, stop calling, and leave me the hell alone. When I want to see you, I'll find you. Now, buzz off."

I jerked a thumb toward the hall. Leah sneered at me.

"Gladly, Black, and don't come whining to me when you finally come to terms with the fact that Bella chose the vampire over you," Leah told me. "Asshole."

She pushed past me, ramming her shoulder hard into my arm as she stomped toward the hall.

"Don't let the door hit you on the way out!" I yelled after her.

I followed her to the door, thinking that I'd boot her ass out of it before it got the chance to hit her. That would be much more gratifying. I knew she could hear me coming up behind her, and when she quickened her pace, I sped up to get ahead of her. Triumphant, I reached the door before her, grabbed the knob, and wrenched it open. I stepped aside at the same time, flinging a hand out to point the way for her.

"Nice knowing you," I snarled.

"Black…"

I had expected a furious retort, and maybe a slap in the face, as Leah stormed out of my house, but Leah had frozen just before the door, maybe two steps behind me. Her eyes were wide and focused outside.

"What?"

I turned for the first time then, and I found Bella Cullen standing on my doorstep.

It was like a blast from the past to a month and half before when I'd opened my door to her after having just been cursing her husband's image on the television screen, but this time was different. Bella wasn't dressed in a slim, black dress, looking worn and tired, but still somehow upper-class and elegant with a cautious smile on her face and a bag in her hand.

This Bella was extremely pale, drawn, and haggard, standing empty-handed in overlarge clothing, which still didn't do anything to hide the large swell of her stomach. I gaped at her in silence, my mouth working but nothing coming out. It wasn't just how sickly she looked, it was the fact that she looked _so_ pregnant. She was maybe one month through pregnancy, and she looked like she'd weathered _seven_.

Her eyes were the only color left on her face, and they were dark and scared and focused on me.

"Bella."

All my anger dissolved in the span of a second.

"Jacob." Her bottom lip quivered. "Jake—"

Whatever she started to say ended in a violent wince, and one of her hands went to her stomach. I saw her knees buckle, and I knew that she was going to fall before she did. My heart went straight up to my throat as I stepped forward and caught her against my chest.

"Bella, sweetheart, what's wrong?"

I could feel the mound of her belly between us, and I still couldn't quite believe how big it was. Confused, I pressed a hand to the back of Bella's head and began running my fingers coaxingly through her hair.

"Jacob, it's the baby…" Bella told me, her voice catching. "Edward found out. He…he took me to Carlisle a few weeks ago. It's a vampire like him, Jake. It's—It's _killing_ me."

My heart stopped, and Bella broke into sobs against me. I forgot that Leah was there. I forgot that the rest of the world existed. There was a roaring inside my head that I couldn't place, and all I could feel was fear. It was a type of fear I had never felt before, and it almost brought me to my knees. No way. No way Bella was dying. Oh fuck. Oh shit… How could this happen? How could she be dying?

_Because the baby's a vampire, you idiot_, I answered myself. _The blood-sucker is killing her from the inside out. It's not normal. That's why she's so big, because it's a freak. It's a little leech just like its dad_.

No. I wasn't going to let that happen. Not to my Bella.

"It's not going to kill you, Bells. I promise," I told her. "How did you get here? Where is Cullen?"

As I waited for Bella to reign in her tears enough to speak, I felt the little sucker _kick_ me. At first, I might not have believed it possible—considering my brain was still somewhere in the land of normal baby growth—but then I felt Bella wince directly after, like it'd hurt her.

I was going to murder Edward.

"He doesn't care if it kills me, Jacob. He's going to let it," she confessed miserably, and I felt a shiver of rage streak up my spine. "I'm not as interesting to him anymore. He didn't know that he could have kids, and now he _wants_ one. It'll be his heir."

"That bastard," I snapped.

I had to control myself. The lines of the walls of my house were starting to blur, and I could feel that sliver of rage snake up my spine again. I knew what would happen if I thought too deeply about what Bella was saying, about how Edward intended to let her _die_.

"It hurts, Jake. So bad."

One of her arms was still wrapped around her stomach, but the other was against my chest, and I felt her hand dig into the cloth of my shirt.

"What did Carlisle say?" Leah spoke for the first time. "What did he say when Edward told him he was going to let you die?"

I shifted slightly to look back at Leah, but she wasn't looking at me. She was staring straight at Bella with a grim expression. I wanted to demand what the point of asking that kind of question was. Was she really going to try and make Bella suffer in a time like this?

Bella didn't lift her head when she replied. "Edward didn't tell him that. He pretended to be concerned. He asked if there was a way to save me. Carlisle suggested turning me right after the birth, but Edward's not going to. It was just a show for Carlisle."

I saw Leah's eyes narrow. "I didn't think he would go along with Edward."

I still didn't get the point. So what if Carlisle wouldn't agree to let the baby kill Bella? He obviously hadn't been concerned enough to help her when she'd went to him, and how could he not have seen how much she was suffering? Carlisle was just another leech underneath a false mask.

Bella sniffled. Leah's gaze shifted up to me.

"Carlisle is in Forks," Leah reminded me, and I lifted a brow. "You have to take Bella to him."  
_"What?"_ I growled.

Leah sensed my refusal, but waved it hurriedly away.

"Jacob, Bella looks like she's getting ready to pop. Who knows how long it takes for vampires to be born? It could be any second. She needs a doctor, and Carlisle won't let her die," Leah told me. "He's a… a good vampire. He's a _doctor_. Edward acted like he was going to save Bella. Otherwise, I'm sure Carlisle would have done something then."

I hesitated. Bella whimpered against me, and Leah's face darkened.

"You don't have any choices here, Jacob. Carlisle's the only safe bet. If you don't do anything, Bella's going to die anyway."

I clenched my teeth, knowing she was right. Standing there, holding Bella, I could sense her suffering. I had seen it plainly on her face. I could feel it every time she winced. But what Leah was suggesting sounded hardly favorable to me. If Bella had the baby, she would die.

If Carlisle delivered the baby, she would become a vampire.

I felt like the sole survivor on a deserted island, torn between making a raft and dying at sea or staying on the beach and dying on land. That was what it would be for me either way. The end of Bella's mortal life meant the end of me.

Very carefully, I placed my arm behind Bella's knees and hoisted her up into my arms. She groaned with the movement, but I pressed a soft kissed to her forehead and assured her that everything would be all right, because I couldn't allow her to die. No matter the sacrifice.

"Will you drive us?"

Leah nodded wordlessly and moved past me to lead the way. I started to trail after her, and that was when I heard the ear-splitting _crack_. I stumbled slightly as Bella screamed in my arms, writhing and holding her stomach, her face turning slightly purple. My face paled on the spot.

"Jacob?" Leah's fearful voice called.

I stared down at Bella horrified, knowing I'd heard what could only be a bone breaking.

"It—I think it broke one of her ribs," I told Leah, as fresh tears poured out of Bella's eyes. "Hold on, sweetheart. Hold on. I'm taking you to Carlisle. Everything's going to be fine."

I didn't really believe myself.

~!~!~!~

The drive to the Cullen house was too long. By the time we got there, I was wishing I could have phased and somehow carried Bella on my back, but we made it there, and I hurried up the path to their house as quickly as I could without hurting Bella.

I pounded on the door with the toe of my shoe. I might have kicked it in if Carlisle had waited a second longer to answer. Bella was crying, making soft, wounded sounds in my arms, and I was about to go fucking crazy, because I couldn't do a thing to keep Cullen's monster from killing her.

"Jacob."

Carlisle's smooth, youthful face caught me in the slanting evening light with a look of surprise, his golden eyes sliding from me down to Bella, where his expression became grim. I didn't like the fact that my existence depended on the blond demon in human clothes, but I was past having any chances on the matter at this point.

"What are you doing?" he asked. "Where's Edward?"

I stepped forward, forcing Carlisle to step back into his house and let me in. I caught him glancing over my shoulder, spotting Leah in her car, where she would wait on me, she'd said, because she hadn't wanted to be inside the vampire nest. I didn't blame her. I was only here now for Bella.

_Bella_.

"Your bastard son was going to let her die, Carlisle. Bella came to me. She needs help. This thing is killing her," I spat, though glancing down at Bella's face took the wind out of me.

She was too hot. I was too hot. She probably had a fever, and my body heat wasn't going to help that. Reluctantly, I passed her to Carlisle, who took her into his arms without objection. I could tell by the look on his face that he'd understood and believed what I'd said.

You've got to do something to save her," I told him. "_Anything_."

He glanced up at me, hearing the desperation in my voice. The expression on his face was serious. I could practically see his thoughts churning around up in his head. I was thankful he'd kicked right into doctor mode. Leah had been right. Bringing Bella to him had been the right choice. I knew it.

Carlisle nodded sharply. "Come on. The others are in the kitchen. I'm going to need some help."


	22. Can't Sacrifice

The sound of Bella's screams would haunt me for the rest of my life. The few hours I spent in a small, white room inside Carlisle's house with the other Cullen's, watching Bella writhe and shriek on a table would become the stuff of my nightmares for as long as I lived. I vaguely remembered seeing the blurred faces of Alice and Jasper, hovering in the back of the room. The sound of Carlisle's voice instructing Esme had the dim, muted quality of a television playing in another room.

Only Bella was real. Only her screams broke through my daze. Her hand wrapped in mine, squeezing the hell out of it, was the only real thing in the world to me then.

"Tell me you'll stay with me," Bella had pleaded, her face drenched with sweat, thirty minutes after we'd laid her out on a table.

"I'll stay," I told her. "I'll stay until you're okay."

Which meant that I would stay just long enough to know that she would live, and then I would leave and disappear forever. I knew Bella knew that was what I meant. I could see it in her eyes. I didn't know if she would have objected or accepted, because another contraction shook her, and maybe it was better that I didn't. Either way, I was going to have to leave. She would be a vampire by the end of this. She would have Edward's child.

I stepped back after that, when the contractions—or the baby vampire breaking her ribs—worsened. I couldn't help her from there. It was up to the other vampires, and I was in the way.

I caught glimpses of Bella's face over Carlisle's shoulder as he spoke comfortingly to her, assuring her that things would be all right, that he would get her through labor. I stared at Bella's face: a face that would have looked dead for it's ashen pallor if it wasn't for the expression etched violently across it. I could see Bella's pain. I could feel it pulsing in the room. It was like my own pain, throbbing somewhere around my heart as I watched Bella fight for her life.

Each time Bella screamed, I had to look away. I watched the Cullen's instead. Carlisle's face was a blank sheet of marble, only flickers of his thoughts flashing occasionally through his eyes. Esme was just as calm, though she offered Bella small smiles any time that Bella caught sight of her, as if to say, "You'll be fine. It's all right." Like Bella had a fever, and not a little monster growing inside of her.

Alice and Jasper remained in the back of the room. Out of the whole group, Jasper looked most uncomfortable, blanching occasionally as Bella shrieked, and Esme wiped away blood that was—horrifyingly enough—prone to dribble slightly from the corner of her mouth.

Alice was a head shorter than her lover, and a lot less imposing, but she was resting a hand on his arm in a comforting, yet restraining sort of way, her nymph-like face never leaving Bella's, and her eyes dancing somewhere between horror and child-like curiosity.

I hated her. I hated them all.

This wasn't some game. This wasn't a circus show where we were all getting ready to see the Cyclops or the bearded lady. The little vampire growing inside of Bella was a killer, and it was killing her. They were all waiting for the sight of their little vampire miracle, more interested in the birth of something that they hadn't known possible than the fact that its arrival could mean Bella's death.

But I knew that. I knew that better than any of them, and I was the one suffering with it.

"You all can go to the living room now," Carlisle spoke to the rest of us in the room for the first time. "It'll be soon, and it'll go smoother without an audience."

I thought about refusing. Especially when Carlisle looked directly at me as he concluded his statement. I didn't want to let any Cullen bar me from seeing Bella right now. Especially now, when she needed me most, and when no one could promise me that I would see her alive again once this whole thing came to pass. But Carlisle was right. We were all in the way, and given that I knew that this whole ordeal was going to end with the turning of Bella, I thought it was probably better that I wasn't here, so that I wouldn't be tempted to stop it. The idea disgusted me, but it was the only way to save Bella, and Bella's life was more important to me than my own. No matter what the cost.

Lingering only a few seconds longer, I reluctantly nodded to Carlisle and trailed Alice and Jasper out of the room with the parting sound of Bella's ragged sobs floating behind me.

I felt like a blind man then, as I mechanically followed the two vampires to their living room. I didn't see them, or the walls around me. I didn't see the paintings and the other expensive furnishings. I barely saw the couch I dropped myself onto, occupying almost the entire width so that Jasper had to take a single chair upon which arm Alice perched herself.

Their scent was thick in the air, smelling a lot like rot, but all I could really smell was blood. Bella's blood. I stared blankly at the floor, clasping my hands together in my lap. I wondered again how Bella could still have any blood to lose. Her face had lost any hint of rose, and the rest of her skin had grown grey-tinted as well, but what the little leech didn't suck out of her, Bella was still coughing up.

Alice shifted on the couch. I looked up, only taking real interest when I noticed that she'd gone rigid, and there was a far-away look in her eyes. I would have chalked it off to a vampire zoning out—what the hell else did they have to do if they couldn't sleep?—until I saw that Jasper was staring intently up at her, as if waiting for something.

"What is it?" he questioned softly.

Alice sucked in a breath, abruptly, blinking as if she'd just resurfaced from underwater.

"Carlisle called Edward. Edward is coming."

I was surprised the two leeches couldn't hear my teeth snap, grinding together so hard they might have been in danger of shattering.

"What the hell is he thinking?" I hissed, obviously startling both Jasper and Alice. "Why the hell would he want Edward here?"

Alice looked surprised at my outburst, tilting her head curiously to the side, but Jasper's face had gone slightly stony, looking withdrawn as if he wasn't quite sure what to make of me and whether or not I'd do something foolish. Like attack his little girlfriend.

"But… it's Edward's baby. Why wouldn't he be here?" Alice questioned.

Edward's baby. I closed my eyes for a minute as I heard the roaring in my head, my own mental, silent scream that wanted to burst up my throat. I felt hot—hotter than normal. I could fire the fire licking around my tendons, teasing my bones as if just a little pressure would cause them to crack, force them to realign into a four-legged position. The rumble of fury was in my chest, pulsating there was Alice's idiot question repeated in my head.

"Why?" I growled, opening my eyes in time to see Jasper lean slightly forward, as if preparing to defend his mate. "I'll tell you why, because that bastard brother of yours killed the Bella I knew. He wrapped her up in that mansion, and he suffocated her, cutting off all her connections to her family and friends, and he left her there all alone to go out and be with other women. Because that fucker is the most evil, twisted monster of your whole damn nest!"

My clasped hands separated and curled into fists. The room felt too small. The couch was too small. My clothes were too small. There wasn't enough oxygen in this place. I was going to burst into flames!

"W-What?" Alice stammered, actually pretending to have the dignity to act like she was horrified and hadn't known. "What do you mean? Edward doesn't have other women."

I snorted.

"And you know this how? He cut connections with you all too," I reminded her. "Don't play stupid, anyway. I know you can see the future."

I whirled a finger in the air as if to illustrate how impressive I thought that sort of thing was. She was a pretty good actress, pulling off the hurt look a lot better than I would have given her credit for being able to, but, then again, she had had plenty of time to perfect her human expressions.

"You think…" she trailed off. "You think I knew about that? I didn't know anything about that! If it even is true. Edward doesn't want me to look into his future. He forbid it a long time ago. I respect his wishes."

"If it's true?" I hissed. I had the half-formed notion to stand and hit something. "Believe me, Tinkerbell, it's fucking true! Just look at Bella's damn face. If you'd been there, any of those times she's shown up hurt and abandoned on my doorstep, you'd know! That bastard doesn't deserve her, and now his spawn is going to kill her!"

The rage was still there, bubbling furiously. It was starting to really ignited the already hot sparks into real flames. I convulsed slightly, grinding my teeth together as things started to haze red.

"Jacob, stop—"

Jasper raised his hand to her, eyeing me. "Let me."

I started to tell him to back the hell off, knowing full well what the manipulative prick was capable of, and that I wanted to be fucking angry if I felt like it! But it was too late. He dropped his blanket over my thoughts and feelings, masking them, molding them, and then extinguishing the flames one by one. I felt myself ease back into the couch. I felt my mind begin to float. Even though there was that distant screaming voice still in my head.

"I don't like this." I attempted to glare at Jasper.

But Jasper wasn't looking at me anymore. He didn't seem to need to in order to exert his powers, considering I was still being waylaid by feelings of ease and peace while he stared at something behind me. It was around that time when it dawned on me that the screaming wasn't inside of my head.

I felt my heart drop as I listened to the screams that were actually coming from down the hall, in the little spare room where Dr. Cullen was attempting to "save" Bella's life. Despite Jasper's power, I could feel the feelings of comfort beginning to ebb and be replaced with nausea.

Alice leaned forward slightly, catching my gaze, her own face sad and injured.

"I swear, Jacob Black, I didn't know."

Bella screamed again. I receded into the recesses of myself. I didn't hear her. I didn't see her. No one existed except Bella.

And this horrible pain.

What was going on in there? I shouldn't have left the room. I should have stayed there. I should have waited to make sure that Carlisle was doing everything he could.

My stomach rolled. I dug my elbows into my knees and dropped my face into my hands, growling softly to myself. How had I come to this point? How could I be here now, waiting to find out whether or not Bella lived or died? It seemed like a cruel twist to reality, like I was being punished for something I hadn't been aware I was guilty of.

Bella shouldn't have to had to suffer. This was wrong.

It was all because of that bastard, Cullen.

Why had I let her leave all those years ago? I should have kept her in Forks and not allowed her to go to Edward when he'd decided that he needed her at his side.

Needed her. I sneered. He didn't need her. He never had. He'd used her.

I needed Bella. Christ, I was going to die with her, whatever the end result of today was. Whether true death or a life as a vampire, Bella would still be gone to me. The center of my existence—of my fucking orbit—was about to fade into oblivion.

Where did that leave me?

Spiraling out of control into an endless black hole. For a second, I felt a swell of sympathy for my pack—for Leah, Seth, Quill, and everyone else—because I wasn't going to survive this. Not really. Part of me, if not all of me, would die here with Bella today. The pack would have a barely functioning leader. My dad would have only a ghost of a son.

Nothing existed outside of Bella. Not for me.

And now I couldn't have her. If she lived, she would be a vampire, and she would return to Edward, and they would have at least some semblance of a family with their child, and it would leave no room for me. She'd chosen him. I had to give her what she wanted. Besides, I didn't think I could stand the sight of Bella as a vampire the rest of my life. It would tear my heart right out of my chest. Vampires and werewolves were natural enemies. No way a relationship could work. No way I could face a half-dead Bella each day without being buried by the guilt that I'd allowed it to happen.

"She's going to be fine."

I shifted a finger aside to peek out at Alice.

"Did you see it?"

Alice frowned. "No."

I snorted.

"But," she snapped, "Carlisle won't let her die. I promise you that."

I rolled my eyes behind my hands. A promise from a vampire didn't mean much to me. Not unless she was using that little psychic ability of hers to peek into the future. Even then, I would be skeptical. It was ingrained into me. I just couldn't trust them.

"Alice is right," Jasper agreed softly, drawing my attention back to him.

His face was unreadable. He was a weird one. He could play with everyone's emotions, but you could never tell what his were. I didn't blame Leah for not wanting to be around him, or any of them, really. Even though I couldn't imagine just sitting and waiting in a car outside could be that much more preferable, but she hadn't come in, and I could see through a slit in the curtain covering the window behind Jasper and Alice that her car was still outside.

When had Leah become patient?

"Forgive me for not feeling relieved," I responded dryly.

Jasper shrugged and looked away. Alice scowled at me. She was looking at me as if I was some kind of complex puzzle she couldn't quite figure out how to piece together, and it was pissing her off. I had a feeling that Alice was used to knowing and understanding everything. But, being a werewolf, her talents weren't as impressive with me. I got minor satisfaction for the annoyance I was causing her.

Maybe I might have had more fun with it if I wasn't on the verge of having my death certificate signed when Carlisle came out of the room to tell us that Bella was a vampire—or becoming one. Was that a long process? I glanced Alice's way between my fingers again, but I'd be damned if I'd ask her the answer to my question. I didn't really want to know anyway. I didn't want to know anything about what was going to destroy and save Bella.

All I needed to know was that she would be okay, or at least as okay as someone could be when they were alive even though their heart had stopped beating.

I would never hear Bella's heart beat again. 

It was all I could think about over the next hour. Alice and Jasper sat like statues while I tested every possible position on the couch, never quite able to find even a sliver of comfort. I was sitting on pins and needles, waiting for the moment when the world would break apart underneath my feet and open to swallow me whole.

When the sound of a door creaking open finally reached my ears, I was immediately on my feet—so fast that I might have startled Jasper and Alice again, as they finally stirred out of their rigid poses. I ignored them, turning to see Esme walking toward us, her habitual, faint smile on her lips. I couldn't quite read it. I didn't know if it was the smile of someone bearing bad news or good.

She paused a few steps away from me, clasping her hands loosely together before her. She looked at her family first, and then to me, and that was when I saw the sadness in her eyes. There wasn't a heartbeat to be heard in the room at that second, as mine most definitely stopped pulsing.

"Bella…" She paused, drew in a breath, and forced her smile a few notches upward. "Bella is going to be fine…"

I exhaled, closing my eyes, and nearly slumping to the floor in relief and pain. Bella was going to live, but I was still doomed, because this meant that Bella was on her way to becoming a vampire. A vampire like Edward and her new baby. She wasn't my Bella anymore, back there in that room. Her skin was probably already paling and cooling. Her heart beat had most likely skittered to a halt. She was dying to live a half-life that I could never be a part of.

"Esme, what—" Alice started forward, but I cut her off.

I didn't want to be here for this little family celebration. I didn't want to see Carlisle come down the hall with a bundle in his arms that belonged to Bella and Edward. I couldn't stand to go that far, to see that much. I was already being tortured right now, knowing that Bella was going to survive, but I was still going to lose.

I had to get out before I went insane. I knew all that I needed to know: that Bella was going to be all right.

"She'll live? You're certain?"

I had to hear her answer one more time. Something about the way that the matriarch of the family was standing wasn't meshing properly with what she had said, and I had to be certain before I left. Why were Esme's eyes so damn sad?

"Yes," she said flatly. "Carlisle has her stabilized, but—"

Stabilized. That meant that she would definitely make it. It probably also translated to the fact that there was venom racing through her veins, killing them, and turning her. The thought was horrifying, but it was still what I wanted to hear, right? Yes, and it was definitely all I could bear hearing.

"Thank you." I tried to sound sincere when I told Esme this, but something just wouldn't let me really feel thankful. "I told Bella I would stay until I knew that. I have to go now. Tell her… Tell her…"

I swallowed. Tell her what? What was there to say?

"Tell her to be happy," I finished lamely.

I felt my face redden with my own shame of inadequacy, so I turned to leave before I could suffer in the sight of three vampires I didn't like. They had saved Bella, but they were also indirectly related to the problem to begin with.

If they hadn't existed, Bella would have ended up with me.

"Jacob, wait!" Esme attempted to call me back.

I didn't turn. I didn't want to hear what she had to say. Couldn't they see that this was bad enough? I didn't want them to rub the fact that Bella was a marble, heartless monster now in my face. I'd had all I could take. I'd stayed as long as I could for Bella, and now I had to run.

Clenching my teeth around the emotion that I couldn't allow myself to be weak enough to show, I slammed out of the house and made it halfway down the front walk at a jog before running straight into the bane of my existence.

Edward Cullen. 

Alice had been correct. Carlisle had called him. The soulless bastard was standing right in front of me, solid proof. Nearly stumbling in surprise, I locked gazes with his dead, black eyes, and caught the sight of his smirk. Fury tried to rise, but it was drugged by my pain. I couldn't feel much beside the hurt caused by the fact that I had just really lost Bella. To him.

"Saying your goodbyes, Black?" he snickered.

In the driveway, Leah had just opened the door of her car and gotten out. I caught sight of her staring at me over the roof of her car, and I could tell by the look on her face that she was waiting for me to give just one signal before she'd gladly help me rip Edward to pieces.

But I couldn't do that now, because, as fucked up as he was, Bella needed him now. So did his kid. It didn't make me hate him any less, but I couldn't do that to Bella. Despite how much I would have liked to.

I clenched my fists at my sides, blinking back the light of battle that was still trying to struggle into my eyes.

"If it wasn't for Bella's sake, I would kill you right now," I told him, "but that satisfaction will have to wait."

"I'm quivering in fear." Edward rolled his eyes.

"Treat her right this time, Cullen," I warned, "or I will come find you, and I will happily murder you."

Before I could change my mind about delaying Edward's death, I pushed past him, parting from the sidewalk to cut across the lawn directly to Leah and her car. I had to hurry and get out of this place. I had to go before I changed my mind and went against all my best instincts. It was the hardest thing I ever did, to leave Bella there.

"Oh, don't worry, Black," Edward called after me. "As a vampire and the mother of my child, Bella has grown significantly more valuable and interesting. She finally has a purpose."

"Jacob! Get in the car!" Leah hissed.

She must have saw the way I froze up with my hand on the door, the way my brain clicked out of its rationally functioning rotation, and my eyes registered the fact that I would actually enjoy killing him right here and now. Leave it to Leah to be level-headed the one time I needed her not to be.

I heard Edward laugh maliciously as I obediently opened the car door, slid inside, and shut it after me before I could change my mind.

I watched the leech in his shiny black suit stroll down the walk toward the front door of the Cullen house as Leah turned her car around and got us going in the opposite direction.

I promised myself, at the sight of Edward's back, that one day I'd pay him back.


	23. Stuck in Neutral

I was on my deserted island again, trying to figure out which was better: dying at sea or dying on land. Four weeks had passed, and I still couldn't quite make up my mind, but I had grown aware that my choice would effect someone else.

The someone that had been there for me since the start of this. The someone that kept fighting to keep me alive even when I wanted to fizzle out of existence. That someone was currently curled onto the couch beside me, her head nestled against my chest and drooping slightly in sleep.

I stared at the television screen as I flicked through the channels, not really seeing anything but a blur of faces and advertisements that meant nothing to me.

Leaving Bella at Carlisle's had been one of the hardest things I'd ever done in my life. The fact that I'd survived it was more than miraculous—it was almost impossible. Maybe that was why I'd become the broken excuse for a man that I was. I couldn't understand why Leah insisted on seeing things otherwise.

I didn't know why I was letting her see otherwise either.

But I had needed someone to turn to as I'd driven away from the Cullen house, staring at Edward's back and knowing that he was the man that was going to get everything I wanted and deserved. It had been sickening, crushing realization. It might have killed me.

But there was Leah with her sarcastic mouth, her straightforward attitude, and her "I don't love you, but I like you, and we could try this" motto that she'd recently developed. She hadn't restated her proposition to me, but I felt like I'd somehow silently consented, which was a really asshole move on my part.

Because I was using Leah again. The fact that I was certain that she knew what I was doing and remained at my side anyway was beyond confusing, but how could I question it when I needed her to be there for me to hold me up? It wasn't Bella—it wasn't what I needed—but I'd felt like I deserved solace, and Leah kept wordlessly offering me it.

I should have refused. I should have reminded Leah that I was a sad, sorry excuse for a man, and that I was still in love with Bella, and would only love Bella the rest of my life. But I didn't say it. I'd become an actor on a stage where I went through all the motions of being Jacob Black, though I didn't think any of them were convincing.

Leah had to know. The pack had to know.

Everyone had to know.

I was the wolf boy mourning for the vampire girl that was now officially out of his league and outside of his boundaries. The idea of Bella as cold, hard marble had always repulsed me, but now, faced with the fact that it was the permanent new condition of Bella's body, I still couldn't get myself to stop wanting her. Even if she was different.

Knowing this now, however, didn't help. I'd already left her. I'd already forfeited. I'd taken myself out of the game, and now Bella was in New York with her husband and her new child, and I was alone.

Leah shifted slightly in her sleep, murmuring against my chest, and I felt instantly guilty.

Okay. I wasn't alone on the outside. Just inside. Though that didn't make me feel like any less of a jerk. If nothing else, Leah deserved to have all the pretenses she was looking for.

And really, let's be logical here, Jake, this isn't some fairy-tale. Bella is not going to show up on your doorstep again. It was never meant to be, buddy, I chided myself. She's married to the big bad vampire, and you're just the stupid little pig with a house made of twigs. What can you offer her? Just go on with your life and pretend—

My thumb froze mid-air, just about to come down on the button to switch the channel upward, and I nearly dropped the whole remote altogether. I made a soft little choking noise, like a fish out of water, and nearly jumped from my seat, had it not been for the restraining weight of Leah sleeping against me.

I'd flicked through a news channel—the type I usually went through the effort of punching in the number afterward just to miss—and Edward Cullen's ugly face filled my screen. It was the first time I'd seen it in weeks.

The set was on mute as to not disturb Leah—I really hadn't been interested in watching it anyway—so I couldn't make out what the Senator was saying, but there was a smile on his face that could wilt roses a mile away (in my opinion) and his falsely shielded eyes were a deceiving color of natural green thanks to his contacts. The lens was focused solely on him, and he, as much as I hated to admit it, seemed to command attention.

Bastard.

The slow creep of hatred began to climb my spine, and all I could think of was how much I truly hated the guy on my screen. He had taken everything from me in one fatal swoop when I had been so close to finally having it.

Bella had nearly been mine. We had… My brain seemed to shut down on itself when I tried to recall making love with Bella. It was the sorest wound of all. I'd finally had her, I'd finally held her in my hands, and then she'd been whisked away, back to her vampire, to whom she had proclaimed her love. I had been an idiot to believe…

But the what the hell did that matter when I couldn't stop loving her?

I had every right to be furious that she'd used me while still loving the vampire. I had every right to hate her for tearing my heart out. I just couldn't. I'd known it before she'd shown up on my doorstep for the last time, dying and pregnant. If she hadn't come back, I would have went for her. Maybe not as soon as I should have, but I eventually would have went.

I would have tried again to bring Bella back. No matter the cost.

Because I couldn't shake the notion that, somewhere underneath her foolish affections for Edward Cullen, she loved me. I'd seen it in her eyes when our bodies had intertwined. I'd felt it in the way her lips had touched mine. When she'd rested in my arms, I'd known it without a doubt.

I had believed it still, even when she'd gone with Jane, because she'd done it to save me. I knew it. I'd heard her tears. I'd listened to her beg for me. Whatever had transpired on her trip back to New York couldn't cancel out the fact that some part of Bella loved me.

I stared at the face of her husband, and I knew it. The bastard had what I wanted, but a piece of her was still mine. How big of a piece was it? I didn't know, but I had to know. I needed to know, or I'd never be able to move on. Vampire or not, mother of Cullen's baby or not, Isabella Cullen was still the only woman I had ever loved, and if I couldn't be with her, I needed to know…

Fuck. As stupid as it sounded, I needed to know that some part of her was mine.

As pathetic as it was, maybe just knowing would be enough to let me go on with my life. Maybe that one piece of Bella's heart would be enough to bandage mine together well enough so that I could be someone else with someone else… I glanced down at Leah. I didn't know if that idea was stretching my limits, but I could always try, right?

I deserved something to keep myself sane, and maybe that would be a possibility if I just went to New York one more time, if I could just hear Bella's words for herself, see her new self, and make myself realize that it was all…done. The prospect of finding a different Bella was terrifying. So terrifying that I nearly wavered.

I have to do it now, I told myself. What is it that people always say? You can't live with the what if's in your life.

I hadn't completely drained my funds for the last trip. I could squeeze out enough to make one more visit. I could do it right now. I could go to the airport while I still had the balls to face Bella for the last time and get myself some solace and the answer to my question. If I didn't like what I received…well… tough shit.

Giving myself a pep talk made me feel ridiculous. I was more for action.

The channel went into a commercial break, and Edward's face disappeared. It felt almost like a sign, but I wasn't desperate enough to believe in signs yet. Still, my gut told me to start moving, so I decided, then and there, to go.

I started by easing off the couch, but my departure still woke Leah. She let out a soft grunt as I lowered her to the couch, and pushed herself onto her elbows to stare blearily up at me.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

Caught red-handed. I felt like a criminal. Maybe that was why I lied, even though Leah didn't deserve that sort of thing.

"I'm going into Port Angeles to get some parts. There are some things I've been…putting off. I need to get them fixed."

Leah lifted a brow, and I had to admit that it was a flakey lie. I expected her to ask why I was doing all of this now, on a Sunday morning, which seemed like a pretty good question to ask in my point of view, considering I usually took Sundays as my days off.

But Leah didn't ask, and I thought it might have been because she was glad that I was at least trying to get back on track with my life—something she had been trying to urge me into with snide remarks and rolled eyes for weeks now.

"All right, well, I'll probably still be here when you get back."

It almost sounded like a warning. Even though Leah had been sleeping over at my place the last couple of nights—something that still unnerved me, as I could adequately recall what Leah could do to me if she wanted. But she hadn't. It'd been like having a continuous slumber party. We hung out as friends. She listened when I wanted to talk.

But I still felt like she was trying to ease me into something that she had promised she wouldn't. Maybe I tensed up thinking about this, because Leah went on to explain:

"Sam has been over at the house a lot. It seems that him and Seth have become buddies with you going partially AWOL. At least, that's what I think is going on anyway. I can't remember the last time that Sam spent so much time at my house…"

"Oh. All right." Why didn't Leah and I have anything to say to each other that didn't feel awkward and tumultuous? "Well, I should be back late tonight, or maybe tomorrow. I was thinking about seeing a few old friends while I'm there."

Leah eyed me curiously again, but then shrugged. "Sure."

I could feel her watching me as I left the house, and my anxiety to get to Bella was shadowed by my guilt from lying to Leah.

----------

Leah Clearwater – Sunday Evening/ Forks, WA

Jacob Black was a terrible liar. Even outside of wolf form, I could practically read his mind. Who did he think I was? Bella? I wasn't so easily duped with lame excuses. Like I really believed that he was suddenly going to get back on track with his life, let alone go into the city to hang out with friends. Friends that probably didn't even exist.

Jacob's lie had been even less believable when, all but directly after he went out the door, the commercial on the television screen had ended, and I'd gotten a rather large and unfortunate look at Edward Cullen's face, which practically screamed to me that Jacob now had Bella on his mind.

He wasn't going to Port Angeles. The bastard was probably getting his plane tickets right now, idiotically planning his flight back to Bella Cullen for some bizarre reason unbeknownst to me. What did he hope to prove?

How many times did he need to be rejected before he could see that she didn't love—

I winced. The fact that I was pissed at Jacob couldn't overrule the fact that I had been in his shoes once. Not the same shoes—a different size and brand with a whole slew of different problems—but still, I'd tread the same path of heartbreak under the shadow of Sam Uley.

Still. That was different. I hadn't flown to New York just to have his rejection slammed into my face for the fifth or sixth time. I could take a hint.

Well, in some cases, I supposed. I'd thought I'd had this whole love thing kicked. Not that I loved Jacob, but there was definitely the stirring of… like.

Maybe a little more than like, I conceded, tightening my hands around my steering wheel as I navigated my way through Forks to the remote house of Dr. Carlisle Cullen.

It was annoying that Jacob's best interest had become a priority in my life. When had I become so fixated on the alpha of my pack? Maybe when I'd gone on that stupid date that had really been a rotten idea in the first place. That must have been where I'd tripped myself up.

That was definitely my excuse for why I'd persisted in playing cat and mouse with him, why I'd offered myself up to him. It wasn't love, but it was still something more than like. Maybe it was the way I could almost kind of imagine a future with him. We'd always be each other's second bests, but wasn't that better than nothing?

I'd been trying to ease Jacob into the idea of a him and me for the last few weeks—maybe even before that—but he wasn't so much as nibbling. That didn't mean that time couldn't change it, but it did, unfortunately, still mean that an impromptu visit to Bella could change it. Bella was his soul mate, I got that, but that didn't mean that I had to like it. It also didn't mean that I couldn't still vie for his affections when she was sitting out on the game for that loser, Edward.

Which I would definitely do when he returned, heartbroken all over again, from New York, but I wanted to be prepared.

I didn't know what I had in mind, going to the Cullen's place. It wasn't any of my business really, and I didn't even really have a purpose. Except for the fact that Jacob was now on his way to New York to reunite with Bella for some intent I couldn't quite decipher, and I wanted—as I always did—to be a few steps ahead of the game, because, even though I was fairly certain I knew what he'd find there, there was still something bugging me.

When Jacob had recited what had taken place inside the Cullen house the day I'd chosen to wait outside, I'd gotten stuck on the part where he'd mentioned Esme trying to tell him something which he never heard. It was really stupid, but I'd wondered then, curiously, what it was she'd wanted to say, what she'd tried to call him back for. She'd told him Bella was alive, so that marked the possibility of her death out, but what about the kid? What about Bella's condition?

I'd been watching the news behind Jacob's back, and I'd seen Edward on several occasions, but no sight of Bella, and no mention of a baby. For some reason, I felt that Edward would want to flaunt those two new—well, newish—kind of things in the public eye.

It was just instinct really that drove me to the Cullen house, and the need to know what it was that Jacob was going to walk in on in a mansion in New York. Maybe I'd need to invest in a plane ticket myself. Things really never ended well when it came to vampires.

Whatever it was, I needed to know first, because I was the one looking out for Jacob now, right?

Gritting my teeth, I pulled into the Cullen's drive, parked my car, and slid out. It annoyed me that I had to wipe my suddenly moist hands on my pants, but I put on my poker face as I stalked up to the house and hammered a closed fist on the door. Though there was no signs of life in the house—Ha, imagine that!—I waited stubbornly to be answered. I knew for a fact that they were still in there. The place reeked of them.

Sure enough, one of them opened the door, and, just my luck, it was Esme herself.

I fought the urge to smirk as she stared warily at me from just inside the doorway. Her dark hair was curled loosely around her face, and her eyes—a peaceful color of gold—were full of caution. Her cold, dead body was incased in a sweater and jeans, and she actually looked like an almost perfect representation of a rich man's housewife.

"Leah?"

I hated the way my name sounded spoken with her voice. I didn't want to hear any more of that voice than I had to, and, besides, I wasn't one for beating around the bush.

"Jake's on his way right now to Bella's place," I informed her, "so, tell me, what was it that you tried to tell him that day? I need to know if I should try to stop him."

The look on Esme's face made me wish that I hadn't asked. I knew, without an answer, that Jake was about to walk in on something that I wouldn't be able to help him with. If that was even my intention of gathering this news to begin with. Maybe my motivation for coming here was completely selfish. Maybe I just needed to know if I would continue to stand a chance when I saw Jacob again.

I felt it then. I'm not sure how or why, but it was the feeling of defeat. My suspicions were, as always, going to prove correct. I didn't know how I knew it to begin with, but I'd just known.

Maybe it was because I knew what my luck was typically like.

"Bella's still human, isn't she?" I croaked.

Esme gave me a small, sad smile. "Yes." 


	24. Home

It had really been low to lie to Leah, but, by the time I landed in New York and hopped into a cab destined for Bella's place, I had forgotten how guilty I should have felt, because, despite everything Leah had done for me, we couldn't be anything more than friends. I knew that, in the end, Leah would understand—probably better than anyone else would. So I shoved La Push and everyone in it into the back of my mind, and I thought of nothing else but Bella as I rode down the streets of New York, into the secluded section where dozens of mansions were cloaked in trees and guarded by tall security gates.

I didn't know what I was headed for. It could be rejection. In all probability, it most likely would be. As I had already told myself, Bella had a new life now and new obligations. A vampire woman and a vampire child probably wouldn't mix well with a werewolf man, and even imagining taking Edward's place as the head of that family was bizarre. Despite how much I wanted Bella.

It was stupid, I still knew, for me to chase Bella to New York again just to hear a few words from her lips. Words that would probably condemn me to a lifetime of loneliness and regrets, and yet I was still so desperate to hear them. The knowledge that Bella loved me would not put her in my house, in my arms, or make a family between us. It would simply be the fickle substance I was left with when I went back to La Push without Bella. I didn't understand how I thought that it would comfort me, but I had to hear it.

Unlike my hasty trip the time before, I remained in the cab as it wound its way up a secluded drive and pulled up in front of the monstrous structure that was the Senator's house. We stopped before the gates—the one I had watched Bella kiss him through—and, for a moment, I was at a loss. I hadn't exactly planned how to get through them.

Just as the cabbie was turning to most likely question the same thing, however, the gates began to swing inward, as if they'd read my mind.

Yeah right.

That meant only that…

Yeah, that was what I'd thought.

As the yellow cab shifted back into drive and edged up the rest of the drive toward the house, I saw Edward Cullen appear through the wide arch of his front door. Dressed in his habitual suit, he stepped out onto his lawn with his hands tucked into his pockets, his hair casually in disarray, and his face set in a murderous scowl. He'd known I was coming.

But why had he let me in? I gritted my teeth, sensing a fight.

I heard the cabbie give a small gasp, and it was then that I realized that the idiot Cullen had stepped out into the daylight. He was sparkling like a disco ball right in front of the human. The cabbie was ogling him through his stringy, black hair, his faded green eyes, for the first time, looking horribly alert. I growled out a breath, retrieved some wadded bills from my pocket, and thrust them at the cabbie.

"Here. Get out of here," I ordered sharply, and then I slid out of the car, slammed the door, and crossed the lawn to where sparkling Edward Cullen was waiting for me.

I heard the cab shift gears and then gun a little too enthusiastically behind me, as if the cabbie was in a hurry to get away. He should be. He'd just seen the world's most twisted predator in true form. Edward didn't miss that fact either. As I stepped up to him, the vampire's eyes shifted once over my shoulder at the retreating car.

"I'm going to have to kill that man now, you know," he told me, very coldly. "Thanks to you."

A shot of ice went through my stomach.

"What?" I snapped, drawing his eyes back to me. "Are you fucking crazy? You can't just kill people, because you were stupid enough to come out here! Who'd believe him anyway?"

Edward actually smirked at me, and I could feel my blood boil. Two seconds in his presence, and I was ready to phase and rip him apart. Though I didn't know why it surprised me that he could be so aloof about murder.

That was what the leech was made for. It was, of course, also why I even had the capability to turn into a four-legged, furry dog. The guy was the bane to my existence. He was the reason why everything in my life was so messed up.

"No one can see me like this, Jacob. Haven't you learned anything from your brush with the Volturi?" he chided. "Besides, if you would just know when to give up, he wouldn't have seen me in the first place."

I clenched a fist at my side. "You're the idiot that opened the gate."

Edward snorted, but the smirk on his face twisted into an annoyed scowl once again. The face that so many women swooned over shifted easily into the ugly mask of a man capable of serious violence. The worst was that he wasn't really a man either. He was a monster. How Bella had ever fallen in love with that face, I wouldn't know.

"You're the imbecile with the loud thoughts," he hissed back, his dead eyes flaming. "I hate having thoughts thrust upon me, and yours are ridiculously noisy. If you'd keep them to yourself, I wouldn't have known you were coming, and we wouldn't be standing here having this unfortunate encounter. You're projecting them onto me, mutt."

It was my turn to scowl. I'd forgotten that Edward could read minds. Just like Jasper's talent to toy with emotions, Edward's power was equally as exasperating. It wasn't as if vampires weren't bad enough without abilities. Living with a pack of wolves that could read my mind, it was infuriating that I didn't even have complete sanctuary to think what I wanted in human form.

"And how they put up with listening to your pathetic whining is beyond me," Edward commented angrily. "Were you really fool enough to take a plane here just to hear Bella tell you that she loved you? You're a rather pathetic man, Black."

I deeply considered socking Edward right in his smug mouth. Though I didn't know if it was possible, I thought it would be gratifying to see if I could knock a vampire's teeth out. Then let's see the bastard suck blood. Or smile for his adoring cameras.

But a physical fight, as tempting as it was, was not the reason I'd come to New York again. The reason I was here was exactly the one Edward had repeated from eavesdropping on my thoughts.

"Where is she, Cullen?"

Edward tilted his head slightly to the side, studying me in a bemused yet disgusted sort of way, like I was some kind of bug under a microscope. The creep really had it coming to him. One day. One day I wouldn't have to worry about the effects of my actions against him. Edward pursed his lips, as if he'd heard me think as much.

"I'll tear your house apart to find her if you make me," I warned.

For effect, I let myself envision shattering porcelain and ripping through silk, damaging portraits and busting up furniture. It was really almost as tempting as punching Edward. I had a feeling that his material possessions were just as important to him as his own life. At least, that was the case if the expression on his face meant anything.

"She's dead," Edward said, flatly.

For a moment, my heart stuttered to a complete stop as I listened to Edward's lifeless proclamation and found myself believing it simply because of the way he had spoken it. Believing this, even for a second, was like taking a knife straight to the heart in which I could feel the blade tearing through my flesh, ripping and gouging. The blood drained from my face and trickled to my feet, and I felt like I might actually die myself in those few, heart stopping seconds.

"You're lying," I breathed.

Edward shrugged, sneering. "She's as good as dead to me, and she will be soon, anyway."

It wasn't as if the fact that Edward had made Bella's life a living hell wasn't bad enough, but the sheer audacity of him all but saying that he didn't care if Bella lived or died was more than I could take. I didn't know what the hell was going on, or what must have happened the night I left her at Carlisle's, but I was going to find out.

Right now.

I took a step forward, nearly smashing Edward's toes, but he barely had a chance to dance backward before I caught him by the collar of his suit, and gave him a rough shake. Edward was easily as strong as me, but it must have been a long time since anyone had manhandled him, because he was a little too surprised to push me off at first.

"What are you talking about?" I snapped.

When I shook him for the second time, Edward didn't respond as well. Baring his perfectly white, straight teeth at me, he clamped a hand around my wrist, and squeezed it so hard that I thought he might try to break it, but it seemed to be more of a warning.

"The Volturi," was his response.

That took me back a couple of steps. Of all the ideas I'd been playing with—the main being that Bella had somehow come out worse for wear after the pregnancy and might just be barely hanging on—the Volturi were not yet a conclusion I had come to.

"What are you talking about? Bella's a vampire. Why would they kill her?"

Something I had said took Edward by surprise. I saw it flash through his eyes before he could carefully conceal it with a smug grin.

"Do they really need a motive for anything they do, Black? I don't care. She's not my concern any longer. I bid her good riddance several weeks ago."

Nothing was adding up. I felt like somehow I'd stepped into an alternate universe while I wasn't paying attention. This other-world Edward was trying to tell me that he didn't have Bella—that she wasn't here in house in New York all this time.

"Where is she? Damn it! Tell me where she is, or I'll tear you and your house apart!"

Edward rolled his eyes at me. "Finding her won't do you any good, Black. She's doomed. But since I like to see you suffer, I'll tell you. She's at Emmett's, at his loft in the city. Go on now, poor puppy. Go find her."

I stayed there only long enough to get the address once he'd confessed Bella's new whereabouts, and the rest was a fast-paced blur. Though I felt the vagueness of fury somewhere in the back of my head at all that Edward had said, at the way he watched me leave with the utmost sort of satisfaction, it wasn't enough to make me waste any time hurting him.

The only thing that mattered was getting to Bella. The only thing I was concerned about was Edward's cryptic talk about Bella dying. I had to get to her fast.

I didn't take a cab.

No matter what the situation, I could always rely on the strength and stability that was my other half, and it was without much thought that I hit the woods by Edward's mansion, stripped from my clothes while still moving, and hit the ground on four paws, running faster than I'd ever ran before.

Back to the city.

Back to Bella.

I'm coming, Bella. I'm coming. 

~!~!~!~

I was in human form again, panting slightly, when I reached Emmett's front step. As I raised my hand to bang on the door, I silently swore that if this was not the place—all else be damned—I would rip Edward right in half and burn that blood sucker inside his fancy mansion.

But it was Emmett's massive, line-backer form that answered the door, that filled up the expanse of the frame, and that glared suspiciously at me over the threshold. He was the biggest vampire I had ever seen, but I would have wagered that I was the biggest werewolf he'd ever seen as well. Even if I'd been a skinny nerd with a pocket protector and glasses, nothing could have stood between me and Bella at that moment.

I was already plotting how I was going to mow the vampire down to get inside.

"Where is she?" I demanded.

Emmett folded his arms across his chest, and opened his mouth to respond.

"Jacob?"

Both of us gave a start of surprise, but, as Emmett recovered from the unexpected sound of Bella's voice, I plummeted. I didn't know why, but the sound of her voice alone unraveled me. All the fear, all the anxiety—It all came crashing down onto me, and, for a split second there, I thought I was going to collapse. Bella was still alive. Bella was only feet away from me.

Emmett scowled. "Bella, this isn't a good idea."

A hand appeared on Emmett's arm. "It's my life, Emmett. Go entertain Rose. This is private."

Emmett snorted, but the glare he went through the pains to spare me was wasted, because he'd already become invisible to me as he shifted aside and retreated back into the house, giving me full view of Bella, who had been standing just behind him.

She offered me an almost shy smile.

"I'm glad it was you," she spoke suddenly. "I knew it would be. Alice couldn't see who would be at the door, but I knew…"

I stared at Bella in disbelief. My mouth fell open. No sound came out. I could hear my heart hammering in my ears. It was going to explode.

I was back in that alternate reality—that realm that didn't make sense, that made me question my sanity. I was in human form, lacking my more sensitive werewolf perceptions, but I knew that that was a blush on Bella's face, and a heart beat lightly throbbing at her throat. I knew that her skin was still the pale color of a human unused to sunlight, not a vampire's carved of marble. Her eyes were still dark chocolate. Her scent was still of strawberries.

Bella was still human?

"Bella," I choked.

I started to reach for her, but my hand wavered in the air. I was afraid to touch. I didn't want to know if this was a mirage. The smile on her face had slid away, and her eyes, dark and sad, were enveloping me as she stepped forward. The air stirred. I tasted strawberries.

"Jake."

She lifted her hands as well, but they stopped a fraction away from grazing the skin of my still motionless hands. Like she was afraid to touch me too.

I had come to New York expecting to find Bella a vampire, toting around a newborn vampire child, married to the vampire scum I had just left at a mansion. I had anticipated leaving with nothing but my broken heart, and maybe, against all hope, the simple knowledge that some small sliver of Bella's heart belonged to me. But now, I forgot my purpose. I did not ask Bella if she loved me. That seemed so trivial when it came down to the fact that, no matter her answer, I would always love her.

I would always protect her. I would always come back for her.

"You're not a vampire?"

She closed her eyes, shook her head.

"No."

The ground gave away underneath my feet. My treacherous legs buckled, and I dropped to my knees before her. I begged whoever would listen not to let this glorious mirage end as I sagged forward, dropping my head against Bella's smooth, slender stomach and wrapped my arms around her waist, clinging to the only thing in life that I wanted.

The questions I needed to ask and the fears I needed to define could all wait.

Her arms went around my shoulders, her fingers sliding into my hair, and I was home.


	25. One Night for Dreams

It didn't matter what had happened in the past, or what had brought me to this moment, but I couldn't let Bella go again. That was why I had to keep touching her. That was why I had to take a firm hold of her hand as she drew me to my feet and led me into the house where we could talk in private. I felt like I was following a ghost up the spiral stair case that led to the guest room in Emmett and Rosalie's house. I kept expecting the silhouette of Bella to go clear and dissolve, breaking the lines of the body I loved.

However, Bella was real and human and warm underneath my touch as she led me to her room and closed the door behind us. She gestured for me to take a seat on her bed, and I obediently dropped myself onto a frilly pink comforter. It was just as well. My legs still weren't that steady.

When I reached for Bella, though, she drew back a step, her solemn face staring down at me, her hand sliding out from mine. I wanted to snatch it back. If I let go, she might disappear.

"You came for me."

Why did that seem to surprise her? Of course I had come for her. I always would. As stubborn and stupid and hard-headed as I tended to be, nothing could keep me away from Bella. I'd known it all along—even before she'd reappeared in my life. That was why I had kept my house empty and my bed cold, because I didn't want it filled at all unless it was filled with Bella.

I watched her frown, her eyes dropping from mine to stare sadly at the floor. Why? Why was she sad? She was human, and she'd gotten away from Edward. Whatever had happened—however it had happened—that meant that we could still be together. Why hadn't she come back to me?

"I didn't want to be a burden to you anymore, Jake. You don't deserve this."

I actually laughed. I shoved off the bed to my feet, trying to ignore the way Bella took another step back.

"Are you nuts, Bells? I don't want anything else. I don't know how this happened," I said, gesturing to her, "but it's perfect."

Bella's face tightened. "No, it's not."

That wiped the smile off of my face. How could this not be perfect? She was still human. She was away from Edward. I'd thought that that was what she had wanted. Right? There was no way I could have misinterpreted our time together. Was there?

Hurt crisscrossed through my chest. Oh yeah. How could I have forgotten?

"Oh," I muttered. "You still love him."

The fact that the image of Bella locked in Edward's embrace had faded from my mind could only be blamed on the sheer joy I'd felt from seeing that Bella was still human.

"Jacob…"

"And then there's the baby, right?" I pressed on, my voice becoming bitter. "Where is it anyway? Is that why Edward kicked you out? Is it not a vampire?"

"No," Bella said, sharply, making me look up. "That's not it at all, Jacob. You wouldn't let me tell you before. Edward planned for you to see that. He kissed me. I was telling him that I was leaving him, and that I was going back to you."

My heart clenched uncomfortably in my chest as I studied Bella's face. She was saying exactly what I'd hoped to hear when I'd decided to come back to New York, but it had a false quality to my ears now. How could I believe that when she looked so sad to see me, when she'd said that not being dead wasn't a good thing?

"You don't have to tell me what I want to hear to make it easier to send me away," I told her. "I didn't come here to get you back anyway." Lie. Stupid lie. "I just wanted to make sure that you were okay, because unlike that bastard you're in love with, I love you, and I just wanted to hear you tell me you love me too. In some way. Just once. And then I'll leave. I swear."

I hated to see the tears shining in the brown of Bella's eyes. I hated the line that creased between her brows and the way her lip trembled. I hated that my appearance alone was giving her pain. Just once, I wanted to be what made her whole.

"You can't believe everything you see, Jacob."

I closed my eyes for a second, but the image of Bella's face was burned into my lids. I couldn't close her out no matter how hard I tried. I'd came here for one simple thing, but everything always had to be complicated. Leave it to my ever-optimistic heart to think that I'd come for something small and was going to be rewarded by getting something large—something my heart had always desired.

Coming here, finding Bella human and distanced from Edward, it seemed like a cruel joke.

Because Bella wasn't happy to see me. Bella wasn't glad to be human. Bella hadn't thrown herself into my arms and begged to be swept away to La Push where we could live happily-ever-after.

No. She'd started crying. She looked unhappy. She would barely look at me.

Why was it like this? Why was Bella human? Why wasn't she with Edward? Where was her kid? And why, now that everything I'd wanted to happen, had happened, didn't she want to be with me?

"I don't know what to believe that I saw anymore," I admitted. "Why aren't you a vampire, Bella?"

I'd worked hard for several weeks to break the barriers between us, but, in a matter of four, Bella had reconstructed them. She'd repaired her shutters, and I watched them close over her eyes. I watched the fear straighten her spine and seal her lips, even though they continued to tremble as if they didn't want to be closed. She was pulling away from me—way over on the other side of a growing ravine—and she wasn't even going to tell me why.

I couldn't help the fact that my temper flared. I'd sacrificed my life and happiness for Bella. I'd jumped a plane and spent all my cash just to make sure she was all right. I'd all but deserted my pack and lied to Leah for her too. Why was I always the only one to sacrifice? I didn't deserve to be shut out. Especially not now.

"Why aren't you a vampire, Bella?" I demanded.

I took another step forward. Bella attempted to move back, but now she was pinned against a rose-colored dresser. Bumping against it, she toppled over a bottle of perfume. The sound made her jump. She looked like a deer, scenting a predator with nowhere to run.

"Jacob—"

I caught her wrist and lifted them to my chest. She gave a feeble noise, shuffling forward. I could feel her pulse hammering underneath my thumb. If I hadn't been so pissed, I might have also registered the shift in the expression in her eyes as well.

"Why aren't you a vampire?" I repeated. "Why aren't you with Edward, and where is your baby? What's going on here, Bella? I deserve a damn explanation!"

Bella winced as my voice rose, but she didn't cower away. Instead, she started crying. Real tears—not just the partial ones that reflected like glass in her eyes, but the ones that pearled on her lashes and rushed down her cheeks. Her face scrunched up, her cheeks turned slightly red, and she just let loose on me.

Shit.

Immediately ashamed, I released her wrists. I was always too rough. Why didn't I know how to handle this better?

"Bella. Bella, I'm sorry."

She shook her head, and then surprised me by ducking forward. I caught her as she buried her face into my shirt, sagging against me, and the waterworks cranked up another level, soaking me through in a second. I floundered for a few minutes, confused by the sudden turn of events, but I was still smart enough to close my arms around her, to hold her like she so evidently needed to be held.

"Bella, please, tell me what's going on," I begged. "I want to help here."

I didn't know what else to do, so I ran my hand through her hair. It wafted the scent of strawberries through the air again. It was a bittersweet smell now.

"Carlisle—"

Her first attempt ended in a choked sob.

"Yeah, Bells? Carlisle, what?"

"I-I would have d-died before Carlisle could c-change me," Bella cried. "I almost did die."

My heart throbbed at the thought. I'd been only feet away from the room where Bella had danced with death. I could still remember, very clearly, my fear that that was how that night was going to end. I knew then, as I knew now, that if it had happened, I would have died as well.

"But he saved you."

Bella nodded weakly against my shirt. It was the first time I was ever thankful to a vampire.

"But the baby died, Jacob. The baby d-died."

I'd had no affection for the vampire spawn that had nearly killed Bella, but listening to Bella's pain at that moment made me feel sympathy for the baby she had harbored, for the enormity of Bella's loss. A loss that was obviously tearing her up. I'd wanted to hate that baby, in truth, but now, hearing Bella's sobs, I couldn't. It wasn't the baby's fault that it had been the spawn of Edward, or that it had broken my relationship with Bella.

Even if it had been, it had died so that Bella could live.

My throat threatened to seal.

"It's not your fault, Bella," I whispered. "Carlisle did what he thought he had to. It was out of your hands."

Bella made a soft, whimpering noise against my chest. I closed my eyes, wishing that I could take away her pain. If there had been a way, I would have suffered in her place. Just so that my Bella would never hurt. I couldn't handle the fact that there was nothing that I could do.

Except hold her, so I did. I held her until her sobbing quieted, and then I kept holding her.

"He gave me blood transfusions. He nursed me back to health. Edward was so angry. He left as soon as he found out that the baby had died, and that I was still human."

I should have punched the asshole when I had the chance. I should have killed him.

But that chance had come and gone, and all that mattered now was helping Bella heal.

"The baby was a girl." Bella's voice cracked. "I was thinking…after…I would have named her Renesmee."

I pressed a kiss to the top of Bella's head. She sighed.

"It's a beautiful name," I told her.

I could feel her nod her head against me. I could also feel that she'd started to tremble. I could only imagine how much this had taken out of her. I wanted to scoop her up and carry her away—into the sunset—to a place where she'd never hurt or fear again. I just needed her to let me.

"Come back to La Push with me."

She stiffened. I tried not to frown. Why was she still resisting me?

"I can't."

"Please, Bella. I know that you're hurting, but I can make it better. We can be together now."

She shifted in my arms and pushed away. I only allowed her enough distance so that she could dip her head backward to stare up at me. Her eyes were red-rimmed and puffy. Her cheeks were tear-stained. I never wanted to see her like this.

"Jacob, after everything happened, I came here to stay with Emmett and Rose for a reason. They can protect me and themselves."

I didn't understand that.

"But, Bella, I can protect you. From whatever you're scared of. I'm a werewolf, remember? My friends are all werewolves. We're just as strong as them, as much as you refuse to believe that."

She'd always given too little credit to my kind. We weren't just giant, fluffy, harmless animals. We were wolves as big as bears, for Christ's sake. I was just as strong as vampires like Emmett. Even if it didn't look like it.

"You don't understand, Jake," Bella insisted. "I'm still human. The Volturi know that."

An image of little Jane standing on my doorstep flashed through my mind, and I felt a swell of indignation. That was what this was about? That was why Bella had seemed so upset about still being human? A stupid vampire clan that thought that they were tough shit? I didn't know what to feel: relief or frustration.

"Who cares? They won't hurt you when you're with me."

I tried not to recall how Jane alone had left me writhing on the floor. That had been an accident. I had been unprepared. It wouldn't happen again.

Bella had my stubborn expression, and she shook me slightly be the arms.

"Jake, the Cullen's are why I'm still alive. Emmett and Rose can protect me, and as long as I live with them, the Volturi are at a standstill, because of Carlisle. They respect him, Jake, and, for the time being, they won't do anything to me."

For the time being? I gritted my teeth. Was that how Bella was going to live? On a time limit by vampires? I'd kill the whole nest of them before I allowed that to happen. What would happen once they decided they didn't respect Carlisle that much anyway? Had Bella thought to then? The Cullen's were a nice temporary shield, but, unlike them, I was willing to give my life for Bella.

"I know you're afraid of them, but, listen to me, I can protect you. Just as well as they can. Come back to La Push with me."

"I won't put you in danger, Jacob. Not again." I started to object, but she waved me away. "Please, I'm tired. Let's just drop it for now, okay? Just stay with me tonight. I just need one more night. And then you have to go, Jake, and you have to forget about me."

That would never happen, but I could see that, for now, Bella did need to relax. Her face was too pale, and she was still trembling. As much as it annoyed me that she was trying to protect me, it was obviously only going to upset her further if I kept rejecting the idea. I didn't want to upset Bella at the moment. I just wanted to enjoy the fact that I had her--right here, right now--with me.

"All right," I agreed. "I'll stay."

But we would have more the one more night. We would have forever. Bella would see


	26. Reality With Day Break

BPOV

I'd never believed in fairytales or happy endings. I'd had no conceived notion of the face or physique of the white knight that would ride in on a stallion and save me. No such perfection had ever existed for me. Not until Edward had I dared to hope—fruitlessly of course. My stupidity of thinking that such things might actually exist had left me crushed in the end, and I'd quit believing altogether, swearing it off for good.

The world had seemed pretty black and white. My mother and father's marriage had failed. My marriage with Edward had failed. Marriage, in essence, had become a failure waiting to happen. I'd always questioned love—how easy or hard it should be to fall, or if falling was even really possible. I thought a lot of infatuation, and how some people so obviously confused it.

I had.

I'd thought that I had loved Edward Cullen.

Young and foolish, I had married, and I had failed, and maybe I would have never believed in the big four-letter word again, but then there had been Jacob. Jacob had been the true knight in shining armor. Jacob had been my hero, but even finally acknowledging the existence of such men didn't quell the fact that a happily-ever-after still didn't exist.

The world is cruel. Humans are imperfect.

In particular: me. I am the most imperfect human that has ever existed, always making the wrong choice, always one step behind, never realizing what I have until it's gone.

"Bella, look at me."

Jacob's face came into view over mine. I loved looking at the bronze skin, the smooth, yet hard lines of Jacob's face. My only fear, and my only joy, was the fact that, when his eyes met mine, he could see everything I had to hide.

They did it then. They were searching my soul. Lying on top of me, warm and heavy and tucked between my legs, Jacob had me pinned to the bed. I never felt more secure or vulnerable as I did then. I wanted to make love to him, but even though we were both undressed, and even though I could feel his arousal pressed against the inside of my thigh, Jacob was holding back, because he wanted more.

He wanted everything from me. I wanted to give it, but I couldn't. I wouldn't sacrifice him again.

"Bella, I love you," he told me, and my heart swelled almost painfully. "I want to be with you, like this, always. You just have to let me in."

I wanted to tell him that I loved him too, that there was nothing I wanted more than to let him in, but I couldn't. Jake had always protected me, and, for once, it was my turn to do the same for him. I had ruined—as I always did—the possibility of an us, and now the least I could do was make sure that Jacob had a life outside of us. I was selfish for having him here, in my bed, one last time, but I needed something to hold to, something that I could remember when he was gone. There was nothing like having the heat of Jacob pressed against me.

It was the most potent of fires.

I reached up, touching my hand to his face. Soft and warm as always, I slid my fingers around so that I could cup his cheek in my palm. I traced just underneath his bottom lip with my thumb. I wanted to remember all the contours of his face.

The face of the man that brought me happiness in the darkest time of my life. I felt a pang at the pit of my stomach. I'd had a month to mourn the loss of my daughter, and it was the most tender of wounds. It was Jacob's face that helped me through recalling the face of my daughter, who I met too briefly. Would I survive having to mourn Jacob as well?

Something told me that it would be a combination of those two faces--the eerily beautiful little girl that had looked so much like Edward, and the handsome, strong face of Jacob, the man that could no longer save me--that would haunt me until I died.

I almost sighed. My life was made up of losses.

"You're the only person I want to be with, Jake."

It was the complete truth. When I made him leave, and he departed New York to return to the safety of La Push, he would be, and would always remain, the only man I wanted to be with. I didn't expect the same from him. He deserved happiness with another woman—though I didn't want to think about that—and I wouldn't begrudge him moving on. He'd waited years for me, and, now that I was going to disappoint him again, I had to suffer too.

"We were always meant to be together, Bella."

"I know."

He frowned at me, but I only smiled back. It wasn't what he wanted—though I had been agreeing with him—and he began to shift around, rolling onto his side and then drawing me against him so that his chiseled stomach was pressed to the soft surface of mine.

"What are you doing?"

I didn't want to talk anymore. I wanted to feel Jacob inside of me, and I wanted to be able to ride on that one last crest of joy and completion before I lost it all for good. I needed that mindless connection of feelings and nothing else. Jacob only drew me closer, tucking my head underneath his chin so that I could smell the pine scent that seemed to linger around his neck.

"I could live the rest of my life completely content just to hold you," he told me.

My heart throbbed. He was determined to make this difficult, but he would see. I couldn't back down this time. There was nothing but danger attached to me now. I'd made the wrong choices, and I'd gotten wrapped into the world of vampires, and I was done allowing Jacob to share my pain. As much as I wanted to be that weak girl that needed to lean on him.

I wrapped my leg around his waist, drawing my hips toward him, and slyly sheathing his tip inside of me. I heard his breath catch unevenly in his throat, and one hand began to stroke my back, then up my side, until it came to a stop cupping my breast.

"Okay, you can change the subject this one time, Bells," he told me darkly, "but I'm not leaving here without you."

There were the rare occasions in which his persistence was endearing, but this wasn't one of them. Not when it would be his life hanging in limbo just for the sake of mine. I had watched Jane hurt him once, and that had been bad enough.

Jake seemed to think that I was ignorant to the fact that the Volturi would eventually come—Carlisle or no Carlisle—but I wasn't. I was fully aware. That was why I was going to steal this last taste of Jacob to savor, and then I was going to send him away to save him. If they came to kill me, he would not be here to die too.

"Just shut up and make love to me, Jacob," I responded.

I was glad that his hands went to my hips, informing me that he was going to give me what I wanted and let the subject drop. I'd dealt with death enough in the past few weeks. I wanted a few hours of solace, a few hours with Jake, before everything was gone.

I lifted my head to press my mouth to his, but I ended up groaning against his lips as he rolled once again—onto his back—and pulled me effortlessly on top of him, sliding into me so easily that it seemed like we were two perfect pieces of a puzzle. When I pulled back to arch in response to the feel of him sliding into me, Jacob's face was tense, yet satisfied. His fingers dug slightly into my hips.

"All right, Bella Swan, you make love to me."

I didn't correct him. I was glad that he'd referred to the girl that had once been.

For the next few hours, I wanted to be her. I just wanted to be Isabella Swan.

-------

JPOV

I'd known that once the night ended, I'd be forced to fight again. I was always fighting for what I wanted, and I knew that I would probably always have to. That was fine. Just as long as I was able to have what I was fighting for.

However, for one night, I was going to be a lover instead.

So I made love slowly to Bella several times throughout the night. Each time, we'd reach a climax together, and crumple, intertwined, into the mattress, sagging in blissful sleep until I'd wake up—almost as if my senses were unwilling to let me pass my one given night in unconsciousness—and turn to Bella. I found I enjoyed the way her eyes would go from a sleepy dazed expression to the glazed look of pleasure as she hooked one leg around mine and arched against me.

It was like a slow moving fantasy throughout the night, like watching reflections in a pool, each one changing when you touched the surface and sent another ripple through. I filled Bella, slept, and then woke to fill her again, as if I was metaphorically trying to consume the empty places that she contained.

And though the night was the best I'd ever spent, I'd known that when the morning came, Bella would throw her walls up, and she would try to chase me back. That was Bella—always wanting to play the heroine.

Though I'd thought she'd at least wait until after breakfast time before she attempted to root me out.

"Jacob."

I lifted one heavy eyelid and saw not Bella, but Rosalie scowling down at me from the side of the bed.

"Holy shit!" I hissed, scrambling off the bed, clutching at the bed sheets to cover my exposed lower body.

Rosalie Hale—blonde beauty that she was—was not exactly the ideal person to be woken up by. In fact, from experience, it seemed that she was the least appealing of all the leeches after Edward. If he was a prick, then she was a bitch, and the expression contorting her marble features only amplified it. It was a whole lot worse considering I'd expected, and wanted, Bella to be the one I woke up to this morning.

"I was going to tell you to get your naked ass out of my guest bed," she told me, dryly, "but, since you already have, I'm going to tell you, instead, to get dressed and get out."

My clothes were crumpled near the foot of the bed, but I eyed them warily and didn't make a move for them. Instead, I kept the covers up, concealing my dick, and attempted to glare back at Rosalie, despite my discomfort and obvious vulnerability.

"Where's Bella?"

Rosalie rolled her eyes at me, setting her hands onto her hips. I noticed her nails were long and painted red, and I felt vague curiosity about whether or not she'd be above coating them with acid. She looked like the type. A real man-killer.

"She's gone."

Gone?

I would have rather have taken acid fingernails to the face than that. I gaped stupidly at her, my heart stuttering, tripping, and falling to my feet. Gone? Bella had left? But I had just been in that bed with her, wrapped between frilly pink sheets and her warm, slender legs. I had just made love to her. I had just… I blinked. How had she slipped out?

"Where did she go?" I demanded.

Rosalie smirked. "Like I'd tell you that, mutt. That's the point."

I felt my face flush with rage. "Are you fucking stupid? You have to tell me where she went. I have to protect her."

Rosalie actually laughed at me, and, if it wasn't for the fact that lifting my hands would drop my sheet and expose my manhood, I would have been tempted to cross the room and attempt to strangle a vampire.

"You? Protect her? From the Volturi?" Rosalie snorted, but then, catching the expression on my face, she sobered slightly, as if she felt sorry for me. "She's with Emmett. She's safe, mutt, trust me. Bella's part of our family. We won't let anything happen to her."

"The hell she is," I growled.

Rosalie made a face at me, her nose wrinkling in disgust, and I thought she might be thinking about wielding those acid fingernails against me. I didn't care. I was still preferring the acid burn than the feeling of my heart getting chopped into a finer sliver each time my brain echoed the fact that Bella was gone and had left me.

"Look, it was her choice. You should respect it," Rosalie snapped at me, and then dug into her pocket, pulled out an envelope, and tossed it onto the bed. "She left you this. Read it, and get the hell out of my house. If you're still here when I get back, we're going to have problems."

I ground my teeth at her warning, but I didn't retort as she stomped out, swaying her ass like she had something to show. My eyes had dropped to the envelope she left, and I could feel my heart squeeze. My name was scrawled on the front in Bella's handwriting.

How low was this? She'd left while I was asleep, like some cheap, one night stand, and all I got for goodbye was a note? I knew that was what was inside of the envelope. Bella had done the same thing to me before. She hadn't even let me have a chance.

I picked up the envelope and slid out the sheet of paper waiting inside. It had the creepy feeling of reading my own death certificate. It had the same meaning. I was standing somewhere between the past and the present as I started to read. Bella's opening line hadn't changed over the years.

_Jacob,_

_I'm sorry. _

_I never wanted to hurt you, and that's why I'm doing this. I knew that you would try to stop me if I told you goodbye in person, so I left while you were sleeping. It's better this way. I've gone with Emmett to a different place, somewhere that Edward wouldn't think to look for me, and somewhere that you won't be able to find me. I'll be staying on the move under the Cullen's protection until the Volturi lose interest—_

I sneered bitterly. Until? More like if. If the Volturi ever lose interest. Why did Bella have to be so stupid? I could have protected her.

_--and I can move back. I don't expect or want you to wait for me, Jacob. I want you to move on. You deserve the life I've been keeping you from. All I want from you is for you to be happy. Please, Jacob, please be happy. _

The _y_ in _happy_ was smudged and wet. I pressed my thumb over it momentarily, touching Bella's tear, the last connection I had to her. There was no telling where she was now, and there was no way to find her. She hadn't left a trail this time. She hadn't even left a clue. I could feel the enormity of my loss just beginning to open up like a cavity in my chest. The last line of Bella's note, however, wrenched it apart with more force:

_I love you, Jake. I should have told you sooner. _

"Don't tell me that now," I murmured out loud. "Don't fucking tell me that now."

I wanted to rip the paper—to shred it into tiny, unreadable pieces and toss it away from me, scattering the pieces where they could lay like the fragments of my heart.

I didn't. I crumpled it in my hand, considered trashing it, and then went to the foot of the bed, picked up my jeans, and stuffed the letter into one of my pockets instead.

I would leave New York with exactly what I had asked for: the knowledge that Bella loved me.

Stupid me. Why hadn't I asked for more?


	27. Pack My Bags

It was raining when I finally got back to La Push. I had the cabbie that had picked me up at the airport drop me off at the Forks/La Push boundary, and I walked the rest of the way back to my house. It seemed like one of those times that I had to revert back to nature to find sanctuary for my pain. The cold dousing the rain gave me cooled some of the hurt, but, for the most part, I just needed to feel the rain. The perfect mirror to my pain, it seemed that the weather had molded itself for my return.

So I did the polite thing and enjoyed it by walking several miles in the downpour, drenching myself head to toe, and wishing that I could dissolve into one of the puddles that my feet sloshed through.

I tried to fathom where Bella could have gone to, and I was glad that the rain was so thick I could barely see my hand before my face. It concealed me from the enormity of the world and the obviously countless possibilities as to where Bella could have fled to.

There was a pain just underneath my ribs that wouldn't go away each time I considered that. Bella could be anywhere. I might never be able to find her. Was I even going to look? Of course I was, and that was why I felt so damn guilty. Devoting my time to searching the world for Bella was obviously going to mean I'd have to shank my alpha duties. Could I do that? Could I really betray my friends?

When I stepped onto my front porch, I stopped just outside the door to my house. Leah's car was still in the driveway. I drew in a breath. Rain pearled at the ends of my hair and dropped into my eyes, stinging. I lifted a hand to the doorknob, but didn't turn it. I simply stood there, staring at it, wondering if it wouldn't be better just to leave now.

As if the door thought otherwise, the knob turned underneath my hand, and it swung inward. Leah, of course, was the one on the other side making my choices for me. In a tank and sweats with her dark hair pulled back into a bun, she studied me across the threshold, taking in my soaked clothes and depressed demeanor.

"Wow," she murmured. "So I'm guessing New York wasn't all you thought it would be?"

I winced. Though I'd known my intentions had been pretty transparent, I had hoped that Leah wouldn't realize what I had left to do. I didn't want to hurt her anymore. She was the only pillar that had continued to support me, and she didn't deserve pain.

I gave a responding grunt, and kept my eyes on the ground. Leah sighed.

"Get in the house, Black. Luckily, you're a werewolf, and pneumonia is unlikely, but let's not take chances, eh?"

I stepped forward obediently, listening to my sodden clothes leaking on the wooden floor of my entry hall. I was creating my own little rain storm just with the water that had collected on my body. I heard Leah tsk-tsk at the mess I was creating, and I might have been amused at her motherly response if there had been any source of happiness left inside of me.

"Go change. I'm going to heat you up some soup. Then we'll talk about your apparently disastrous trip."

Leave it to Leah not to spare my feelings. She certainly was a character. I didn't have the strength to roll my eyes or at least point out her lack of tact though, so I simply did as she bid. Going into my room, drying off, and changing clothes was a thoughtless enough task, and it was nice to do something that was so ordinary and easy, something that could momentarily keep my concentration on something else.

But when I returned to the kitchen led by the wafting scent of chicken noodle soup, I knew that I was going to have to face what I was hiding from for a few minutes in my room. I was going to have to keep facing it—for the rest of my life—because Bella was gone, and I didn't know where to start looking. My stomach gave an unpleasant roll as I dropped into a kitchen chair, but it did respond favorable to the bowl of soup Leah immediately set before me.

She then wedged herself into the nook between the countertops, folding her arms across her chest, and looking expectantly in my direction. I stirred the soup, not nearly as anxious to explain. My heart was still lying back in New York in a guest bedroom with pink, frilly sheets on the bed. My soul was now sealed in the crumpled creases of a letter of farewell. While I sat in my tiny kitchen in La Push, Bella was out there, somewhere, trying to find a new pace to hide while she rejected the one place she'd be the safest.

"Bella is still human," I supplied, slowly.

Leah didn't seem very surprised, however. "And?"

I sucked in a breath through my nose. I knew I was imagining the scent of strawberries that seemed to mingle with the soup, but it momentarily allowed me the illusion that Bella was still close and not a million miles away from me. The reality of that, though, was still too strong to allow me to look up and try to imagine Bella sitting in the empty chair beside me.

"The baby didn't survive. Carlisle saved her. Edward left her, and she's staying with Emmett and Rosalie," I explained in a vague, quick rush.

Leah lifted a brow at my less than adequate explanation of all that I'd learned on my trip to New York. I didn't want to explain in detail. I wanted to relive that trip as little as possible, aside from my one night with Bella and the three words inside her farewell letter, but I didn't want to share any of that kind of information with Leah. Speaking any of it out loud might dampen the quality, and I might lose what I had left of Bella.

"So what went wrong then?" she pressed, easily reading between the lines, seeing as how Bella wasn't anywhere to be found, and I looked like I'd just fallen into a well.

I closed my eyes. I could feel the light press of the note crumpled in my pocket. What had went wrong? I couldn't figure out why it was that Bella didn't trust me to protect her. One stupid little mistake with that tiny vampire, and Bella had lost all faith in my abilities. It was more than that, still. Regardless of what she thought of my strength, wouldn't being with me for whatever time we had, despite the risks, be well worth it if she loved me like I loved her?

"She snuck off while I was asleep."

Leah made a small sound of disgust. "Seriously? Doesn't she have any digni—"

Leah caught herself before she could finish her question, though it might have been helped by the glare I spared her. Even though Bella had basically knocked me down and kicked me while I was vulnerable, she was still my Bella. I still loved her.

"She thinks she's protecting me," I muttered. "She left with Emmett. I don't know where. I'll probably never know where."

Leah, recovering from her near slip, pursed her lips and started the tedious task of playing my support system again. I didn't know how she did it. I was a real mess.

"What are you going to do then?"

"Find her," I responded, automatically.

I surprised myself there. Yeah, I would look for her. I would always look for her, but the surety in my own answer sort of startled me. How could I be sure at all? Bella could be anywhere, but Leah nodded her head in agreement, as if she was as convinced as I sounded.

"All right, that's what I thought," she said, sounding almost proud of me.

However, I watched in confusion as she pushed away from the countertop and padded wordlessly into the living room, as if dismissing our conversation. Leah really had a weird way of encouraging me. Not that I even deserved what she did give me. I had, after all, lied to her and used her on several occasions. Which made me pretty despicable. Knowing that, I started to rise to go after her, to make some sort of apology that I should have done in the first place.

Like always, though, Leah beat me to the punch by reappearing seconds later with a backpack in hand. "What are you doing?" I asked, my brows drawing together.

Leah shrugged, slinging the pack over her shoulder. "I'm going home."

"Why?" I demanded, a little too anxious.

Leah smirked. "You've wanted me to leave you alone from the get-go, and now you're going to object?"

I didn't like this conversation anymore. Going home seemed to hold a lot of implications that Leah wasn't admitting to, which was ridiculous, considering her home was really not that far away from mine.

But it felt like she meant that she was leaving. For good.

"What's going on? Why are you leaving now?"

I didn't think I could take being abandoned again, though it was really asking too much from Leah to even consider begging her to stay and wipe my nose while I sniveled about another woman. She'd been more than generous with her time with me.

She gave a mock sigh. "You sure are needy, Black."

I scowled.

"It's time for me to go. It's been time for me to go. I can't keep nursing you back to health, Jacob," she reminded me. "You're going to be fine anyway."

"How do you know that?" Wow. I sounded like a whiney kid.

"You already have a plan. You're going to find her."

I actually laughed at that. "How? She could be anywhere."

I had assured Leah that I would look for her. I hadn't even been able to pretend that I thought I would actually locate her. I should have been the one convinced about finding Bella. Not Leah. But there Clearwater stood, assuring me of my own abilities while I didn't believe in them anymore. Why did she keep doing this for me? It didn't make any sense.

"You'll figure it out," Leah assured me. "I don't know how, but I know it will all work out for you."

The finality of our conversation was unnerving me. Maybe it was because I'd already faced one unwilling departure, and I didn't want to willingly let Leah go, no matter what my motives behind that were.

"You can't leave though."

Leah rolled her eyes. "I live in La Push too, Jacob. The reservation isn't that big. This isn't a 'Bella-goodbye'. We're in the same pack. We share the same mind. This is just… a goodbye to our relationship."

"Relationship?" I repeated stupidly.

Leah was still smirking, but her eyes looked slightly saddened by that.

"Yeah. Our weird intimate one. It was nice while it lasted, but I always knew it'd be Bella before me."

I opened my mouth to apologize, feeling immediately guilty and embarrassed that she had seen so easily through me, though I hadn't really made any pretenses about that. Leah waved me away.

"Don't say you're sorry, Black. I'm not," she told me. "We had fun, and, really, you did me a favor. You gave me life after Sam. Now I think I can move on and find my real Jacob Black. Don't worry though. We're still friends, okay? Nothing's changing. I'm just doing us both a favor and closing this door."

I opened my mouth. I closed it again. Leah was always doing me favors. Why couldn't I have done something for her? I felt my face heat as I looked from Leah to my untouched soup, feeling lower than miserable. Of course Leah deserved to break away, but, even though she wasn't actually leaving, it felt like a goodbye. A goodbye to my pillar, at the very least. She was, more or less, telling me that she could no longer be my shoulder.

I didn't blame her. She'd given me more than I deserved.

"Look, Jake, you went to New York for Bella. Twice. You face vampires for her. You sacrificed your own feelings for her. You've done everything for her. I know you. You won't stop until you get what you want," Leah said, sounding surprisingly affectionate. "That's why I have faith that things will work out for you, and that's why I'm leaving now. You're going to be fine."

I didn't agree. Not on any level or over the smallest of things that she said, but I couldn't hold Leah back anymore. She was right: we would still be friends and pack mates, but I had to stop taking from her. She deserved her own slice of happiness even if I was doomed to live without mine. That was why I didn't object as she headed for the door.

"Thanks, Leah," I said instead. "I'll see you around."

I heard her laugh echo from the entry way. "If you need a mini vacation for doing some sleuthing, don't worry. I can handle the pack."

I listened to the door open and close. I felt Leah leave. The solitude was enormous.

Where was Bella at right now?

How would I find her?

EPOV

I was crumpled into an embarrassing mess on the floor, digging my fingers into the wooden floorboards, and clawing up splinters as Jane towered over me. The pain was horrendously incredible, contracting my muscles so that my back was torturously arched where I lay.

I was a vampire. I was an immortal. I should have been invincible and immune to pain, but a tiny blond vampire could cripple me without lifting a hand, and leave me lying and close to begging for mercy on my fucking bedroom floor.

Ariel was screaming from the bathroom, into which she'd barricaded her naked ass when Jane had stormed into my house uninvited, just as I was driving myself into the ridiculously tall, sexy brunette that had taken over my campaign management this year. It seemed that Ariel liked to scream. However, unlike the cry of ecstasy that'd been echoing off my walls fifteen minutes ago, Ariel's screams were now much more terrified.

As they should have been, considering Jane would probably kill her once she was done with me. After all, even Ariel would realize that no regular, normal human child could bring a full grown man to his knees with barely the bat of a lash. I didn't really care what happened to Ariel right now, however, as unfortunate as it would be to lose her before I was through. My thoughts were focused on my own possible death as my eyes started to roll back.

"We warned you, Edward. You failed us. Several times. Now Isabella is still human, and she's disappeared."

I was aware of that, but I couldn't quite unclench my jaw to say so. Instead, I released a hiss that constituted to my conceding to the facts. In return, Jane curled my toes. The pain was white hot. I was beginning to think she might accidentally murder me even if it wasn't her original intention. It felt a lot like death at the moment that was curling around my limbs.

"Do you realize what this means? Through your own inadequacy, Eddie, your little wife might be provoked to expose us, and we can't stop her until we find her. Which we will, I assure you, but perhaps not quickly enough."

It wasn't my problem if their tracker—supposedly the best in the vampire world—wasn't up to the task of locating a human woman that was weak and spineless and as unthreatening as a child. Jane released a sigh, curled her little hand into a fist, and I felt my chest squeeze. Perhaps she was in the mood to break ribs now.

"Unfortunately, I still can't kill you, despite your defiance."

It truly wasn't as relieving as it should have been, considering my current predicament.

"Because of Carlisle. The same reason I have restrained from murdering your wife in the past several years," Jane spat nastily, "but, believe me when I tell you, Edward, your father's favor is growing thin amongst the Volturi. There will be a time when it disappears altogether. Until that time, I need you to tell me where you think your wife might have went."

I felt the pressure around my face ease. Within seconds, I realized I could move my jaw again.

"Jacob…B-Black," I hissed.

I knew that Jane could hear my answer over the sound of Ariel's screams. Her lips curled into a nasty smile.

"Ah, Bella's special friend. We have searched that area. Your wife, however, has not appeared, but we have uncovered a rather interesting peculiarity about Mr. Black. Something that might make things…difficult. That is why we must find Bella before she goes to him."

I was panting despite my best intentions, hating the sign of weakness. Ah, of course Bella wouldn't return to Black. She was always the martyr type. She wanted to play the heroine that sacrificed herself. She wouldn't put the mutt in danger. Bella was capable, after all, at some small portion of intelligence.

"Where else could she be, Edward?"

All at once, the hold on me disappeared. The pain winked out as if it had never existed, and my body went lax on my bedroom floor. I gasped out a breath, nearly groaning with relief. But then there was still Jane's childish face staring down at me.

"If she's not with Black, her mother, or her father, I wouldn't know," I spat. "I never understood the human."

It was peculiar of me to show any form of compassion, but I found myself incapable to speak the name of my fath—Carlisle. Though Bella's being with them was not entirely improbable. I had cut my ties with them years ago, so I didn't understand why I was unable to incriminate them, but I swallowed the words regardless, and scowled at little Jane.

"If I think of something, I'll let you know," I said, dryly.

Jane smirked. "Of course. Until then, you will go on your little campaign charade, and we will be keeping an eye on you. Unfortunately, you will have to find a new manager."

The need to snap Jane's marble neck was immense, but I knew my restrictions when they were set before me, and now was not yet the time. Still, I hissed as Jane turned toward my bathroom.

"Get dressed, Edward. You'll need to start looking for a new woman soon. Your campaign is only days away, correct?" she mocked sweetly. "As always, it was a pleasure speaking with you, and I must thank you, in advance, for the meal."

Jane smiled, exposing two rows of small, perfect white teeth, and then she sauntered away, toward the bathroom, her customary dark dress swaying sweetly around her ankles. It did not mesh well with the following screams of agony and fear, the terrified pleas for mercy, or the sickening sound of crunching bones that issued from my bathroom seconds later.

Damn it. I ground my teeth together as I rose from the floor, ignoring the screams as they gurgled and died away, and retrieving my clothing. This was the last time I would be humiliated because of Bella Swan.

As far as I was concerned, she was no longer my problem. The mortal had been nothing but a thorn in my side from the day I made the mistake of marrying her. Easily remedied. If my hunch was right I would simply draw up the divorce papers and send them to Esme. I was certain Bella would find them from there, and then I would be free of this entire unfortunate mess, and if Bella met with her own death by the end of the Volturi's search….

So be it.


	28. Redemption

BPOV

It was snowing.

The remote location in which I now hid was coated in cold, pristine snow. It was so white and pure, but everything felt so tarnished. I stared dismally down at it from the third floor of the hotel I'd taken temporary residence in. I hated snow anyway. It seemed adequate, therefore, that it would be coming down in thick blankets of white outside my window.

Only a few people were braving the weather, but each dark dot against the snow would quickly disappear into a store lining the street below directly after they first appeared. I didn't read the store names. I didn't look at the street signs.

I didn't even know where exactly I was, and I didn't ask Emmett to enlighten me. It didn't matter, and I didn't care, because it wasn't where I wanted to be.

I dropped my head against the window, letting the cool glass chill my forehead. I blew out a breath and watched my vision become obscured with fog. Where was Jacob at right now? What was he doing? Did he hate me after having read the contents of my letter?

Or was he heeding my advice and moving on with Leah—or some other faceless, despicable female—at this very moment?

Was he thinking of me? I could think of nothing but him as I watched the snow and felt the bitter press of the glass against my skin. Everything was so cold here. It made me that much more aware of how much I missed Jacob's heat. I was tired of being cold. The coldness connected with the vampires, and vampires were the reason my life was ruined.

"Rose will be here in about an hour. I'll give her the papers to take back."

All right, maybe that was too harsh. I did owe my life to most of the Cullen's, and really even to Edward in a strange, twisted sort of way. Though they'd sucked me into the world of peril, they had, admittedly, kept me from dying in it. I was thankful for that, even if I was currently wondering if death wouldn't just be easier.

I turned my face a fraction. Emmett's bulky form was perched on one of the two single beds in the room. In his hands he held the divorce papers that had managed to find their way to me. I'd signed them. It'd been like signing a check or a receipt or something else that really didn't seem all that important in the grand scheme of things. Divorcing Edward was not the catastrophe I had once feared. It was easy and simple and relieving, though I felt like a sheep released from a farm. The freedom was great, but what was I going to do with it now that I knew nothing else? Not to mention the fact that I was still the defenseless creature that would die with my freedom without someone to protect me.

"All right," I sighed. "That's fine."

I didn't know if I was answering Emmett or my thoughts, but it really didn't matter. I was to that point, and even Emmett seemed to catch the drift of my sour emotions. I saw his face tense up, like a guy unaccustomed to dealing with emotions that felt the need to but still didn't know how. I felt sorry for him. Mainly because there was really nothing he could say to me.

He couldn't give me Jacob.

"Why don't you sit down?" he suggested, uneasily. "You've been standing there for awhile."

I didn't want to forfeit my station at the window, but the guilt I felt for making Emmett so obviously uncomfortable didn't leave me much choice. I conceded to sitting on the corner of the opposite bed. The mattress was hard and unyielding. It didn't cushion me like Jacob's bed had.

It was annoying that my brain had lapsed into comparing everything in my new life as a runaway to things that I had experienced with Jacob. It wasn't as if he wasn't on my mind and heart every second of the day anyway. I groaned.

"I'm a mess, Emmett."

"I'm aware."

I shot him a glare, but he simply shrugged at me. He wasn't exactly one to mince words on any occasion though. He said what he wanted and did what he wanted, but despite that and his intimidating size, Emmett was incredibly considerate and soft-hearted. Maybe that was why he pretended to be a jerk to keep up his image. Either way, I didn't deserve to have people like him and Rose, Alice and Jasper, or Carlisle and Esme in my life, picking up the pieces after all my mistakes.

"You shouldn't have to go through this with me."

"It's no big deal, Bella."

I shook my head. "Yes it is. You and Rose have a life. I'm just a nuisance."

"You are not. Except right now, of course, while you're whining."

I didn't bother to scowl at him. I was too busy rolling in self-pity. I was keeping him from his life and from Rose. Knowing how badly I wanted to be Jacob and how exasperated I would feel if the situation was reversed her, I couldn't help but feel remorseful about my idea to accept the Cullen's help when they had offered it after I'd lost Renesmee. They all had their own loves and their own lives.

I was just the runaway that had fled my own love, and now had no one but friends to keep me safe and worry about me.

Of course Jacob had offered himself up willingly to play the part of my shield, but I couldn't allow him to do that, could I? I was putting him into too much danger.

The same danger I was putting Emmett and the others into. I felt selfish for that. Protect Jacob, but don't protect my friends. I was messed up.

"Emmett…"

"No."

"But I—"

"No, Bella."

I started to open my mouth again, confused as to why Emmett kept cutting me off when all I had been trying to do was apologize for what I was putting him through, but the giant vampire was giving me a look that could silence Dracula himself.

"Don't apologize, Bella. We're doing this for you, because we want to. You're still family to us."

I turned red. I didn't deserve this kind of compassion. They had every right to cut me off the second I'd signed the divorce papers, and the ink was already drying on them now, but Emmett was still here.

"I don't know what to do with you guys and Jacob. You all keep trying to do everything for me. Jacob is the worst out of all of you. Maybe I should—"

"Yes."

"What? I just—"

"Yes, Bella."

I made a small noise of frustrated confusion. What was Emmett's deal? Was I suddenly only allowed to finish one sentence here? Even if he'd still been giving me "the look"—which he was actually smiling now instead—I wouldn't have been silenced this time.

"I was trying to say that maybe I should just hand myself over," I snapped. "You want me to hand myself over?"

Emmett choked and sprang to his feet. "What? No! Are you nuts?"

I threw up my hands. "You're the one that kept butting in and telling me to do it! What's your deal, Emmett? Let me finish my sentences!"

A large hand came up, and Emmett thumped his forehead with the palm of that hand, looking exasperated. I continued to sit, feeling perplexed, not quite sure what had just happened to Emmett's sanity or manners in the last five minutes.

"No, no, no," he groaned, waving his free hand. "I thought you were going to say that maybe you should go to Black."

I stiffened. "What?"

"You think I haven't noticed how unhappy you are, Bella? Look, I've never liked that wolf kid, but you've been pining away for him, and, having Rose, I sorta know what that's like. If you want to go to him, I'll take you there," Emmett told me. "The Volturi are tough and scary, but you can't live in fear of them. We'll protect you, no matter what, for as long as you need us, but maybe Black can protect you too. He sure sounded convinced."

The sudden turn of our conversation—the feeling that Emmett had somehow reached right down into my brain and discovered everything I had been hiding—left me momentarily dazed. I'd never thought he was that deep, or at least not that perceptive.

But instead of saying something meaningful, I asked instead, "Were you eavesdropping the other night?"

Emmett grinned. "Maybe."

I shook my head, exasperated with Emmett but also still trying to swallow what he'd thrown at me.

"I can't go there, Emmett. You didn't see what Jane did to him."

Emmett's face immediately darkened. "Sure, but you think she can't do that to any of us? Well, that doesn't matter. It's your choice, Bella. You think about it. I'm going to go down to the lobby. Rose should be here soon."

I nodded distractedly. Emmett had voiced aloud the concern I'd had only moments ago: the Cullen's were just as susceptible to pain as Jacob was, and Jacob was just as capable of fighting as they were. Prioritizing Jacob's safety over theirs had never been fair, but, even thinking of it in these terms, I still couldn't bring myself to think that I could live and exist and breathe just as easily with Jacob as I could with the Cullen's.

Not when I had to live in fear of Jacob getting hurt.

No matter how much I wanted to be with him. No matter how much I loved him.

I turned away as Emmett pushed to his feet and headed out of the room. He didn't understand. I wasn't willing to sacrifice. I listened to Emmett turn the knob, but before he opened the door or stepped out into the hall, he decided to share one last slice of wisdom with me that socked me directly to the heart.

"You think you're protecting him this way, Bella? I can tell you that if Rose did that to me, it would kill me. If you love someone, you shouldn't run away from them. You can make anything work if you want to," Emmet spoke quietly. "You can't live your life in fear of the Volturi. Besides, just because you're not there doesn't mean that Jacob's safe. If you want to go, Bella, I can get you into La Push."

When Emmett stepped out and shut the door, I felt the vibrations right down to the core of my heart.

------

JPOV

Once upon a time there had been nothing I enjoyed more than working until my limbs were too weary to lift, and my brain was too tired to think, but that had all just been a way to keep me from noticing the emptiness of my house and my heart. The pleasure that came from knowing that I'd worked hard for everything I owned dimmed when I had no one to share it with, and though it was easy to sit on the couch covered in a full day's work of sweat and grease, I would have preferred to have been scolded for it. I would have enjoyed sighing in exasperation as I trudged off to take a shower and change into clean clothes to please the woman of my house.

But I didn't have that woman, and there was no one to reprimand me. I could do what I want when I wanted, live like I wanted, and work like I wanted, but I craved the restrictions that having a partner would bring. I was too free. I was too lonely.

Throwing myself into my work as a mechanic with a new, ferocious sort of force still couldn't blanket the fact that I had no one to come home to. I slouched on the couch, transferring filth onto the cushions, and flicked through the channels on the television hoping to find a friendly voice to fill the quiet of my house.

Ironically, I found Edward Cullen's face and voice instead. I paused, recalling a different time, one that now seemed like centuries ago, when I'd happened across Cullen's face, cursed him, and later found his wife on my doorstep. I had no hope for that now, but still I let his voice fill the space between my walls, though I didn't listen to a word he said.

I was waiting, I realized, for the camera to pan out. Apparently I was stupid enough to think that it might be Bella that came into focus when it did, which I knew good and well that it wouldn't be. She'd left him. She wasn't with Edward anymore, but maybe a million miles away from him. Maybe only a hundred. I didn't know. I had been unsuccessful in trying to find her. Charlie knew nothing. Renee, I'd learned from Charlie, was just as perplexed.

I didn't have any other lead to start with.

I scowled as the angle finally broadened, and a woman did come into view at Edward's side. It wasn't Bella, as I'd known not to think it could be, but some woman named Sophia—a short, thin red-head—that was apparently the manager of Edward's new campaign. I wondered idly if she was destined to be the next Mrs. Cullen or maybe just the next mistress of Cullen. Either way, I felt sorry for her.

I turned the channel just as my doorbell rang.

Haha, real funny, I rolled my eyes at the cruel games of fate, and the irony that this scene was playing out like one that was now permanently branded in the filmy layers of my brain. I rolled off the couch, reluctant to open the door to Leah.

If I remembered correctly, it was Wednesday, which was usually the day that she stopped by to inform me how her routine patrol with her brother had went the night before. The same as always, I was sure: uneventful. But I supposed I should have been thankful that Leah did continue to stop by and chat. I should have been thankful for any form of human contact, but especially from Leah. She'd been there for me a lot, even though she hadn't owed me anything.

Despite it all—despite our awkward, quick graze with a relationship—I actually did enjoy Leah's visits. Though lately the conversation they consisted of was one that made me both mildly jealous and relieved. Leah had taken to spending more time over at my house on Wednesdays than giving a report required. Mostly because I was the only one that would listen to her ramble on about her new boyfriend, Abram Adams, which she had met in Port Angeles on a shopping trip and had apparently instantly united with.

I was happy for Leah that she had found someone. I was glad that she could move on from me—the lost cause—and that she had found someone to replace the hole that Sam had left her with. I really was.

But I was also currently suffering from acute abandonment issues and trying to deal with the fact that I was the unlucky one that was going to have to live the rest of my life without the love of my existence, which made it kind of hard to listen to Leah gush about how perfect her new relationship was. Still, it really was the least I could do to repay her.

Sighing inwardly, I opened my front door.

"Jake!"

Holy. Shit.

"Bells?"

"Jacob!"

I didn't really believe what I was seeing was real. No way was Bella standing on my doorstep, suitcase in hand, tears pooling in her chocolate eyes. No fucking way. I didn't believe it. Any second, I would blink, and the mirage would disappear. Or maybe I had fallen on my way to the door, and I would wake up in a few hours, bewildered and disoriented, staring up at my ceiling and wondering how the hell I'd gotten on the floor.

I grunted as Bella threw herself at me. The impact of her slender body slamming into mine really felt real. The arms that wrapped around me felt real too. The nails that dug into my back—those actually seemed to hurt.

"I've missed you, Jake. Oh God. So much."

I lifted a hand. I touched Bella's head. My fingers slid into her hair.

Was this real?

It felt real. It sounded like Bella's voice. It felt like Bella's body. The suitcase that had dropped onto my foot in Bella's haste to embrace me had hurt my toes. And wasn't it said that if you were hallucinating or dreaming or whatever, you couldn't feel pain?

"B-Bella?" I choked.

"Say something other than my name, Jacob, please," Bella begged, laughing in between sobs against my chest.

This was real.

"What are you doing here?"

Bella heaved out a sigh as if this was not exactly what she had wanted me to say, but it was the only think I could think to say. It seemed to be connected too intricately with my other thoughts and the other things I wanted to say not to say it first. Though I was upset that asking the question caused Bella to pull away from me, to step back, and to hold her own self up as she hastily pushed the tears away with the heel of her palm.

"I-I realized that this is what I want. More than anything. I have to be with you, Jake. As selfish as that is," she confessed without hesitation. "It might be stupid and dangerous, and it might get us killed, but Emmett helped me realize that I can't survive without it anyway."

I felt like I couldn't quite catch my breath here. I wanted to tell myself that I was hallucinating again, but I had already established that I was wide awake and that this was, somehow, really happening. Bella was really standing on my doorstep telling me that she wanted to be with me. She wasn't a million miles away in some unknown land never to be seen again.

"What about Edward?"

As much as I didn't want to think about the prick, I had to. No matter how much I wanted to be with Bella, I couldn't if he was still somehow in the way, which, I reminded myself as to avoid distress, I could easily remedy by murdering him if I had to.

"We're divorced."

Too good to be true. No way this was my luck. No way.

"But how--?"

Bella shook her head. "It was mutual. Let's not talk about it. It doesn't matter anymore. It's just you and me now."

Maybe I had died and gone to heaven. I wanted to close my eyes and sink to the ground. To suddenly get everything I had ever wanted was so overwhelming and so new that I could hardly hold myself up. But it was real, and Bella was here, and I would always keep standing to support her. I would do whatever it took to keep her now that she had chosen me.

"You're positive?"

Bella smiled. It spread slowly across her face, lighting up my house and chasing away the shadows and emptiness that crept in while she was away. I felt it warm my heart and close around me. I felt safe. I felt like I had when I'd embraced her on Emmett's doorstep.

I felt like I was home.

"Absolutely," she told me.

I stepped forward, no longer capable to withstand not feeling her against me. Wrapping my arms around Bella's soft, fragile form, I drew her into my chest. I held on tight, and I inhaled the scent of strawberries and soap. I felt complete for the first time in years—maybe for the first time in my life.

The deal was sealed when Bella's arms came up around me.

"Marry me, Bella."

"Yes. Of course."

I pressed my lips to the top of her head. I closed my eyes and lived, finally, in the moment.

"We'll have a family and a life together. A good life, I swear. The one we were always meant to have," I told her, "And no one will take that away. Ever."

It was a promise I would never break. The threat of the Volturi would continue to loom in the distance, and I knew that one day, whether soon or far off in the future, they would come, and they would try to take what was mine, but they wouldn't succeed. No matter what happened, no matter what I would have to face, Bella would never leave me again.

Because for this life and this woman, I would face the end of the world.

* * *

**Author Notes: **This isn't quite the end yet. I still have an epilogue and a couple of outtakes for you guys, so stick around if you're interested. ;) Thanks to all of my readers and reviewers. You guys have been really, really great, and I appreciate the time you took to read my fic. I hope you enjoy what's left, and be sure to leave me your thoughts before you go!


	29. Epilogue

**Author Notes:** So, here it is, the epilogue and end of the story. I do have a couple of outtakes, however, and a few more I will be working on in the future. The outtakes are all scenes I've had requested by readers, so they will be released according to when I received them, and how much time I have to work on them. Thanks for sticking with the fic until the very end! =)

* * *

The day I'd stood at an altar with Bella's hands gripped in my own and listened to her promise herself to me had been one of the best days of my life. Reunited with her mother and father, Renee had sobbed openly in the first pew beside my dad while Charlie had given Bella away to me. I'd been flanked by my groomsmen—Embry, Quill, Seth, and Sam—and Bella had fallen into line with her bridesmaids. While I'd been slightly opposed to Bella having chosen Alice and Rosalie, I'd given in when reminded that they had, in a way, helped us back to one another as well, but it was mainly Carlisle and the fact that he had saved my wife's life that had persuaded me to let all of the Cullen's—save for one certain senator—attend our wedding. I thought that Bella might have asked Leah to stand with her as well to appease me and the rest of my pack, but I really didn't need persuaded.

Edward Cullen himself could have been standing beside Bella, and nothing would have stopped me from exchanging vows.

I'd lived my whole life listening to other guys degrade and mutter fearfully about being married most of my life, but, to me, there was nothing like marital bliss. For the first time, my home felt complete, and there was really nothing like waking up in the morning with the woman you loved snuggled in the crook of your arm.

Continuing work as a mechanic while Bella attended a local college and graduated with a teaching degree had been an interesting first four years of marriage as I came home nightly, covered in grease and oil, and took advantage of Bella as she sat in our dining room, poring over books. It was four years spent well, as I saw it, while Bella achieved some normal human milestones and worked toward a career that could make her happy. She'd never been meant as a trophy wife.

She'd been teaching first grade on the reservation for one year when my life was taken to a whole new level of perfection with the birth of our first child and son, Kale Josiah Black. Five-years old and my son was growing like a weed, sported a head full of thick, black hair, two chocolate brown eyes, one mischievous dimple in his left cheek, and what Bella claimed was my strong chin. He was the best looking, most energetic little kid on the reservation so far as I could see, and the pride I felt each time I looked at him over the span of five years threatened to close my throat.

When our family expanded once more in the form of Alison Renee Black, I knew that I was officially the happiest, and luckiest, man alive. Her skin was bronze and smooth, like mine and her brother's, but everything else about my daughter was pure Bella. Brown hair, brown eyes, shy smile, but a wicked sort of stubbornness that rivaled mine. After she was born, my pride was big enough to swallow a continent.

I had everything I had ever wanted and more. Between cleaning crayon doodles off the living room wall, teaching my five-year-old son to throw a ball, wearing the baby food I attempted to feed Alison, and sleeping off blissful exhaustion with Bella in my arms at night, I lived a full life. A near fairy tale.

But every fairy tale or happy ending or even momentary bubble of bliss came with a price. I knew that. I always had. But I had promised myself on the day that Bella had returned to me that I would, no matter what, do whatever it took to protect her and the life I wanted with her. I'd known the challenge to my promise was coming at some point in my life—that I would have to make one last stand for Bella before things could be normal for us.

When the time came to keep my word, I didn't hesitate.

Well, except for maybe the five minutes it took for me to convince Bella to stay in the house while I went out to meet the Volturi that had, a little over five years after Bella had chosen me, finally decided to make good on all those threats they'd been so full of from the get-go. Reminding Bella that we had two small children to worry about, I'd persuaded my wife to remain behind while I left the house, fearless, to meet the Volturi before they could get much farther than the boundary line.

I wanted to say that I was surprised to find not only the Volturi, but my pack waiting for me in the open field the Volturi had chosen to meet me, but I wasn't. I was just mildly pissed to see Leah's grey form in the ranks of the wolves. I wanted to remind her that she was two fucking months pregnant with Abram's kid, and that she had no business out here in that sort of fragile shape, but I'd arrived at the clearing in human form, intent to speak to the Volturi before I got hasty with shifting.

Really, none of the wolves of my pack had any business being in the clearing. The Volturi were only in La Push because of Bella, and that was my problem. It was not something I wanted to endanger the others for, especially considering the majority of them now had their own lives and families to worry about. I attempted to translate as much in my scowl to them, but none of them appeared to care how I felt about them being there.

They translated this to me by planting their furry asses around me and watching the Volturi with slightly curled muzzles. They were really exasperating. It was really too bad I liked them all so much. Shaking my head at the lot of them, I decided to use their appearance to my advantage, and I stood between my pack, hoping to look more formidable to the grouping of vampires that began to materialize from the woods.

I recognized Jane immediately, and I couldn't say that any of the vampires with her looked any more appealing. Some were tall and slender and elegant-looking. One was bulky like Emmett, and I actually picked out another that looked like a young boy in a body the size of Jane's.

It was evident from the start which one was the leader. Bella had told me his name was Aro, and I picked him out from the group right away. He seemed to lead, even though he was situated somewhere towards the middle of the group, flanked by his followers that seemed to create a marble shield of their own. He was being protected and guarded, but he still had that commanding sort of presence where I could tell that the others were simply gravitating around him.

He was tall, slender, and had that almost hollow-looking face typical of vampires. His head was inclined a fraction upward, as if he preferred to walk with his nose permanently stuck inches up into the air. So this was an old world vampire—one of the first of the bloodsuckers out there.

Bastard.

"Jacob Black," the vampire I had picked out for Aro addressed me.

A sharp growl came from beside me.

"Contain yourself, Clearwater," I muttered to Leah who was stationed directly to my left. "You shouldn't even be here to begin with. Don't go riling up the leeches yet."

I could see Leah's snout lift in my direction from the corner of my eye. I had a feeling she would have been telling me to piss off if I'd been in the correct form to hear her. It almost made me smile. As much as I really disliked the risk of her presence here, Leah and the others made me confident.

"Aro."

The vampire looked momentarily surprised before he smiled at me.

"Ah, Isabella has told you about us," he deducted. "I suppose, then, that you are well aware of why we are here. The mortal's ability to keep a secret is already looking poor."

I had half the urge to bare my teeth, but I wasn't in wolf form, so all I could do was snarl and look half as intimidating as Sam, who had risen slightly from his sitting position to echo Leah in a warning growl. If I'd had the opportunity to enjoy it, I would have been proud of my pack to find them supporting Bella. Even after five years, there had still been some tension between them and Bella. Maybe that would pass, once and for all, today as they stood united with me against the Volturi for Bella's sake.

"No, I think it was munchkin there," I retorted, pointing a finger toward the short stature of Jane, "that first made me aware of the Volturi, and of what you guys are all about."

Aro spared a glance toward Jane, lifting a finely arched brow as if maybe he hadn't been entirely aware of his henchmen's actions in the past, but his surprise lasted only a second before the leader vampire shrugged it off as trivial information.

"Regardless, Isabella is human, and humans are not allowed to know of our existence. Do not blame me, Jacob Black. It is Edward Cullen's fault for exposing us. Now she must simply pay for his unfortunate mistake," Aro told me, sounding almost perfectly sincere in the mocked tone of remorse he tried on for my benefit.

Like I was buying that.

"I'm sure we can both agree that Cullen is an idiot," I snapped, and Seth released an amused bark, "but you're not touching Bella. Not for anything. She's my wife now, and she's done with vampire creeps like you."

"Oh, I am sure—" Aro started to interrupt, but I cut him off, much to the evident surprise of the vampires with him.

I had a feeling that people didn't usually interrupt the great and mighty Aro while he was talking, but he was just another shameless bloodsucker to me.

"But I can guarantee you and your pale-faced friends that Bella isn't going to expose you. Incase you missed out on this, champ, I'm a werewolf. Though you guys are admittedly more freakish than us, we don't want our secret exposed either," I told him, sounding almost more confident than I felt.

I hadn't known that I was going to use this as my bartering tool when I'd arrived at the field, but the words were flowing out of my mouth without a filter, and it seemed like the right idea, even though Aro had started frowning at me.

"So, here's the deal: you don't tell our secret, we don't tell yours, and everyone goes their separate ways now. You don't bother us, we don't bother you. I think that's more than fair given the fact that you attacked first."

There were several seconds of thoughtful silence as Aro, the leader of the most feared vampire clan, seemed to swallow what I'd tossed at him. I had an annoying feeling that he hadn't expected to find me rational. Maybe he'd thought I'd put up a quick fight, he'd dispose of me, kill Bella, and be on his merry way. Fat chance.

I watched him as he studied me closely, briefly flicking his gaze over the wolves of my pack as well, as if measuring us up, wondering if he could take us all right then and avoid complicating things with a treaty he obviously didn't care for. The guy had probably never compromised a day in his life.

"Jacob makes a significant point."

I jolted at the sound of a new voice joining our confrontation. One that was all but directly behind me. I felt the rest of my pack shift uneasily in surprise as well, because, given the fact that the meadow was already ripe with vampire stench from the Volturi, none of us had scented the arrival of Carlisle or the rest of the Cullen's as they had appeared at our backs and joined our group.

I glanced over at the blond vampire doctor in surprise, catching sight of Alice winking at me from behind him, and finding that Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, and Esme were all in attendance as well. What the hell?

Aro looked just as surprised as I was.

"Carlisle," he spoke his name almost as if in question. "What are you doing here, old friend?"

Carlisle smiled. It was really unnerving how vampires could act so well. They could smile when they didn't mean it, laugh when they weren't amused, and just generally creep me out with their true lack of any real emotions. I knew and felt that the smile Carlisle offered Aro was fake.

"I felt the need to discover why the value of my opinion has lost importance to you, Aro," Carlisle informed him, sounding as pleasant as if he was discussing the weather. "I had told you once before that Bella is seen as a part of my family, and, if you trust in my word, that you have nothing to fear from her, and no need to worry over the exposing of our secret."

Aro seemed momentarily taken aback. The big guy hadn't expected to be called out. I nearly smirked, but then I realized I was going to owe Carlisle Cullen another favor after this. I hated being indebted to vampires.

"Your opinion has not lost value or credit, Carlisle," Aro recovered finally. "The situation has simply altered, as Bella is now in the hands of this man rather than your son."

Carlisle spared me a glance. It grazed over me, as if considering.

"Yes, but I think that Jacob has already assured you why this would not be a problem. I think that all of us present can share equal appreciation of a secret we share. I see no reason to fear."

Aro opened his mouth, but said nothing, though he looked genuinely pissed that he was so quickly and efficiently being outsmarted. Especially in front of the crowd he'd brought along. He seemed to flounder for several minutes, like a fish, and Carlisle must have noticed.

"I understand the laws of our clan, Aro, but you would admit it unwise to start a fight that is not needed with a foe that is worthy of our respect." Carlisle gestured to me, much to my surprise. "I realize, however, that you have made a long trip, and I implore you all to come to my house in Forks where we can surely come to some rational decision that will conclude with the least amount of trouble to us all."

I was definitely in Carlisle's debt again. For a vampire, the guy really had style and a way with words. I could understand why even the head of all the vampires might momentarily feel outclassed by the guy.

"Always the hospitable one, Carlisle," Aro spoke slowly, glancing my way with a curious expression that made me feel uncomfortable.

Carlisle, however, either really didn't take notice of this expression, or chose to ignore it, because he turned to me, offering a small smile that looked like something he'd reserve for his patients.

"Jacob, go home to Bella. I will inform you should anything we discuss require your attention, but as I believe we are past the primitive stage of vampire that once resorted to senseless murdering, I feel we will all leave satisfied today."

I opened my mouth to object. Maybe I'd been handled as quickly and efficiently as Aro had. This was still my fight—It was a fight, right? How had I managed to come to this field preparing for a gruesome battle only to be told to leave fifteen minutes later while the vampires went and played tea party?

I didn't know what was going on here, but, then again, I'd never understood the ways of vampires. However, this was still my fight, or argument, or whatever this had become. The vampires were here for Bella, and though Carlisle had just saved my ass, I didn't feel comfortable leaving at that exact moment. It made me anxious.

"Carlisle, are you—"

My jaw went lax and slid closed. All at once I'd been hit by a title wave of comfort, like a giant, invisible blanket wrapping me in its warm embrace. The anxiety I felt disappeared off the face of the earth, and a small voice seemed to urge me to go home—everything would be fine.

I shot Jasper Hale what I hoped look something like a glare. I still didn't appreciate having him play with my emotions, but the reminder that he could—that the rest of the vampires present all had supernatural talents as well—grounded me a bit. If I could avoid I fight, shouldn't I? Especially with Leah, the pregnant wolf, in tow.

I inhaled. "Sure, sure. Thanks, Carlisle. We'll see you around."

I felt the soft pad of Leah's nose push into my palm. I pushed her back. The girl was always looking for a fight. Lunatic.

"Go home, guys," I whispered to my pack, turning my back cautiously on the vampires.

I had to wave my hands at the lot of them though to get them to move. They all seemed as suspicious as I was about leaving a fight—or conversation, or whatever—when we'd barely done more than said, "Hello." Still, even out of wolf form, my pack had to listen to their alpha, and they all gradually dispersed while the vampires disappeared in the opposite direction.

Leah left the clearing last, sparing me a knowing look as I listened to Carlisle and Aro conversing as they disappeared. I waved her off.

"Yeah, I know. It's probably not over, but should I avoid peace while I can get it?"

Leah tilted her furry head back at me, and then grunted. I had a feeling she would be chiding me if she had the voice to do it, but she must have saw my reasoning as worthy as well, because she finally lifted onto four paws and trotted away.

I shook my head at her, and I headed home.

~!~!~!~

"Jake!"

There really wasn't anything better than opening the door to your house and having a beautiful woman toss her arms around your neck. The rough kiss planted on my mouth wasn't all that bad either. But I knew that this was more than just a welcoming. Bella had been worried that I wouldn't come back at all. It was almost exasperating.

Hadn't I told her a werewolf was just as hard to beat as a vampire?

"I told you I'd work things out, Bells."

She slid back, dropping her hands to my chest and tilting her head so that she could look up at me. Her fear was evident in her eyes, though I smiled at a smearing of flour just underneath her left one. I guessed she must have been baking while I was gone to keep herself busy. Noticing it now, I found that the house smelled a bit like apples.

"How? How did you do it? What did they say?"

I opened my mouth, and then closed it again. Damn.

"All right, maybe I had some help," I conceded. "Carlisle and the other Cullen's showed up. Carlisle said a couple of things to Aro, and away they went. It really was a bit too easy."

I'd thought that the knowledge that the Cullen's—who Bella apparently still saw as indestructible—had been there to help would put Bella at ease, but it didn't. I should have known better. Bella was too smart for that, and, though she hadn't been there, she was as anxious as I was about the fact that things had seemingly been resolved so easily. Lifting my hand, I pushed the flour away with my thumb.

"Look, it doesn't matter. If they leave us alone for now, it's only more peace to be had. If they come back again, I'll be ready then too," I assured her. "For now, let's enjoy what we have. Okay?"

Bella lifted her hand and closed her fingers around my wrist before I could let my hand fall back to my side. She leaned into my palm, inhaling. Her eyes fluttered closed momentarily. I found the fact that Bella had learned to draw strength from me wonderful. That was what I wanted to be—her support system. For years I had ran from it, but now that she acted as mine as well, I enjoyed holding Bella up.

"Is that an apple pie I smell?" I questioned softly.

Bella opened her eyes, and I saw a strange flicker of emotion there. Her cheeks tinted pink. I grinned at her reaction.

"Is there a special occasion I should be aware of?" I asked, lifting my brows suggestively.

Bella started to reply, but a shrill, infant cry rang out, making us both glance down the hall toward Alison's room.

"I didn't do it!" Kale's panicked voice called from his own room.

The kid seemed to think he was guilty for everything these days. Made me wonder what exactly he was feeling so guilty about. Might have had something to do with the toy truck he'd left out in the hall a week earlier, which I'd taken an early morning ride on unknowingly, falling on my ass in the hall and knocking one of Bella's vases over. Kale had been a bit jumpy since then. I couldn't help but laugh.

"I'll get Alison," I told Bella. "Then I'm coming back for some of that pie."

I started to pull away, but Bella didn't release my wrist. Instead, her slender fingers tightened their grip, and she gave me a small tug. I stopped in surprise, turning back to ask her what was wrong—especially when I found tears in her eyes—but Bella beat me to the punch.

"I'm pregnant, Jake."

It was one of those moments when the hurried world came to a complete and utter standstill, and the only thing I could hear was the sound of Bella's heart and mine. Mine being the louder one that drummed unevenly in my ears. I felt my jaw go slack as I gaped at my wife, finding that those tears in her eyes weren't from sadness, but from excitement. I heard the sound of Alison releasing another cry, and Kale promising again that he had nothing to do with it. I slid my hand around Bella's, thinking of how amazing it was that there would soon be another little voice in our house.

Threats of the Volturi, pains and fears of the past: all of it faded into oblivion and didn't matter in this world.

"I love you, Bells," I breathed out, grinning like an idiot as I pulled my wife against me, cradling her in my arms and wondering at the still-smooth stomach that pressed against mine.

"I love you too, Jacob."

Could a guy ask for more?


End file.
